Chapter 9: Everything Happens In May

Theo had learned from a young age that very few people are trustworthy. Her first lesson was with her sister, to whom she told all of her secrets until that faithful day when Theo was nine and Jillian was seven. During recess Jillian announced that Theo still wet the bed and while some students didn't care, most took this as another opportunity to make fun of her. Theo couldn't explain that the bed wetting only happened when she had visions, so she took the ridicule in silence.

Theo's next lesson happened at Ilvermorny. This is one of the few times her lessons actually left a mark. Theo had known that liking girls was not the done thing. Having a gay uncle had exposed her to prejudice early on when he and his longtime boyfriend took her and her sister to a toy store and people didn't bother to keep their feelings quiet even in front of a seven and five year old. He explained to them as best as one could that ignorance sometimes makes people mean, and Theo took that lesson to heart.

So when she started to fall for her best friend in the world when she was eleven she refused to talk about it. One day her best friend had started asking strange questions that revolved almost entirely around fancying girls and somehow ended in her and her best friend kissing one another. It was a brief kiss, barely a peck but it happened, and Annabelle had initiated it. This was an undeniable truth. Theo was over the moon and for about a month, they were both on cloud nine. Theo didn't think much of the fact that Annabelle didn't want to be close to her in public, or the fact that she even got ignored if certain people were around because at night when everything was quiet, she still had her best friend who kissed her hair before they fell asleep.

Then May rolled around and they were in the back corner of the library, smiling and holding hands while they studied. Theo had planted a soft kiss on Annabelle's cheek and at that moment someone from their class had turned the corner and found them in that state. It had upset Annabelle more than Theo could understand. Theo tried to calm her down but Annabelle started yelling things about how it wasn't her fault and how she didn't know what she was doing. Theo went to put a hand on her shoulder but she pushed Theo away, knocking her down, and ran.

The next day, everyone seemed to believe that Theo had somehow tricked Annabelle into being her girlfriend. The methods were always different, sometimes it was a love potion, sometimes it was blackmail, and once she even heard mumbled of the imperious curse. Theo was now considered some sort of predator and no one wanted to talk to her, least of all Annabelle. She had tried to talk to Annabelle more than once, beg her to explain why this was happening and what she did wrong, but Annabelle had switched rooms just to get away from Theo and finding her alone was difficult. If she ever got too close someone else would step in with scathing comments and threaten her.

You creep! Stay away from her!

Stupid dyke, can't you just leave her alone?

You can't just make her love you!

Theo wasn't adjusting well to this, and teachers refused to get involved. Apparently, regardless of the fact that she was just eleven, being a lesbian somehow made her less worthy of compassion. Theo didn't know how to explain that she wasn't actually a lesbian, just interested in girls as well as guys. At least that's what she thought. Up until this point she hadn't liked anyone like she liked Annabelle and she was fairly certain Annabelle's gender isn't what did it for her.

So it was alone and scared that she went into her finals and if you asked Theo, this is why she didn't do well. If you asked most professors, it was because she was spending too much time getting involved in drama and not focusing on her work. If you asked her mother, it was because she was irresponsible and didn't actually care about anything important. More than once Theo wondered if other eleven year olds had this sort of life, the one where you're afraid to be anywhere alone for fear of what someone else will do if they find you. She also wondered how many other eleven year olds were scared of going home.

It was during one of these periods of daydreaming that she was caught off guard by a group of kids of varying age, no older that thirteen but some just as young as her. They tried grabbing her and began pulling at her robes while she tried to fight them off. That seemed to upset them further and they started tugging harder, tearing her robes. Finally they got a good grip on her and pinned her to the ground. There was a girl with her knee on her back, making some remark or another about how she probably got off on this, but Theo didn't quite understand what that meant when she was eleven. Said girl tugged the back of her robe, revealing the base of her neck and pressed her wand there.

Theo was scared and crying and begging for them to stop. Pride was thrown out the window as she squirmed and hope was lost when there was a white hot pain where the wand pressed. Things became fuzzy after that. There was more pain, some screaming, then the pain stopped, the pressure taken off of her back. Theo knew she could get up and run now but Theo wouldn't stand. She was thoroughly defeated and she stopped caring what happened to her. She didn't remember how she got to the hospital wing but she remembered begging Professor Mulaney not to tell her mother. She stayed in the hospital wing until the end of the year, and the next year she had her own room. She made a special effort to cover the burn at the base of her neck, which became a pearly white color and was a constant reminder that Theo shouldn't trust anyone, lest she wanted to be hated as opposed to being ignored.

