Disclaimer: Twilight? Not mine.

Thank yous: Jess; Boo, I'm crossing you out—X (no wait, you redeemed yourself via text message, LOL! Looove you!). Ysar; I learn something new every time you beta, Girlfriend! Oh, and I added last minute stuff, so please don't hate me (*bites nails*). Everyone: I want to thank everyone who tweets this fic, rec's this fic, reviews this fic, and lurks this fic. Seriously, you guys are awesome! I wish I was able to get a grip and thank you individually.

I'm on Pacific time, peeps. This still counts as a Friday update! :P

-x-

The Slowest Burn

That awkward moment when… you realize you've just sailed off down a shit creek without a fucking paddle.

Ch. 10: Catalyst, You Insist To Pull Me Down

It's only Wednesday, and every day since Monday (the day I made plans with Cullen for the weekend), I've felt antsy and guilty. Rosalie knows, but not because I told her. She snatched my phone the second I walked out of class and read Cullen's final answer.

Right now she's just acting like she doesn't care, but I know she does; it's so freaking obvious. Every time my phone is in my hand, she's on me like white on rice. I don't know what she expects to see; it's not like I'm sending love notes to Cullen for fucks sake. In fact, I haven't even heard from him since Monday, which makes me want to crawl up the walls because I don't like being the one left waiting. He's supposed to chase me, not have me chase him.

Is that what I'm doing?

I stop my brisk walk across the quad from the parking lot toward the football field for cheer practice. My entire body is frozen where I stand. What the fuck am I doing? I know damned well I cannot just be friends with Cullen. By all means, I should stay as far away from him as possible—I have a boyfriend! What part of that do I not understand? I tell myself it's perfectly fine. I can be friends with Cullen, and if Jasper has a problem, then that's something he will have to deal with. He can't tell me who I can hang out with.

Would you be okay if he hung out with another girl behind your back?

I don't like this other voice I'm hearing in my head. It's the reasonable one that usually comes from Rosalie's mouth, not my own subconscious. I've flipped my fucking lid. I need to seek psychiatric help; I think I'm schizophrenic.

"Bella!"

Okay, that was outside of my head. Right?

"Belly-boo!"

I whirl around, and Emmett is jogging over to me. "Hey." I lift my chin in acknowledgment.

He snorts and copies my greeting. "Hey."

I roll my eyes at his raised chin and shake my head. "What's up, Em? You gotta talk and walk because I'm already late for practice."

"Rose is on one this week, huh?" He grimaces and follows in step with me.

I have to agree. She's been at a 10 all week on the bitch-o-meter, we need her to be at about a 6 if we plan to get through the rest of the week. It's funny in a way because Rose and I are tighter than tight when it comes to the baby stuff, but when the topic of Cullen rears its head, she slides right into bitch mode faster than a hot flash.

"Yeah," I say, nodding my head, "her mood swings are giving me whiplash."

Em lets loose a loud guffaw and slaps his big bear paw of a hand down on my shoulder. "Classic!"

I try to hold back my amusement because we really shouldn't be making fun of Rosalie anyway, given her situation. But Emmett doesn't know her situation, so he rears his head back and roars with laughter as we make our way to the back of the school.

"Hey, are you and Jaz doing okay?" Emmett's hand squeezes my shoulder right when we step onto the field.

I freeze, and I know he feels it because his fingers dig deeper into my flesh. I try to shrug him off, but he's back like an annoying housefly. So I treat him like I would the fly. I slap his hand off and away from me, following my action with a look of annoyance aimed his way. He catches on quickly and backs off, but his brow furrows as if he's confused. This is where I start to panic. I don't want to lie to Emmett; he's the only one besides Rosalie that I fully trust. So if he asks me about Cullen, I don't know what I'm going to say.

"Bella?" Emmett raises a hand to touch my shoulder, but when I tense up, he drops it and sighs. "I knew it."

I gulp. "You knew what?"

"How did you find out?" He sighs and rubs a hand over his face. Then he snorts. "Well actually it's not hard to guess how you found out. It's not like he's hiding it."

This is where that voice in my head from before starts to pipe up again. Who is hiding what? Does he know about Cullen? What did I supposedly find out?

Out loud I say, "Yeah, well… uh…" shit. I'm totally stumped.

