Thanks to my beta kdillin. S.M. owns Twilight.

Bella

I panicked. I flat out panicked when he touched me. And it wasn't because I didn't like it; it was almost like I didn't believe it was real. Like maybe I was imagining his fingers brushing against my leg. Like that buzz I felt around him was all in my head. I didn't want it to be. I wanted it to be real. And that scared the hell out of me.

It was interesting listening to him talk about high school, even though he didn't give me much. I'd heard stories about him, even from my dad complaining about "that damn Cullen kid" getting into trouble again, but I wanted to hear his side of it. Even the sick and twisted people of the world have a side, a point of view. I didn't think Edward was either of those things, but I still wanted to hear his story.

The news never really said that James went to school with Edward. It made me think the botched robbery story was completely bullshit. I didn't know the real story yet, but there had to be something more to it. And it went deeper than a couple of kids butting heads to be the popular kid in school. Edward had an intense personality. I could imagine if someone just as intense came along and the wrong words were said it could get ugly. And it obviously got to that point somehow.

There was one key element that he wasn't telling me. I knew he slept around and acted like an all around dick, but there was something else. He may not tell me today or tomorrow or even next week, but I knew it was the center of everything that happened with his parents. It was like the ticking time bomb. Maybe not the only reason they were murdered the way that they were, but something had to set James off to make him act out. Their murders were so brutal; it had always struck a chord with me. That shit was personal, not something done in a frenzy to escape. James wanted them all to suffer.

I wonder if he knows how well his plan worked. Edward was a complete mess, to say the very least. He didn't trust anyone. Hell I even questioned if he really trusted Jasper. He'd built these walls up so high that it's almost impossible to climb over them. He used his scars as his crutch to keep people out and maybe that wasn't completely his fault. I went to high school. I saw how people were treated if they were different. It wasn't that far-fetched to say that he became the school outcast because of his looks.

His parents were dead. More than that they were completely maimed. They lost their lives and the opportunity to watch Edward grow. I know he didn't think it, but despite his sometimes shitty attitude he had grown since high school. I hoped I could make him see that.

Jasper spends his time confined up here. Even though he says he doesn't mind, I know that this life isn't ideal for him. Sure he loves his flowers and he cares about Edward, but this isn't the life he wanted for himself.

Everyone was affected by this tragedy. Their entire world was turned upside down. And now mine could be added to the mix. I didn't know whether this was a good or bad thing. It seemed a little twisted to be grateful to James for what he did and I wasn't. But I definitely felt like I was supposed to be here.

Edward and I didn't talk much for the next couple of days. I went in every day to check his bandages and to make sure he was healing well. The next week, I finally took off the bandages for good.

"You're free," I said. He narrowed his eyes at me like I said something wrong. I guess in his terms he wasn't really free. "Anyway." I sighed and looked around the room. "Have you ever thought about like…cleaning this place up?"

"Not really."

"It's a really beautiful house. It has a lot of potential. Do you mind if I…?" I gestured around the room. I didn't really have anything else to do; I might as well do something while I'm stuck here. The house was so depressing with everything broken and dark.

"Be my guest," he sighed.

"Do you know where the cleaning supplies are?"

He shrugged. "Jasper probably knows. Maybe in the closet on your side of the house. I never cleaned."

"Of course you didn't." I started towards the door. "I'll be back. We'll start with your room and move on."

I walked down the hallway and found the closet Edward was talking about. There were some cleaning supplies, at least enough to get us through most of what we needed. I took everything back to Edward's room and found him lying on his bed, right where I'd left him minutes before.

I went over to the curtains and pulled them back, allowing all the light to come in. I could see the specks of dust floating around the room as I turned towards Edward.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" He asked, squinting into the light.

"Because I can't see a damn thing in here." I eyed the newspapers in the corner. "Do you really want to keep all of those?"

"I…" He started. "I don't…"

I walked over to his bed and sat down. "Edward." I reached out and placed my hand cautiously over his. "Do you need to keep all of those newspapers?"

"No," he whispered.

"Okay." I stood up and walked over to the stack. I picked up a few stray ones and grabbed as many as I could carry. I glanced at Edward once more before starting towards the door. I carefully made my way down the stairs and started a pile of garbage in the corner of the foyer.