When Isabel caught a glimpse of it and asked why there was a scare in the shape of a crudely drawn "D" on her neck, Theo said it was an "American Thing" and definitely did not stand for "Dyke".

Theo later learned her final lesson in trust while at Hogwarts when she felt herself falling yet again for a friend, and once again found herself abandoned. She tried not to let it get to her that Isabel stopped saving her seats during meals, or that Claire no longer slung her arm over her shoulder, or Anna stopped offering to braid her hair but that was just the beginning. By the end of February, Theo stopped going to the Slytherin common room because they would say they couldn't hang out. By the end of March she stopped looking at the Slytherin table for a seat. By the end of April she stopped trying to catch their eyes during potions, the only time she saw them.

Some would argue that Theo wasn't alone; she still had James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius. Some would even say that no one hated her anymore except for maybe Marlene and Dylan, and that she and Marta were actually growing close, but Theo knew better. Theo knew she wasn't actually friends with those boys, because they didn't really treat her like a person. They treated her like a toy that they played with when they felt like it, and left alone when they didn't. They didn't ask how she was or what was going on with her. They never asked her anything really. All she was, she realized, was another person that was meant to adore James and Sirius.

And if anyone asked about her and Marta, Theo would not know what to say. It's true that with the protection of the boys no one seemed to hold much animosity for her anymore, but Marta was a bit different. Marta asked her if she'd like to study together, if she'd like to eat lunch together, if she'd like to be her partner for Herbology... Overall, Theo would say that she and Marta were friends but there was something different in the way Marta acted. It was in the way Marta touched her when touch wasn't necessary, and the way Marta always held eye contact a little too long.

Theo had resisted it all at first, but after losing her friends she thought that having someone to spend time with wasn't terrible and Marta always seemed to want to spend time with her. Like right now. Theo was digging through her trunk in a desperate attempt to find something that fit. She had tried on a few pairs of pants but after almost nine months of consistent weight loss nothing actually stayed on her hips anymore. In any other situation she would be ecstatic, but she couldn't very well go shopping for new clothes and what she owned simply would not stay put. She growled in frustration before chucking another pair of pants at her unsuspecting nightstand.

"What's up," Marta asked from the door to the dorm. It wasn't unusual for Marta to ask what was bothering Theo, even though Theo rarely gave her the truth. This time, though, it seemed rather harmless.

"None of my pants fit and I can't find anything to wear to the Quidditch game!" Theo emphasized this point by violently chucking another pair of pants at her poor nightstand like it was the reason she didn't have any suitable clothes. Marta didn't say anything and Theo didn't bother to look at her as she considered wearing a dress and tights just for the sake of having something to wear. She had tried a resizing charm on one pair but that had gone horribly wrong rather quickly. It wasn't that Theo was bad at charms so much as resizing a pair of pants was surprisingly tricky if you didn't do it for a living. Who knew?

Suddenly something was dropped on Theo's head. Something oddly shaped and felt an awful lot like denim.

"I think we're about the same size now," Marta said casually as she fell onto her bed and pulled out some witch magazine that Theo had never heard of. Theo looked at the pants that were two sizes smaller than what she was used to.

"You don't have to…" Theo trailed off, already standing and holding the pants up to her legs to see if they were at all a potential match. Much to her surprise, they seemed to be about the right size.

"I don't wear those. They're too tight at the waist. If they fit they're yours." Marta wasn't really even looking at Theo. She seemed bored by the whole ordeal but Theo found it all rather shocking for a handful of reasons. The first one was that up until February this girl hated Theo's guts with the burning passion of a dying sun and now she was suddenly giving Theo a pair of pants. Nice pants, at that. Even for her and Marta's budding friendship, this was a bit odd. The second reason was that Theo never shared clothes with anyone before, both because she had never really had any girlfriends and because she was always a few sizes bigger. Theo knew she wasn't obese, but saying she wasn't fat was a matter of opinion. She was larger than most girls her age (used to be, at least) and that was always something that got to her more than she let on. It was always something that people pointed out when they were trying to hurt her feelings and a big argument between her and her mother.