"It's okay, Bella." His eyes are thoughtful. "It really doesn't mean anything anyways. They're just friends. It's kinda funny how they got to be friends, but…" He shrugs and scratches behind his ear while he looks anywhere else but at my face. "But as long as you know that they're just friends, then—"

"Hold up!" My hand darts out to stop him. "What the fu—"

"Emmett! Let's go! Practice started six minutes ago, you loser!" Tyler Crowley shouts through cupped hands. "Stop flirting with Whitlock's girl and get your ass on the line!"

Emmett throws him a scary look and then starts walking toward his team. The same hand I held up to stop him now flies out to stop him once more. "Emmett, wait!" I yelp and grab onto his bicep. "What were you talking about just now?"

"Jaz and Alice," he answers matter of fact, "I was worried you were gonna do that girly freak out thing, but you seem cool with it." He pats my hand over his arm. "I underestimated your awesomeness." He winks at me and then jogs over to his team.

My eyes dart around the field in search of Jasper. What the fuck does he think he's doing? Alice? As in Alice Brandon? Super skank who is also a super whore and who once kept Edward from… I pause. Did I just refer to Cullen by his first name? I gulp as I think this over.

To me, there is a difference when it comes to Edward Cullen. Everyone refers to him by his last name only. It's what he prefers. If someone were to even accidentally call him by his first name, he'd blow a fuse and go nuclear on their ass. Even girls were afraid to call him by his first name, although I'm sure he'd let them slide the first time.

So why did he want me to call him Edward? What made me special? Why did he get angry if I didn't call him by his given name? Which brings me to my main concern, my place in Cullen's life vs. his place in mine. In a perfect world, I would be blissfully unaware of Cullen's existence and live on happily with Jasper. In that perfect world, I wanted to be with Jasper instead of needing to be with him. But the world is far from perfect, thus my dilemma. Where do Cullen and I stand? Better yet, where do I want us to stand?

I've been trying to figure out a way to separate myself from Edward. When I call him Cullen, it's like he's someone outside my circle—and my life. That night in the guesthouse laundry room never happened. So if I call him Edward, I'm accepting it happened, and I'm also allowing some sort of attachment to form.

I cannot let that happen. No matter how badly I want to fuck Edward's brains out.

My cheeks turn red. I blush. I can't believe I just thought that. Or imagined that. Or… wanted that. But I do. I so, so do. It's not bad if I don't say it out loud, right? As long as I don't act on it, it's harmless. No one will ever have to know. Except for the fact that I'm not sure I can promise not to act on it. Cullen's sudden nonchalant attitude is driving me fucking crazy. He wanted me, he was wrapped around my finger. What the fuck happened to that? Was I losing him? Something about that concept made my stomach hurt.

I look up just in time to see Rosalie throw me a death glare, and I know it's time to get my shit together. We have a game coming up against Port Angeles High, and they're really fucking good. Jessica is convinced we'll win if we don't screw up our half-time number. I think it's all just a horrible waste of time since the playing field has not yet been decided. If we end up playing in Port Angeles then all of this practicing is for nothing. No cheer team is allowed to do a half-time routine at another teams school.

However, I know that if the game ends up being in Forks, Rose just wants to show off in front of Alexis, Port Angeles High's head cheerleader. They share a rivalry that's been going strong for four years now, ever since their freshman summer at cheer camp. I wasn't on the squad then, but Rose told me it has to do with Alexis ripping off a cheer from Rose and using it at the end of summer cheer competition.

Rose's team won regardless, but she still hates Alexis. I asked her if she got that from a Bring It On! movie and was promptly slugged hard in the shoulder. I'm behind Rose one hundred percent, but I'll always wonder if there's more behind the rivalry than she lets on.

Whatever the reason, Rose has been cracking the whip all week. Hard. We have the routine down, but she won't let us go home. It's getting late, and we're losing daylight, but when someone brings this up, Rose just moves us all to the gymnasium. Way to go, Makenna.

Yet that's not the most prominent thing on my mind right now. My thoughts are all over the place as we relocate from the field to the gym. I should be way more upset than I am about this newfound friendship between my boyfriend and Alice Brandon. I should also be way more upset that Rosalie is acting borderline crazy. The cheer-nazi is rearing her ugly head again…

"What the hell is up her ass, Bella?"

Riley Biers approaches me, with Kate Stone and Mike Chang not too far behind. My eyes search behind them to see a few more people on the team looking over at us, waiting for my answer. But I don't get to answer—thank God—because Rosalie storms over to break us apart and order us to our designated spots in the lineup.

