I felt Eric's gaze more than I wanted and debated sitting longer in my childlike position or moving around the room, possibly going out to roam the streets for some self-discovery and centering. I chose to move. I gathered my energy and walked into the bedroom, opening drawers to find the clothing I wanted, what I was wearing wouldn't do.
Eric remained on the couch, silent and solitary. I wasn't sure what exactly he was thinking, and I didn't want to dwell on it more than necessary. I changed into some tight jeans and a long sleeved shirt, tossing on a sweatshirt as I left the room. I wanted to go straight to the door and leave without an explanation, but I had to be more mature than that, more careful too.
"I was thinking of going for a walk, maybe finding a restaurant for a late dinner," I said to Eric. "Would you care to join me? I don't really know the city, but I think I can manage if you would rather stay in."
Eric made a face that disagreed completely with me and stood. "Don't be silly, Tristan. I'll come with you, it isn't safe wandering the streets at night no matter the city. Especially when you-" he stopped. I wasn't sure if he was complimenting me or insulting me and decided better of it. "Especially for young women inexperienced in hand to hand combat." Eric finished.
I shrugged, unwilling to remind him I was trained in hand to hand combat, I was just out of practice. It wouldn't get him to back down and would make it more difficult to assert myself when the time came.
A few blocks from our hotel, I found a restaurant I was curious about that didn't mind casual wear and latecomers for an evening meal. The food was hot, delicious, and it gave me more energy to put toward the problems I was actively avoiding. While Eric sat companionably as I ate, I couldn't help but think about the conversation. I had no reason to feel like I was losing something important by choosing to rule without him or find a way to at least. I had no reason to be jealous of Sookie, the universe had thrown Eric and me together and I wasn't so sure that we were supposed to be, but Sookie and Eric had a different chemistry, one that despite their arguments and stubbornness seemed to fit more appropriately into their lives.
We continued walking after I finished my meal, Eric leaving a nice tip for the server, and he showed me different points of interest in the city. This only made things more difficult. My feelings began to jumble around me, listening to Eric describe the history of Stockholm, the beauty in its simplicity. Each island community and every aspect of the neighborhoods we walked. It was like being on a date. An international date with a long-term, foreign boyfriend. Someone I wanted to spend more time with and get to know better, instead of someone I was trying to disengage from and keep at a distance.
Our time out lasted more than a few hours, and I was reluctant to return. I wasn't sure how the sleeping arrangements would go, and I wanted some time to myself, to fully categorize what my emotions were telling me. It seemed that would only happen in the shower, but I could still be productive.
Eric led us into the suite and reached for the television remote. I didn't object and he found something to put on as background noise. I don't think he was truly watching or interested in what was on, but then again, any show with fast cars and high price tags probably could catch his attention at some point. When I was satisfied that he would leave me be, I went into the bathroom to shower.
As the water beat down on me and steam filled the room, I focused on what I felt about Eric. Did I love him? Could I love him? Was I simply desperate for a connection to someone that wouldn't betray me? Did that connection have to be romantic? There were no easy answers to any of these questions, but I may as well answer them one at a time.
Did I love Eric? I didn't' think so. It was too soon for such a committed word, and honestly, our personalities were incredibly different. Could I love him or grow to that point? Possibly. There were so many things that made it difficult to decide, like Sookie's involvement, the need for Eric and I to be joined until such a time that a law was found or created that negated our relationship for anything other than our desire for each other. Did I want a connection to someone that I could trust, someone who wouldn't betray me and hurt me as my own family had? Absolutely, but finding and attaining such a relationship was unrealistic for me, even if Eric was willing to try.
Which left me with the last question, did it need to be a romantic connection or would a platonic connection suffice? Was I so starved for love that I was looking in the worst places for it? I would have argued that I didn't need a romantic connection at all, it was a plus, something extra that was nice. But as I thought more about it, I knew that what I had with my adoptive family, my brother and our friends, those platonic relationships weren't enough. I knew these people cared, and I wanted it to be enough. I wanted to feel special and important to someone all on my own, too, though. Like I had been with Derek.
I shivered, realizing that I had let the water get cold, at least I thought I had. I reached out with my hand and drew it back, instead sensing with my powers what the temperature was through the pipes. It was still as hot as when I had started my shower, so I must be affecting the temperature. I was allowing my emotions to control my power, and in doing so had changed the temperature of the water. I watched as ice spread across the glass of the shower door, creating beautiful patterns and obscuring my sight.
Sighing I pulled back, controlling the emotions I was feeling and reversed the spread of the ice. I allowed the temperature to get back to normal and turned off the water, stepping out into the towel I had hanging for me. I dried off and put my clothes back on, realizing I hadn't brought anything to sleep with me into the bathroom. I found Eric right where I left him, watching a show with fast cars and loud engines galore. He turned to look at me as I entered the living space, and he smirked. I couldn't read what he was feeling but I chose to ignore it.
