It had been a few months since the shooting and Maura felt like Jane was closing herself off completely. Jane had never really been able to fully open up to Maura. She always held something back. Maura had a good feeling it had to do with Jane's horrible experience, but she had gotten worse since the shooting. Maura just needed to find a way to get Jane to open up to her. When Maura had watched Jane hit the pavement it was as if her whole world shattered into a million pieces. She had rushed over, trying her best to slow the bleeding in Jane's side. For Maura with every drop of drains blood that drained from her body a little more of her world fell apart and disappeared. She still woke up screaming on occasion, drenched in cold sweat. The only thing that could calm her was finding Jane by her side, still warm, still alive, and still breathing. On these nights, Maura had to curl close into Jane's side and just hold, her as if she let go Jane would disappear.
Maura couldn't figure out any way to get through to Jane for a long time. She racked her brain for weeks when it finally hit her, she had been driving home from the morgue when a song came on her radio when she was flipping through the stations. A song called "Fall By Clay Walker". It fit perfectly. She went home, downloaded, and burned to a CD. She made sure to give it to Jane the next day at lunch. Jane had been put back on light desk duty, her injury was healed but the doctors, much to Jane's protest, wanted her to take it easy just a little while longer.
"Jane." Maura said as they sat at Maura's desk eating some sandwiches Jane had picked up from a nice deli down the street. "I made this for you last night. Will you listen to it for me later when you get home?" Her eyes pleading as she pulled the CD from her purse.
"Sure, Maura sure I'll listen to it as soon as I get home." Jane said half-paying attention through a mouthful of sandwich, she was looking over a current case file on Maura's desk.
Maura put her hand on Jane's arm. Jane looked up realizing that Maura was serious this time. She saw the serious look in Maura's eyes. "Ok Maura seriously I promise I'll listen to it."
Maura smiled knowing that Jane had finally listened to her. "Thank you Jane."
She leaned over kissing the detective on the cheek. "Now that lunch is through, I have to get back to work if I want to get out on time today. Jane nodded.
"I better get back to before Frost and Korsak think we're down here having a quickie on one of the autopsy tables." Jane smiled and for just a second Maura saw a hint of the old Jane before it disappeared again under Jane's newly formed walls, thicker and higher than Jane had ever had before.
She left the morgue and Maura hoped more than ever that Jane would really listen to the CD and understand what Maura was trying to say.
Maura sighed returning to her reports so she might be able to get home on time.
Jane returned to her desk trying her damnest to make the day pass faster. She wanted nothing more to get home and sit on the couch with a beer, take a nice hot shower and then just veg out. She got home right on time, throwing her keys on the counter before taking Jo out for a walk. Jo took a nice leisurely walk, making sure to sniff every tree bush and fire hydrant before letting Jane return to her apartment. When she got back in she remembered she promised Maura she would listen to that CD. She got it out of her ran down to her car retrieving it from between her seats before returning to her apartment and popping it into the CD player. Grabbing a beer and heading to the couch she listened to the lyrics come over the radio fiddling with the CD case.
Oh, look, there you go again
Puttin' on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin' this and doin' that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break
So fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby, fall
Forget about the world tonight
All that's wrong and all that's right
Lay your head on my shoulder, and let it fade away
And if you wanna let go, baby, its okay
Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall
Hold on, hold on,
Hold on to me
Fall
Go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you
Everytime you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear,
Every worry, every tear,
I'm right here
Baby fall
Jane could feel a tear slide down her cheek as she listened to the lyrics. She threw the case on the coffee table in front of her. As it hit the table a small note fell out and hit the floor. Jane picked it up seeing Maura's small perfect handwriting.
Dear Jane,
I love you more than life itself. I have for longer than I think I ever realized. When I saw you almost leave me that day I realized there were things that science couldn't fix and it scared me beyond anything I can put into words. For me science has always…ALWAYS held the answers to any problem or questions I might have. I will always be here for you. Whether you want me or not, I'll be here. Waiting for you to realize that at some point, you have to let down your walls and just let me in. Jane no one can live without letting someone in. Please let me catch you…
Love always,
Maura
Jane couldn't control her tears anymore. The dam broke and they fell free. The CD had ended. Right then she realized what she had to do. She got up and jumped in the shower before packing a bag, grabbing her Ipod and a box out of her dresser. Before she got shot she had a plan, but once that bullet pierced her abdomen she thought that she would never be able to go through with it. She thought that she would never be able to be what Maura needed ever again. She was broken to broken. but reading that note she realized that Maura loved her, and all her broken self. She grabbed Jo and headed out the door heading for Maura's.