I'm a flyer, so I head towards the back of the group and stand with my usual bases; Riley and Mike. My stomach starts to grumble as dinnertime nears. It makes an embarrassingly loud sound, and I look around to see who's heard it, but their eyes are up front with Rosalie. I follow their lead and groan when I see Jasper, Emmett, and Tyler sneak into the gym and climb the bleachers.

If Rosalie is aware of their arrival, she doesn't let on. "I'm changing the routines," she starts with her hands firmly placed on her hips. Gasps and cries of outrage fill the room and echo off the walls.

"What do you mean?" Lauren squeaks in a panic.

"I mean you suck, and there is no way we're going to place in the finals if you all keep sucking. I want Scorpions at the end of that last number we just did."

I gulp at the thought of all six flyers being held up in the Scorpion positions while everyone is so exhausted. No way can we pull that off tonight without someone getting injured and carried out the door. My legs are shaky enough as it is since I haven't eaten since lunch.

"Actually," Rosalie starts up again, "I want to change the music, too, as well as a few other stunts. All of our routines will have to be redone; it's embarrassing to even watch you do them."

"What the hell, Rose?" Jessica's voice is especially high and whiny as she moves forward to argue with the captain. "We worked our asses off on those routines, and Sectionals is in two months! No way can we come up with six new numbers and still—"

"Who is the captain of this squad, Jessica?" Rosalie interrupts with venom in her tone. She waits for an answer before she continues, and when Jess nods her head, Rosalie bites it off. "Then sit your ass down somewhere, Stanley. In fact, sit out the entire game on Friday. Do not wear your outfit to school. Do not meet us at Giovanni's before the game. Do not come to the game. If I see you do any of those things come Friday, I will kick you off the squad," she growls. "Now nod your head, and tell me you understand what I've just said to you."

I shiver where I stand; I've never seen Rosalie launch into someone like that while she was sober. Not that she wouldn't do so ever, just not… in front of the squad. Rosalie usually burns people behind closed doors to be discrete. This is unlike her, even when she's at her moodiest.

"Okay!" I call out after finally having had enough of her animosity. Rosalie's eyes burn into mine as I push past the others on the squad to get to her. "Go home everyone," I say to them over my shoulder. "We have all day tomorrow to deal with the routine for Friday's halftime. Right now, I think it's best we all get home and get some rest."

A collective exhale of breath circles the air. I'm not their captain, but I'm their captain's best friend. I might as well be co-captain. Which I guess, technically I am… right?

"What are you doing?" Rosalie hisses under her breath.

I glare right back at her. "I'm saving your ass from fire and pitchforks. You need to calm down before people start to ask questions."

"I don't need to calm down!" Her voice rises and everyone freezes from their escapes. "You are not in charge of this squad, Bella! Do I need to bench your ass, too?" she growls in my face so angrily that I hardly recognize her, which pisses me off, and ultimately… I blow my top clean off.

"Calm your inner bitch down now, Rosalie Hale." I point a finger in her face and stand up as tall as I can. "Pack your shit, leave this room, and wait for me in the parking lot." With my eyes, I dare her to fight me on this. I'm prepared to wrestle her ass down to the ground if I have to; her behavior has gotten ridiculous as of late.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the boys making their way down the bleachers. Emmett looks especially eager to break us up, and I know I have only a small window to talk to Rose before he's within earshot. With my hand still in her face, I yank it down and grab the front of her shirt to pull her toward me. "Emmett is coming over here, so please calm down, Rose. People are already asking questions," I plead with her. "I don't know what set you off, but you need to get a hold of your attitude."

"Exactly." She scoffs and jerks free from my hand. "You don't know. If it doesn't have to do with Edward Cullen, then you don't really give a shit, do you?" She shakes her head in disappointment. "There's only room for one self-centered person in this friendship, Bella."

With that, she turns around and leaves the gym. It's a dramatic exit, but it would have been better executed had she remembered to grab her things. I roll my eyes and stuff her things in my arms to carry back to the locker room. But then I think about all the people inside just waiting to ask me what happened. When I glance at the exit Rose took, I see Jasper waiting for me against the wall.

I gulp and walk over to him. He takes the stuff from my hands, and we walk to my truck silently. When I'm settled, he pulls my face to his and kisses me softly. I try to deepen our kiss, but he pulls away and places one last touch of his lips to my forehead.

"We'll talk later," he says and shuts my door firmly.

I don't quite know what that means.

-x-

"I can't hang out with you," I blurt as soon as the other end of the line picks up.

"What?" The sound of laughter and the clinking of glass overpowers his words, and I squint while trying to decipher where the hell he could be in the middle of the week on a school night.

