The King is here!
Yes I know I broke my promise and you'll soon see why just about a half hour after I post this. So I will explain nothing here.
Review Replies!
synbad2: That's not random enough, come on dude be creative!
T51b Moridin: Not only is it evil it's is also sacrilegious to all things vampire. ALL HAIL ALUCARD!
phoenixgod13: That's one of the reasons I adopted this story.
Lu Bane Na: Are you Naruto in disguise, that is both disturbingly evil and brilliant. Remind me never to let my girlfriend read your review.
VFSnake: There would be no shitting of pants from that. They would all have heart attacks and die. BRILLIANT!
thor94: He is a male Xenomorph...THATS PRETTY FRACKIN SPECIAL!
Enough Talking...Time for some Pranking!
Chapter 9: Pranks, Traitors and Graduation
It was anything but a peaceful day at Konohagakure as it was the dreaded day, the Uzumaki children and their friends would work together to commit a pranking spree of grand proportions. Ninjas and civilians of all ages and ranks either nervously anticipated the pranks that will befall upon them or desperately tried to avoid getting caught in the said pranks, assuming that they had not already been caught. It certainly did not help that Naruto and Midori somehow managed to slip a seal into the council chamber without anyone knowing and released a genjutsu-like technique upon activation which is really more like a 3D-image recording…
(Scene Change)
Hiruzen was attending the usual monthly council meeting when a hidden seal suddenly activated and created a flash of light. Naturally, everyone was either on high alert or panicked at the activation of the hidden seal until it showed a clearly flawed image of Naruto and Midori. Flawed in the sense that the images are semi-transparent blue in colour and had static for some reason.
Looking at the grinning pair, those that knew them well enough inwardly groaned as they thought, "The time which we had been fearfully anticipating for is at hand…!"
Naruto's class will be graduating later within the week and they just knew that the two pranksters have finally decided to begin their grand prank of epic proportions.
"Greeting, fine councilmembers of Konohagakure, as I'm sure you all know by now, our names are Uzumaki Naruto and Uzumaki Midori. Before I continue with the main topic of this interruption, allow me to first explain that this is merely a recording. In other words, we will be unable to answer to any questions or arguments you all will have against us." With his eyes covered by the mask, his wide fox-like toothy grin and his slightly slouched stance, the boy appeared outright malevolent. Pausing as if to allow the people inside the council chamber to digest his words, Naruto then continued to speak, "To put a long story short my sister and I, along with a select few, have decided to play a grand prank which will be remembered in this village for years to come. Be aware however that we will not be limiting ourselves to just one prank across the entire village. With that said, I shall make the following announcement." After a short pause, the boy then said, "For the next 24 hours, the entire village will be the victims of our pranks to some degree or another, none of which will cause physical harm let alone kill, unless a person can physically die from shame. At the end of the 24-hour limit, a final prank will activate and WILL affect the entire village. Naturally, you will all choose to oppose us and stop our pranks from happening, something which we are all looking forward to." Naruto's grin widened as he concluded the recording by saying, "Remember, 24 hours…!"
Needless to say, after the recording ended, Hiruzen immediately had all the ninjas available in Konohagakure on high-alert to find the trouble-makers and any pranking traps they may had made. Of course, the majority of the civilians in the council immediately panicked, and with good reason considering the pranks the two Uzumaki children can pull off not to mention even the ninja clans are worried, and spread the word across the entire village faster than even the Fourth Hokage could travel with his unique trademark ninjutsu…
(Scene Change)
Kakashi was thoroughly miserable as he dragged his drenched muddy form towards a bookstore. Just five minutes after hearing Hiruzen's warning about the pranks, he was among the first to discover a trap, an elaborate tripwire trap which would have completely drenched whoever triggered it in water due to the buckets filled with water balloons. Being a high-ranking jounin and former ANBU, Kakashi easily disarmed the trap only to fall prey to the hidden secondary trap, a simple pit trap which will only activate when the tripwire trap above it is disarmed. Falling into the pit, the buckets filled with water balloons fell into the pit and got him completely drenched. To add insult to injury, the prank ruined his favourite book with an orange cover called Icha Icha Paradise. Sighing in memory of the ruined book, Kakashi had a buy another one.
However, with the mass panic Naruto and Midori had unleashed upon the village, over 80% of market business had all but shut down for the day as people desperately rushed home to avoid the pranks. Therefore, it was not surprising that the bookstore which sold his favourite book was closed.
Staring at the closed sign, Kakashi sighed in despair and muttered, "This is going to be a LONG 24 hours…"
(Scene Change)
Meanwhile, as Kakashi lamented over the loss of his book, Hiashi and his clan decided to continue with life as usual as they felt that their clan would not suffer much in the event that the two Uzumaki siblings actually do manage to get past their security and play a prank on them. Considering that his two daughters and nephew are friends with the Uzumaki siblings, the head of the Hyuuga clan did have a convincing point.
Still, as Shikaku earlier said, "It'll be less troublesome to be careful just in case then deal with a problem we could have avoided."
As the council meeting ended much earlier than expected, the man had some free time and decided to check on his daughters to see if they know anything about the pranking-spree. Unfortunately, both of his daughters could not be found although Neji did find a note in their rooms which stated that they are will be with their friends for the day.
"As long as that boy and his family don't hurt them, I suppose I will let this matter slide, within reason of course." Realizing what he had just said, Hiashi was half-tempted to slap his palm over his face as he recalled on fact, "Uzumaki and reason don't exactly mix, especially when it comes to pranks!"
