Disclaimer: I am not Rick Riordan or George Lucas.
Enter Luke and Yoda, walking through the Jedi Praxeum.
Luke notices something in one of the central spires of the Jedi Temple.
Luke. What's up there?
Yoda. Just a tower.
Luke. Somebody lives there?
Yoda. No. Not a single living thing. Come along, Luke. Lots to see.
Luke and Yoda walk through the sweetberry fields.
It pays for our expenses. And the sweetberries take almost no effort.
Luke notices a Corellian uses the Force help the sweetberries grow.
Luke. Corran won't get in too much trouble, will he? I mean, he was a good protector. Really.
Yoda. [sighs] Corran has big dreams, Luke, perhaps bigger than reasonable. To reach his goal, he must first demonstrate great courage by succeeding as a recruiter, finding a new apprentice and bringing him safely to the Jedi Praxeum.
Luke. But he did that.
Yoda. I might agree with you. But it is not my place to judge. Qel-Droma and the Corellian Council must decide. I'm afraid they may not see the assignment as a success. After all, Corran lost you on Coruscant. Then there's the unfortunate, ah, fate of your mother. And the fact that Corran was unconscious when you dragged him over the property line. The Council might question whether this shows any courage on Corran's part.
Luke. He'll get a second chance, won't he?
Yoda. I'm afraid this was Corran's second chance, Luke. The Council was not anxious to give him another, either, after what happened the first time, five years ago. The Force knows, I advised him to wait longer before trying again. He's still so small for his age. . . .
Luke. How old is he?
Yoda. Oh, twenty-eight.
Luke. What? And he's still in school?
Yoda. Corellians mature half as fast as humans, Luke. Corran has been the equivalent of a teenage human for the past six years.
Luke. That's horrible.
Yoda. Quite. At any rate, Corran is a late bloomer, even by Corellian standards, and not yet very accomplished in the Living Force. Alas, he was anxious to pursue his dream. Perhaps now he will find some other career. . . .
Luke. That's not fair. What happened the first time? Was it really so bad?
Yoda. Let's move along, shall we?
Luke. Yoda. If the Je'daii and Tython and all that are real . . .
Yoda. Yes, young one?
Luke. Does that mean the Netherworld is real, too?
Yoda. Yes, young one. There is a place where spirits go after death. But for now, until we know more, I would urge you to put that out of your mind.
Luke. What do you mean, "until we know more?"
Yoda. Come, Luke. Let's see the forest.
Luke and Yoda approach a forest.
The forest is stocked, if you care to test the Force. But go armed.
Luke. Stocked with what? Armed with what?
Yoda. You'll see. Bolo-ball is Benduday night. Do you have your own lightsaber and vibroshield?
Luke. My own . . . ?
Yoda. No. I don't suppose you do. I think a size five will do. I'll visit the armory later.
Luke and Yoda tour the arena, where lightsaber duels were held.
Luke. Lightsaber duels?
Yoda. Cabin challenges and all that. Not lethal usually. Oh, yes, and there's the refectory.
Yoda shows Luke the Jedi Temple Refectory.
Luke. What do you do when it rains?
Yoda. We still have to eat, don't we?
Luke and Yoda arrive at the cabins, arranged in an inverted u.
Enter Jabitha, disguised as a young girl, tending to the hearth in the center.
Luke eyes the cabins at the front.
Luke. Sekot and Shira?
Yoda. Correct.
Luke. Their cabins look empty.
Yoda. Several of the cabins are. That's true. No one ever stays in one or two.
Luke notices Vader's cabin.
Luke approaches the cabin.
Oh, I wouldn't do that.
Luke peeks into the cabin of Lord Vader.
Come along, Luke.
Luke and Yoda move away from cabin three.
Luke and Yoda pass the cabin of Yun-Yammka.
Luke. We haven't seen any other Chironians.
Yoda. No. My kinsmen are a wild and barbaric folk, I'm afraid. You might encounter them in the wilderness, or at a major sporting event. But you won't see any here.
Luke. You said your name was Yoda. Are you really . . . ?
Yoda. [smiles] The Yoda from the stories? Trainer of Anakin Skywalker and all that? Yes, Luke, I am.
Luke. But shouldn't you be dead?
Yoda. I honestly don't know about should be. The truth is, I can't be dead. You see, eons ago the Je'daii granted my wish. I could continue the work I loved. I could be a teacher of heroes as long as sentience needed me. I gained much from that wish. . . . And I gave up much. But I'm still here, so I can only assume I'm still needed.
Luke. Doesn't it ever get boring?
Yoda. No, no. Horribly depressing, at times, but never boring.
Luke. Why depressing?
Yoda. Oh, look. Mara is waiting for us.
Luke and Yoda arrive at the cabin of Yun-Shuno.
Enter Mara.
Mara. I have masters' archery class at noon. Would you take Luke from here?
Mara. Yes, Master.
Yoda. Cabin eleven. Make yourself at home.
Exit Yoda.
Luke and Mara enter the cabin of Yun-Shuno, marked by an amphistaff.
Mara. Well? Go on.
Luke steps forward.
Luke Skywalker, meet cabin eleven.
Chak. Regular or undetermined?
Mara. Undetermined.
All groan.
Enter Jacen (Solo) Caedus, a black-clad young man with unruly dark hair and brandy brown eyes.
Jacen. Now, now, Jedi. That's what we're here for. Welcome, Luke. You can have that spot on the floor, right over there.
Mara. This is Jacen. He's your Councilor for now.
Luke. For now?
