Chapter 10
(Weyzero-Seble-Mengesha)
My name is Weyzero-Seble-Mengesha.
But everyone calls me Zero.
And right now, I am very bored.
All the arisths in the Andalite War-Fleet envy me.
After graduation, I was assigned to the ship of the most revered Andalite in generations,
Aximili-Esggarouth-Isthill.
Since his return from being imprisoned in the clutches of The One, his status on the Planet was higher than ever.
However, there was a huge anti-Earth movement stirring up on the planet. The former head of the War Council. Lirem was extremely upset that, once again, the Humans were able to defeat an enemy that the Andalites couldn't.
So he wanted to prevent human technologic advancement. He was petitioning to have Humans restricted to their own planet, with Andalites keeping watch over them. His fear, and the fear of the older generation, was that Humans might someday utilize the technology of Andalites and try to take over the Universe, just as the Yeerks did. He used Jacob Berenson's excursion into Kelbrid Space as a prime example of the Human Threat.
"They will ally with that cursed Race and destroy us all!"
It was a stupid fear, of course.
Most educated Andalites know that we have a superior brain capacity to humans, and obvious physical superiorities. Besides, they hated Yeerks as much as we did. And the only reason that Berenson used the fighter to go into Kelbrid Space was to rescue Prince Aximili.
And too many Andalites were addicted to those delicious commodities called doughnuts to be too mad at the Humans.
Still, the council was beginning to have more and more 'Subdue-earth' members. Hopefully they wouldn't take over.
I closed my main eyes briefly.
I was still bored.
My duties in the ship consisted of keeping watch over the Human's section of space, ironically.
For 3 Earth-months I scanned every planet, every moon, for signs of any threats to the Earth, since that was still Andalite policy.
And every day, nothing appeared.
This was typical aristh work, however. And I would do anything to be a War-Prince like Aximili.
Then I open my main eyes quite suddenly.
I couldn't believe it!
Could it be?
I focused all four of my eyes on the screen in front of me.
On the dark side of the Earth's moon…it was...
No, it couldn't be.
It was the Blade Ship.
I stepped away from the screen and went into the main room, where Aximili was relaxing.
Prince Aximili
He was drinking liquid grass through his hooves.
Yes, Zero?>
You will not believe this sir,
Believe what?>
He put the liquid grass aside and stood up. Tall. Regal. Like the Warrior he was.
The Blade Ship is back.>
2 weeks later…
(Jake)
"Just sign here, Mr. Berenson, that'll complete the Pre-Nuptial agreement."
I was in Cassie's satellite office with her lawyer.
She insisted on having Cassie and I sign a pre-nup, even though I didn't see why. I knew that Cassie had a LOT of money, but she knew, obviously, I wasn't with her because of it. That would make me no better than that Federline dude.
"But 50 of marriages end in divorce, Mr. Berenson." She said.
"Call me Jake,"
"And in the State of California Jake, a marriage that terminates without a pre-nuptial agreement allows the two parties in question to leave with half the assets that both partners brought into the marriage. Ms. Branch's net worth is approximately 100 million dollars. I'm sure that, in case this marriage were to expire, she would be most interested in keeping those resources."
"And what about me?" I asked, bewildered.
I knew Marco was loaded, but Cassie! 100 million!
"Jake, if anything happens…not like it will…I'll pay for all of your medical expenses. It's not like the Veterans Administration has the best care. Plus, we'll have joint custody of Rachel." Cassie spoke up.
She tried to give me a reassuring glance, but I couldn't even look back.
I thought you trusted me…
I took in a deep breath and signed the agreement.
I guess that was why she didn't let me use her Black American Express Card. Or her Visa Signature. Come to think of it, we had never really talked about how much money she had. She always provided us with whatever we needed.
I thought being open was part of a good relationship…
I sighed as I put the pen down.
"Well, since that's settled, our meeting is over. I hope your wedding goes off without a hitch!"
"You aren't coming, Erica?" Cassie asked.
"Oh no, my husband is having knee surgery. He tore his ACL falling from a ladder in the garage. You KNOW I would be there otherwise."