When I went back up to Edward's room, I was surprised to find his bed empty. I heard him curse from the corner as he lifted up the rest of the stack of newspapers. "Where do you want these?"

"Downstairs would be fine." I smiled a little. As he walked by I grabbed one of the copies off the top of the pile and pulled it close. "It's okay to keep one Edward," I said softly. "I don't want you to forget your past; I just don't want you to drown in it okay?" He nodded and left the room. I walked over to his nightstand and put the copy of the newspaper in his bottom drawer.

After the newspapers were taken care of, I just started picking up debris from the floor. There were large garbage bags in the cleaning supplies so I put the shards of glass and other things in them. He really needed another light in here. There was only one left now. And he ruined a beautiful mirror.

I glanced towards him as he walked back into the room. "Are there any mirrors in the house that you haven't destroyed?" I asked.

"Why?"

"Because I'd like to put some back up. They look really nice when they aren't shattered all to hell." I cocked my eyebrow at him and he groaned.

"There's probably some in the attic." He fidgeted nervously with his hands. He was nervous about seeing himself. I wondered how long it'd been since he really had.

"You don't see yourself clearly…" I murmured. I hadn't really meant to say it out loud, but it just slipped out.

"What?"

"You don't…see yourself clearly Edward."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He diverted his eyes to the floor.

"I do. You think all people see when they look at you are the scars on your face, but that's not true."

"It's not?" He stood up and started pacing around the room. "What about when people called me a freak as I walked down the hallway of my high school? Or spray painted 'monster' on my locker? Or how about when I finally got the nerve to actually talk to a girl after it happened and she laughed in my fucking face when I asked her out?" He stepped close to me and breathed deeply in and out. "It's all anyone sees."

"Not everyone is like them!" I screamed. "Jasper's different. He cares about you, like really cares. He wouldn't be here if he didn't. And I'm different. I just see you." I poked his chest. "You're the one who can't see past them. Not me." I shook my head. "Not. Me."

He held my stare for a few moments before his eyes floated over my shoulder to where the mirror used to be. "We should go check on those mirrors…"

I followed him out into the hallway and further down his, away from the stairs. I hadn't been down this way before and it was even darker than the rest of the house, if that seemed possible. We passed one closed door and stopped at the next.

He opened the door and I was surprised to see a set of stairs going up. He flipped on the light switch and a dingy light bulb flickered above us. Edward started up the stairs but I lingered behind at the bottom.

"Are you coming?" He asked.

"It looks scary up there."

He rolled his eyes and laughed as he continued up the stairs. "Run out by yourself in the middle of a fucking blizzard but you can't come up into an attic." I narrowed my eyes at him as he stepped farther and farther away from me. "Don't worry I'll protect you from the dust bunnies," he said sarcastically.

I sighed and stomped up the stairs after him. I gasped when I reached the top. The attic was huge. It must have covered the entire house. There were boxes, chests, miscellaneous things large and small scattered through the whole area. I could see a thick layer of dust on it all and I realized Edward probably hadn't been up here in a really long time.

"What is all this stuff?" I asked as we started across the room.

"Mostly my parent's things. Family heirlooms...things we didn't want sold." He shrugged and started sifting through some of the things. I scrunched my nose as a mouse scurried across the floor.

Everything looked so beautiful, even covered in the dust. Almost like it was untouchable, a moment captured in time. It made me feel like I was intruding on something really personal.

"I think there's a mirror back here." He stepped over some boxes and picked up an antique, gold mirror that was leaning against the wall. On his way back over, he kicked one of the boxes and spilled its contents over the floor.

"I got it," I said. I knelt down and started putting the items back in the box. I noticed a few figurines and what looked like a jewelry box. A smaller box had turned over beside it on the floor and as I picked it up, an exquisite sapphire necklace tumbled back to the floor. I caught it between my fingers just before it hit. "I'm sorry," I said, glancing up at him. His eyes were fixed on the necklace. He set the box down and sat down beside me.

"I thought my grandmother took that after my mother died." He pulled the necklace from my fingers and held it close to his face. "It's been in my family for generations. I guess my mother was saving it for me to give to my wife someday." He laughed.

