Chapter 10- Hagh…
Disclaimer: Hmm… Funny joke… Funny joke… I got noth-GAGH! OW! LET ME GO! HELP ME! AHHHH!
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Uh… I apologize Mr. Humble Servent has been… incapacitated for the moment… So I will be the one writing chapter this time round. My name is Kaelus and this here is my female compadre Frosty.
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She doesn't exactly talk… So anyway… Humble Servent does not own FF7 or any other properties that he decides to use over the course of the story.
Inside Shinra ship
"Well I don't see anyone do you?" I asked as we looked around the cargo bay. We had managed to steal more uniforms to hide in before we got on the ship.
"No. But that sailor over there chose an awful career choice with her seasickness…" replied Zack.
"ugh…" Cloud had a rather green face as he started to suffer from his motion sickness. I gave him a tranquilizer and asked Zack to help him up to the deck to let it out. I then noticed that one of the troops pulled Zack's ears rather hard and then helped him take Cloud up to the deck.
"I see he found Aerith…" I then walked up to the seasick sailor and saw if they wanted one of my tranquilizers. "Hey there are you ok?"
"Sephiroth?" asked the sailor who I now recognized as Yuffie. "Ugh… if I wasn't too busy puking my guts out I would kill you…"
"Ha… So you don't want one of my tranquilizers then?" I lightly threatened.
"Please don't jok… URGH! BLARG! Ugh… Please…" she asked weakly.
"Damn you are worse than Cloud. Here." I replied in concern for her health as I gave her the tranquilizer I started rubbing her back to help her ride it out. "Do you need a lift to the deck?" I asked.
"No I am fine now… Thank you… Marlene is waiting for you on the deck with Tifa. You better go now…" she replied weakly but better after the tranq.
"Alright but don't hesitate to find me if you need anything."
"Thanks now go. She is in a sailor uniform like me. Though you would have a better chance of finding them through boobzilla's large ones." She joked.
I rolled my eyes before I bid her farewell and went up to look for Marlene. I sighed heavily"Hagh… I swear things can never be easy with Akumi can it?" I felt a familiar weight land on my head. "What do you think happened Sparky?"
She perched herself on my shoulder before yawning and scratching her ear. "Since when is anything concerning your crazy wife make any sense? Speaking of which Marlene sent me to find you when she heard you were on the ship."
"Hagh… It wasn't my fault Zack blew our cover thanks to a snapped boot tie."
"So the song still playing in Junon wasn't you then?"
"Ok. So I expected it. Zack was never a stealthy person."
"My point."
I then had to pause as I noticed the crater that had my blonde spiky friend in it. "FU-BLEEP!- Hell… Wait what? It didn't bleep? Huh… The author must be slipping or an idiot." I wondered aloud.
Why you little! I have complete control of what happens to you. Do you want me to do something horrible to you?
"The man has to deal with two copies of his Reality destroying, personification of chaos, pain in the ass wife. What exactly makes you think you could make it worse Kaelus?" replied Sparky.
Rose.
"You are the greatest person to exist. You are awesome incarnate and there is no one better than you almighty one." I replied in fear. Last thing I needed was for my sister to end up here too. Last time Rose and Akumi obliterated five universe in a catfight…
There we go. That's the respect I deserve. Now I suggest you turn around and accept your fate.
"Oh Sephiroth…" I heard a rather cheerful voice behind me lace with the killing intent of a thousand suns.
"M-m-marlene…" I stuttered as I turned around.
"Good luck sucker." Sparky laughed as she hopped off my shoulder before Marlene knocked me into the crater with Cloud.
The pain… Ow… "Are you alive Cloud?"
"Urgle…"
"Good. Can you kill me in mercy?"
"Screw… You…"
One Hour Later…
I was now in the cargo hold with Yuffie and Marlene. We were trying to help Yuffie with her motion sickness. Somehow the two girls became best of friends after their mutual desire to beat the hell out of me.
They still haven't quite gotten to the whole boyfriend/fiancé thing. I most certainly bring it up though. Besides it is literally impossible for me to choose.
Limp dick coward
"Oy! This is a teen-rated fic! Don't get us banned you damned idiot!" I yell whispered to the ceiling.