"Oh, I totally understand. You need to support him." Cassie said understandingly.
"Show me those pictures though! I hear that your bridesmaids got Vera Wang dresses!"
"Yeah. THEY did. I'm using my mother's though. With a couple alterations."
"Oh Cassie, you still are nothing but an old farm girl."
They shared a laugh.
"Well, it's about time for us to get out of here. We're going to take Rachel to the new Aquarium today." Cassie said.
They shared a hug, and Erica shook my hand.
Erica left the room, and then I looked at Cassie.
She didn't look back at me. I guess I was glaring at her.
"Uh, I think we should get ready to go."
"Yeah."
She didn't say anything to me as we went down the elevator and outside the big federal building.
After we got into my mom's car, she tried to make some small talk.
"Um, so, Sara and Jordan are coming over, in fact, they should be there by the time we get home. They wanted to come to the aquarium, but after they got out of Shabbat service-"
"I know, Cassie. I was there when you took the call." I interrupted.
Since today was Saturday, Dad was up bright and early to go to synagogue. He drove, because he was Reform now. He even brought Rae with him to go along with Sara and Jordan.
Cassie looked over at me, like she was going to say something, but didn't. She just squeezed the steering wheel and merged onto the highway.
We didn't say anything to each other on the ride home. It was probably for the best.
Although we hadn't been arguing as much recently, I couldn't help but feel pangs of doubt in my mind about this entire wedding deal.
We were supposed to go for the license last week, but they were giving us an extra-hard time since I was in this damn chair. Bruce said that next Monday he would send the letter saying that I was physically competent to be married, so we could get the license.
Nothing is easy for the disabled…
I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down, from this meeting.
When we got back to the house, Dad was parking the minivan, and the doors were open. Sara and Jordan were out dressed in their best, and Dad was putting Rae on his shoulders.
Cassie pulled up behind him and got out of the car.
It was eerie, looking at them.
Even though Jordan had brown hair like mine, she still reminded me so much of Rachel. She had so much of her spirit in her.
And Sara, wow! Although she was only 12, she was almost the spitting image of Rachel.
"Hey guys!" Cassie went over to them and gave them both huge hugs.
"Cassie! It is SOOOO good to see you!" Jordan said.
"Likewise!" Cassie said.
"Yeah, living with Mom is the pits. She's nuts." Sara piped up.
Everyone just kind of looked at her.
"What? It's the truth!"
"Truth or not, you shouldn't speak that way about you Mom, Sara." Dad said.
"Ok, I guess." Sara kinda looked away.
I felt sorry for them. I wouldn't want to live with Naomi either.
Especially now.
Dad came over to my side of the car to help me out.
"So how was service?" I asked him
"It was nice. They had a tot Shabbat for the kids. Rae seemed to like it, didn't you kiddo?"
She nodded her head.
Cassie thought, and I supported her, that Rae should know all about her heritage.
"Cool."
I took Rae's hand and we all went inside.
Mom had made us lunch, and we sat around eating and catching up.
"So, Jordan, how was your first year at UCLA?" my mom asked, doling out some soup into bowls.
"Oh, it's great. College is so much different from High School. It's so liberating. No parents, just complete and utter freedom. My roommate this year was from Japan! Talk about culture shock! But the odd thing is that we got along fine!"
"But isn't that the great thing, that you can meet all these people from around the world, and be exposed to so many different things?" Jean said.
"Yah!" Rae screamed from her booster seat. We all laughed.
"Well, college is a great experience." Dad said
I got quiet. Dad had been leaving some GED material around the house. I know that he wanted to see me go to college, but right now, I was just dealing with so many other things…
Cassie picked up on my vibe and changed the topic to the aquarium and the other reason we were going, to give them a grant.
Another one of her successes…
After lunch, Sara and Jordan went upstairs and said that they were changing into something more comfortable.
Mom and Dad got dressed for their Doubles tournament, so I went back into the den.
A few minutes later, Cassie came into the room.
"Hey Jake, are you ready to go? Everyone else is outside."