Suddenly, he heard a loud explosion and activated his Byakugan to see that the interior of the main branch building had been covered in bright-orange paint with only a few exceptions including his office and Hinata's bedroom.
Realizing that the Hyuuga elders and their families are the main targets, Hiashi sighed and buried his face into his hands as he said aloud, "Kushina-san, your boy is being a complete hell-raiser today…!"
(Scene Change)
While Hiashi remembered the simple truth about Uzumaki and pranks, a truth reinforced by Uzumaki Kushina's days as a prankster which must had been passed down to her son and "daughter", Shikaku was playing shogi with Shikamaru and asked, "So, what are the chances of our clan receiving a prank?"
"Knowing him, I'll say they will definitely play a prank on us. The only real questions are how, when and where."
Nodding in understanding, Shikaku replied, "Any idea how they will strike? I could really use your better understanding on them to prevent their troublesome pranks from blowing up into our faces."
Shrugging, Shikamaru admitted, "Not a clue, Naruto may not be the best strategist but he's unpredictable and really good at improvising. Chances are, even if we do somehow stop the first set of pranks against us, they'll just try to get us again until the time-limit is over."
Suddenly, both Nara males cringed when they heard the blood-curdling scream of bloody murder from Shikaku's wife, Nara Yoshino. Thinking quickly, Shikamaru immediately disappeared in a puff of smoke while Shikaku glanced at the spot where his son had occupied a moment ago and swore, "This is going to be a drag…"
(Scene Change)
Shikamaru barely avoided whatever chore his mother had obviously planned for him and his father when he noticed a rather sweaty red-faced Chouji who was hyperventilating a bit.
Quirking an eyebrow, Shikamaru asked, "They got you too?"
Nodding, Chouji groused, "How in the Ninja World did they manage to spike our dishes with chilli?"
Shaking his head, Shikamaru then noticed a fuming wet Ino. Due to the special training sessions provided by the Uzumaki siblings which Uchiha Sasuke greatly appreciates for reasons which the fangirls could not fully comprehend, Ino's appearance had changed somewhat with noticeable but pleasant muscle tones on her arms, shoulders, legs, hips and waist. The same changes in physique could be said for most of the girls who still want to be ninjas as they were forced to realize that female ninjas must be prepared to fight and that the advantages of looking beautiful is limited at best when it comes to life-and-death struggles.
Although a little upset at the gain in "ugly" muscles, and "gluttunous" appetite, Ino was nevertheless practical enough to realize the usefulness of the training. Besides, her Sasuke-kun made it clear he prefers stronger girls anyway so maybe some visible muscles will increase her chances of wooing him.
Looking at the fuming girl, Shikamaru deadpanned, "Let me guess, he rigged every flower bouquet in your clan's flower shops with squirt-guns."
Glaring murderously at the bored-looking boy, Ino growled, "When I get my hands on that tailed creep, I'm going to put him six feet under!"
(Scene Change)
While Ino swore to get even with Naruto, Sakura made the same oath as she stormed out of her home while covered from head to toe in eggs and flour. As to how it happened, the Uzumaki siblings somehow rigged the fridge inside the Haruno household with a trap which threw eggs and then flour at whoever opened it. Of course, the girl would have immediately taken a bathe, had the siblings not decided to dismantle the pipes which supply water into the bathroom. Her mother did not exactly fare any better as her was covered in syrup followed by a coating of feathers.
That is not even counting the graffiti drawn on the walls of the house which included a message, "This is the lair of the Pink-Haired Forehead-Banshee, a creature infamous for its loud voice and violent tendencies to anyone other than the object of its obsession. In this case, an Uchiha male noted to have a haircut shaped like a duck's backside."
(Scene Change)
While Sakura was on a warpath to find a certain blond Uzumaki, Shino's eyebrow twitched in annoyance as he, alongside with the braver members of his clan including his father, had to capture the frogs and toads which surrounded the Aburame compound. It did not help that the amphibians are somehow aware that the Aburame ninjas have their kikaichuu and were quite content to just sit comfortably on their heads and shoulders in the hopes of getting an easy meal.
(Scene Change)
Kiba was torn between feeling mortified and laughing at the scene before him as his mother and sister desperately tried to get the Inuzuka clan's dogs to calm down. Somehow the Uzumaki siblings had gotten their hands on bitch-in-heat urine and prepared special water-bombs with the said urine. Needless to say, the civilians and ninjas that who got covered in the urine were being chased by horny dogs of all ages, including ninja dogs which are capable of doing ninjutsu much like their human counterparts and were somehow made drunk by the alcohol the siblings managed to spike into their drinking bowls. Kiba's good mood quickly soured when he realized that Akamaru was among the dogs they had to chase down.
Among the victims of the "leg-humping" included Kurenai and Asuma who were working together to deal with the pranks. Grimacing at the unpleasant memory, Kurenai just knew that Anko was one of Naruto's accomplices and was laughing at her expense. Asuma on the other hand wondered how the kids somehow managed to replace his cigarettes with gag versions that explode upon lighting. Granted, he found it just a bit amusing.
(Scene Change)
Sasuke scowled furiously as a duck-shaped headwear was literally glued onto his head. The fact that the duck had black feathers and its rear actually did match his usual hairstyle quite closely only added insult to his injured pride.
