I actually have no excuse why it's been so long. But here ya go.
Nick's POV
The doors open to the elevator into the penthouse and I look around the open space hopefully.
And I'm disappointed.
Don't get me wrong, everything is spotless, almost OCD spotless, and I can smell something cooking, but what's missing is something more than that. Miley. She's not in the living room watching TV or singing loudly in the kitchen. She's not even running around doing laundry or something.
I make our way to our bedroom and there she is. It's been like this almost every day when I get home from work for the past three weeks. Ever since she told me about the baby.
She's cuddled up against the sheets and even though I can't see her face, I know she's awake.
"Hey, Mi," I say quietly and then make my way over to her side of the bed and sit down next to her, "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," she says, staring blankly at the wall. Her eyes flicker to me for a second. "I made dinner. It's in the oven so it stays warm. I wasn't sure when you were going to be home."
"You're not going to eat?" I ask even though I know the answer already. It's always "I'm not hungry" or "I ate a big lunch" or "I'll come in a minute" (which she never does).
"I'm not that hungry," she says and stares back at the wall. I get up and try to hide my disappointment. I know that she's grieving and I need to let her do it at her own pace. If I push her it will only hurt her in the long run.
I head over towards the kitchen and open the oven. It's on a low setting just to keep warm so I reach in and grasp the plate covered in tin foil. Then I peel it back. NY strip with mashed potatoes. My favorite. But somehow it's not as good when I'm alone at the dinner table.
I eat slowly in complete silence. I don't know what to do about Miley. Should I seek medical help? Does she need some sort of anti-depressants? Or is this just a phase? Will it end soon? Every day I hope that I'll walk in and hear her singing and dancing around the house while she does whatever chores she thinks she needs to do. Or walk in and find the kitchen a mess because she's trying to make dinner and can't handle everything at once. But more and more that hope is dying.
Once I finish dinner, I clean my plate and then empty the clean dishwasher that Miley obviously turned on earlier. It's the least I can do for her. It seems like these simple household chores are the only thing she does any more. Her publicist told me that she's been declining all magazine cover offers and she hasn't talked about a second CD or anything even though I know the company would love it. More and more I'm becoming frustrated.
Once I finish in the kitchen, there isn't much to do. As much as I'd like to go talk to Miley, every day that I've tried to, it just ends up being an awkward one sided conversation with only a few head nods or "Mmhm"s from her. So instead I go into the living room and turn the TV to some baseball game. I can't help but miss Miley curled up next to me asking endless questions about the game and begging me to switch to MTV in between plays.
When the game is over I go back to our bedroom. Miley is just where I left her but now she's snoring softly. At least she sleeps peacefully.
I take off my clothes, leaving me in my boxers and then climb into bed. I turn so that I'm facing her back. More than anything, I want to reach out and touch her and pull her close to me. We've barely had physical contact since she's been like this. For a moment I imagine shifting closer to her and wrapping my hands around her waist, making my body curl to mimic hers, but I don't. Instead I turn and face the other way and try to get a good night's sleep.
"Nick!" Kevin calls the next day at work, "You there?"
"Yeah, sorry," I say shaking my head, "Just have a lot on my mind."
"It's okay," Kevin says kindly, "I was just asking which drum track you thought sounded better with this song?"
He plays the two samples again and this time I listen carefully.
"I think the second one sounds better," I conclude, "There's a heavy baseline so the drums can be toned down a bit."
"Yeah, I agree," Kevin says and goes back to mixing the track. Like I told Miley, I asked the company to let me stay here in the studio while Miley and I begin to plan our wedding. Considering she barely talks anymore, we haven't been doing that, but I have been working with Kevin. And soon Mikayla will be back in the studio and I'm the lucky one who gets to work with her.
"So what's on your mind?" Kevin asks me while he fiddles with different levels on the computer.
"Miley," I sigh, "She's just so bummed out over her miscarriage. I'm trying to just let her work through it herself, but I think she might need some professional help. I don't think I've seen her out of bed at all in the past few weeks. I just don't know what to do to make it better."
"I feel you, man," Kevin shakes his head, "Dani is still having some morning sickness and she's just so tired all the time. Plus she says she's starting to feel fat."