"It's beautiful." I leaned in and took in its essence. It reminded me of that necklace from Titanic, just a bit smaller. The diamonds sparkled despite the dark atmosphere of the room and the deep blue of the sapphire was breathtaking. I'd only seen things this immaculate in jewelry commercials for things I'd never be able to afford.

"You should…" He started. "You should have it." He set it back in its box and handed it to me.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"I want you to have it."

"Edward I can't accept this. It's probably priceless." I shook my head. "It's too much. And it should stay in your family." I pushed the box back at him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Bella…"

"No," I said.

"Just take the fucking necklace!"

"Fine!" I yelled. I grabbed the box and tucked it under my arm.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I spoke. "Tell me about her." I pulled my knees up towards my chest and scooted closer to him.

"Who?"

"Your mother."

He mimicked my stance and rested his arms lightly on his knees. He sighed and laid his head down. I thought for a moment he was going to shut down and not tell me anything.

"She was beautiful. And kind. And I can't for the life of me understand why she put up with my shit."

"It was because she loved you." I inched closer and found myself grasping his ankles as I settled between his legs.

"But why?" He looked up. "Why did she love me? All I ever did was cause her trouble."

"I think…besides the fact that a mother typically has unconditional love for her child; she saw who you were behind the bullshit. Loving someone doesn't mean you only take the good parts. I mean sure you hold onto those good parts when it gets bad, but just because you had a couple of bumps in the road doesn't mean she ever stopped loving you Edward."

"You don't understand."

"I understand!" I said a hint of anger in my voice. "Damn it! Stop telling me I don't understand. I understand it better than you know!" I stood up and crossed my arms.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He shot up and took a step towards me.

"You wouldn't understand." I glared at him. "See? Pisses you off doesn't it?" I cocked my eyebrow and started towards the stairs. I stomped down them and passed his room on my way to mine. When I hit the landing, I stopped and took a deep breath. My hand rested lightly onto the banister as I felt him step behind me, lingering just beyond touch.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. My eyes fluttered shut as his nose lightly brushed against my hair.

"You have to stop doing that Edward," I breathed. "You're shutting me out because you think I'll run like everyone else. Why can't you see I'm not like them?"

"I've known you weren't like them from the moment you stepped in the door." His knuckles brushed down my spine, so lightly that I shivered in response.

My whole body was attuned to him. The hairs on my arms were standing up, my breathing became shallow. It was the greatest manipulation and I don't even think he knew he was doing it. It had become my reaction to moments like this, the raw emotional times when the air was buzzing with that something I couldn't quite figure out yet.

"I don't know how to do this…" He whispered.

"Do what?"

"Let go." His forehead fell forward and lightly rested on my shoulder.

I slowly turned around and found his face inches from mine. I hadn't noticed it before, but there was a slight shadow of stubble down his jaw. I counted his breaths, one, two, three, four, as a million thoughts ran through my head.

I reached up and hesitantly rested my hand on his chest. He closed his eyes as his nostrils flared slightly at my touch. I bit down on my lip and inched up his chest to his neck and around to his hair. His skin was so soft, so different from the hard exterior he tries to put off. I knew all that he was with one touch of his skin, every essence, every part of him. Even though I didn't understand most of them, I knew who he was. He was everything and nothing to me at the same time. I've known him forever in a month. He scared the shit out of me, but I couldn't imagine ever running away from him again. I was inexplicably tied to him in a way that neither of us understood or knew what to do with.

My eyes widened as he growled under his breath and grabbed my hips. His shoulders heaved up and down as he pressed me against the banister, trapping me between his body and the smooth wood of the banister digging into my lower back.

I dropped my hands to his waist and wrapped my arms around him as I buried my head in his chest. I whimpered as his hands spread across my back, pulling me away from the banister and closer to him.

"Edward," I whimpered.

"Whoa!" Jasper said. "Sorry." I whipped my head around just in time to see him retreat back into the kitchen.

"I should go get that mirror," Edward mumbled.