Rummaging around the drawers in the bedroom I found something I could wear to sleep in and began to undress. I wasn't wearing anything fancy or sexy, just a normal bra and pair of panties, so when I felt Eric's hands slide around me, I was more than a little surprised. Stopping my motions I stood, waiting for him to make a move. I wasn't sure if this was what I wanted, and maybe that's why he stayed that way, holding me for ten minutes before I decided anything.
I turned toward him, still in my underwear. Eric never broke contact with my skin, meeting my eyes with a questioning gaze. I tried to hide my shy smile and stopped myself. I was done hiding my wants and desires if it meant that I didn't live my life completely. I looked up, and up, and I smirked. As I watched Eric watching me, I slid one bra strap down, then the other. Eric reached behind me and undid the clasps, accepting the invitation.
As I slid off my bra and feigned modesty, Eric led me to the foot of the bed. His hands roamed my body, still learning the curves and planes of me, but becoming more familiar with each pass. The back of my knees hit the edge of the bed and I stumbled a little, Eric catching me only to push me down onto the bed as he fell beside me. His hands moved mine, letting my breasts fall exposed.
Eric flicked a nipple with one hand while brushing my hair back with the other. The evidence of his excitement showed as he strained against the linen pants he'd worn for the evening. I shivered and scooted closer to him, pressing against the arousal I felt growing against me. My panties moistened filling the room with my heady scent and pushing Eric further into his passion.
Eric yanked at my panties, ripping them from me and spreading my legs apart to touch my wetness, and slip his fingers inside of me. I was beyond caring about the messages I was sending to him, I was too involved in what Eric was doing to me. I was thrusting with his fingers, grinding against his hand while he bent down to suckle a nipple and slowly spin circles over my clit with his thumb. I bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back the sounds of my pleasure. Eric continued to tease my clit with his thumb while thrusting in and out of me with his fingers. I held back as long as I could and finally let out a stifled scream into the sheets, letting Eric quickly remove his clothes before hovering above me.
I shuddered in my orgasm, letting Eric watch it roll through me, and then I pounced. I threw my arms around his neck, drowning myself in his scent while our lips crashed and fought for control. I wrapped my legs around him, violently pulling him toward me as I tried to roll on top of him. It was a struggle that was made all the sweeter when he relented and laid back, allowing me to decide what happened next.
As I attacked his lips, again and again, his hands roamed my back, sides, and buttocks. My breasts hung bare and alert, nipples hard with my excitement. I rolled my hips back against him, not allowing him to enter until I was sure I would come a second time. As I teased him, Eric gripped my hips and left bruises where he held me. I was sure I wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow, or later tonight, but I didn't care. I slid my hand down between us and positioned him to enter me, savoring every inch of him that slid inside. I sighed contentedly before arching back and sliding along his length, watching his efforts to control his expressions and noises too. I ground my hips against his, taking in more than I thought I could, and slowed down to make it last longer. I built up so much tension between us that I fell forward and claimed his mouth once more, tongues dancing together while hands wandered roughly across each of us.
Eric slammed me down on top of him repeatedly, gripping hard and hitting every button I had. As he neared his end his fangs came out, and for a moment I could have panicked. I knew better though, this would not be the rough feeding, dispassionate and cool as before. It would hold the euphoria I craved, the dizzying satisfaction I wanted so desperately. As I bounced atop Eric's member my hands wound into his hair and pulled him toward me. Sitting up, Eric's hands slid around my waist, enveloping me in his presence, and shielding me from my doubts. I led him to a breast and he licked and sucked my nipple, waiting for the signs that I was ready to burst. As I reached my limit, I looked him in the eye, and he bit me.
I felt like I was flying, high as a kite on my endorphins and Eric's bite, feeling him finish inside of me while he sucked at my wound and held me close. I rocked back and forth trying to steal all of him while he was still inside of me, astonished I had been so blatant about my wants. While sex for some people was arbitrary, and nothing more than a negotiated past time, for me it was different. It was why I was reluctant to have a relationship at all, and letting go felt so freeing, I was worried I would lose all sense of myself.
Eric sealed my wounds and ran his hands across my body. He played in my tousled hair, he caressed my curves and didn't let me go. When our eyes met after our orgasms had stopped I didn't see a stranger in them anymore. I saw someone I could truly be with, that wouldn't run away from the responsibility or the hardships I would face. It lasted only a few seconds but it was long enough to make my heart jump into my throat. I leaned into his body and kissed him lazily, tasting my blood there, and finding I didn't mind it so much.
Eric kissed me back and rolled onto his side, keeping himself inside of me. We laid there entwined and connected in every possible way until exhaustion took me. On the edge of my consciousness, I felt Eric move us farther up on the bed, and draw the covers back to lay on top of me. I could have sworn I heard him whisper he loved me, but it was too much to expect, even after our passionate lovemaking, so I believed I was dreaming instead. That was the only thing I dreamt of as I slept.