Creating new Journal entry...
Created.
Initiating voice recording systems...
Done.
Speak anytime.
-and I swear, if you so much as THINK about touching it again, I will immediately put you in a straight jacket, tie a fifty-pound weight to your foot, and throw you into the Pacific!
Boris, my comrade, your theory is completely unrealistic! You're not a psychic, and I doubt that even with all your brawn you could throw me, a straight jacket, and a "fifty-pound weight" into the Pacific.
Oh for fuck's sake, Kai, you are the most infuriating squadmate I've ever had the... displeasure to work with! Even worse than Brian!
Hey! Why do ya gotta bring me into this?
Because I can! That's why! What? You gonna fight me?
I daresay I will.
Well come on then! I'm ready when-
*thud*
HEY! Why're you throwing shit at me?! Come down here and fight like a ma-
*thud*
Oh you little shitstick, you ready to die?!
*thud*
Aw, damn it! That got me in the eye!
I know it did! Next time, leave me out of this, and you might be able to see-
*thud*
Hey! Don't use my tactic against me! That isn't honourable!
Honourable?! YOU can't talk about honour!
Why the hell not?!
You're the one not fighting me on fair ground! That's why!
You two sound like whining children that haven't gotten that extra scoop of ice crea-
*thud* *thud*
SHUT-UP KAI!
Think I should step in?
Why should I "shut-up"? I've barely said a wor-
*thud* *thud*
CAN YOU TWO STOP THROWING PORN?!
NO!
I think I shou-
FINE. YOU ASKED FOR IT!
*scuffling sounds, faint thuds*
*silence*
Think they're done?
*more scuffling*
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GRABBING?!
I DON'T KNOW! YOU'RE SITTING ON MY FACE, I CAN'T SEE SHIT!
...I am huh?
Don't you dare. Don't you fucking da-
*fart*
*silence*
You asshole. Literally.
PFFT-
OW! GOD! KAI WHAT THE HELL THAT'S MY DI-
CAN YOU STOP SHOVING YOUR FOOT UP MY A-
MMMPH! MMM-MMPH-MMM!
*bang*
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!
*scuffling*
NOTHING MAJOR COLONEL SIR!
Now they're in for it.
It didn't... look like nothing. Any of you ladies care to explain?
NO SIR MAJOR COLONEL SIR!
I thought as much. You, asian. Where's your Lieutenant?
Oh shit. Now I'm in for it.
IN THE WASHROOM SIR!
CAN YOU STOP YELLING IN MY EAR?!
YES SIR MAJOR- I mean, yes sir!
Finally. Don't move. ANY OF YOU.
*footsteps*
*knock*
Lieutenant? Are you in there?
*gulp*
Yes sir.
Come out.
Here we go...
*flush*
Yes sir?
Winston wants to speak with you.
...sir?
What's so hard to understand, Lieutenant? The monkey. Wants to speak. With you. In his lab. Right now.
No I understand that, sir, but- nevermind.
What is it?
Nothing, sir. I just forgot to wash my hands, that's all.
Ugh. Do that, and then get down to the hangar. I wouldn't keep that monkey waiting if I were you.
*footsteps*
AND you three!
SIR!
AGH- STOP YELLING IN MY EAR GODDAMMIT!
Sorry sir.
S-sorry sir.
I didn't yell tho...
You three... clean up this mess.
Uh sir?
Yes Private?
That's, uh, mine.
What is?
That... magazine you're holding.
What, this? This... Playboy Girl of the Month?
Uh... yes, sir.
It's mine now.
B-but sir, I-
You have many more butts to look at, Private. Be glad I'm not confiscating all of them.
Yes, sir. Thank-you sir.
Don't mention it, Private. GET TO WORK.
*slam*
Few. What a stuck-up-
*muffled* I'M RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR!
...stuck-up, kind, caring officer, that has his subordinates' best interests in mind.
*silence*
Ugh.
I heard that.
*laughter*
*sigh* Why is it always me...?
Aw, cheer up Boris! He only took one, after all!
What does he even need it for? He has a wife.
Which he doesn't see eleven out of twelve months of the year.
Like that's an excuse.
When he's got a daughter with an ass like that? Pretty good excuse in my humble opinion.
Your humble opinion? Since when was your opinion humble? Actually, since when did you have an opinion?
*laughter*
Yeah yeah, screw you too Brian.
Alright, "you three". Clean this up. I want this place sparkling by the time I'm back.
What if you don't come back?
Is that a threat?
No, just a test of your wit.
...what?
Seriously? "What if you don't", wait for it, "come-back"?
Did you just try to formulate a bad pun?
Yes. Yes I did. And it was a good pun!
Good puns make you laugh. Bad ones make you cringe.
None of you cringed sooo...
Cringe on the INSIDE, dumbass!
But your mouth is on the outside.
You know that's not what I mean!
No. I don't. Enlighten me.
You do NOT want to start another fight.
Yes, please don't. My nose still burns.
Ha! That's what you get! I sure am glad today was chili day in the mess.
You call that... red goop chili?! Your culinary tastes astound me.
At least I have culinary tastes.
*laughter*
Oooh! Burnnnn!
Someone get this man some water!
Ugh. Coven, don't you have somewhere to be...?
Do you promise not to destroy this place while I'm gone?
Of course. Like you said, we'll have it sparkling clean!
Yeah, speaking of which, where'd you put the wax?
That should be in the washroom.
Careful going in there! I dropped a second FatMan on Nagasaki.
OH GOD MY NOSE!
*laughter*
A/N
Bonjour tout-la-monde! Comment ca va? Ca va bien? Magnifique!
That ^ is the extent of my French knowledge. Which is ironic since in Canada, French is an official language. Meh.