Chapter 10:

How much weirder can this night get?

Leah's point of view:

Jacob and I joked back and forth for about half an hour. It was only after I threatened to shove the remote up his ass that I realized I had finally stopped vibrating like an unbalanced washing machine.

"Hey, I'm not shaking anymore." And the award for duh goes to Leah Clearwater!

"Good, you pulled the vibrator out of your crotch." Jacob laughed.

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe he'd just said that.

Jacob looked proud of himself. "Don't tell me that I just shocked the cruel and vulgar Leah Clearwater? I thought your first word was 'coochie.' And not in the cute 'coochie, coochie, coo' way."

"You are a pervert." My jaw still hadn't retracted.

"Yeah, like being in my head for the past eighteen months hadn't already given that away?" Jacob rolled his eyes.

I had to think of the perfect comeback. I sat there in silence trying to figure out how I could "out-gross" him.

He looked so happy. I wasn't used to seeing that look on him. As I saw him smirking at me, I thought of the perfect thing to say back to him.

"Why are you so happy all of a sudden?" I questioned and then nodded. "That's where the dildo went. Up your ass. Is that why you're so chipper?"

"Impressive." Jacob liked my comeback.

I leaned back against the couch, satisfied with myself. When I leaned against the cushion, I felt a dull pain in my ribs. I sighed. This "healing" thing was taking a lot longer than I would have liked. I was starting to get impatient. I was one step away from yelling at my body.

"What time is it?" I yawned.

"Almost two," Jacob said.

"Oh, goody. Only two more hours before my overprotective brother starts checking my pulse every three minutes." Seth was going to be worse than those annoying nurses at the hospital who came in to check your vitals every hour on the hour.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No, the giant cuff on my arm cutting off my circulation woke me! But now that I'm awake, please continue to torture me. How about you give me a rectal with your giant man hands? Or, why don't you let a blind guy put in my IV? I'm sure it wouldn't take him FOUR HOURS to find a freaking vein! Where the hell is that vampire doctor? At least HE can place an IV!"

The ranting in my head was interrupted by Jacob chuckling to himself.

"What's so funny?"

"Don't worry. Seth won't be bothering you tonight."

"Jacob, what did you do?" I looked at him warily.

"I reset his alarm for noon."

"And why would you do that?" I asked.

His expression was softer now. "Leah, you aren't the only one who went through a lot today. The kid needs his sleep. He's barely able to function as it is. He's been running himself ragged to keep up with the pack. And the whole thing with you and the vampire today…well, it kind of threw him for a loop."

He was looking out for Seth? That was kind of sweet. I wish he was watching him sleep instead of me. I could just picture Jacob Black watching little Seth Clearwater in his sleep. And cue the Brokeback Mountain music.

"He'll be pissed when he wakes up and realizes it, but he's better off with a good night's rest," Jacob shrugged.

"And what about you?" I asked.

"I never sleep," Jacob admitted.

"Oh, is that why you're such a moody little ass?" I joked.

"No. I'm an ass because my best friend is a vampire," he quipped back. "And I'm moody because I'm a werewolf."

I couldn't argue with him there. Being a wolf was not the best life to live. It was downright exhausting. It S-U-C-K-E-D, sucked! Now I was spelling things out in my head? What was I? A little peppy high school cheerleader?

I tried to get comfortable on the couch. It was to no avail.

"Come on, you can't be comfortable there. Let's get you to bed," Jacob suggested.

"Whoa, easy there, Tiger. I don't show boys my bedroom until the third date." It was nice to have my humor back again. Who knew that torturing Jacob would be the thing that brought me back from the dead? Was I actually happy?

"You little slut." He laughed.

"Bastard." I smiled back.

"Bitch."

Oh, he wanted to go? I was so ready to go. This fighting was just what I needed.

"Runaway." I grinned at him.

"Harlot."

"Dick."

"Wench."

"Ass."

"You already called me that," Jacob smirked. "You're slipping, Leah. I win."

I laughed lightly. "Whatever." I went to stand up. I wasn't nearly as off-balance as I had been a few hours ago, but I still wasn't steady. I shot my hands out to try and balance myself and Jacob had his arms out for me to latch onto one second later.

"Why didn't you tell me you were getting up?" He gave me an irritated look.

"Because I didn't think that it would take much effort to get to my room."