"Sephiroth? Who were you talking to?" asked Marlene. Shit…
"Uh… I wasn't…" istarted before I was interrupted.
BLARE! BLEE WEEP! BLEE WEEP!
"An alarm?!" I yelled.
"Emergency alert! Reports of a stowaway found! Those not on detal, search the ship. Report when found! I repeat… Stowaway sighted on board! Those not on detail, search the ship. Report when found!" the ship's speakers blared.
"C'mon let's go topside to check on the others." I ordered the two before we ran topside.
We rushed up the stairs to the deck. "Is everyone alright?!" everyone asked each other.
"Uh…" I said as I realized no one was missing. "This is everyone here…"
"Then who?" asked Marlene.
"It's the Sephy clone!" answered Mr. T.
"Really?!" asked Tifa.
"Really? That is the name you came up with?" I replied with a deadpan.
"I like it." replied Aerith.
"Meh. I think a clone of Sephy her should have a more fabulous name." Zack went into deep thought before a metaphorical lightbulb went off and he snapped his fingers. "Debbie!"
"It could use some work…" Yuffie added in. She then rushed to the side of the ship.
"BLARG!"
"If we could get back in subject we should go and check it out." Cloud interrupted
"It's the most logical thing to do. Then who's going to go?" asked Red.
"Well Yuffie is out for one. Not to mention things will be crowded with all of us." As if in confirmation Yuffie threw up again. "I should go though. I want to see this clone with my own eyes."
"I should stay with the others just in case." Zack added in.
"Then Red and Sephiroth will go with me. The rest of you will stay in disguise and try to secure us a way off this ship when we land. We won't be able to stay disguised otherwise."
Cargo Hold
"Shit…" I looked around to see several sailors and troops who had been cut down and bleeding on the floor.
"This one over here said that someone went into the engine room." reported Red.
"Let's mosey then." replied Cloud.
"Mosey? Really Cloud? Fine then…"
We opened the room to find more dead bodies and man standing by the engine controls. Cloud walked up to him.
"Is it… Sephiroth?"
"No. I am over here." I yelled.
"Shut it!"
The man in the officer's uniform turned around and then died.
"No… not him!"
Out of nowhere we heard a voice start to speak.
"… After a long sleep…"
"… the time…"
"…time has… come…"
"Is anyone else thinking this is creepy as hell?!" I yelled looking for the creepy voice that sounded too close to my own for my liking.
Then out of the ground Sephiroth appeared. It is interesting to see yourself from besides a mirror. "So it is true! A damned clone!" yelled Cloud.
"… Who are you?" the abomination asked.
"I'm the guy that tossed your ass into the Lifestream bastard!"
"Uh… Cloud?" the man seemed to be in a trance looking at the crazed ex-general
"… Cloud?"
"Sephiroth! What are you thinking!? What are you doing!?"
"CLOUD!" Now Red was yelling along with me.
"… The time… is now…" the damned bastard then flashed us in bright green light before knocking us down in flight and taking off through the ceiling but not before leaving a squiggly tentacle.
"Shit! Back off that thing now!" I warned as I recognized the mutated piece of Jenova before it grew into a disgusting monster.
We got into battle formation and attacked mercilessly. The thing was ridiculously strong and it constantly triggered our limit breaks. I had was forced to take a white mage role with my cure materia. It took a final attack by a combo attack with Sparky and Red in a fiery electric slide fang limit break that pierced the beast.
It shrunk back down into a twitching tentacle. "Ew…" Sparky moaned as she tried to shake of the dead alien goo off her fur.
"I'll give you bath at the beach in Costa del Sol." I offered.
Cloud went to the arm and poked it. "… Jenova. The arm of Jenova."
"What does it mean that the clone took the arm?" asked Red.
The tentacle then faded into nothingness. "But what is the goal here?" I asked.
"The story is not that simple here…" Red added.
"Dock workers—We will be docking in Costa del Sol in 5 minutes. Prepare for docking." The ship's speakers blared.
"We should go." advised Red before Cloud took the Summon materia and we hid until we docked.
