The final chapter had arrived but not the final chapter of the series, this is but one of the many chapters I will have on The Hangover
Please enjoy
"And 100, 200, 300, 400 Hooh with all this, that's $82,400" the others cheered and laughed
"Oh goddamn it, I don't fucking believe it"
"Whoo!"
"Yes!"
"Alan, you're the man!" Alan began blushing
"You are too Phil" the bearded child said bashfully
Phil smiled "We should come back next week, take the whole city down"
"I'm free next week"
Max shrugged "As long as we're not drugged, sure"
Stu shook his head "Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now"
"Uh you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town" Max rolled her eyes at Alan "But any week after that is totally fine"
"I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around guys" Phil's grin nearly split his face in half "We are back baby, we are fucking back"
Stu turned around and punched Alan's shoulder "We're back, classic" Alan shoved him back "We are baaaack, we are baaaack"
"That's right"
We are getting Doug baaaack"
And we're the four best friends that anyone could have, we're the four best friends that anyone could have, we're the four best friends that anyone can have and we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, leave each other" the other three looked away from the child "We're the best four friends that anybody could have I mean the four best friends that anybody could have, that's right, the four best friends that anybody can have-"
"Alan, please, stop singing" Max hissed in annoyance, she got it, they were the four best friends that anyone could have the first time he said it
"Sorry Max"
"It's fine, it was a good song but we uh-" she looked to Phil for help
"We're nearly there so it would be good to keep quiet" Max gave him a thankful look
"Oh your right, need to be serious, gotcha" Alan nodded and pretended to zip his mouth shut, they saw Mr Chows car and drove in front of it, they stopped just before it and waited for something to happen
"Now what?" asked Phil
Alan leant forward "Give him the signal, Flash your lights, let him know it's on"
"What's on?"
"The deal" Phil shook his head
"Of course it's on, we just drove 30 miles in the desert, he knows it's on"
Stu snapped "Phil just do something"
Phil sighed "Fine" he blinked the lights, after a second the thugs from last night stepped out, followed by Chow "Oh shit" Phil blinked in surprise
"See?"
"Alright let's go" the quartet crawled hesitantly out of the car window since the doors were still broken, Alan flopped onto the car and Chow laughed at him
"Ahaha funny fat guy fall on face"
"You ok?" Stu asked Alan
Phil turned to the boss "Alright, we got the money, eighty grand, cash"
"Throw it over, then I give you Doug" Stu stepped forward and sneered
"Um, I'm sorry, first of all, good morning, and we didn't catch your name last night"
"Mr Chow, Leslie Chow"
"That's right, Jade mentioned you last night" Stu smiled "Mr Chow, it is a pleasure, my name is Stu and we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money, just to verify that he's ok"
"Please, if that's cool"
Chow nodded "Of course, Stu, that is cool" he clapped his hands togehter and spoke in a foreign language, one of the thugs walked over to their car and pulled out Doug, the gang sighed in relief
"See, he fine, now give me money" Chow pointed to Doug "Or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers and then we take it, your choice, bitches"
Phil huffed "give him the money, Stu"
"Ok" Stu grabbed the purse and threw it over to Mr Chow, he handed it to his thug to check for him
"It's all there" the thug said to his boss
"Let him go" Chow ordered, the thug holding Doug pushed him forward and over to the gang
"Alright, take it easy, take it easy" the bag over Doug's head was pulled off
"Ta-da" the person under the bag was not their Doug, infact they didn't know this person
"Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?" Phil shouted angrily
"This is not Doug"
"Give us our Doug"
"What you talking about, Willis? That him"
"No I'm sorry Mr Chow, that's not our friend"
"He-that's—" Alan went to speak but changed what he was going to say "The Doug we're looking for is a white" the duct tape over the man was ripped off his mouth
"Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy little boy" the man snapped back to look at Alan "damn Alan, what the fuck you got me into?"
"You know him?" Alan nodded
"This is the guy that sold me that bad drugs how you doing?"