"Damn it, what did we just talk about? I'm here to help you! Why do you always insist on doing things the hard way? Will you not be satisfied until I have to run you back to Carlisle to sew up a huge gash in your head after you fall and smack your skull against something?" He started muttering to himself. "I swear, you are so pigheaded that you remind me of…" He stopped short of finishing his statement. It was a good thing, too. Because if he was getting ready to compare me to Bella, I was going to dig my fingernails all the way through his arm.

As if he knew exactly what I was thinking, Jacob frowned at me. "You two are a lot alike, you know."

"Do you have a death wish?" I gawked. If he started pointing out the similarities that I shared with Bella Swan-Black-Cullen-or whatever the hell guy she liked this week's last name was, I was going to kill him.

"No, but the two of you certainly do," he snapped. "It was hard enough watching Bella end her life. I'm not going to watch you do it, too."

"Bella isn't dead, you idiot." I rolled my eyes.

"She might as well be." Jacob snapped under his breath. "Look, when I care about someone, I sure as hell am not going to abandon them. I stuck around for Bella. And I'm going to stick around for you, too."

"I never asked you to care about me."

"That doesn't mean I don't!" He lost his temper again. "God, what is with all the nutcase girls in my life? Why can't I just meet a nice, normal girl who actually listens to what I say?"

"Uh, because they don't exist." I let go of Jacob and started to walk forward. I nearly tripped over my broken foot.

"Stop doing that!" Jacob yelled. "You're going to end up hurting yourself even more!" He grabbed me before I could fall.

Not possible. I thought to myself.

"Why can't you get it through that head of yours that I'm trying to help you!?"

"Jacob, could you maybe yell at me later? My head is kind of pounding right now." It wasn't. But I knew that would get him off of my case.

It did the trick. He helped me to my bedroom without saying another word. It was a challenge for me not to smile as he helped me into bed. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't chuckle at him Ha, ha. You fell for my "woe is me, my poor head" act.

As I fell onto my bed, I glanced at him. "I think I got it from here."

"Sure, sure," Jacob nodded. His voice was calm again. I guess he'd cooled down from our argument. "Of course, you don't mind if I hang out for a little while, do you?"

Yes.

"I mean…just to make sure you don't fall out of bed or, you know…stop breathing?" he asked.

"Are you going to read me a bedtime story, too?" I asked jokingly.

"Uh, once upon a time there was a horribly stubborn young werewolf who never listened to her ruggedly handsome friend…"

I frowned. "I think I know where this is going."

Jacob plopped down on an old beanbag chair and continued, "Well, one day, the sexy male-beast got to save the idiot werewolf and nurse her back to health…"

"If you continue, I will kill you…" I threatened.

"The heroic young man got to bask in the glory of being a hero, while the girl he'd saved learned a valuable lesson about life and love…"

I'd heard enough. I used up every ounce of strength I had left to hurl a pillow at his face. What was with this new hobby of mine of throwing pillows at people? Jacob caught the pillow and grinned.

"Thanks. I knew that if I asked you for one, you'd never let me have it."

"Didn't you hear my mom earlier? There's plenty of them in the hall closet."

"Yeah, right. Like I'm going to leave the room so you can lock me out. I'm not an idiot." Jacob laughed. Hmm, he was smarter than I'd given him credit for.

"Fine. I give up." I hit my head against the pillow. "You win. You want to take care of me? Whatever. Just stay out of my way, and don't go running to my mother after I claw your ass to pieces for pushing me too far." I was too exhausted to fight anymore.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I'm sure he was shocked as hell that I was going to accept his help…though not willingly.

Finally, he spoke up. "Don't waste all of that energy fighting me. You've still got a hell of a long way to go. Carlisle says that he isn't sure about the after-effects of the venom in werewolves." He glanced at the floor and softened his tone. "You're the first one to actually survive."

Yeah, and we still didn't know why. Technically, I should have been dead. Why I was alive was a complete mystery. I laughed in my head. It would be just my luck for me to be invincible. I'd be doomed to walk the planet forever as a miserable, angry shrew. I could see me still alive in 3010 when a group of aliens came down and threatened to overtake the Earth. I'd just chase them off with a machine gun and the soundtrack to the movie Glitter.

"Maybe my blood scared the vampire venom away," I chuckled darkly. I could totally see my white blood cells cussing at the vampire's venom. I don't know why the hell I wasn't dead. But one thing was for sure; my body was stronger than I'd ever realized.

"Regardless of what happened and no matter how hard you may be able to punch me, there's still a lot we don't know. So we're just going to do what Carlisle says."