"Uh, yeah, Cass, about that…um, I'm not really feeling up to the Aquarium today…"
"Oh Jake, Rae has looking forward to this all week! And we're giving this grant, not just me."
Yeah right.
"That doesn't mean that you guys can't go. We'll be here all summer. It's not going anywhere."
I looked up at her. She was starting to get angry. I could tell.
A moment of silence passed between us.
"If that's what you want, to be alone, I won't stand in your way."
I didn't want to be alone, but I couldn't explain it to her.
She would never understand.
Everyone just looks at me like a botched science project.
Cassie just gave me a look, and turned away and left.
Of course, as always, I was the bad guy.
God forbid she live a day in my life... I need a drink…
I made my way back to fridge and started to take my usual stash when I noticed that there was a half-opened bottle of vodka way back next to a cake mom must have baked last week.
I grabbed it, went back to the den and flipped on the TV.
As I was throwing one back, the phone rang.
"Hello,"
"Jake, my main man…"
Marco?
I thought he dropped off the face of the Earth….he would leave messages for us but we couldn't synchronize our schedules with him being a bunch of time zones ahead and his promotions and our vacation schedule.
"Yeah?" I said, taking a swig of the beer.
"How is everything? I know I've been busy, MAN I've been busy. We've gone all across the East Coast and Europe having us do these table reads and Q and A's. Plus the ladies…they can't resist the charms of-"
"Yes, the world's most eligible bachelor." I said somewhat sarcastically
After all these years, Marco was still Marco. But that didn't excuse his ducking out on us at the last minute.
"Yo, Jake, is everything okay? I know that I haven't been there, and I really do apologize.-"
"Nah, man, it's just been a, different…experience…"
"Are you afraid of being a married man? No more freedom to roam?"
"Nah…it's just…"
I took another swing.
"What if I can't do this? What if I screw up this family too?"
"Jake, you're not going to screw up. You've got the most dedicated woman in the world by your side, and the most adorable kid in the world. You don't have to even worry about if they're with you 'just because' you're an Animorph. You've got unconditional love there. That's a rare thing dude."
"I guess…" I chugged the bottle to get the warm feeling in my chest.
"Hey, I'll tell you what. I'll take a couple days off from the tour next week, to get my priorities straight. Even my mother is calling me a Nino malo."
"What does that mean?"
"Bad boy…whatcha gonna do?"
"With you Marco …"
He laughed.
"Well, I have a little meeting to attend to with one of my lovely ladies…I'll call you back a little later."
"Sure man."
"Bye,"
"Later."
I hung up the phone. Marco.
You just never knew with him lately. I guess he was just too busy with his Hollywood life to remember old friends.
I flipped on the TV and sat back. There was nothing on, as usual. Finally, I settled on a western.
I just couldn't get my brain to stop thinking about what Cassie had said.
If this is what you want Jake, I won't stand in you way.
I just couldn't bring myself to get up most days. I didn't want to be this way, it was just like I was trapped…not only in a chair…but the stares…the stares from people, I was nothing but a freak.
A freak with nothing.
I couldn't even get Cassie an engagement ring.
Even though I was half-alive, with all this family, I was dead inside.
And that would never change.
I'm just a burden on everyone. I can't even take care of myself. I couldn't even save…them…
I don't know how much alcohol I went through before I got to the medicine cabinet. All I knew was that my Vicodin pills were sitting on the lowest shelf.
Maybe this will kill the pain...
"Jake! JAKE! WAKE UP!" I heard Cassie's voice scream
Ugh. Where was I?
My vision in my good eye was blurry.
I looked around and I could see white tile.
Oh crap. I must have had too much beer. And some of that vodka Mom and Dad had.
And the pills…
"Oh gosh, you smell awful. You need a shower." She said as she started to drag me towards the bathtub.
"And you threw up all over your shirt…Just great."
She started to forcefully take it off of me.
"I can do it myself." I snapped. "I'm not Rae. Don't treat me like a child."
"Well, you know what Jake?" She said, dropping her hands back. "I wouldn't know it from the way you've been acting."