"I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs"
"Wait, he sold you the Ruphylin?" the man looked Stu
"Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru-? What-?" Phil growled
"Who gives a shit!? Where is Doug!?" he yelled, moving over to grab the man but Max grabbed his arm and stopped him
"I am Doug"
"Your name's Doug?"
"Yes, I'm Doug" Chow yawned and walked away
"His name's Doug too, ha, classic mix up" Alan giggled
"Come on" Chow ordered his men to leave but Phil wasn't having it
"Hey, Chow, you gave us the wrong Doug!"
"Not my problem"
"No fuck that shit! Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you!" Black Doug walked to Phil
"No, come on, I'll be your Doug" Chow sneered
"Oh yeah, ok, oh I take him back, right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts" he grabbed his crotch
"Ah, that's nasty" Black Doug turned away in disgust
"Mmm, how that sound?" he looked at Max "Unh, pshh" he made a jerking motion and splooged at her direction
"Eww!" Max cringed and stepped closer to Phil
"So long gay boys, lezbo girl" Chow walked to his car
"Wait a second"
"He's a nasty little motherfucker"
Alan turned to Doug "Did you ever get any ecstasy?"
"No I ain't got no fucking ecstasy"
"Goddamn it!" Phil screamed and kicked at the ground, this was too much
"Gosh darn it"
"Shit!"
"Shoot!" Max slumped down to the floor and covered her face with her hands, she had finally given up, Doug was obviously dead because they couldn't find him
"I'm calling Tracy" Phil walked away from the group and pulled out his phone
"Hello?"
"Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil"
Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out"
"Yeah, listen Uh…we fucked up"
What are you talking about?"
"The bachelor party, the whole night it…things got out of control, uh…and we lost Doug"
What?"
"We can't find Doug"
What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours"
"Yeah, that's not gonna happen"
"Thanks for the lift back to town" Black Doug said to the rest of the group
"I got a question for you?" Stu asked Doug
"What's up?"
"How did you wind up in Chow's car?"
"That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday"
"Ok but why? I mean why you?"
"Because he thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio"
"What?"
"We were at the Bellagio?" Alan asked, completely forgetting that Stu mentioned that this morning
"Yeah, we were shooting craps you don't remember?"
"No, no we don't remember" Stu replied sarcastically "because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy"
"Ruphylin, there you go with that word, Ruphylin, what the hell is a Ruphylin?"
"Wow you are the world's shittiest drug dealer"
"Ruphylin is roofies fuck face…you sold Alan roofies" Max growled from the floor
"Oh shit, I must have mixed up the bags, my fault Alan" Doug cringed "damn, Marshall's gonna be pissed off at me on that one"
"Whatever" Stu muttered to himself but Doug continued
"It's funny, because just the other day me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies, you know what I'm talking about?"
"No, don't know" Stu didn't really care
"Why not floories, right? Because when you take them you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof, what about groundies? That's a good new name for them"
"Or how about rapies?" Stu snapped his head to look at Doug
"Wait, what did you just say?"
"Rapies"
"Not you Alan, Doug, what did you say before?"
"I said groundies"
"No before that, you said 'your more likely to wind up on the floor than…'" Stu eyes widened along with Max's, they both shot after Phil
"Listen trace, I'm really sorry, I—" Phil was interrupted by Stu and Max who tackled him to the ground, Stu snatched the phone off of him
Phil? Hello?"
" Tracy, it's Stu"
Stu, talk to me, what's going?"
"Uh nothing, don't listen to Phil he's completely out of his mind, he's probably still drunk from last night" behind Stu was Max who was apologizing to a gasping Phil
Where's Doug?"
"He is paying the bill, we just had a delicious brunch and uh we're in a hurry to get back so we gotta get going, ok we'll see you soon, bye" he hung up before Tracy could say anything, Phil pushed Max away and tried to attack Stu
"What the fuck man?" Stu raised his hands up
"I know where Doug is!" Phil stopped fighting to stare at Stu
"Stop looking at each other! Get up, get up!" Max yelled and pulled Phil up to stand, they raced to the car and got the others into it aswell, they explained to Alan what was going on, the bearded child cheered giddily
"How in the world did you find out where Doug is?" Phil asked
"I don't know man, it just hit me, you remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?"
