Pre Warning, this is probably the most depressing thing I've ever written, which is saying something as I do write some full on miserable stuff. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and once the next two chapters are done the story will begin to be happier again and there will be the return of our favourite man on the planet.
Thank you for your reviews, I know it's a difficult topic and I actually have no idea why I decided to write this as it's so depressing but oh well, I started and I shall finish. I am planning, maybe, on writing another DuMardle story after this which will be full on happy romance loveliness if anyone would be interested. I promise no more misery in that one…
Anyway on with the story and I did warn you, so if you really really really hate miserable chapters, this probably isn't the chapter or story for you. It's also another just flashback chapter and is shorter than the other chapters but yeah, you will all hate me.
Hearing a small groan, the midwife turned to see Josie slowly moving in the bed, clearly in pain. Approaching in the bed in silence, the older woman watched as Josie slowly opened her eyes and glanced up at her, tears in her eyes as the midwife sat down beside her on the bed and took hold of her hand. Josie was clearly in pain and upset, she was also very pale but she wasn't surprised by Josie's appearance. She had been through a long and painful labour and she had lost a lot of blood. They had nearly lost her but the young woman was clearly strong and determined to stay alive and here she was, conscious again.
"How are you feeling Josie?" the midwife asked quietly as Josie groaned again, shutting her eyes once more in exhaustion as her fingers tightened around the sheet. "I know it hurts," the woman said quietly as Josie moaned, opening her eyes again as she stared at the only other person in the room. "Josie, do you remember what happened?" she asked quietly, already knowing that Josie wouldn't remember anything. She had been unconscious and nearly dead before they had been able to tell her about the baby and now she had the horrible job of telling this young woman that her baby was a stillborn. "Josie, you bled a lot after the birth. We very nearly lost you," she said quietly as Josie remained silent, staring at her before panic began to appear on her face and her hands darted to her abdomen.
"The baby," Josie whispered as the midwife began to shake her head, watching as Josie remained perfectly silent. There weren't any tears, she was just deadly silent and pale, and that unnerved her more than if she had been hysterical. "Can I see my baby?" she asked quietly, lying still on the bed as the midwife stared at her, clearly concerned about the idea as Josie watched her. "Please, just for a moment," Josie begged, knowing how pitiful she sounded as the older woman stood up and disappeared from her line of sight for a moment. Resting her hands on the mattress, Josie slowly forced herself to sit up, groaning at the movement as she watched the midwife carry over what seemed like a small bundle towards her.
"I don't think this is a good idea Josie," she stated as Josie found herself staring at the blanket. Was her baby really wrapped inside it? "Josie," she whispered, falling silent again when the young woman held her arms out, desperate to hold her child for a couple of minutes. "Josie I really don't think this a good idea," she explained as Josie continued to hold her arms out, exhausted already at the action. She wasn't going to give up. She was going to hold her baby, whether it was a good idea or not. She was not going to let them take away her baby without her ever seeing the child that she had made.
"Please," Josie whispered, watching as the midwife sighed and slowly passed the baby to Josie. Wrapping her arms around the bundle, Josie continued to stare at the other woman for a moment, not yet ready to look down at her child. "Can I have a moment alone?" she asked quietly, immediately noticing the frown that appeared on the other woman's face at the idea. "Two minutes, please," Josie said quietly. She was exhausted, in pain and she was still prepared to fight for some time alone with her baby. She was not going to let them take her child away without her knowing what her baby looked like.
"Two minutes," she repeated before walking out of the room, not completely shutting the door when she left. Glancing slowly down at the blanket that basically covered the child, Josie bit into her lip before she slowly moved the blanket away with her fingers, shock covering her face when she found herself looking at the small baby in her arms. Brushing her fingers across the child's cheek, Josie slowly leant down before pressing a kiss to her child's forehead, finally feeling the tears run down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Josie whispered, her voice almost silent as she moved away, cradling the baby close to her. "I should have been stronger, I should have been stronger for you," she muttered, shaking her head. Why couldn't she have protected this tiny little person? This was her child, her baby and she should have been able to keep him safe, to bring him into the world a healthy human being instead of the lifeless body she currently held in her arms. "I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough," Josie sobbed as she took in the small child. Her son. She had a son. "My little boy," she whispered, taking in his dark curls, the same as her dark hair, and his tiny fingers and toes. He was so perfect and that made it worse. He should be breathing, it seemed so simple that he should be screaming her arms. She should have been crying in happiness, holding her newborn son and celebrating. It was like a nightmare, the worst nightmare imaginable. "I love you, I'll always love you," Josie finally whispered, now unable to stop the tears that were running down her cheeks as she kept him close. Hearing the door creak open, Josie looked up to see the midwife standing in the doorway, watching her in silence. "He's so perfect," Josie commented as the older woman nodded and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, not trying to take the child away from the other woman yet. "Where's Roger?" Josie asked quietly, still looking at her son as the midwife tried to think of how to explain to the other woman that the man had basically run off at the first sign of trouble, without even trying to contact them to know about Josie. "Where is he? Does he not know?" Josie questioned, suddenly panicking that Roger was unaware of what happened and would come round at some point, wondering why she had not gone to work.
"Josie, Roger does know," she said simply as the younger woman looked at her. "He was here when you were in labour," she explained, Josie remaining silent as she listened. "He left," she said simply, not knowing how else to tell the other woman as Josie slowly nodded and looked down at her son again, tears silently running down her cheek still. "I need to take him now Josie," she admitted as Josie shook her head, not yet ready to say goodbye to her baby.
"I should have been stronger," Josie sobbed as the older woman shook her head. "I'm supposed to be a mother, I'm supposed to be able to bring children into the world," she whispered. "I've failed twice now to do what my body was made for," Josie cried, shaking her head as the other woman remained silent. "He's so perfect and tiny, I should have been able to keep him safe. He should be alive right now," she continued to stated, her fingers brushing against his cheeks. "I've disappointed everyone."
"No you haven't. There was nothing you could have done Josie," the midwife insisted as Josie shook her head. "Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie," she said quietly, knowing that it wasn't exactly comforting for the other woman. "You couldn't have known, no one could have known," she whispered, wiping away the tears from the other woman's face as Josie stared at her. "I need to talk to you about something else Josie."
Thoughts?
How many of you now hate me?