"And what is that supposed to mean, Cassie?" I said, feeling some anger stirring in my head like a tempest. Or maybe it was all the booze…
My head…
"You've been acting like immature brat ever since we got here. No, I'm sorry, even with all her faults, Rae has been acting better than you." She said sarcastically
Ok. THAT was it. I was so sick of everything. Every since we got back together, she had been treating me like a child, like I didn't know what was best for me. Like the accident had crippled my mind as well as my body. Well, she wasn't a saint either.
"Well, I'm sorry I've failed to live up to your standard of perfection. Yet again."
She looked shocked.
"I never wanted perfection from you Jake-" she gasped, taken aback by what I had just said.
"So what DID you want Cassie? Because I sure as hell didn't feel like I was good enough for you when you made me sign that damn pre-nup."
"Jake I only did that because-" she started to say
"Why, because you're worth millions and I'm worth nothing? Why don't you just rub it in my face that I can't take care of us!" I spat out.
"Would you just shut up and listen to me-" she tried to cut me off.
It wasn't going to work this time.
I was going to show her who was in control.
"NO! Because you never listen to ME!" I screamed. "You're always undermining me!
It doesn't matter what I say or do, it's not GOOD enough for you. Or Rae."
"And this is the reason why, because ever since you didn't get that job you've been full of shit! And don't you DARE bring Rachel into this!"
"Why not! I'm a damn good father-"
"Yeah, when you FEEL like it. When you aren't moping around feeling sorry for yourself. She doesn't need that. Jake, Rae needs a father that will always be there for her. And puts her first above everything else!"
"Now you're just lying! Wait, would Ronnie make a better father? Or would he be busy beating on you and cheating on you?"
Too far, Jake…
She looked like she was ready to cry.
"You SWORE you would NEVER bring him up again! But you know what Jake? If you don't want to be with me, why don't you just be a real man and say it? Let me move on. Let me have a healthy relationship and let me find a father for Rae that will never, ever, put her second to his own problems."
I glared at her.
"You say that like you almost wish I wasn't her father." I finally said after a couple moments of silence.
"Sometimes, I think it would be easier if you weren't" she snapped back.
WHAT? It WAS the chair! I knew it! It wasn't about the money, or even how I left her…it was the chair. She was ashamed of me being paralyzed.
I couldn't be with anyone like that.
"Fine! Then get out! Get out of my house! Get out of my life!" I roared.
Rae came running into the bathroom
"Mommy! Daddy! STOP!" she put her hands to her ears
"Rachel. Look. I need you to wait outside with Jordan and Sara. Ok?" Cassie kneeled down and tried to shield her from me.
"But Mommy and Daddy-"
"Rachel. GO!" I screamed.
She got hysterical and pointed at me.
"WED EYE!" she yelled. "WED EYE!"
I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
Both my eyes were bloodshot red.
"Cassie, Jake, what is going on?" I heard my Dad say
He and Mom were now in the doorway.
"Why do you guys care? You were always more worried about your doubles rankings than your own sons. Otherwise, you'd stop Tom-"
"Ok son, that's enough. I saw the bottles on the bed. You need to get a shower and a detox before your meds-" Dad reached for my shirt.
"Don't touch me. I already took my meds."
Cassie opened up the medicine cabinet and looked at one of the bottles
"Oh no…"
(Cassie)
Jake slumped to the floor. Steve checked his eyes, which had rolled back into his head.
His mom screamed.
"Jean, call 9-1-1. Cassie, quick, turn him on his side. We don't know how many of those pills he swallowed."
Jean left the room carrying a hysterical Rae. Jake
His breathing was starting to become raspy and short. His skin was also starting to turn bluish.
"Steve, he's not breathing right!"
"Ok, Cassie, this is important. We got an oxygen machine for Jake for when he first came back…it's upstairs in the linen closet, I need for you to go get it. We need to dilute the amount of alcohol in his blood. And get a pillow as well. It will help prevent choking if he should vomit."