As he tried to search for a certain pair of tailed siblings to get even with, Sasuke saw a sight which almost made him want to blind himself with a rusty kunai, vengeance be damned. The reason, he just saw Guy and Lee dressed in lacy female underwear as they continued to help the citizens of Konohagakure despite the "wardrobe handicap". Of course, given their quirks and current state of dress, the pair did far more harm than good as even Morino Ibiki, the scarred leader of the Torture and Interrogation unit of Konohagakure, was traumatized by the sight and actually debated whether or not to hire them as a last resort option.
(Scene Change)
The overall atmosphere in Konohagakure was chaotic to say the least. Hiruzen could only sigh as the cat-masked ANBU who was now covered in purple paint reported, "The Hyuuga elders are calling out for Naruto's blood for replacing their expensive silk clothes with green spandex, the Haruno household needs to be fumigated with the number of bugs found inside, the interior walls of ANBU's headquarters is currently coated with lots of wet paint and glue, the Nara household's kitchen is now a complete mess, Guy and Lee's "Sunset of Youth" had just reached to completely new levels of disturbing…" Both the cat-masked ANBU and Hiruzen shuddered in fear and disgust at the mere mention of it before the ANBU continued with the report, "Currently, the only places that are confirmed to be unaffected by the pranks are Ichiraku Ramen, Mitarashi Anko's favourite dango shop and Seikuu-san's shop."
"It's barely even twelve hours and already they cause this much damage and chaos. If I could somehow sneak them into an enemy village and let them to something like this without getting caught, I would most certainly enjoy watching the resulting mayhem." Hiruzen shook his head as he dreaded to know what will happen next…
(Scene Change)
Thankfully enough, the number of pranks had dropped after the initial twelve hours although the careless could still get caught in the traps the Uzumaki siblings and their accomplices have set up. However, even with the relatively peaceful sleep that night, people were still getting pranked as Ami woke up with her hair dyed bright pink while Haruno Yutani realized to her horror that she was glowing bright orange in the dark. The person who screamed the loudest, thereby waking up the entire village in the process, however had to be Kakashi as his secret collection of Icha Icha books were replaced with a trashy romance novel… involving homosexual men. Of course, not one can really blame the man as they realized that the characters involved in the book gave them the disturbing image of Kakashi falling in love with a lingerie-clad Guy. The book that made Kakashi scream in such horror and despair was titled as, "Uke Uke Brokeback Konoha" and was written by Uzumaki Midori of all people. Even worse, the siblings had somehow replaced almost all the hidden stashes of Icha Icha books with the Uke Uke books and a few of the women actually liked the latter.
(Scene Change)
Meanwhile, far away from Konohagakure and Kakashi's scream of horror, a certain white-haired toad sage shivered and thought, "It feels like an ungodly perversion of righteousness had been unleashed upon the Ninja World…!"
(Scene Change)
Soon, the 24-hour mark was nigh and everyone was understandably tense at they feared what would happen, assuming of course that they were not already driven to the point of no longer caring for the inevitable event. A significant number of civilians and ninjas were still recovering from the trauma of seeing Lee and Guy in female underwear. Kakashi had all but mentally shut down from being deprived of his beloved Icha Icha and being among the first to read the horribly perverse mockeries of the novels, the Uke Uke. The Aburame, Inuzuka, Nara, Akamichi and Yamanaka have recovered somewhat although the Hyuuga clan were forced to wear green spandex for the day to their complete aggravation. Guy and Lee thankfully managed to get some spare spandex from the Hyuuga while Kurenai and Asuma managed to get the necessary change of clothes, and a bath, to avoid gaining the attention of the dogs. Had an enemy village decided to strike at that moment, Konohagakure would have been in a lot of trouble.
Suddenly, within the last five minutes of the 24-hour mark, a series of explosions could be heard and the villagers could only wonder, "What now?"
(Scene Change)
Naruto, Midori, Hoyuki, Shiroko, Anko, Hinata, Hanabi, Konohamaru and his two friends, Moegi and Udon, were grinning as the explosions occurred throughout the village. By the time the clouds of smoke from the explosions cleared, the village ended up covered in paint which, when watched from above at the top of the Hokage Monument, looked like cutesy versions of the assembled pranksters' faces. What is more, the Hokage Monument was covered in paint as well as the face of the First Hokage looked like he had just been slapped and given a black eye while the Second Hokage looked like he had a close encounter with a ferocious cat with scratch marks all over his face with comical tears running down his cheeks. The Third Hokage looked like he was drunk with a bright-red blush on his cheeks and swirls in his eyes while the Fourth Hokage had a bloody nose as he gazed lecherously at a bikini-clad buxom beauty with red hair. (Try saying that a few times quickly)
Seeing their handiwork, the pranksters laughed and giggled as they congratulated themselves for a job well-done and, with the special recording seals in place, they will be able to show off their feat which will be remembered for generations to come.
By the time the explosions of paint was over, almost the entire village had one common thought, "Those pranksters must pay!"
(Scene Change)
"So let me get this straight. You actually allowed those pranksters to create, as Anko-san would probably put it, "a perfect $%!#-storm" of a pranking disaster to not only give us a lesson to always be on alert but to also help flush out whichever traitors and enemy agents we may have?" asked an incredulous Iruka.
Nodding, Hiruzen said, "While I am admittedly shocked by what they can accomplish with the right materials and timing, I must say that those children and your friend have clearly outdone themselves."
Not long after realizing that Naruto and Midori would try to play a grand prank across the entire village before their graduation, Hiruzen wisely decided to discuss with them so that he can at least minimize the damage they will inevitably cause. After a bit of discussion, the three had an agreement. Naruto, his family and his friends will all work together to create the pranking-storm of the century while Hiruzen would use the opportunity to find any traitors and enemy agents the village may have with their help.