"I… thanks," was all Theo could manage as she pulled off her pajama bottoms and slid on Marta's jeans. They fit rather well, much to Theo's surprise, but she didn't have time to admire herself in the mirror. The game would be starting soon and she needed to make her way to the field. She quickly threw on a sweater that now was two sizes too big along with her Gryffindor scarf and was almost out the door when she stopped for a second and looked over to Marta.

"Hey Marta," Theo started, not really looking up. Marta was a pretty girl with her blonde hair and hazel eyes. She had turned fourteen last month and was growing into her body well. She had already experienced her growth spurt and now stood about six inches taller than Theo's slight 5'0" frame. Theo liked Marta. Maybe not quite like she liked other girls, but it was affectionate none the less. "Would you want to go to the game with me?"

Theo didn't look up, but if she had she would have seen Marta's wide grin before she jumped out of the bed and happily agreed.

(^^)

Theo ran into Peter and Remus on their way to the game and they all walked together into the stands. Remus was on her right and Peter was about to sit at her left when Marta did a strange sliding move so that her side was flush against Theo. This wasn't the first of the odd things that happened during the game. If something good happen, both she and Marta would get excited and Marta would actually hug Theo. Theo would go stiff as a board every time but that didn't deter Marta's affections. Remus shot her a few questioning glances, but Theo would just shoot him a look that said "I don't know what's going on either." There was one point during the game when things got particularly tense and Marta actually grabbed Theo's hand and didn't let go for a solid five minutes.

Theo didn't mind much because as it turned out, Marta was a big Quidditch fan and they found themselves discussing different tactics the teams (Ravenclaw and Gryffindor) were implementing and what they thought would be more effective. Marta said she was going to try out for seeker the next year and Theo talked about how she played keeper at Ilvermorny. It was a brilliant time and the next time Marta went to hug her, Theo hugged back. When the game finally ended with a narrow catch by the Gryffindor Seeker and an overall win for Gryffindor, Theo and Marta were ranting about how terrible Dylan Davis actually was at being keeper and how brilliant James and Sirius were at their respective positions.

"Honestly if it wasn't for Sirius knocking out the Ravenclaw chasers every time they got close to the goal we would have gotten pummeled," Marta said with a slightly raspy voice from all the screaming she did. Theo nodded in agreement.

"Yea, but because he was picking up Davis's mess that left the other beater to protect everyone else on his own and that almost ruined us more than once," Theo said thoughtfully. She turned back to where Remus and Peter were following. "What do you guys think?"

Both Remus and Peter went a little wide eyed before starting to stutter and attempting to come up with an intelligent response. Theo and Marta just giggled.

"We should celebrate!" Marta thrust her fists into the air in the shape of a V like it was her own personal victory. Theo laughed and did the same.

"I bet James and Sirius would love that! Where are they?" Theo looked around for them. "Are they still changing?"

"Nah, James is on his way." Theo followed Peter's pointed finger to see James emerge from the dressing room alone and jog towards them, a big smile on his face. The first person he ran to was Theo who wrapped his arms around and then proceeded to pick up and spin in a circle like they were some reunited couple in a cheesy romance film. Theo was in such a good mood she actually found it quite charming. When he put her down he gave her a slight pat on the head which she found less charming before shooting Marta a look. Marta shot him a look right back and they continued to glare at one another until Remus let out a slight cough.

"Where's Sirius," he asked in a brave attempt to break the tension.

"I don't know, he said he'd be up in a minute." James shrugged.

"I'll go get him," Theo offered, in a hurry to get on with the celebrating (and definitely not to get away from the awkward tension that was surrounding James and Marta). She jogged down the hill to the Gryffindor changing rooms and didn't even bother knocking before charger straight in. Theo could think of a number of reasons why this would be both funny and not at all problematic in the long run but none of them included walking in on Sirius being pinned to the lockers and some boy with a Slytherin scarf kissing his neck like it was the greatest thing he'd ever tasted.

Theo realized that moving and just head back to the group like nothing happened would probably be best but she couldn't get her feet to lift. She was frozen in the spot, eyes unbelievably wide as she watched the Slytherin boy work his way down Sirius's chest which Theo now realized was bare. A light moan from Sirius brought Theo to her senses, however, and she went to turn on her heels and leave. She was confident that she could sneak away without the boys even noticing she was there until God reminded her that she was not that lucky by having her trip over a shirt that Theo could only assume was Sirius's. The thud of her body hitting the floor alerted the boys to her presence, causing both to open their eyes wide and look straight at her.

