So now, it's been two years since Grimmjow passed away. I don't have dreams of becoming a plastic surgeon anymore. I've decided to remain on the ER.
Why, you ask? Well, it's simple, really. The ER was where I had my first encounter with Grimmjow. The ER is a place where you save people's lives. But it's a lot more than that. If you look deeper, the ER is actually a place where you can save lives, heal hearts, grant wishes. Yeah, sure, most of the time it's saving lives, but with Grimmjow and me, it was a lot more than that.
After Carrot Top and him broke up because he was having those symptoms, he was pretty much brokenhearted. I healed that for him. I stayed by him even when he was too sick to talk, stayed by him when his lungs collapsed, stayed by him through a lot of things that I'm not quite sure I really had the strength to grasp on my own. I don't think there is a couple in this world that loves each other as much as we loved each other then. I honestly do not think that. Relationships these days are all about being wanted.
"I want you." "I want this." "I want that."
Ours wasn't like that. It was a relationship in which the want had turned to need, and it was almost as though neither of us could live without the other one. I mean, it doesn't sound like much in writing, but it's true. Relationships don't mean as much as they used to. And, half of the time, they end up in divorces or broken hearts or abusive scars and a child stuck in the crossfire. I don't know why it's this way. It just is. And it is so sad. Marriage is a commitment; it's not always fun and games and breakfast in bed. You actually have to commit to someone, to something, and you have to be willing to stick it out through to the very end, no matter how bad things may get. That's the beauty of it all. You have to be strong to enter a marriage and stay faithful, otherwise it's not really a marriage then.
The ER is a place where you can grant wishes. Save a life, grant a person's wish. Heal a heart, grant a person's wish. Have Wonderwice go to Disneyland and film what he did there with a camcorder? Sure. That's a wish too. And it's not about what the wish is, it's about trying and giving.
Am I depressed? The truthful answer to that is no. I am glad I had the opportunity to meet Grimmjow. I am glad I got to get up close and personal with him. I'm not happy he's dead, but he's in a better place now. A place where every year here is like a minute and where he has no suffering, no pain, no drugs. A place where he's happy, and before we know it, I'll be there too, and it'll be as though nothing had changed. Except we'll be perfect.
Grimmjow changed my life in so many ways. Now I know what it's like to lose a loved one. Now I know what it's like to see your dreams and heart shatter before your very eyes. Now I know what it's like to truly miss someone.
But I also know what it's like to have truly loved. I know what it's like to be committed, to be faithful, to be in a relationship where it's not all about wanting things or about having sex. I realize that there are a lot better things in this world than sex, than wants, than desires. There are so many good things in this world that we all take for granted, like good health, loving families, being able to be perfectly functional. And so many other things.
It only takes the course of a year to have those things stripped away.
So, open your eyes. Open your eyes and look around. Don't look at the peeling paint on your walls, don't look at that dent on your fender. Really open your eyes, and see the beauty of all that's around you. Because, really, we never realize how good we are in life until everything we have is taken away.
And anyway, God didn't create our eyes to see the evil in the world. He made them so that we could see the beauty that He created for us to look at.
I challenge you to reflect on what you have learned from reading this story and how you can apply it to real life. And love. Love more than you do now. The world might be a better place then; just as God and Grimmjow and all the other angels in Heaven intended it to be.
"Speaking the truth in love, we will grow up." -Ephesians 4:15