Surprisingly enough, the plan worked very well as they had found some of Danzo's agents by noticing that their lack of real emotion even amidst the chaos of the pranks as well as the hilarity and humiliation the pranks caused. They also managed to find a number of traitors and enemy agents as they tried to steal important classified documents, steal ninja techniques such as the ones recorded in the forbidden scroll and tried to report to their leaders about Konohagakure's "weakened" state. Of course, all of the important documents and scrolls were rigged with traps including ropes, electrical shocks, paralytic poison gases, illusions, itching powder, buckets and even Shadow-Xenomorphs such as drones, bursters and brutes. As for the enemy agents that tried to contact their superiors, Hoyuki's shadow-drones were able to identify all of them and even managed to apprehend a few. Therefore, despite the majority of the village calling out for their blood, all of the pranksters and their accomplices managed to get away with only a mild admonishment for "going overboard" as punishment.
Speaking about traitors and enemy agents, all of them were later apprehended by ANBU and jounin and were later interrogated by Ibiki who had a new tool in his arsenal of torture equipment, a seal which contained a video-like recording of Guy and Lee doing their dreaded "Sunset of Youth" while dressed in female underwear. Not surprisingly, only Danzo's emotionally-dead "drones" managed to endure the torture while everyone else cracked within moments. If that was not enough, Midori "kindly" provided the Torture and Interrogation unit with a seal which had an audio-recording which reads out "Uke Uke Brokeback Konoha" with some images for added visualization.
However, it was unanimously agreed that using the dreaded recordings for torture was sadistic, even by Ibiki's and Anko's standards who swore, "That girl is a natural at breaking the minds, and hearts, of men…"
To Iruka's shock and disappointment, Mizuki was one of the traitors as he was an agent of Orochimaru and tried to steal the forbidden scroll which contained many of Konohagakure's more powerful ninjutsu. As he hated Naruto and his sisters, the man wasted no time to tell everyone how he hated them all and how he had tried to make Iruka's life miserable for years despite being his friend. Hearing Mizuki's rant, Anko would have physically mutilated him had Iruka not decided a much crueler fate, by giving Midori inspiration for her next perverse mockery of the Icha Icha series with Mizuki being paired with Orochimaru. Hearing Iruka's decision, Anko smirked cruelly while Mizuki practically screamed in begging not to give Uzumaki Midori such an idea.
Of course, Mizuki's pleas fell on deaf ears and Anko cheerfully said, "Don't worry, we'll be sure to give you the recording once Midori-chan is done with her next book!"
Indeed, Midori did write down the next book after a few months and was titled, "Uke Uke Traitorous Hearts". It should be noted that the book also involved Uchiha Itachi.
Shaking his head at the memory of his last meeting with Mizuki, Iruka said, "Still, I never knew that the girl had a thing for writing, or homosexual relationships between men for that matter."
Chucking, Hiruzen said, "Well, she is Naruto's relative so it's probably not surprising that she would be just as unpredictable as he is."
"Like how Shiroko actually likes the "Sunset of Youth" even with Lee and Guy in female underwear?"
Shuddering at the image Hiruzen said, "To be fair, she likes it mainly because she finds it funny. Just be thankful that she did not end up like them and can even calm them down if she needs to."
Nodding in sagely understanding, Iruka said, "Speaking about the books, can you honestly believe that some of our women, including female members of ANBU, actually want "that book" to be legally published?"
"Please don't remind me, I'm still deciding which is worse, angering all those women by refusing or potentially losing Kakashi by accepting." The silver-haired jounin was still recovering from the horror of reading that book.
Kakashi's trauma aside, Naruto and his friends were able to gather a surprising amount of intelligence when they broke into the houses to prepare their pranks such as the one they did on the traumatized man. Some of the information they gathered included confirmation that members of the Inuzuka clan do actually eat dog food on occasion as a quick snack while Nara Yoshino has a hidden stash of "special interrogation gear" which she would use on her husband on occasion when feeling particularly frisky. They also managed to discover a number of enemy agents that way as they stole any incriminating documents which the agents carelessly left behind.
Deciding to change the subject, Iruka asked, "So, is it really true that they somehow managed to record EVERYTHING for those 24 hours?"
Smiling, Hiruzen nodded and took out a large scroll as he said, "Midori is quite the genius when it comes to seals and I'm sure that she would be an excellent sealing-specialist if nothing else."
Shaking his head, Iruka said, "Hopefully after they graduate things will calm down somewhat. I doubt the village can withstand another pranking spree of this magnitude too often."
Hiruzen grimaced as he agreed, "Indeed, it won't." He then unexpectedly grinned as he added, "Although it would make an excellent argument to allow the Uzumaki children to graduate!" Both men chuckled in mutual agreement…
(Scene Change)
Before long, the students have graduated and among the graduates were the Uzumaki siblings and their close friends. However, as the graduates are divided into units consisting of three genins and one jounin, they unfortunately have to accept the fact that they cannot remain together as a single ninja team.
Standing before the students was Iruka as he announced, "Team Seven will be Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura. Your jounin sensei will be Hatake Kakashi."
Naruto groaned while Hinata wore a disappointed expression as Iruka mentioned the next team, "Team Eight will be Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino. Your jounin sensei will be Yuuhi Kurenai."