"Yeah we threw it out the window"
"No impossible, you can't open windows in Vegas hotels"
"Well, then how did it get-?" Phil stopped when he realised what Stu was getting out "Oh my god!"
"HA HA HA" the three who knew what was going on were laughing gleefully, the other two looked confused
"Whoa, wait, what's going on?"
"Doug was trying to signal someone"
"Holy shit!"
"Yes"
"How did you figure that out?"
"Doug made me realize it"
"Doug?"
"Uh, not our Doug, black Doug"
"Hey, hey, easy with that shit, come on"
"Sorry Doug" Stu wasn't sorry
"Can someone tell me where white Doug is?" Phil turned around to Max and Alan
"He's on the roof, Alan"
"Yes, he's on the roof, we must have taken him up there as a prank" Max perked up at that
"Oh like that one time at summer camp"
"That's right"
"Yeah, we moved his sleeping bag in the jetty at the lake?" Phil continued for Max whilst she giggled at the back
"Ha, ha, ha, which was hilarious…it's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him"
"Fuck we're stupid" Max said between giggles
"You guys are retarded, you know that?" Phil ignored Doug and continued speaking
"Holy shit, you think he's still up there?"
"There's only one way to find out"
"We are gonna find Doug~ we are gonna find Douug!" Max was jumping up and down on her seat, a huge smile lit up her face, Phil looked at her with a fond smile, after everything she can still smile like she was the most happiest person in the world, Max's gaze wandered over to him and stayed there, her big smile softened and her eyes looked at him with affection
When they arrived at Caesars Palace they ditched black Doug and raced to the very top of the hotel, Phil swung the door open and raced onto the deck "Doug!"
"Doug!"
"Doug, you up here buddy!?
"Doug its Max! Are you here!?"
"Hey guys!" Stu screamed from the other side "He's over here!" they all cheered and raced to the Dentist, they saw an extremely sunburnt Doug slouched against a wall "Hey I found him! He's over here"
"Doug!"
"Oh shit" Stu stumbled to the floor and looked at Doug, his face was red and his lips were cracked and dry
"He's ok" Stu laughed hysterically "You're ok, ha, ha, ha!" Doug was staring at Stu with blurry eyes "Oh god, we gotta go buddy, come on" Stu and Max helped Doug to stand on his wobbly feet "Oh we have been looking everywhere for you"
"Oh Doug I'm so glad you're safe"
"He's alive"
"What the fuck is going on?" Doug complained with a croaky voice, he waddled step by step slowly
"We can explain everything but right now we gotta go" Phil stepped in front of Doug
"Hey bud, you ok?"
"No, not ok"
"You look good, you got some colour, I'm jealous"
"I'm getting married today"
"Yes you are and Doug that's why you need to focus and do everything we say because frankly you're wasting a little bit of time right now" Doug stopped looking around and glared at Phil with pure venom
"You fucking asshole!" Doug lurched forward and spear tackled Phil to the ground, he screamed when Phil's body touched his sunburns "AHH! Oh my skin burns, my skin burns oh ow! God!" Alan knelt over Doug and stroked his cheek
"It's ok, it's not your fault Doug" the sunburnt man slapped Alan's hand away
"Don't touch me, shut up, all of you shut up, just get me home, just get me home" Max pushed Stu and Alan out of the way
"Move out of the way idiots, let me take care of him" She hesitantly reached her hands out "where can I touch you?"
"Hand, the hands" Doug hissed out, Max nodded and gently grasped his hands
"Ok up you get, nice and slow" as she pulled Doug up she looked at Alan "Alan go and find a wheelchair or something, Doug shouldn't walk right now" Alan nodded and scurried off to do what he was told "Now, let's get you inside and in the cold for a bit before we hit the road, Phil, Stu I want you to carefully help Doug inside" the boys nodded and put their shoulders under Doug's arm, they had to bend a little as Doug was shorter than them "Let's get him to Tracy before she blows a fuse"
"What about the one after that? You cannot be serious!" Stu was on the phone to American Airways (I think that's a thing) he snapped his phone shut with a curse "Oh, goddamn it!"