"Okay." I lingered for a moment before I pulled away. He was gone in an instant and I was left in the wake of the sexiest hug I'd ever received in my life. My thoughts were a complete mess and that was nothing compared to my heart. It hurt when he left.

I blinked a few times and cleared my throat before going downstairs to get a glass of water. Jasper eyed me as I walked into the kitchen.

"So…" He started.

"So…" I grabbed a glass and got myself some water.

"You realize Christmas is in a few days right?"

"Is it really?"

"We have a tree somewhere. We haven't put it up in years, but there might be something to celebrate this year…" He smiled and left the room.

I retreated to my room for a little bit and reread one of my books until dinnertime. I sauntered downstairs around five and found Jasper taking something out of the oven that smelled divine. I noticed there was a large box in the corner that hadn't been there before and I wondered what it was.

Dinner was a little awkward. Edward and I kept stealing glanced at each other and Jasper noticed. I could tell because he would stop talking every time one of us did it.

"So Bella are you going to help me with the tree?" Jasper asked.

"Sure." I smiled. "Edward do you want to help us?"

"Not really." He shrugged and pushed his food around his plate.

"Scrooge strikes again," Jasper mumbled.

We finished up dinner and Edward retreated to his room while Jasper and I started on the tree. We decided to put it in the foyer, since there was room for it and we didn't use a lot of the other formal rooms on the first floor.

"So what were you and Edward up to earlier?" Jasper asked, avoiding my eyes.

"Nothing. We were up in the attic looking for some mirrors."

"Edward was looking for some mirrors?" He laughed. "What? He wanted to smash some more or something?"

"No." I shook my head and started stringing the lights around the tree. "We thought maybe it was time to start…cleaning up around here."

"Interesting development," he said softly. "Among others."

"Look." I stopped and turned towards him. "What you saw on the stairs…was nothing."

"Fine." He shrugged. "And it wouldn't matter if it wasn't nothing." He shook his head and smiled. "You obviously get through to him in a way that nobody else does. It could be more than nothing Bella."

"What if I can't fix him Jasper?"

"Then you can't." He started adding ornaments and we continued working in silence. I leaned down to pick up a stray ornament, but his hand beat me there. I jumped back, surprised by his presence.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey," Edward said. He stood up and placed the ornament on the tree.

"Well I think that's about it." Jasper took a step back and crossed his arms. "Shall we light her up?"

I cleared my throat and Edward and I stepped back. Jasper leaned over and plugged it in. I smiled as the tree sparked in illumination, sparkling in bursts of light. I'd always loved Christmas trees. They were practically perfect in everyway possible. When I was little I used to crawl underneath ours and stare up at all the lights above me.

We all stared at it for a few moments, taking everything in. I chanced a peek at Edward and I could have sworn his eyes were glassy like he was holding back tears. I imagine this must be hard for him. He hasn't really had a Christmas since his parents died and now the Christmas Spirit has vomited in his foyer. It's a lot to take in.

"Are you okay?" I whispered. He nodded before brushing past me and heading upstairs to hide again.

Jasper and I spent the next couple of days putting up the few Christmas decorations he could find. We didn't see Edward much. I always heard him at night though, except it wasn't the normal screams of terror. It was something beautiful. I'd sneak over and sit outside his door while he played his piano. Even his music was starting to change. The dark, sad tones from before were now smattered with uplifting, euphoric moments that made my heart beat faster with each note. He was penetrating my mind, body and entire soul and I was powerless to stop it. Every smile, every heartbreaking stare pushed him deeper into the cracks of my entire being.

"I'm falling for you…" I whispered as a tear slipped down my cheek. I brushed my fingers over the rough door and went back to my room.

On Christmas morning, I woke to a comforting, soft snowfall outside my window. I smiled and crawled out of bed. I walked over to the window and stared down to the blanket of white below me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone step out of the greenhouse. Edward. He walked around and started towards the woods with a handful of roses in his hands. Before he got too far away, he looked up at my window. I knew he saw me. And he knew I saw him. His stare was so commanding that I couldn't look away. I heard what he was asking without a single word. As soon as he turned away towards the trees, I pulled on my shoes and a sweatshirt. He wanted me to follow him. And I did.

A/N: I'll keep it short today : )

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