I didn't, couldn't even think as I stumbled upstairs and found the machine and a small tank of oxygen and picked up a small pillow next to the bath towels. All the hurtful things he said…NO CASSIE, don't think about it! You NEED to save his life.
DO I?
I brought the machine downstairs and helped his dad put it around his nose. He was still unconscious and his breathing was shallow.
"What's his pulse?" I asked.
"It's low, but stable. He needs to get his stomach pumped to get this liquor out of him. Come on son. Don't you quit on me now! You've come too far."
We could hear dry heaves, and then, a little later, Jake's eyes fluttered open and started rolling around.
"Jake, Jake, son, can you hear me?"
Jake followed with a sick moan.
"He's conscious! Ok, son, stay with me. Focus on my face."
Jean popped back into the room.
"The EMT's are here" she said quietly.
A fresh-faced young man came into the room.
" Hi I'm Dave. Are you Mr. Berenson?" he asked Steve?
"DR. Berenson. And I'm sure my wife told you about my son's condition."
"Get the stretcher in here and take him over to General. They have the best ER."
"Ok, sir." Dave reached out for him.
"Be careful! He has a spinal cord injury." Steve warned.
I stepped out of the bathroom and went outside to give the EMT's some room. Sara and Jordan were waiting outside with Jean, looking bewildered.
"Cassie, I thought everything was going well…what just happened?"
"I don't even know, I don't know. I came in and he was drunk and then he started arguing with me and then Rae came in-"
A cop who came with the ambulance came over to me and cut me off.
"Ma'am, I heard the report. What precipitated this event?"
I fumbled for an answer.
"Well, he's been pretty down lately…I took our daughter and his cousins to the aquarium and he didn't come with us, he didn't want to go...He's been acting just, bipolar I guess, happy one day, and then miserable the next…and his drinking…he's always had a problem with it, but I didn't think it was this bad…"
I put my left hand up to my mouth.
"Wife?" the cop asked.
"Fiancée"
He nodded.
"Does he have a history of mental illness, including suicidal threats, attempts, or ideology?"
I nodded my head
"Yes,"
"Daddy wed eye," Rae said, still terrified in my arms.
"Sash honey," I stroked her hair.
Just then, the EMT's came out of the house with the stretcher.
It looked like Jake was conscious.
"Gently, GENTLY, remember his SCI."
Steve followed them to the ambulance.
"Boys, clear some space back there for me."
"Honey, don't you think you should ride with us?" Jean asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.
"No honey, I'm going with them. They could use a doctor's help." He started to walk away from her.
"But Steve-"
"I don't want to lose another son!" Steve tuned around and screamed, exasperated.
"Ok then, Cassie and I will follow you to the hospital." She said, defeated.
I guess that's where he gets it from.
Greg climbed into the ambulance and I was left facing everyone.
Jean ran back into the house and fumbled for her keys in her purse.
"Cassie, here are the keys to the van. I don't think I should drive."
Rae was still hysterical in my arms.
"Actually, I don't think I can either." I said as I swung her, trying to calm her down.
"I'll drive, Aunt Jean. I just got my senior license." Jordan suggested.
I had almost completely forgotten they were standing there. I was so embarrassed. For us.
Everything was supposed to be perfect…
"Sure," she flipped her the keys.
"How do I get to General?" she asked.
"Just make a right once you get out of the development, it's about 4 miles up."
Jordan drove us, right behind the police car and the ambulance, to the hospital. It was relatively quiet ride, other than the fact that I had to keep reassuring Rae that Jake wasn't Crayak.
But to tell you the truth; I didn't even know myself anymore.
When we reached the emergency room doors, I got out with Rae and Jean.
"We'll park," Jordan said.
I saw Jordan and Sara drive off, and then the EMTs took Jake down the hall. Steve came back towards us.
"They're going to pump his stomach."
"What then, Steve, what then?"
"They don't know. We just have to hope the rest of the alcohol didn't get absorbed into his system. All we can do is wait."
I walked over to the waiting Room with Rae. At least they had some toys for kids to play with.
"Honey, do you want a baby doll."