Sirius seemed rather amused, letting out a light laugh and running his fingers through his too long hair. The other boy was reacting much differently. Theo recognized that look. It's the type of violent anger someone feels when they're surprised or scared and Theo was crawling away before she even knew what she was doing. He took a big step towards her, hand rising like her mother's did when she was angry and suddenly Theo felt like she was nine years old again.

"Andrew, don't!" Sirius shouted as he grabbed Andrew's wrist and pulled him back.

"Get off me Black," he hissed as he went for Theo again. Sirius yanked back on Andrew's wrist and the boy toppled over. Theo stood and darted out of the changing room before he had a chance to get back on his feet and was rushing towards the group she left behind. She didn't realize she was going straight for Marta until she wrapped the girl in her arms and buried her face in her shoulder. The boys didn't notice the strange behavior and asked Theo how long Sirius was going to be. Without looking at them she said he might be a while and started marching to the castle, Marta in tow.

Marta kept calling after Theo but she didn't look back until she was in front of the castle and only because Marta had gotten in front of her and grabbed her shoulders.

"What happened?" Marta's hands slid from Theo's shoulders to her cheeks where she gently held Theo's face. Theo surprised herself by leaning into the touch. She surprised herself even more by laying a light kiss on Marta's palm. She looked to Marta to see how she'd take it. Marta's cheeks had taken on a pretty pink blush, and Theo found herself taking Marta's hand in her own, facing it up so that she could kiss her wrist; the whole time her eyes never leaving Marta's.

"Is this ok?" She asked as she stepped closer. Marta nodded. Theo stepped closer, her other hand resting on Marta's waist. She was about to ask if this was ok too, when Marta cut her off with her lips on Theo's.

This was so different than anything Theo had felt so far. It was different than those innocent little kisses she had when she was eleven and so much hotter. Theo didn't really understand what people meant when they said getting off on something but she understood it now. Theo felt like she was falling off the edge of something and her stomach had that weightless feeling you get when you swing a little too high. Marta brought her free hand to the back of Theo's neck and tilter her head and any sort of coherent thought left her when Marta's tongue brushed against her lips. Theo opened her mouth slowly and was sure she was going to die when Marta's tongue brushed her own.

Then Marta was pulling away and panting and what just happened finally sunk in. Theo had just kissed a girl. Not just any girl, a girl who had demonstrated a severe dislike for her in the past. What if someone saw? Theo was looking around to see if there was anyone nearby. What if they got caught? What was Marta going to do then?

Oh god not again…

"Theo, what's wrong?" Theo whipped around and looked back at Marta, who still had that pretty pink blush on her cheeks and now her lips were rosy from being kissed. Theo's stomach twisted with a mix of excitement and fear.

"We just…" Marta smiled and stepped closer.

"We kissed," she said like it was the most natural thing in the world and not like everything was falling down around them.

"Exactly!" Theo hissed, stepping back slightly. "Shit I'm so sorry…" Theo's hands went to her hair and began tugging, hoping that this was just a dream and she'd wake up. Marta had a strange look on her face.

"Theo, I kissed you. I wouldn't have done that if I didn't want to. What's wrong? I thought…"

Theo took a moment to really look at the other guilty party and realized that Marta was nervous. She was wringing her fingers and looking at the ground. She was nervous that Theo was rejecting her, she realized. Slowly, she pulled her fingers from her hair and grabbed Marta's hands so that she'd stop squeezing them.

"Don't you like me?" She didn't look like the confident, pretty Marta that Theo always saw, she looked like a scared little kid afraid of getting scolded.

"I do," Theo whispered. "I just… is this ok? Can we… can we do this?"

"Do what?"

"Kiss? And touch each other and…"

"Date?" Theo nodded. "Do you want to?"

"What I want doesn't matter," Theo said before she could stop herself. It was true. Whether or not Theo wanted to hold hands and kiss and other couple-y things didn't matter in the end if that's not what Marta wanted.

"Of course it does! I know I've been terrible to you and I know that I can't just expect you to forgive me but…" She took a deep breath, as if bracing herself for a heavy blow. "I actually really like you, Theo. Would you… would you want to…"

"Yes," Theo answered. "On one condition."