"Great. So you're going to be babysitting me for a while?" Wow, this day just kept getting better and better.

"Yep. I'm not going anywhere."

It was silent again.

I sighed, "Thank you, Jacob." Had I really, actually just said those words? They just didn't sound right…especially with his name at the end. I felt like I should be washing my mouth out with soap or something.

He was just as stunned as I was. "So those pain meds the doc gave you are finally kicking in," he teased me. He laughed softly, "Go to sleep, little stoned werewolf."

As much as I hated to admit it, I think having Jacob here was helping me. He and I were constantly butting heads, and that helped to keep my mind occupied.

I had started to drift off to sleep when I heard a noise outside. I was too drowsy to care. I heard Jacob stir a few feet from me.

"What is it?" I muttered sleepily.

"Don't worry about it. I got it." Jacob disappeared from the room. For half a second, I thought about getting up and locking him out. But that would require actually moving, and I didn't really want to do that.

I heard him open the front door.

"Sam?" Jacob questioned. I groaned. As if Jacob being here wasn't annoying enough. If Sam suddenly decided that he wanted to stay by my bedside, I might willingly go back to the vampire's house and let Carlisle monitor me. I'd love to see the look on Carlisle's face when I showed up on his doorstep.

"Hi. Could you please lock me away in your house to protect me from all of the crazy men in this town?"

"Jacob?" Sam seemed surprised at Jacob's presence.

"What are you doing here?" Jacob asked.

"I could ask you the same thing. You're supposed to be out running with Quil."

"I figured things had changed. Quil can handle it on his own." Jacob had disobeyed Sam to stay with me? That was a bit odd. "Why are you lurking around here at two in the morning?"

"I came to check on Leah."

"At two in the morning?" Jacob repeated his question.

"I also came by to get Jared's car back for him."

"Why does he want that piece of scrap metal back?" Jacob laughed. "If that ugly thing was my car, I'd report it stolen and buy a new one with the insurance money."

Yeah, because the twelve dollars that that car was worth would buy Jared a better car. I rolled my eyes.

"Do you have the keys?" Sam ignored Jacob's hostility. "Jared needs his car back."

"Why? Where's he going to go at this hour in the morning? Bar hopping?" Jacob laughed dryly. I laughed into my pillow when I thought of Jared going clubbing and trying to dance on the dance floor with a bunch of slutty women. Kim would kill him.

"Jacob, the keys please?" Sam sighed.

"You'd have better luck pushing the damn thing back to his place," Jacob muttered. He fumbled around the living room and grabbed the keys. "There. Now, leave."

Good. Get rid of him, Jake. I laughed to myself. And it might be nice if you punched him in the head, too.

"How is she?" Sam asked.

Punch him! For Gods sake, punch him!

"Why do you care?" Jacob spit.

"Of course I care, Jacob," Sam snapped back.

"You have a funny way of showing it," Jacob snarled.

Wow. I just said punch him. Not beat him up emotionally. Though the emotional beating was better than what I'd been wishing for. I was kind of surprised that Jacob was giving Sam such a hard time.

"Just run back to Emily and leave Leah alone." Jacob's throat rumbled.

Damn, he was really letting Sam have it tonight. Had something happened between the two of them that I was unaware of?

"What is your problem?" Sam asked.

Jacob lowered his voice to a whisper. "You gave up on her, Sam," Jacob snapped. "She was crashing, and you bailed. You did what you do best: you ran away."

"Look who's talking," Sam snapped. "You gonna run off when Emily and I tie the knot, too? Do you hate weddings that much?" That one was kind of below the belt. But I wouldn't have expected anything else from Sam. He was a complete dick when he got angry. "I'm sorry that you feel I didn't do everything I should have. But I have responsibilities to the pack…"

"Yeah, and that's all you ever think about Mr. Top Dog. It's always about 'the pack' this and 'the pack' that. But today it wasn't about the pack. It was about Leah. But you couldn't even take your nose out of your ass long enough to think about anything other than what you were feeling."

"I know it's been a tough day. It's been hard on all of us…"

"Really, Sam?" Jacob asked sarcastically. "Because as far as I can remember, Leah is the one who died. And Seth and I were the only ones who stayed by her side through it all. Hell, even Embry and Quil called."