"I can't hang out with you this weekend," I clarify the second time around.

There's a deep breath and then the sound of lips being licked before an exhale. "Why not?" I can almost see the smoke blowing outward and curling up into the air around his face.

"Because," I hesitate, "I…" deep breath. "It's complicated."

He snorts and then sighs deeply. "Whatever."

I blanch at his cavalier reaction; I thought he would have at least tried to convince me otherwise. In fact, I think I'm disappointed that he's not. So naturally, I open my mouth when I should keep it closed and say the one thing I know will get a rise out of him.

"Whatever." I throw the word back at him. "It's not like either of us were actually serious about it anyways."

"What the hell does that mean?" His voice sounds strained, as if he's trying to gain control of his temper.

I roll my eyes and pull a hand through my tangled hair. Ouch. "It means," I grimace as I fight with a knot my fingers are caught in, "exactly what it sounds like. I'm not cryptic like you are when I talk. I say what I mean."

He chuckles at me. "That's rich, really. Because actually, Bella? You never say anything at all."

My skin burns with anger. "Well, maybe when it comes to you? I have nothing to say."

Silence. Direct hit. I gulp and fidget with my toes inside my socks as I sit on my bed cross legged. I feel like every second that ticks past like a timed bomb counting down to its ultimate explosion. Suddenly, he pulls in a deep breath and I inwardly start to panic. Alarm bells start to ring inside my head.

Mayday! Mayday! Danger, Will Robinson!

"You know what? You're right. When it comes to me you have absolutely nothing to say." He pauses for a moment. "Then again, it's usually because your mouth is otherwise occupied."

Said mouth drops open in complete shock. I can almost literally feel steam racing out through my ears. My eyes bug out and I fist my bed covers in my free hand.

"Trust me," I hiss, "my mouth has better things to do… bigger things." Why the fuck did I just say that? I cringe and do a face palm. I am such a freaking idiot!

A bitter laugh pushes past his lips. "Whatever you say, Doll Face. But I think we both know that's a fucking lie."

"I hate you," I reply with a tremble in my voice.

He inhales with a long breath and answers me back with the smoke held inside his lungs, "Now that one I believe." He exhales.

"I have no idea what the hell I ever saw in you." I aim to hit below the belt. "You're just like every other douche bag with a fast car and no morals."

"Yeah, and your little bitch boyfriend is a fucking dream, right?" He snorts. "Please."

"Jasper is ten times better than you will ever be." I sneer into the phone. "He's smart and funny. He's the a quarterback on the football team and everyone is friends with him because he's a nice guy. And unlike like you? He doesn't beat the shit out of people when he's angry."

I hear a bitter snicker from Cullen's end. "Well you just have it all figured out then, right? You're so… well put together." His voice is condescending. "So perfect!"

I don't like where this is going.

He grunts maliciously before he stabs me in the chest with his next words. "You're so bored you don't know what to do with yourself. Anyone with half a brain can tell you're fake as hell when it comes down to it. You hate me because I see through that little act of yours—unlike those fake ass people you call friends. And when I'm with you, I expect for you to be real with me. But you don't even know how to, do you? And that fucking terrifies you doesn't it?"

I gasp softly. My hands start to shake as it all hits me right to the stomach. It literally feels like someone's punched me in my gut. He's wrong, he's so fucking wrong. He has to be wrong. I shake my head back and forth as if to convince myself that he is. Anger consumes me in place of panic, it's my go-to emotion when I feel myself start to crumble.

"You might want to tell your skank to stay away from my boyfriend." I can hear myself say the words, but I can't actually comprehend that I've just uttered them.

Silence, then, "Excuse me?"

The tone of his voice makes me shiver. Oh yeah, I've got his attention now.

"Your little tramp that keeps you cozy at night." I snort. "I don't appreciate her attempt to make my boyfriend her next victim."

This time he laughs out loud. "Well, maybe if you kept your 'boyfriend' satisfied, he wouldn't creep around behind your back with other girls. As for this skank and/or tramp you speak of? I am warning you now never to use words like those again when you speak of my best friend."

"Fuck you!" I snap. "I can call her whatever the hell I want. You don't know me, Cullen! No one does, so screw the both of you. Just tell her to stay away or—"

"Tell her yourself. I'm not your messenger boy," he growls out, and then there's the distinct sound of a click before the line goes dead.