"Well, Demi and I are doing great," Joe interrupts from the door. I'm not sure how long he's been there spying, but obviously he's heard enough.
"What are you even doing here?" I ask him, annoyed because he's in a good mood while I'm not.
"Ouch, Nick," Joe exaggerates, clutching his heart, "No need to be hostile because you're not getting any while I just dropped by the studio to have a little afternoon delight with De-."
"Stop, now," Kevin says putting up a hand, "I really don't want to know. But seriously, Joe... what are you doing here in this studio?"
"Well, since I'm in such a good mood, I thought I'd come take my brothers out to lunch, my treat."
I try to shake my head subtly at Kevin but unfortunately he doesn't notice.
"That sounds good..." he says instead, "I need a break anyway. All these tracks are starting to sound the same."
"Cool," Joe says twirling his keys around his fingers, "I'll drive and then drop you guys off back here."
"Okay," Kevin agrees, and he gets up leaving me to follow them. They discuss where they want to go and what they're in the mood for while I just follow. When we get to Joe's car, Kevin jumps in the passenger seat.
"Hey!" I cry indignantly, "Why do I have to sit in the back? I'm taller than both of you."
"And you're also younger than both of us," Kevin retorts. I grumble and get in the back. It's so tight that my knees are practically in my mouth. I don't want to be here. I'd rather just be working.
When we get to the restaurant the two of them picked we're lead to a booth. Joe and Kevin take a seat on one side and I sit alone on the other.
The waiter comes and takes our drink order and leaves us to mull over the menu. It's an American food restaurant. Should have known. But they do make good burgers so I decide to order that.
The waiter comes back with our drinks and then takes our orders and collects the menus. When he's walked away, Joe turns to look at me.
"So how's Miley?" he asks. But it's not his annoying making-fun-of-me voice, it's his concerned brother voice.
I sigh, "She's been taking the loss pretty hard."
"And how are you taking the loss?" Joe probes. Sometimes it amazes me how good of a listener and advice giver Joe can be. I mean, he's still an idiot 90% of the time, but he does know how to make me see things differently.
"I don't know," I sigh again, "I didn't even know about it for 24 hours. I mean, I'm sad, but it's not like I was hoping for it to happen and then was let down. I mean, yes, I want to have kids when we're married, but now wouldn't really be the best timing."
"That's what Miley thought at first too," Joe thinks out loud, "which is what makes it weirder that she's so sad now."
"More like depressed," I say sadly.
"Well, you know, Dani got me this book about being a father," Kevin pauses to give Joe a chance to scoff as we all knew he would, "And it says that a woman becomes a mother as soon as she knows she's pregnant, but a man doesn't become a father until he sees the baby."
We all take a moment to let that absorb in.
"Anyway," Joe continues, "What I wanted to bring it up is that you're obviously not happy. And since it doesn't seem to be about the baby, it's obviously about Miley. And you need to tell her she needs to stop."
I give him an incredulous look, "Do you want me to upset her? I can't just be like 'hey, Mi, you need to stop feeling sad'."
"Listen, after that whole, um, incident and after Demi and I got back together, we made a deal with each other. Whenever one of us is doing something the other doesn't like or something that upsets us, we just say it. That way, we're not harboring up anger or holding grudges that in the long term could be damaging to our relationship."
Kevin and I both look at him in shock. Did something that deep really just come out of his mouth?
"It was mostly Demi's idea," Joe admits, "But it works. She tells me when I'm acting like an idiot and I tell her when she's being unreasonable."
"So you want me to tell Miley that she needs to stop grieving?" I ask skeptically.
"No, I'm saying that you have to tell her how you feel about her acting this way."
"You know, Joe could have a point," Kevin says slowly, "Damn. I can't believe I just said that."
Joe shoots him a glare, "Look at it this way Nick... Miley's not willing to get out of this funk for herself, but she I'm willing to bet she would if she knows that she's hurting you."
"I guess..." I agree, warming up to the idea, but also wanting to change the subject. Kevin seems to sense this so he changes the subject to himself.
"So, Joe, got any advice for me?" he jokes but you can tell he's kind of serious too.
"No way, man. I don't know anything about pregnant women," Joe retorts shaking his head, "Just tell her she's not fat."