Iruka then proceeded to mention the next few teams including Team Ten which consisted of Chouji, Shikamaru and Ino with Sarutobi Asume as their sensei.
Iruka then surprised everyone with the mention of the thirteenth team, "Team Thirteen will be Uzumaki Midori, Uzumaki Shiroko and Uzumaki Hoyuki. Your jounin sensei will be Mitarashi Anko."
After Iruka finished announcing the teams, Naruto had to ask as he demanded, "Hey, why am I teamed up with the teme and his rabid banshee-fangirl?"
Sakura was naturally infuriated but could do nothing against the physically superior Uzumaki boy.
Looking at the boy, Iruka sighed and said, "To be honest, I didn't quite like the idea either but this is Hokage-sama's decision and even I cannot argue with his reasoning." Surprised, Naruto was silent as Iruka added, "If you really want an answer, I suggest you speak to the Hokage directly after meeting your jounin-sensei."
Nodding, Naruto knew he would get his answers from the elderly man…
(Scene Change)
Hiruzen was not surprised when Naruto quickly stormed into his office and demanded an explanation why Naruto was being paired with Sasuke and Sakura, both of whom do not know about Kurama, "I don't really mind the teme so much, even though he's still a pain in the ass, but even you got to admit that pairing me with Pinkie is a bad idea! Not only that, but even I know that Kakashi-sensei is always late, bloody unmotivated and reads porn in public!"
Sighing, Hiruzen said, "That is indeed true. However, from the intelligence we have gathered so far, including the intelligence we obtained thanks to your 24-hour pranking spree, it is clear that Orochimaru wants to capture Sasuke for his Sharingan as it has the ability to copy any ninja technique as long as it is not a special bloodline-specific ability. While there is a chance he may lose interest in the Uchiha now that he has his attention on you and your sisters, we cannot allow that risk especially if it is possible to combine both bloodlines to create a perfect copycat of all forms of ninjutsu including bloodline abilities."
"So in other words, by assigning me as a teammate, I can protect the teme from being taken and used by that Snake-Bastard even if he sends his own Xeno-Hybrids to get him, right?"
"That and anyone else that will want to acquire the Sharingan such as like Danzo. Even the civilian councilmembers that still hate you cannot argue against that logic, at least under the assumption that you will actually bother to protect him."
Sighing, Naruto said, "Okay, I get that, but what about Pinkie?"
"Haruno Sakura is a bit of a unique case as we have reason to believe that her mother may have made shady deals with Danzo's Root. If that is indeed true, then we will need you to keep an eye on her and see if there is anything she might know about it."
"But why me, wouldn't our sensei be better for the job not to mention that Pinkie and I are not exactly on the best of terms?"
"True, but it is better to have a second set of reliable eyes, ears and nose to keep watch over her. Besides, the fact that you no longer have a childish crush on her makes it even easier for the both of us as you will not look at her through rose-tinted lenses. As for Kakashi, I admit that he is not exactly the most inspiring of teachers but he is the only one who can teach Sasuke how to use the Sharingan." Naruto and his sisters already knew about the Sharingan implant on the silver-haired jounin during the conflict against the Xenomorph hybrids in Danzo's secret facility.
Sighing in resignation, Naruto said, "Alright, you've made your point. Just don't be surprised if our teamwork sucks because of the arrangement."
Smiling, Hiruzen thought, "True, but if you can somehow get along with them and even befriend them, then you will be more than ready to become a Hokage who will inevitably have to deal with unpleasant and unreasonable people." The elderly man then said, "Excellent, now why don't you go and spend some time with your friends and sisters who are assigned into the other teams? This may be the last time you can all gather together as a single group for a long while. Also, please don't reveal any of this information to anyone."
Nodding, Naruto quickly left the office to spend time with friends and siblings…
(Scene Change)
"So let me get this straight, your sensei is the dreaded Copycat Ninja who has supposedly learnt a thousand techniques but is also an unrepentant lover of the Icha Icha series and is apparently chronically late?" asked Kiba.
After meeting with Hiruzen, Naruto went straight to Ichiraku Ramen to spend time with his friends and sibling as well as Anko and Iruka who had the day off.
Nodding, Naruto swallowed his mouthful of ramen and said, "That and he actually fell for that "blackboard easer on the door" trick although he might have fallen for it on purpose now that I think about it."
"Damn, you sure got it rough," swore Kiba.
"You think? I got myself a fangirl who hates my guts for kami's sake! Sure the teme and I don't like each other very much but at least he's no longer an arrogant pain the ass which actually makes him a better teammate than her." Over the months before their graduation, Sasuke had begrudgingly come to terms with the fact that the Uzumaki siblings are indeed strong and can easily kill him if they actually want to unless he stops underestimating them.
Of course, given his pride, Sasuke will never openly admit it and swore to become strong enough so that he can take on a Xenomorph hive or something equally difficult on his own as he has no doubt that it will prove that he is as strong or stronger that his traitorous brother, Uchiha Itachi. Thanks to the said training, Sasuke had become skilled in using fire-based techniques and weapons including the chakra-powered firearms, especially revolvers.
As for Sakura, it can be said that she had improved surprisingly well over the months as she is at least a competent genin mainly specialized in medical techniques, which is not surprising considering how people can get hurt during the special training sessions. Sakura is also surprisingly skilled in taijutsu and, while still a shallow fangirl with an intense dislike for the "Uzumaki Freaks", is considered the one of smartest girl when it comes to academics for a reason.