"What?" Phil asked as he pushed Doug down the ramp, Max was trailing behind with a bag full of water for Doug to drink as he was incredibly dehydrated
"Every flight to L.A is booked"
"What about Burbank?"
"Totally sold out"
"Oh, fuck! We can drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours, Alan where's the car?"
"It's on it's way"
"You now what? We can drive there, we can make it ok?"
"Hey Stu" Max nudged him and pointed to down the path, Jade was sitting on a bench, she waved to him with a shy smile
"Just give me one second" Stu jogged away
"We will leave without you"
"Is he missing a tooth?"
"Yeah" Max knelt down and passed a fresh bottle over to Doug to drink
"How are you feeling Doug?"
"Better but my skin burns" she nodded and patted his hand
"You'll feel even better once you get some more water in you, don't drink too fast or you'll puke" Doug nodded and continued to sip, Max stood back up and went over to Phil "we should get Doug in the car, as soon as Stu finishes whatever he is doing we should take off"
"Yeah you're right but first" Phil smirked and pulled Max into a passionate kiss that left her breathless
"What was that for?"
"Just really happy that we found Doug"
"Oh well we should lose Doug more often if I can get a kiss like that from you"
"Please don't" Doug said from his wheelchair, he was not able to see what they were doing but could guess something happened between them for them to be closer than before, he was glad they we closer, it made Phil happy and gave him more motivation to get the divorce done, and Max deserved happiness aswell and her son Eden deserved for his parents to be together, sure Eli would be sad but he had 6 years with his parents together that Eden hasn't and hey maybe Eli will be happy to have a brother.
The Mercedes stopped beside them and they began loading it up with their luggage, they helped Doug into the back seat "It's good get in"
"No safety first"
"Alan it's fine, it's down"
"No, I gotta get it down first" Phil huffed and jumped up from the drivers seat
"Jesus Christ lookout" he and Max jumped up and started smashing and stomping on the roof to lock it in place
"Don't mess the car up" they ignored Alan "you're gonna mess the car up"
"There it's fixed" Phil turned around and walked back to the drivers seat, Alan crawled in and sat beside him "He's still fucking talking, Stu come on!!"
"Stu come on" Alan copied Phil which earned him a glare
"Yo Alan get in the back"
"Aw Phil, why do I have to sit in the back" Alan whined
"Because I want Max up here so move your ass" the bearded child grumbled and sat where Max once sat
"Thank you Alan"
"Yeah yea" Alan huffed and looked off to the side, Stu skipped over and jumped into the middle seat
"Alright let's go"
"Yeah" Phil sped out of the drop off at the hotel and drove away from Vegas, they were making record time with how fast he was driving
"At least the trip wasn't a total disaster"
"What makes you say that?" Alan asked
"When I woke up on the roof, I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket" he pulled the chips out to show the group
"Oh!"
"Oh, my god!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Looks like we're going home with some money, boys" they all erupted into cheers, finally something good happened to them on this bachelor party.
A van pulled up beside them and honked it's horn "Here he comes, that's him" the sliding door opened and metal head looking guy smiled at them "Hey Neeco!"
"Hey what's up Alan?"
"Whoo!" Neeco threw four brown paper bags at Stu
"Whoa look out!" he pointed ahead of him
"Oh shit!" Phil swerved around the car at the last second and Neeco chucked the last back
"Thanks Neeco!"
"You got it man!" Phil drove off
"Who the hell was that guy?"