They both laugh and even I throw in a chuckle. The rest of the lunch is filled with pleasant chatter about Joe's movie premiere which is coming up and about the different artist in the studio. I have to admit that I enjoy spending some time with my brothers which we haven't gotten to do a lot lately now that we're all older. But at the same time in the back of my mind I can't help but wonder if Joe could be right.
Later after some more time in the studio, I stop by the food store to get Miley flowers. I would go to the usual stop, but I haven't been by in a while and it might be a little depressing to see Mimi in such dismal circumstances.
I walk into the penthouse and call out her name. She doesn't answer, but I'm going to keep calling until she does. She can't just ignore me forever, right?
"Miley?"
"I'm in the bedroom," her voice faintly calls from down the hallway. I debate asking her to come out here, but I decide not to.
I walk into the bedroom and see her, as usual, under the covers in bed.
"I brought you something, baby," I tell her and walk over to the side of the bed holding out the flowers.
She rubs her eyes and looks at the yellow roses like they're a foreign object.
Her hair is frizzy and piled on her head and she's wearing a huge T-shirt.
"Thank you," she whispers, sitting up in bed and taking the flowers.
There's an awkward pause as if neither of us knows how to proceed.
"Aren't you going to put them in water?" I ask her. Getting out of bed is one step, right?
"Um," she falters and then looks at me, "Yeah, okay."
She gets out of bed revealing her baggy sweatpants. I can't even remember the last time I saw her in fitting clothing. She's been showering and changing when I'm not around so I haven't even gotten a glimpse of her body. I'm suddenly struck by how much I miss it. She's always been comfortable in her skin and I didn't realize how much I took that for granted.
I follow her into the kitchen where she's filling a vase with water. Then she opens up the flowers and arranges them in the glass.
She's facing the counter away from me so I come up behind her and grab her waist. She jumps a little, but doesn't push me away. That's good, right?
"How about I take you out to dinner?" I ask her, kissing the skin behind her ear. She stiffens and moves her head away from mine.
"I had a big lunch," she says and it's so obvious that she's lying that it's almost comical. It's not worth calling her out on it though.
I hold in my sigh and then nod, backing off of her. She turns around from the counter to face me. There's way too much space in between us, but she seems so against contact and I don't want to frighten her.
"Are you-" she starts then pauses as if the idea of saying a full sentence, let alone a question is painful. I wait patiently for the rest of her question. "Are you okay with ordering takeout?"
I try to mask my disappointment. Not because I have to order takeout, but because I thought she'd say something a little more profound than that. I think she takes my silence as a no.
"I-I could make something, if you want," she offers rubbing her upper arm awkwardly. She looks so uncomfortable and I know that she doesn't really want to stay here. She's already inching for the door.
"No, it's fine, I'll just order some Chinese or something," I let her off the hook. She looks relieved and grateful.
"Okay, I'm a little tired..." she trails off, moving slowly to the door. I just stare at her and she quickly turns around and heads for the bedroom.
Once she's gone I sigh loudly and think about what Joe said. Can I be honest with her? It hurts to see her looking so uncomfortable and unhappy in our house and especially around me. If she can't feel comfortable around me, her fiancé, then how is this marriage going to work out?
I freeze when that thought crosses my mind and try to get rid of it. Of course we're going to work out. If she gets better, that tiny voice in the back of my mind says. I can't do this, I realize. I love her, God knows how much I love her, but I don't love how she's acting. It's putting me at edge and making me stress out. I don't want to lose the girl I fell in love with.
I head over to my bag and pull out my laptop and turn it on. Maybe some business will help settle my mind. Or at the very least, distract me. I'm not even thinking about dinner. I had a pretty big lunch with my brothers and I don't feel like eating another meal alone.
I reply to some random emails, read over some stuff for Mikayla's record, and take care of some bills. It takes a while to accomplish all that and I'm starting to get tired.
I click back to my email one more time and see I have an email from my publicist. Great, that means probably more rumors. Who knows what they've come up with this time?
I open it up to see pictures of me and my brothers out at lunch. How did I not notice the paparazzi? I guess I've just become immune to them. Then I read the headline.
"Are Things Over For Nick and Miley?"
Nick Jonas stepped out today with his brothers (pictures above) to get some lunch while on a break from working in the studio. Nick was looking a bit under the weather and witnesses said that the brothers seemed to be involved in a serious conversation and that Nick seemed "uncomfortable and upset".