"Anything," Marta said. She was looking at Theo again, eyes wide and hopeful. Theo almost didn't want to say anything that might ruin this. Whatever this was, this was good. This was soft and kind and precious and new. Theo could ruin it, and be alone and for a second she wondered if that was for the best before saying:

"You can't be embarrassed of me."

Marta seemed to think the best way to answer was to lean forward and kiss Theo all over again.

(^^)

Theo believed that the most important things in her life happened in May. Her parents were married in May, her sister was born in May, she had her first vision in May, she got scarred in May, she got expelled in May, and now she got her first girlfriend in May. At this point in her life, her greatest and worst experiences all seemed to revolve around one month in particular. Being the type of person who can sometimes see the future for no apparent reason, she believed in a lot of things that others don't necessarily believe in, like that May was always going to be a special month for her. With this knowledge, it made sense that throughout May she was incredibly tense, waiting for the end of the world even if something important already happened.

This is what Theo was worrying about as she stared at the empty crystal ball in front of her. One might think that being able to see the future would make her a pro at Divination but this was not the case. Theo fought against her gift with every fiber of her being and at present it was manifesting in a lacking Divination grade. It probably didn't help that their teacher was a bit rubbish. Theo knew that the "art of Divination" was more or less opinion and conclusions drawn from some observation or another but this was ridiculous.

"Theo will die this week," James shrieked in mock horror. Theo glared at him when their professor, Gordon Fernsby glided in their direction. His robes fluttered behind him and Theo was sure he charmed them that way, melodramatic as he was.

"What do you see, Mr. Potter?"

Theo was sure that in Fernsby's head he sounded distant and mistic but to Theo it sounded more like he had a broken nose. She continued to glare at James as he went on to tell their "professor" the gruesome details of Theo's death by nifflers.

"Very good, Mr. Potter! Ten points to Gryffindor!" Theo dropped her head to the table with a loud thud. She hated Dumbledore for doing this to her. This was the worst and possibly the most redundant way to spend her time. Was this what he had in mind when he said she'd have to train and work hard? Because this was hardly any use to her.

"Miss Clarke, what do you see?"

"A glass ball," she deadpanned. She heard Sirius snort behind her and choke a little as the mandrake leaf got caught in his throat. Fernsby gave her a scathing look.

"Miss Clarke, Professor Dumbledore requested that I make sure you use your time here wisely. What would you have me tell him?"

Theo bit the inside of her cheek. He was playing dirty, then. He knew that she wouldn't want to disappoint Dumbledore after everything he did for her. With a clenched jaw Theo adjusted herself in her seat and set her eyes on the glass ball, completely prepared to plot out in detail how he was going to lose all of his hair when everything shifted around her.

Green. So much green. Street sign. Market St. Number. 18. House? Laughter. Sick and twisted. Bodies. Two bodies at unnatural angles. Glossy eyes. No breath. Dead? DEAD?

"Miss Clarke! That is enough!" Theo looked up at a man with long brown hair that looked like it needed to be brushed. He looked like momma did when she was angry. Was he angry too?

"Out, now! Twenty points from Gryffindor!" Theo was scared. Why was he yelling? Had she done something wrong? She didn't remember doing anything wrong. She tried to think but it was hard. She just wanted to sleep.

"Sir, I don't think…" A boy with messy hair was standing in front of her now. He was tall and skinny.

"You too, Potter!" The man was yelling again and Theo covered her ears. She hated it when people fought. The boy with the messy hair tried saying something else but the man kept yelling. Theo grabbed the boy's sleeve.

"Stop fighting," she pleaded. The boy gave her a weird look before grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the room. He didn't let go of her hand even when they got out of the room. She tried to pull away, not liking the touch, but he held strong. She pulled harder until he stopped and looked at her.

"Let go!" She yanked hard and he finally let go.

"Are you ok?" Theo didn't say anything. "Theo?"

She didn't know what to say. She was confused. Finally she asked: "What happened?"

He was looking her weird again. She didn't understand, she thought it was a good question. Was she supposed to know what happened? Was he upset with her for not knowing?

"You started screaming in the middle of class."

Class… She was in a class. That man was the professor. This boy… James?

"James," she said slowly, testing it out.

"Yes?"

This was James. He likes hugs. He's usually happy but he isn't now. Was it her fault? Maybe if she hugged him he'll be happy again. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. He was much bigger than her. He didn't return the hug right away but when he did it wasn't like the hugs she remembered.

"I'm sorry," she said out of habit. This is what she said when momma was upset with her. Maybe it will make him feel better too.