Costa del Sol
"So… now what?" I asked as we got off the ship. Cloud more or less gave us the day off. And I was wondering what to do. Yuffie took off and just recently saw her working at a materia shop. Poor bastards…
I have no idea where Marlene went. Aerith and Tifa stole her away somewhere and the others went their own way. I would go to the beach but I know Hojo will be there waiting for Cloud and the others.
"You are a boring person." Sparky replied from my shoulder. "We are in a nice tropical town and there is nothing you can do."
"Ah shut it Sparky. Just because you act like my limit break in this world does not mean you can sass me all the time." I growled.
"No being a badass does." She replied before jumping on to the sand and standing on her hind legs.
"I would kill to have Lucario here… He certainly is a better conversationalist than you."
"He is a kiss-ass as well."
"Blame his genetics and culture on that one. You know his species are extremely loyal to those who prove themselves as their masters. Besides, remember when we first met him as a Riolu? Not even you on your bitchyst day could not compete with that mouth." I reminded her with a laugh.
"Ah. I miss that potty mouth… Besides if you want conversation I would go with Suicune or maybe Sceptile."
"Hmm…" I picked out the materia that had summoned Sparky from my sword. "You think the others are in this thing too?"
"Possibly… If I do work like your Limit break than then sooner or later someone else will come out of that thing and that will work like a real pokeball."
"Nice. Who do you think will be next?" I asked while having a new appreciation for the materia in my hands.
"Hell if I know I am your strongest fighter. Though I have been limited. If I really had to guess it would either be Suicune or Grovyle. I doubt the dragons or the aura fighter will come next."
I then sensed a rather familiar presence behind me. "No Yuffie. You cannot have my materia. This one is special." I said calmly. "Besides aren't you working on ripping off that materia stall?"
I heard her turn right around and go back to the stall. Sparky started laughing. "How did you?"
"The materia is really shiny and I saw her reflection." I replied with a smirk.
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"I forgot to reseal the materia slots on my sword and I'm missing one of my materia aren't i…" I realized.
"Yup." I sighed as I checked which one she stole to realize she only stole my lightning materia. Which I suppose doesn't matter since I have Sparky.
"Hagh… c'mon lets head to the room and kick Barret out of bed." I sighed heavily too bad I did not see Marlene running up from the beach.
"Ow… What the hell Marlene?" I moaned from the ground.
"Sorry." She apologized before I helped her up. Then my brain immediately seized up and I was stuttering mess.
Brain overload has occurred. Central processor has overclocked itself and failed.
Analyzing… Analyzing…
Recommending fix is hard reset.
Starting reboot.
5%
15%
34%
72%
"Sephiroth?" oh dear god she is leaning over in that…
Error. Error. Error.
Reboot has failed. Immediate shutdown will be enforced.
That folks is I how I learned seeing Marlene in a bikini is far more destructive to my mind than the fogged glass of the shower room. The last thought in my mind before I went to dreamland was: Oh dear god what is Yuffie going to try tomorrow?
The next day
The next day I have had to deal with lot of chuckling and comments. Then I had to very wary of Yuffie cause I could sense the plan in her head to get even with Marlene. Marlene… well she has been silently gloating for my reaction nonstop.
"So…" Zack dared to try.
"ONE MORE WORD OUT OF ANYONE! I WILL TOSS YOU TO THE GOLDEN SAUCER!" I growled out.
"Even me?" Yuffie pouted with her bottom lip out.
"Correction anyone BESIDES Yuffie and Marlene." I sighed.
"Sexist!" Zack accused with a finger.
Whack! Slump…
Everyone had their mouths gaping as we saw Aerith knock Zack out with her staff then hefted him like a sack of potatoes.
"Sorry for him. When he wakes up I will make sure he gets the message when he wakes back up." She replied with a sweet smile that seemed to promise a lot of pain.
"So how much blood did you lose from seeing her in that bikini anyway?" Way to ruin the moment Sparky.
"Depends. How much blood do you want to lose from being stabbed like a cheap kebab?"
"You and I know well enough that you would never do that." We then started an old fashioned Wild West stare down. Then we saw a tumbleweed roll past us and burst out laughing. Everyone of course looked at us as though we were crazy.
"Uh… are you two ok?" asked Tifa.
We looked at them and shared a rolling eye look. "You city folk just don't get it." Akumi replied in a Texan accent.