Maybe it's because he's missing his lady love?
Miley, who ordinarily can be spotted tagging along with Nick, hasn't been seen around town in almost three weeks. So sad, especially considering last time we checked, they were engaged. Maybe she wanted a bigger ring! Ha! We'll be keeping our eyes peeled for more signs of a break up.
I look at the words getting more and more annoyed. Just because we haven't been seen together doesn't mean we broke up. We decided that we didn't need to share this little mishap with the media, but a part of me wants to go and tell all the idiots who are bad talking Miley what she's going through.
I slam my laptop shut and then head for the bedroom. It was a long day and I'm tired. I walk in and see Miley lying down with her back facing me as usual. I strip down to my boxers. And then climb into bed next to her and turn off the lights with the switch next to the bed.
I reach over for Miley's body and my hand rests on her waist.
She sits up in surprise and looks at me fearfully for a moment. I thought she was asleep. She relaxes a little when she realizes it was me, but not completely.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I mumble sheepishly, retracting my hand.
She settles back down on the pillows, but doesn't turn away from me yet.
"Are you okay?" she asks the ceiling, not looking at me at all.
"Yeah," I lie, "Just heard a stupid rumor about how we broke up."
"Oh," she says quietly. Great. Now I've upset her. She might think I don't hear that hurt tone in her voice, but I do.
Then she turns back away from me and cuddles back into the blankets. She's so close to me and yet she feels so far. I can't reach out and touch her without her panicking unnecessarily. There used to be a time where I could just get into bed and immediately spoon her, no questions asked. I don't think I've even been able to hug her in a week.
"I can't do this," I say out loud suddenly and then hold my breath. She doesn't say anything so I'm not sure if she's awake or not, but either way I have to get it out. "I can't be with you, but not really be with you. I love you, Mi, but I don't love this. I can't stand to see you like this. It's pulling me apart every day."
Still no reply. I sigh and then rollover and fall into a dreamless sleep.
When I wake up the next morning, Miley is nowhere to be found.
Instantly panic sets in. I walk around the house looking for her frantically. It takes me about ten minutes to realize her car keys are gone. I rack my brain, trying to think if there's something I forgot she had to do. I check the calendar on my phone about three times, just to make sure I'm not forgetting something. I go into our closet and look through her stuff, trying to figure out if anything is missing.
She couldn't have run away, right?
That's my first thought, but all of her stuff is still here. At least what from what I can see. All the suitcases are here too. I glance at the clock and realize that I have to be ready for work soon so I can't fixate on this for too long. Instead, I decide to leave it in Demi's hands. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have studio time today so I shoot her a quick text message.
Nick: Woke up and Miley was gone. Her stuff's all still here. Any ideas?
After I send it, I jump into the shower quickly. I jump out and shave and brush my teeth then rush to the phone before getting dressed.
Demi: No. I'm sure she's fine though if all of her things are there. I'll try calling her, okay? Don't worry.
I laugh cynically at her last sentence. Telling me not to worry, what a joke. Of course I'm going to worry about her. But instead of saying that I just thank her and then go get dressed. Within the next ten minutes I'm out the door and on my way to work, constantly checking my phone at every red light.
Still nothing. I walk in the studio and smile at the receptionist. Her eyes light up when she sees me.
"Nick! Good, you're here!" she exclaims, "You know that new band that's been signed? I think they're giving your brother a little trouble. You might want to head into studio three and see what's going on. I could hear the lead singer- Jesse? – all the way from here."
I nod and check my phone again. No new messages. Then I hear Kevin raising his voice and the receptionist gives me a pointed look. I sigh. Today is going to be a long day…
It's been a while since I've had a little cliffhanger, so I thought I'd throw one in for you ;) I'm just going to say that probably what you think is happening, isn't happening. You know how I do.
Also, you guys have been super with reviews lately. I really appreciate it. It still amazes me how many people read this story. You all are the best.
p.s.- who's seeing JB this summer? Thoughts on Demi opening for JB again? Thoughts on it being a "Camp Rock Tour"? Feel free to share. It's been a while since I've done this b/c now I talk to a bunch of you via twitter, but I totally miss getting your rants in reviews and replying to them haha