"Why?"

"You're upset," she said into his chest.

"Mr. Potter, Miss Clarke! What are you two doing?" A woman was shouting at them and Theo held on to James tighter.

"Professor McGonagall, thank god you're here. I think something's wrong with Theo…"

Something wrong? Had she done something wrong? She had tried to be a good girl. She didn't mean to upset them.

"What do you mean?" The woman asked. She knew this woman. This woman was nice.

"We were in Divination and she just –"

"I see," McGonagall didn't let him finish. Theo thought that was rude. She wasn't normally rude. "I'll take it from here, Potter. Please release Miss Clarke."

James let go but Theo didn't want him to. She was scared. What if that angry man came back? What if McGonagall yelled at her? She buried her face into James's chest.

"She isn't normally like this," James said as he rested a hand on her head. She liked that feeling and smiled.

"I am aware. Theo, it's time to let go." This was the first time McGonagall spoke to her. It was very soft. She liked it when she spoke like that. Maybe if she did what she said she would keep talking like that. Sometimes that worked with momma.

"Okay," she said as she slowly let go of James. He still had that weird look on his face but it seemed nicer now. She smiled.

"Come with me, Theo." Theo nodded and went to follow until she realized James wasn't coming with. She looked and saw him walking in the other direction.

"James!" He whipped around to look at her. "Don't go! I don't want to be alone!"

He looked at McGonagall.

"Theo, it might be best if he went back to class…"

"No! There's an angry man! He was yelling at me and James! He can't go back!" Theo crossed her arms. She didn't want to be alone. McGonagall sighed and looked at James again. James had already walked up next to Theo again. She grabbed his hand so that he couldn't leave again.

"I'll try to help," he said to McGonagall. Theo wondered what he was supposed to help with.

"Thank you, Potter."

They started walking off again but this time James was holding her hand. She didn't want to let go this time because this time she wasn't scared of him. She was scared of the angry man who yelled at her. James wouldn't let anything happen to her. He had said so before. McGonagall said so too. They would keep her safe.

"Minerva, what brings you here?" A pretty woman with her hair in a tight bun looked at them. They were in a room full of white beds. Theo hadn't been here before but she knew what it was. She wasn't sick though, so why were they here?

"I was wondering if Miss Clarke could perhaps make use of the… spare room." McGonagall leaned in to say more things to the lady but Theo couldn't hear. She thought it was rude to whisper in front of somebody.

"They're talking about me," she huffed at James. He didn't say anything and when she looked at him his face was all red. "Are you hot?"

"Huh?"

"Your face is all red. Are you hot?"

"Oh, yea…" James didn't say anything after that. Normally James talked a lot. Did she do something wrong again?

"Hello Theo! I'm Madam Pomfrey and I'll be taking care of you today." Theo decided she liked this woman. She was rather pretty and she had a nice smile. She didn't look like someone who would yell at her.

"You're pretty," she said and Madam Pomfrey smiled. Theo knew that it was best to compliment people so that they wouldn't be angry.

"Thank you very much. Would you follow me?" Theo followed her behind a curtain and watched her open a large door. Theo followed her in and saw a little room with one bed, a nightstand and a large window on the opposite wall. She thought it was a pleasant room.

She took the clothes Madam Pomfrey gave her and waited until they left the room until she started changing as long as they promised to come back. Once momma forgot to let her out of the room for a punishment and Theo had wet the bed. She was sure momma was going to yell at her again but she just kept apologizing. When she finished she knocked on the door like she said she would and they all came back in. James's face was still pink.

Madam Pomfrey asked Theo to drink something that tasted really bad and promised Theo that if she did it she could keep the pajamas. She liked them a lot because they were really soft so she agreed. She didn't remember much after that.

(^^)

"Professor…"

"I suspect you have questions, Potter." James nodded. He'd never been more scared, angry and embarrassed in his entire life. Not all at once, of course, but it had been an emotionally stressful day none the less and he was ready for someone to explain what the hell had happened.

Of course he knew what he saw. One second Theo was being her usual, sarcastic self and then she went all still. Fernsby seemed pleased at first until she started mumbling. He kept asking her to speak up but then she was screaming. Everyone had stopped to stare at Theo as she covered her eyes and kept screaming something that sounded a lot like "DEAD" but James couldn't be sure when he was covering his own ears. Fernsby seemed to think fighting fire with fire was the best way to handle it and started yelling back.