I blink down at my phone in complete shock. Did Cullen just hang up on me? Why the hell did I just threaten his friend over something I only halfway care about to begin with? I trust Jasper; I know there's nothing going on. But there is definitely something going on with me.

I just have no idea what the hell it is.

-x-

There nothing good on TV. This frustrates me because I already ate the rest of the ice cream from the freezer and I still feel like shit.

I don't like feeling like this—hell, I'm not even half-way sure what I am feeling. All I know is that it's like being stuck in one of the Tea Cups at Disneyland. Spinning, disorienting and discombobulating. Over and over again. My mind is a whirlwind of voices and sounds and thoughts and images.

Dizzy.

I'm so dizzy from everything going on in my fucking head and it won't stop.

"Honey?" Dad shouts down the stairs from his room.

I fly up from the couch. A distraction. This is what I need.

"Yeah, Dad?" I ask anxiously.

"Can you open the door for Harry and Billy? I just got a text saying they were pulling up now." His answer makes me laugh softly.

A text. I snort. It's so weird when I hear my dad talk about receiving a text. I roll my eyes and walk through the kitchen to pull open the door, just in time to see Harry's truck pull up to the house. I nod my head and give a small wave when Harry rolls Billy up to the door, and I hold the door wide for them to enter. Dad comes downstairs shortly after and tells me they're all here to watch the game together. I smile and nod my head, but inside I'm still out of whack and struggling to remain calm.

I greet Dad's friends, who are almost like uncles, and hurry up to my room. I check my Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr before slapping my laptop closed and groaning. Rosalie hasn't tried to call or contact me yet, but I know she will. It'll hit her eventually that I was right; she needed to calm down. I was right; I know I was.

But she was right about Cullen.

My phone rings, and I lunge across my bed to grab it from the nightstand where it's charging. I don't look to see who it is because I don't care. I just need to talk to someone so that I'll stop talking to myself. But when I answer and realize who it is, I quickly change my mind.

"Come again?" I blink several times and ask the caller to repeat themselves.

A long exhale fills my ears. I start to clench my hands into fists. She inhales deep. I dig my nails into my sheets. "Hello?" I snap angrily.

"You heard me the first time," she snaps back.

"Yeah, and I must be hard of hearing because I know you can't be so stupid as to call my phone," I all but growl at her. "How did you get my number anyways? Did he give it to you?"

"No, I took it from his phone," she mutters.

I laugh bitterly. "Which 'him' are you referring to exactly? Seeing as how you like my sloppy seconds and all."

"You know what? You don't deserve either one of them." She scoffs in a sound of sheer disbelief. "I tried calling in hopes of understanding what the hell it is about you that you have two amazing guys, both crazy about you. I now realize it's not because you're this cute, little, funny girl. It's because you're a whore, and you put out."

My stomach drops, and I pull my sheets up from my mattress. I see red instantly. "Don't mistake me for yourself, Alice Brandon." My teeth are clenched tight as I hiss out the words.

"Don't mistake Edward and Jasper as your doormats." Her words are like a knife to the chest.

She hangs up before I can respond.

-x-

It's late, and I'm cold, in front of his doorstep, shivering in flannel pants and a small zip up sweater. I clench my fingers around my cell phone as I wait for him to open the door. His last text said to wait for him here, but it's been almost ten minutes, and I'm a fucking popsicle out here.

Not to mention I think I'm on the verge of a serious nervous breakdown. I can't get my brain to shut the fuck up. I can't sleep. I can't even eat. I skipped dinner when Harry and Billy brought catfish for Dad to fry up and he boasted about his special spices. An old family recipe he claimed. The sound of the door creaking draws my attention, and I feel relief when he steps out and stares down at me.

"Hey," I mumble softly.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" His question is well deserved, but I don't really have a solid answer.

So I go with the truth, "I, um…" I lick my chapped lips and bite the flaked skin. "I need to tell you something."

His shoulders fall in relief. "It's about fucking time." He ushers me inside and shuts the door behind us.

-x-

You're hiding something, 'cause it's burning through your eyes
I try to get it out, but all I hear from you are lies

And I can tell you're going through the motions
I figured you were acting out your part
Once again, we're playing off emotion
Which one of us will burn until the end?

Catalyst, you insist to pull me down
You contradict the fact that you still want me around
And it's all downhill from here
And it's all downhill from here

-x-

AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song All Down here From Hereby New Found Glory. The sound is upbeat, but the lyrics are so perfect!

I'm typokween on tumblr & twitter. Come say hello, I be lonely sometimes! :P

See you next Friday!