"Man, at least your sisters have each other under Anko-san, Shino, Hinata, Akamaru and I am together as a team, and Chouji and Shikamaru are together in their own team with that Ino-girl. Compared to us, you're practically on your own there."
Sighing, Naruto replied, "Yeah. The worst part is that I have to find a way to get along with them which is not going to be easy, I tell you!"
"Considering that Sasuke is still a brooding loner of an avenger and that Sakura is one of his more rabid fangirls, it would not be surprising that getting along with them will be most difficult," said Shino.
Naruto was tempted to make a sarcastic remark about Shino's obvious observation but decided against it as he spoke, "I just hope that I won't get sent back to the academy."
Smiling sympathetically, Iruka said, "While I'm not really supposed to say this, but I can assure you that even if you do fail, you won't fail on your own."
Quirking an eyebrow, Naruto asked, "What do you mean by that, Iruka-sensei?" The other children all gazed at the scarred chuunin out of curiosity as well.
Grinning, Anko answered for Iruka, "Oh, you'll see!"
(Scene Change)
It was the following day when Kakashi met up with the rest of Team Seven who had waited for him for some time at the bridge. "Sorry I'm late. A black cat walked by and I had to take the longer route to get here."
Infuriated at having to wait, without having any breakfast at that, for at least three hours, Sakura was understandably furious and yelled, "LIAR!"
Still having short hair, Sakura wore her forehead protector like a hair-band over her head, a red-dress with white trimming, armour on her forearms and shins, a pouch containing her medical tools and throwing weapons tied onto her left hip and a chakra-magnum tied onto her right thigh.
Sasuke, while less vocal than Sakura, was equally displeased as he glared at the jounin. Dressed in a dark-blue shirt and grey jeans, with weapon pouches tried onto his thighs and charka-revolvers onto his hips, armour on his forearms and shins as well as a vest with hidden pockets to store more weapons and "chakra-batteries", the boy with the forehead protector worn as a belt appeared ready to fight. Not surprisingly, Sakura would have happily gazed at him all day, after having a decent meal of course.
Naruto, who had decided to eat breakfast anyways despite Kakashi's warning not to eat any as their upcoming test to be fully-fledged genin will make them vomit, almost rolled his eyes and said, "Not that I wont to respect the dead, but you really shouldn't spend so much time at that memorial stone."
Surprised, Kakasi asked, "And how do you about that?"
While it is certainly no secret within the village, not many people visit the memorial stone which has the names of heroic Konohagakure ninjas that have died in battle carved upon it.
"Well, my sisters and I spend a lot of our time outdoors and we do see you staring at that stone a number of times."
Accepting Naruto's explanation, Kakashi sighed and said, "My bad. It's just that the names of my friends who died in the last war are on that stone."
Normally Kakashi would not admit this to his genin-hopefuls but, as Naruto had already known the pain of loss, Kakashi felt no reason to keep it secret from him, or his potential teammates by extension. Sakura wore a sympathetic expression while Sasuke frowned a little deeper than usual as he thought about his clan that died due to the Uchiha Massacre.
Nodding in understanding, Naruto said, "So, what's the test going to be anyway?"
Taking out two bells, Kakashi said, "To pass this test, all you have to do is take one of these bells from me before the timer runs out. Don't worry about holding back and show me everything you've got."
"But, there're only two bells."
Wearing a falsely pleasant smile at Sakura, Kakashi said, "Indeed, because only two of you will pass. The one who fails to get the bells will be forced to return to the academy, and goes home hungry."
While Sakura and Sasuke became concerned over the matter, Naruto thought, "Wait a minute, Iruka-sensei mentioned about me not failing on my own. I may not be very smart like Shino or Shikamaru but I'd sooner believe that I won't be failing all by myself rather than believe what Kakashi had just said."
Frowning beneath his mask, which bore the leaf-symbol of Konohagakure on the left side and the spiral symbol of the Uzumaki clan on the right side, Naruto asked, "And what happens when one person gets two bells?"
Surprised by his query, Kakashi decided to humour him and said, "Assuming that you do somehow managed get both bells, you can either fail the other two or pick a person of your choice as your teammate. Why, you can even offer both bells to them although it will mean that you yourself will fail."
Hearing Kakashi's response, Naruto grinned and said, "Well, that will make things easier for me." Crouching low with his tail and clawed hands poised to strike, Naruto growled, "So let's get this party started!"
Seeing no reason to delay any further, Kakashi set the timer on, thus starting the survival match between him and his students. However, rather than hide, both Sasuke and Sakura attacked as Sasuke took out his pair of revolvers and shot small but powerful and fast bolts of pure chakra at Kakashi while Sakura did the same with her magnum which had weaker bolts but can fire more rapidly. "So, this must be the new chakra-firearms that everyone has been raving about lately." Dodging the destructive bolts which created small scorch marks on the ground, Kakashi mused, "While certainly handy for ranged combat, those weapons won't do much good once they run out of chakra not to mention that they need bayonets to be of any practical use in melee combat."
Kakashi then noticed that Naruto was nowhere to be found only to suddenly feel a presence behind him. Acting on instinct, Kakashi barely avoided the tail that speared towards the bells and thought, "Good thing I didn't tell them to go at me with killing intent. I'm not really sure if I can actually take them on as they are now without getting into trouble, especially if they really are working together at the moment."