"That's my buddy"
"Stu, grab my bag I still have Jade's black dress I can wear for the wedding" Stu nodded at leant over the boot, with Alan holding him he managed to fish out the dress and pass it to Max, she stood up and began undressing
"Evert your eyes or take it all in!" she shouted when she was stripped down to her lacy underwear
"If I wasn't driving I would be staring at you!" Phil yelled, he pulled off to the side of the road and they all got out to change minus Max who was still changing in the car, they put their clothes in the boot and all rushed back into the car
They drifted into the car park and ran over Alan's house, in record time they smashed the front door open and stumbled inside "Hey sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route" the people inside stared at them like they were from out of space, Doug was red like a tomato, Stu was missing a tooth, Alan had a bruised eye, Phil at a split lip and Max had a massive cut above her brow and hickeys all over her neck
"What are we waiting for, Christmas?" Max cheered with a smile "let's get this wedding started!"
The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, the whole gang including Max where standing to the right of Doug, she may be a woman but she was Doug's very first friends and deserved to be there. Tracy was looking stunning and was far more beautiful than the other girls. The two lovers shared their vows and said their I Do's and they were married and it was onto the reception, Phil waded through the crowd and found his son beside his mother, he raced over and hugged Eli tightly "can I steal him?" he asked his soon to be ex-wife who was glaring at him
"Yeah take him, you're supposed to have him tonight anyway" Phil brought Eli into his arms "can we talk, I wanna clear the air with you, I want this marriage to work" Stephanie pleaded softly
"I'm sorry Steph but it's not going to work, I may have had feeling for you once but they're gone"
"It's Max isn't it" she snapped "I wish she never went to Vega with you then you would never have gotten back together with her"
"Look I said I'm sorry but I want to be with Max and if you really cared about me you would let me go and be happy" without another word he turned around and left with his son
"Are you and mommy fighting?" Eli asked
"No Eli we're not" he gave him a reassuring smile "I want you to meet someone" they stopped in front of Max who was cuddling a three year old boy who looked exactly like Phil, even at such a young age he had his father's dazzling icy blue eyes and curly hair "This is Max and your brother Eden"
"I have a brother?" Eli asked, an excited smile pulling his cheeks up
"Yep" Max set Eden down and allowed him to crawl over Eli once he too was on the floor, she shuffled over to Phil and kissed him on the cheek "I'm glad they could finally meet"
"So am I, how did talking to Steph go?"
"Well she's not happy, she knew we were back together and was going to yell at me but I got away before she could"
"Yeah I don't think it's a good idea to start an argument at Doug's party, he's had enough drama, he doesn't need a psycho screaming" they sat down at a table and put their kids on their laps
"What the fuck is going on!" they covered their kids ears and looked over to where they heard the scream, Melissa was staring at Stu with pure fury in her eyes
"What did you say about a psycho screaming?"
"We went to Las Vegas"
"Oh really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?"
"Because my best friend was getting married, that's what guys do" Stu calmly replied
"Ok, that's not what you do!"
"Really?"
"Yes"
"Well then why did I do it huh? Because I did it, riddle me that?" Stu's voice raised slightly "Why'd I do it? Sometimes all you want me to do is what you want me to do well I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time, in a healthy relationship, a guy should be able to do what he wants"
"THAT IS NOT HOW THIS WORKS!"
"Oh good! Because whatever this is ain't working for me!" Phil and Max shared a slowly growing smile, Stu was finally standing up for himself
"Oh really?"
"Since when!?"
"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June, boom!"
"You told me it was a bartender" Alan chimed in, completely oblivious to the massive screaming match he was weighing into
"Oh, your right, I stand corrected it was a bartender, you fucked a bartender"
"You're an idiot"
"You're—you—" he groaned "You're such a bad person, like all the way through to your core" he tapped the table and grabbed Alan "Alan, shall we dance?" Stu ran away from Melissa and ran straight into Doug's arms, Phil and Max passed their kids onto Max's friend and ran over to their friend who just made the biggest change in his life, they had a huge group hug that Tracy was pulled into aswell, she was part of the gang now too "Whooo!
"You guys are awesome!"