This is when James was really afraid, because Theo didn't seem to be aware of what was going on around her at all. Fernsby had called her name more than once and had even shaken her shoulder but she wouldn't stop screaming. James felt sure that she was dying.

Then suddenly it stopped and Theo was looking at the world with wide eyes as if she'd never seen it before. Clearly McGonagall had a fairly clear idea as to what happened to his little friend but she wouldn't say a word until she was sure Theo couldn't hear them through the door.

"I don't have all the answers," she began with a heavy sigh. "But what I can tell you is that your friend may possibly have a very rare gift. What do you know of seers?"

James thought about it and realized he knew very little. "They predict prophecies, don't they?"

McGonagall nodded. "Indeed. They are quite rare. It is possible that Theo possesses this rare gift but…"

McGonagall looked tired and suddenly James realized just how old she must be. He wondered what she'd seen before and how Theo's outburst had affected her. He wondered if she'd seen it happen before. He had heard rumors that Theo had gone a little loopy over break but James hadn't believed it. Seeing her now, he had to wonder if there was some truth to the rumor after all.

"Do they all act like this after…?"

"No, but each one is different. Some aren't affected at all, others have very positive reactions, and some don't even remember it happening. This is Theo's way of coping with what she sees, I suppose. Did she say anything while it was happening?"

James cringed. "No it was just… screaming. I don't think it was good professor. Does this happen every time? This…"

"No, not every time. She'd never be able to function if it did. I believe this only happens when she sees something particularly… troubling."

"So it's true that over the holidays she…" James wasn't sure what to call this. He wasn't sure if there was an appropriate term for what was happening. McGonagall understood, and nodded.

"I can't explain it, Potter. Theo has expressed interest in keeping it hidden, however and I must ask that you honor her wishes." James nodded. Theo knocked on the other side of the door to signal that she was done changing and they all filed back into the room. James felt out of place here and wondered if Theo would notice if she left. Judging by the large smile on her face when she saw him, leaving wasn't an option for the foreseeable future. Theo called him over and he stood awkwardly next to the bed.

"What is that?" James was whispering to McGonagall as he pointed to the potion Theo was gulping down. It didn't look appealing.

"Calming Draught," she replied in a hushed voice. "Professor Dumbledore will be here to ask some questions. We thought it best to keep her relaxed…"

At that moment Dumbledore entered the room. He had an uncharacteristically grim expression on his face. He always seemed so jovial and carefree in front of the students. To see him so stoic and… old was a bit of a shock for James.

James would be the first person to admit he lead a privileged life. He had money, friends, family, dashing good looks and enough charisma to fill the great hall. Suffering was a relatively foreign concept to him if he were being perfectly honest. Even with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin as best mates, the idea of a world outside of James's own was difficult for him to comprehend. It was even more difficult to realize that not only was there a world outside his own but also that that world is full of death and despair. Seeing adults look so weary and jaded felt wrong to James.

"Ah, Mr. Potter, how nice to see you," the headmaster said with a twitch of his lips. James had only actually spoken to the headmaster once and that was last year after discovering Remus's secret. He faintly wondered if he'd ever get to have a conversation with the man that didn't include deep dark secrets.

"Good to see you too, sir."

"I see Miss Clarke has been made comfortable." His tone was much softer than it was just a second ago. "I suppose she has had a rough day. Perhaps, Mr. Potter, it would be best if you left now."

James did not need any more invitation and quickly scurried out of the room before hearing a faint cry from behind him that sounded a lot like "I don't want to be alone." James paused and was taken aback. Theo never sounded so helpless.

"Miss Clarke, I think James would like to rest…"

"I don't want to be alone…"

"You're not alone, dear."

"Don't leave me…"

"It's alright Theo."

"Please don't leave me."

Theo's voice was beginning to sound childlike and innocent. It reminded him a great deal of Regulus on September first of two years ago. James and Sirius weren't friends yet but he heard the small boy begging Sirius not to leave him. James was sure it would have worked if his mother's vice like grip had not landed on Regulus's shoulders and pulled him away. James hadn't thought about that in years, but couldn't help but think that Theo sounded exactly the same. Squaring his shoulders, he turned back around. He was determined to muscle through this and stay with Theo if she needed him to. He could do this.

And then he saw the tears falling down her cheeks and bolted.