Jacen. You're undetermined. They don't know what cabin to put you in, so you're here. Cabin eleven takes all newcomers, all visitors. Naturally, we would. Yun-Shuno, our patron, is the god of travelers.
Luke. How long will I be here?
Jacen. Good question. Until you're determined.
Luke. How long will that take?
All laugh.
Mara. Come on. I'll show you the grav-ball field.
Luke. I've already seen it.
Mara drags Luke out of the cabin.
Exit Jacen.
Mara. Skywalker, you have to do better than that.
Luke. What?
Mara. [rolls her eyes] I can't believe I thought you were the one.
Luke. What's your problem? All I know is, I kill some boar guy . . .
Mara. Don't talk like that. You know how many kids at this praxeum wish they'd had your chance?
Luke. To get killed?
Mara. To fight the Gamorrean! What do you think we train for?
Luke. [shakes his head] Look, if the thing I fought really was the Gamorrean, the same one in the stories . . .
Mara. Yes.
Luke. Then there's only one.
Mara. Yes.
Luke. And he died, like, a million years ago, right? Andur Sunrider killed him in the Graveyard. So . . .
Mara. Monsters don't die, Luke. They can be killed. But they don't die.
Luke. [sarcastic] Oh, thanks. That clears it up.
Mara. They don't have souls, like you and me. You can dispel them for a while, maybe even for a whole lifetime if the Force is with you. But they are primal forces. Yoda calls them archetypes. Eventually, they reform.
Luke. You mean if I killed one accidentally with a lightsaber . . .
Mara. The Night . . . I mean, your mathematics teacher. That's right. She's still out there. You just made her very, very mad.
Luke. How did you know about Madam Ventress?
Mara. You talk in your sleep.
Luke. You almost called her something. A Nightsister? They're Bogan's torturers, right?
Mara. You shouldn't call them by name, even here. We call them the Witches, if we have to speak of them at all.
Luke. Look, is there anything we can say without it thundering? Why do I have to stay in cabin eleven, anyway? Why is everyone so crowded together? There are plenty of empty bunks right over there.
Mara. You don't just choose a cabin, Luke. It depends on who your parents are. Or . . . your parent.
Luke. My mother is Shmi Skywalker. She works at the candy store in Galactic City. At least, she used to.
Mara. I'm sorry about your mother, Luke. But that's not what I mean. I'm talking about your other parent, your father.
Luke. He's dead. I never knew him.
Mara. [sighs] Your father's not dead, Luke.
Luke. How can you say that? You know him?
Mara. No, of course not.
Luke. Then how can you say . . . ?
Mara. Because I know you. You wouldn't be here if you weren't one of us.
Luke. You don't know anything about me.
Mara. No? [raises an eyebrow] I bet you moved around from school to school. I bet you were kicked out of a lot of them.
Luke. How . . . ?
Mara. Diagnosed with dyslexia. Probably ADHD, too.
Luke. What does that have to do with anything?
Mara. Taken together, it's almost a sure sign. The letters float off the page when you read, right? That's because your mind is hardwired for Old Corellian. And the ADHD . . . You're impulsive, can't sit still in the classroom. That's your battlefield reflexes. In a real fight, they'd keep you alive. As for the attention problems, that's because you see too much, Luke, not too little. Your senses are better than a regular sentient's. Of course the teachers want you medicated. Most of them are monsters. They don't want your seeing them for what they are.
Luke. You sound like . . . you went through the same thing?
Mara. Most of the kids here did. If you weren't like us, you couldn't have survived the Gamorrean, much less the bota and bacta.
Luke. Bota and bacta.
Mara. The food and drink we were giving you to make you better. The stuff would have killed a normal being. It would have turned your blood to fire and your bones to sand, and you'd be dead. Face it. You're a near-human.
Enter Saba Sebatyne, a reptilian young woman with calculating red eyes.
Saba. Well! A rookie.
Mara. Saba. Why don't you go and polish your vibrolance or something?
Saba. Sure, Jade. So this one can run you through with it Benduday night.
Mara. [laughs mockingly] You don't stand a chance.
Saba. This one will pulverize you. Who's the little hatchling?
Mara. Luke Skywalker, meet Saba Sebatyne, daughter of Yun-Yammka.
Luke. Like . . . the war god?
Saba. [sneers] You got a problem with that?
Luke. No. It explains the bad smell.
Saba. We've got an initiation ceremony for rookiez, Wormie.
Luke. Luke.
Saba. Whatever. Come on. This one will show you.
Mara. Saba . . .
Saba. Stay out of it, wize girl.
Luke hands Mara the Gamorrean tusk.
Saba and her hatchmates pulls Luke toward the refresher.
The offspring of Yun-Yammka laugh.
Like he iz Big Three material.
Saba pushes Luke toward the toilets.
Yeah, right. The Gamorrean probably fell over laughing, he waz so stupid looking.
Saba and her hatchmates laugh.
Mara stands in a corner, watching.
Unintentionally reaching into the power of Vader, Luke telekinetically causes the toilets to explode, spraying water everywhere.
Saba cries out, as she and her hatchmates are doused in water. All of them shot out of the refresher, before the water shuts off completely.
Mara. How did you . . . ?
Luke. I don't know.
Saba. You are dead, rookie. You are kriffing dead.
Luke. You want to gargle with toilet water again, Saba? Close your mouth.
Saba's hatchmates hold her back from advancing on Luke and Mara.
Exit the offspring of Yun-Yammka.
Mara studies Luke intently.
What? What are you thinking?
Mara. I'm thinking that I want you on my team for bolo-ball.
Exit Luke and Mara.