Indeed, while it is apparent that Sasuke favours acting on his own while Sakura would try her hardest to be of use to the Uchiha boy while completely ignoring Naruto who is also acting on his own, all three of them seem to be willing to work together for the moment to get the bells. Of course, Kakashi would not be surprised if they take advantage of each other or even fight one another for the bells later. "Then again, considering what I was expecting, they are showing much better teamwork than I thought. Of course, those special training sessions to counter the Xenomorphs do emphasize the need for teamwork."
With his revolvers out of chakra, Sasuke was forced to put them aside and proceeded to use his kunai as he thought, "So this is what jounin-level is like. I'll need to get stronger than that to have a chance against that man. For now though, I'll need their help."
Sakura, seeing that Kakashi did not even have a scratch on him despite the initial attack, thought, "Looks like it really is impossible to take him on without any help." Flexing her armoured fingerless gloves which are connected to the rest of the armour on her forearms, Sakura was ready to attack alongside with Sasuke and even Naruto.
Standing behind Kakashi, not that the man is unaware of his presence, Naruto grinned with saliva dripping down his chin as he thought, "Good, at least those two know that we need to work together to take him on, and seeing that they're getting serious… Xenojutsu, Xeno-Ravager!"
Realizing that all three genin-hopefuls are getting serious, Kakashi sighed and lifted his forehead protector to reveal his usually-hidden trump card, the Sharingan implant.
Shocked at the sight of the eye with a red iris and three black tomoe circling around a central black pupil, Sasuke asked, "How…?"
"It was a parting gift I received from a dying friend I lost during the Third Ninja World War, a friend who reminded me what is truly important and whose name is written on that memorial stone." Kakashi's explanation satisfied the Uchiha boy although the silver-haired man knew that Sasuke would demand a more detailed answer after this.
Seeing the interaction between Kakashi and Sasuke, Sakura thought, "That eye, it must have something to do with the Uchiha clan."
Having finished with his transformation which would have torn his clothes to shreds had Midori not thought of a way to store the clothes into a small tattooed onto his skin, Naruto growled, unable to speak vocally due to the changes,
"Ok, show time!" Roaring, Naruto charged towards Kakashi with borderline killing intent. As if on cue, Sasuke did a handseal and breathed a ball of fire towards Kakashi. Sakura meanwhile charged towards Kakashi with chakra glowing in her gloved hands. Almost surprised by the well-coordinated attack, Kakashi was forced to replace himself with a random log. However, Naruto suddenly appeared behind him and stuck with his tail, forcing Kakashi to block it with a kunai. Roaring, thus alerting Sakura and Sasuke, Naruto spat hive webbing at Kakashi and would have captured him had Kakashi not suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke as soon as the webbing came into contact.
Realizing what had happened, Naruto snarled, "Damn, a shadow-clone."
(Scene Change)
Some distance away from the three students, Kakashi dug himself out of the ground and thought, "Well, that went better for them than expected. Naruto's tail and special techniques are a real pain though." Looking at the forested surroundings, Kakashi decided to prepare a few traps for the genin-hopefuls…
(Scene Change)
Meanwhile, Naruto gazed at Sasuke and Sakura before he spoke, "We need to find Kakashi, and fast."
"I'm assuming that you'll take the lead the search if we decide to work together?" asked Sasuke.
Nodding, Naruto said, "You can follow me if you want. Just don't expect me to do ALL the work."
Huffing, Sasuke argued, "Like you have a chance fighting against a jounin on your own."
Glowing in mild displeasure, Naruto said, "Just be sure to cover my back until we at least get the bells and Kakashi is down for the count. Then we can go at each other's throats, assuming that at least one of us really has to fail."
Quirking an eyebrow, Sakura asked, "What do you mean by that?"
"I got a helpful hint from Iruka-sensei yesterday and I have a feeling we might be passing AND failing as a team. Regardless, we need to find those bells."
"Agreed," replied Sasuke.
Deciding to change his form, Naruto said, "Xenojutsu, Xeno-Stalker." Assuming a form similar to that of a panther with digitigrade legs and paw-like hands, Naruto then stalked off into the trees. "Just don't get lost trying to follow me."
Seeing that Naruto has already set off and was quickly becoming difficult to find, Sasuke and Sakura followed him as Sakura whispered, "Do you really think that it's a good idea to trust him, Sasuke-kun?"
Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Sasuke said, "Between the three of us he has the most experience in hunting and even I doubt that he would lie to us about what his favourite sensei had told him. Besides, he'll make good bait by taking the lead."
"You two do realize that I can hear you both, right?"
"Yes," deadpanned Sakura and Sasuke.
(Scene Change)
Observing the interaction between the three genin-hopefuls, a shadow-clone of Kakashi thought, "I'm not sure if I should be amused or worried about this team." While they are willing to work together towards a common goal, it was clear that they will probably not get along with one another anytime soon. "Well, at least they're being openly honest about it." He then dispelled himself to relay what he had learnt to the real Kakashi who is hiding elsewhere…
(Scene Change)
Sighing, Naruto silently swore, "Hokage-jiji, you are so going to owe me for this!" Naruto then smelled something and grinned as he informed Sasuke and Sakura, "Hey, I got the scent!" Breathing in Kakashi's scent, Naruto realized something was wrong as he verbally hissed, thus alerting the two behind him of traps.
Hiding in the bushes, Kakashi thought, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by this. That boy is not only a hunter but a pretty devious prankster who had made traps that caught even me."
Meanwhile, Naruto executed his technique, "Xenojutsu, Xeno-Praetorian." Changing his form, Naruto then summoned a small swarm of Shadow-Xenomorphs, mainly runners and drones, and said, "You, go and disarm those traps and keep and keep your eyes peeled for Kakashi."