"We are in the West. Outlaws on the run hunting for the one who bring evil to the world. And then tumble weed passes by during a stare down." I continued in a similar accent.
"All we need partner is a bottle of whisky, some horses, and some whores. Oh wait. We got those from Yuffie and Marlene tossing themselves at you don't we?"
"HEY!" the accused woman yelled in indignation. Sparky never did nor never will like Akumi… But that is more a result of mother hen syndrome than anything else. She doesn't like to show it but she cares deeply for our little family. Akumi has been the direct result of several my near-deaths and literal deaths. So…
"What? Hurts to hear the truth?" she challenged.
"That's it you little rat I am going to..." Yuffie replied while drawing her shuriken.
"I agree!" Marlene added in cracking her knuckles and slipping on her Mythril claws.
"STOP!" I tried to warn. But a quick Thunderbolt later and I was forced to carry a charred Marlene and Yuffie up the mountain we started to hike.
"So Sephiroth." Tifa started.
"Yes?"
"Is there any particular reason why you are leading these two girls on? Especially since Marlene claimed you first apparently?" she had a smile on her face but I could tell a wrong answer would not end well.
Do I tell the truth? Or do I lie? I can already tell Tifa will catch me in the lie. I notice the others listening in as well. After confirming the two girls were still knocked out, I tried explaining myself.
"Hagh… I saw and learned many things while I was floating around in the Lifestream. As Gaia purged me of Jenova's taint. I saw some of my past lives from various lifetimes."
"Incredible…" Aerith said in awe.
"These two were constantly reappearing in those lives. Asking me to choose one is similar to asking me if I want to choose which arm to chop off." I added.
"So technically those two are your soulmates?" Barret asked.
"Yes. But not in the normal way. For some reason that I don't entirely know why they were once one person but were split into two. That's why Marlene is so pure and Yuffie so devious." Complete lies. But for all I know, one day Akumi's soul could get split into pieces.
"But what about these two?" Aerith asked in concern. "What about their love?"
"Sadly that is something they have to figure out. But I refuse to either tell them or choose between them. I hope you can respect my choice." I replied.
"I will respect that decision. The planet has decided to bring you and your two mates into this world at the same time for a reason. It is your decision alone." Red answered.
"If we are done with story time. Let's mosey on."
Cue team groan.
Corel Mountain
"I know that old guy saw my clone go up here but why?" I asked in confusion. Yuffie and Marlene had long since woken up but were currently enjoying shoulder perches.
We then came into view of a large reactor. "That it?" offered Zack.
"I doubt it." Growled Barret before he continued on. We left the reactor and HOLY SWEET DAMN WHAT THE HELL!
"WHY THE HELL ARE WE WALKING UPSIDE DOWN AND HUGE!" I asked as though the world glitched horribly.
"Who screwed up now?" Sparky asked from my head.
Sorry! I knocked something important! Everything will be fine if you just walk into the next area.
"What are you yelling about?" asked Cloud.
"Sephiroth?" Yuffie and Marlene asked in fear on my shoulders.
"It's nothing. C'mon let's move." I replied rushing to the next area.
KAELUS! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?
Hey don't blame me! Frosty was the one who tripped on your crap!
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Hagh… forget it you guys can go now. It seems like a good place to end anyway… Be careful though you two. You know both know your actions can cause horrendous consequences to the worlds.
I get it I get it. Yeesh. I will see you later. I needed to head back soon anyway. Kage will kill me if I am not home for dinner. Bye.
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Hagh… I will tell Samus we have company for dinner.
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I'm cooking don't worry. I am the only one that can eat her cooking and live anyway.
AN: Well that happened… To those who did not read my last fanfic that was Kaelus. If I am too busy with something and I want to keep up with my schedule I ask him for help. Frosty makes sure he stays in line. Though I don't do it often… Well anyway… We have made it to chapter 10. Where I originally wanted to end this story but then I decided to be a masochist and make it complicated. I am going somewhere with the whole Love triangle thing. That is why I have left it vague. Let's see what else. Reviews are a lovely thing. Hint. Hint. Hint. Oh and that ending was from a weird glitch that happened when I played the game.