"No, Mommy." She said softly. She looked like she just wanted to crawl up and die.
Jean followed us.
"Hey, Cassie, how about I take her to get something at the vending machine."
"Sure."
I just sunk lower in the stiff plastic chair and put my head in my hands. It was my fault. I should have seen something like this coming. Just how distant we had become over the last month…
Well, I'm sorry I've failed to live up to your standard of perfection. Yet again.
I didn't want perfection. I just wanted Jake to be his old, normal self. Something that I thought was happening.
Maybe you were just wasting your time, he'll never be normal.
I kicked my shoe at a rip in the carpet to keep my mind off of it. If I sat and thought about it enough, I might be back there with him too.
Eventually, I got tired of kicking the rip and looked up again. Steve was talking to another doctor and the cop who interviewed me at the house.
Then they all nodded their heads and the cop went with the other doctor.
Steve sat down next to me and just looked straight ahead.
"They had to insert a stomach pump…his blood alcohol level was 0.16, twice the legal level and almost lethal because of all the painkillers he ingested . Cassie I just believe that you didn't watch him-"
"Steve, this is not my fault. I am his fiancée, not his babysitter. I can't watch him every second of the day. He is a grown man. He is responsible for all the decisions he makes. And, to tell you the truth, he was depressed BEFORE the accident."
"But you putting all this added stress on him didn't help him out-"
"Stress? How? I didn't stress him-"
"Cassie, you've put too much pressure on him. He moans and complains that he can't find a job, he doesn't have enough education, add into that a built-in family, and all of this is just too much for someone in his condition."
"Uh-uh. No. Do not drag my child into this. The only reason he's stuck around this long is for her. Not Sara, not Jordan, not you, your wife, or me. Rachel is his only reason for living."
"STEVE! CASSIE! The both of you! PLEASE! He's in there suffering, and the two of you have the nerve to carry on out here." Jean bawled. She looked like she was 5 seconds from losing it too.
"I'm sorry Jean. Maybe Rae and I should leave." I took Rae from Jean.
"No, stay. Please." Jean pleaded.
I slumped exhausted into a chair and held Rae's hand, which was sticky from some chocolate. With the candy, all her complaints about Red Eye stopped.
"Um, my apologies Cassie, I shouldn't have attacked you like that." Steve finally said as Rae was eating her chocolate. Normally, I would have snatched it out of her hand, but today was not anywhere near ordinary.
"It's ok Steve. We have bigger things to worry about." I admitted.
He excused himself and went back in search of Jake's doctor.
All I could do was watch the TV as Jean kept herself busy by trying to burn off Rae's newfound sugar energy walking her up and down the hallway.
Jordan and Sara were watching the TV with me, though it was obvious they weren't really into it. Neither was I. We tried to exchange some small talk, but we just couldn't.
Everything was so surreal.
I couldn't believe this was happening.
The clock above the TV kept ticking by.
8.
9.
10.
I must have fallen asleep, because I felt someone's hand shaking me gently.
"Cassie,"
"Huh?"
"It's me, Steve. Jake's conscious. He asked for you."
"Okay." I started to get up.
"Cassie, honey, do you want to bring Rachel?" Jean asked.
"No, I'll go by myself." I said, mustering up the strength from somewhere deep inside my body. On the way there, I took a detour into the bathroom and made a beeline to the toilet.
I threw up, everything. I felt like I threw up everything in my heart, in my soul. All my hope went down the toilet.
And then the tears came.
I had tried to make this work. I thought it would be better the second time around. I thought our love, and our child, would be enough to help heal him.
But only he can help himself.
I some how, after a minute, myself up off that bathroom floor and stumbled through to the ICU. The nurse showed me where he was.
I walked in the room. I had seen him in worse conditions so I wasn't shocked, plus, he only had an oxygen machine.
We just looked at each other.
"So this is what you wanted," I said softly.
"Cassie, I-"
"No, don't try to explain Jake. I'm I…I can't do this anymore…."
Fresh tears streamed down my face as I took off my ring and placed it on the nightstand next to his bed.
"I'm sorry Jake. It's over."