"Hey Max, Eden want's you" a gorgeous Thaiwanese woman walked up with Eden in her arms
"Oh thank you" Max grabbed Eden and looked to the group "guys this is Lauren, she was my dorm mate in college"
"Hi" Lauren waved, Stu was blushing like mad as he looked at the gorgeous angel that stood before him
They partied—lite—right until it was almost dark and the last rays of the sun were disappearing, whilst everyone chatted to each other over at the reception, the gang were hanging out at a small table with outdoor chairs to relax in, Phil had Eli sleeping on his chest whilst Max had Eden "Dougie" Stu said softly, not wanting to break this peaceful atmosphere that they haven't been able to have for two days "I gotta tell you man, this was a gorgeous wedding"
"I give it six months" Phil commented jokingly
"You're a dick"
"I don't know what to say, thanks for the bachelor party I guess?"
Max snorted into her bottle of beer "Yeah I don't think so tomato"
Doug glared at her and said, "Shut up Max"
"I just wish we could actually remember some of it"
Alan skipped to their little group with a silver camera in had "Hey guys? Look what I found"
"Whoa, that's my camera" Doug said as he looked at the bearded child
"Yea it was lodged in the back seat of the car"
"Oh go—are there photos on it?" Stu tensed in fear
"Yeah, some of it's even worse than we thought" Phil leant forward in his chair
"No fucking way, give me that"
"Wa—wa—wait" Doug stood up and grabbed the camera "wait, wait, wait" he looked around to see if anyone was coming "we look at these pictures together, ok? One time and then we delete the evidence"
"I say we delete it right now" protested Stu, the group all stood up and huddled behind Stu
Phil shook his head "are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital, is that in there?"
"Yeah it's in there"
"Guys, one time, deal?"
"Deal"
"Ok"
"Fine" Doug brought up the camera and turned it on, all their faces drained of colour
"Oh dear lord!"
"That's classic!!!"
!PHOTO TIME!
Alan passed out with a naked woman's breasts near his face
Stu hugging strippers
Chow dancing with strippers
Phil had a lollypop in his mouth and was feeding it to Max who was lying on the table in only her lacy underwear
Group photo with a drag queen behind them
Alan trying to steal Chows purse
Phil tackling Chow to the floor
Stu dancing with Jade
Jade and Stu making out
Max was laying upside down on Phil's lap with her legs spread in the air and her womanhood thrusted into his face
She now had no top on and was grinding her hips on his member
Alan getting a lap dance
Stu once again making out with Jade
Stu pulling out his tooth
Stu's mouth covered in blood whilst he held out his tooth to the camera
Doug laying on newspaper vending machines
Alan sleeping with his head resting on a parking meter
Stu downing an entire bottle of bourbon
Stu throwing it back up
Doug holding a gun whilst Alan and Phil arrested two strangers
Alan playing slots with an old woman
Alan shooting a gun into the air
Max making out with Phil
Alan playing dice whilst the others are cheering him on
Chow kissing Alan's cheek
Alan asleep on the table
The gang all hanging out in a limo with strippers
Alan getting kissed by two strippers
Stu hanging out with Carrot Top
Group photo with Carrot Top
St about to punch Carrot Top whose snorting cocaine
Alan getting his belly button pierced
Stu getting into a fight
Alan posing on top of a fountain
Alan swimming in said fountain
Phil in hospital whilst Alan and Stu are laughing
Phil laughing with a bottle in his hands whilst still in hospital
Phil making out with Max in the hospital
Chow hugging a stripper
Chow getting his dick sucked by same stripper
Doug asleep on a mattress on the roof
Alan humping a sleeping Doug
Mike Tyson asleep with his girlfriend
Phil and Stu posing with the sleeping Tyson
Phil pretending to punch Mike
Doug riding a tiger
Tiger hugging Alan
Max hugging tiger
The gang posing in front of the cop car with the tiger inside
Phil and Max having sex on said cop car
Alan getting sucked off by an old lady
Phil getting sucked off by Max
Alan and Phil highflying whilst they are getting their dicks sucked
The boys holding up Jade whilst Max is underneath with her arm spread wide
Stu giving Jade a piggyback ride whilst she shows off her wedding ring
Stu trying to kiss Alan
The gang all posing together at Stu's wedding
I'm actually going to post one more chapter, i really small one but it's going to be just between Max and Phil
SCREAMINGKITTYCAT OUT!