I vaguely recalled Jacob telling me that Embry and Quil had called to check on me once we got to the mansion. Alice had been the one who answered the phone. She knew before answering that it was someone in the pack because she couldn't see who was calling. That really irritated her. She got all pissy when she couldn't see the future. She was actually kind of cute when she was pissed. She was like an angry little midget. But she wasn't very threatening. "Take cover, or she might punch you in the ankles…"

Jacob continued to chew Sam out. "The one time you should have stayed with her...and you couldn't run away fast enough." I cringed. Hearing that hurt me because today was not the first time Sam had run out on me. I was reminded of the first time that he bailed on me. When he left me for Emily.

"I had to let the pack know…"

"Bullshit! You were using them as an excuse to leave. I'm the one who told them what was going on when they called!" Jacob growled. "You know, I don't get you, Sam. You claim you care about her, but you weren't there for her at all today!"

"I couldn't stand there and watch her die, Jacob!" Sam finally admitted why he didn't stay with me.

"You are such a chicken-shit," Jacob snarled.

"Hearing her last breath was too much for me." Sam was still angry. "I love Leah…" I scoffed when I heard that. He only loved me when I was in some kind of trouble. "And I could not stand to lose her."

"You shouldn't have given up on her, Sam. I didn't," Jacob said. "When someone you care about is in trouble, you don't run out on them."

"What brought on this behavior?" Sam questioned. I was surprised that Sam hadn't thrown his Alpha command in Jacob's face.

"I am the boss! You will listen to me! Wah!"

"Two years of repression and having to follow a jackass who isn't even man enough to be there for someone he claims he cares about."

The house went silent. For a moment, I thought that Sam had silently killed Jacob.

"That is enough, Jacob," Sam snarled. "I didn't come to fight with you," he said coldly.

"Seth isn't here to break us up this time," Jacob hissed.

Lucky for Sam, my mom was. I heard her walk into the living room. No doubt she was as pissed as ever for the disturbance.

"Is there a problem here boys?

"Not at all, Sue," Sam said. "I came by to pick up Jared's car, and I ran into Jacob here. I was checking on Leah."

"I appreciate your concern, Sam, but it's a little late to be making house calls."

I laughed sourly. My mom was not a woman you wanted to make angry.

"Yeah. It is late. You should be going. Run along now." Jacob emphasized the word "run."

"I'm sorry that we disturbed you." Sam apologized to my mother.

"It's quite alright," My mom assured Sam.

What? No, it's not. I snapped in thought. Come on, yell at him. Tell him to get lost. Tell him it's too late for him to be lurking around our house like some big, creepy Saint Bernard.

"You'll call me to let me know how she's doing?" Sam questioned.

You better tell him to go to hell, mom.

Jacob jumped into the conversation. "I'm sure she'll be phasing in the next few days to tell you off herself."

"Jacob Black!" My mother said in a warning tone. The irritation she had in her voice sounded exactly like right before she yelled at Seth or me. I laughed. Would my mother ground Jacob for his smart mouth? I could see Billy knocking on our door.

"Um, Sue, have you seen my son?"

"Oh, yeah, I grounded him three days ago. He's sitting in the corner, thinking about what he did."

Sam left and I heard Jacob and mom walking towards my room. It's amazing that I had gone from wanting to lock everyone out of my room to not giving a shit if they wanted to watch me sleep. Maybe the pain medications that Carlisle gave me were finally kicking in. Or maybe I was just so damn tired that I honestly didn't care.

"Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable on the couch?" Mom questioned Jacob as they got close to my room. I found it hilarious that even though I was twenty-years-old, my mom still felt the need to treat me like I was thirteen and trying to sneak a boy into my room.

"It's a lot easier to hear her vitals for myself when we're in the same room," Jacob said. It was a good thing that my mom knew that we were werewolves, because I don't know what excuse he could come up with that would make logical sense to her while trying to maintain that we were human.

"I guess I'll have to take your word for it," Mom said unsurely. "Oh, and Jacob?"

"Yeah?" I heard him stop a few steps outside my door.

"You weren't completely wrong. I know Leah has some choice words for him. I've heard some of the things she calls him when she thinks I'm not listening. I'm sure she's corrupting you boys with her vocabulary," she laughed softly. "And though I don't agree with your blatant disrespect for Sam, I do appreciate you looking out for my daughter."

I could hear Jacob grinning as he responded. "You're welcome."

I sighed to myself. This had been such a weird night. I couldn't wait to put it all behind me.

The trouble was, I didn't know if I could.