As the runners and drones set off, Sakura asked, "You do know they don't have eyes, right?" Part of the special training to combat Xenomorphs includes understanding their alien biology.
"Of course I do. It's just a figure of speech."
"So do we wait or do we proceed?" asked Sasuke.
As much as he hated to rely on others, he learnt to tolerate it after failing a number of times during the special training sessions and getting reprimanded, harshly at that, by the Uzumaki sisters for trying to act on his own when he could be working together with his "teammates" thus succeeding as a group. If even someone who is usually as childishly cheerful as Midori is being cold and serious, not to mention terrifyingly brutal as Sasuke learnt the hard way when he tried to ignore them, only a fool would ignore their words or lie about listening to them.
"We proceed with caution. I am connected to my swarm so we'll know if they find any… Bingo!"
(Scene Change)
Feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise, Kakashi just knew he was in trouble as he leapt out of his hiding place on instinct and saw a serpentine form erupt from the ground he was on a moment ago. Seeing the creature which looks like an oversized Xenomorph chestburster with a crested head and no limbs, Kakashi knew it was a Xenomorph Slither.
Grinning, the creature which is actually Naruto said, "Got you!"
Suddenly, hive webbing was spat from Naruto's shadow-drones from all directions around the silver-haired jounin. Doing a kawimari technique, Kakashi was barely able to replace himself with a random shadow-drone and was about to make a run for it when he dodged a fist which left an impressive crater in the ground upon impact. "Okay, I definitely don't want Sakura to hit me!" Kakashi's musings was cut short when Sasuke appeared from above and breathed a powerful fireball towards him. When the flames died out, everyone realized that Kakashi was nowhere to be seen, not that it really surprized them.
"Okay, any new ideas? We're running out of time here."
Hearing Sasuke's query, Naruto sighed and said, "I do, but I'd rather not resort to using that technique."
Arching an eyebrow, Sasuke asked, "And why's that?"
"Well… let's just say it involves an audio recording of one of Midori's damned yaoi-themed writings and, no matter how much I love her as her brother, I'll never read or listen to those things ever again. They're even worse than that smut Kakashi reads!"
Tilting her head, Sakura asked, "Really? I personally think they're pretty good."
Both Naruto and Sasuke stared at her as though she just grew a second head and had a common thought, "Note to self, never give her reason to think that we're gay!"
However, thanks to Sakura's apparent "immunity", they were able to get the bells from Kakashi by using one of Midori's recording-seals which has an audio recording of "Uke Uke Brokeback Konoha", a genjutsu to visualize the said audio recording, earplugs for both Naruto and Sasuke, and allowing Sakura to seize the bells from Kakashi while he was "incapacitated".
After Kakashi recovered, which took about an hour, he realized that Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke had really fought each other after getting the bells with Sasuke winning due to having Sakura's help. Assuming that only two people at most can pass, Naruto would have to return back to the academy although all three genin-hopefuls have the sneaking suspicion that the test is about teamwork thanks to the titbit of information Naruto received from Iruka on the day before. Normally, Kakashi would have failed all three of them immediately for turning on each other but, due to the fact that they have at least suspected the true nature of the test and that they mutually agreed to have a battle royal just in case Iruka's information was incorrect, Kakashi decided to give them a second chance after making it clear that they cannot share their lunchboxes with Naruto…
(Scene Change)
Naruto, who technically "failed" due to losing to the team up between Sasuke and Sakura, although it can be said that Sasuke never asked for her help, was tied onto the log. Of course, all three genin-hopefuls have the sneaking suspicion that Kakashi has a bone to pick with Naruto for traumatizing him a second time with "that accursed perversion of the Icha Icha series". Despite having breakfast unlike the other two, Naruto was nevertheless feeling hungry as he watched forlornly at Sasuke and Sakura who ate their lunch ravenously.
Seeing Naruto's obviously unhappy drooling expression, Sakura sighed and said, "Here, you can have my leftovers."
As much as she hated to admit it, Naruto's help was invaluable as they would not have been able to track Kakashi so easily, or avoid his more elaborate traps, without him. While still a hopeless Uchiha fangirl who dislikes the Uzumaki siblings, even she was aware that she only won against Naruto because she chose to work together with Sasuke from the start.
Seeing her action, Sasuke grunted in agreement as he offered Naruto his own "leftovers" and said, "Like it or not, we're probably going to need you again. Kakashi may have said that we can't share food with you since you technically failed but he never said anything about us leaving leftovers. Besides, they don't taste that good."
As much as Sasuke hated the idea of risking failure by defying orders, he felt obligated to at least help the blond boy, who did help them get the bells to fight over in the first place not matter how much Sasuke dislike admitting it even to himself, a bit. The fact that Naruto is a worthwhile rival to test his abilities unlike Sakura is yet another reason to get the blond boy to pass the test.
Seeing the offered food, Naruto grinned and said, "Thanks!" Suddenly, the boy morphed his tongue into a set of Xenomorph pharyngeal jaws and proceeded to devour the offered "leftovers". Needless to say, both Sasuke and Sakura were disgusted.
Seeing the interaction between the three students from his hiding place, Kakashi smiled and thought, "Looks like I'll have a genin team of my own after all…"
How will the ninja world deal with the xenonin's?
Why is Midori writing porn?
How many Mt. Dew cans are on my desk?
All these questions and more will be answered in the next installment!
Until then...Read...Review...answer the third question in your Review! The one who gets the closest gets to make a request!