September 30th, 1988
Rayna was sitting cross-legged on her sister's childhood bed. She was wearing loose fitting pajama pants and a t-shirt she'd gotten at her first concert. It had a sizeable hole in the front, right near the bottom hem, but she was too nostalgic to throw it out.
Tandy was sitting across from her wearing a nightgown, a glass of red wine cradled in her hand. She took a sip, and handed it to Rayna, who took a long pull and then wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, feeling a little bit tipsy.
"I can't believe you're getting married tomorrow!" Rayna shouted, giggling a bit as she passed the wine back to Tandy. "I can't believe I'm back in this house!" She sighed, and plopped down on the bed, her legs still crossed underneath her.
Her father had given her a pass redeemable for one night back under his roof as a favor to Tandy on the eve of her wedding.
Tandy drained the glass of wine, and looked at Rayna, "Please. You've only been gone for like a month."
"It feels like I've been gone a lot longer than that, Tan Tan Bear," Rayna scrunched up her nose and laughed at the childhood nickname.
Tandy poured more wine in the glass. "There's one I hadn't heard in a long while." She passed the now-full glass to her sister.
Rayna took it, propping herself up on an elbow, and took a sip. Some of the red wine dribbled down her chin and on to the white comforter. "Oops!" Rayna laughed, wiping the wine from her chin. She tried to wipe the wine from the comforter with the edge of her black t-shirt, but it just seeped further in, fanning out across the white fabric of the bedspread.
Tandy laughed, taking the glass back, "And that's enough for you." She took a sip and put the wine on the nightstand next to the bed. "So," Tandy leaned back against the pillows on the bed, "Tell me about this boy you're bringing to my wedding."
Rayna turned her head to look at her sister, "Is that the term you're supposed to use? 'Boy'? I've been trying to figure it out, but none of it sounds right."
Tandy turned over onto her side, so she could face Rayna, "Tell me about him."
Rayna smiled, "Deacon." She said, swallowing hard, her heart racing at the mere mention of his name, "You met him."
Tandy nodded, "Mhmm. I did."
Rayna narrowed her eyes, "What?" She knew that tone, had heard Tandy give it all of her life.
Tandy lifted her head, propping herself up on her hand, her elbow digging into the pillow, "I didn't say anything."
Rayna sat up, leaning her back against the headboard of the bed, "You didn't have to. I know you, I know that look. I know that tone." Rayna stared at her, hard, "What?"
Tandy sighed, "It just seems like you're…" Tandy trailed off, "kind of slumming it a bit, don't you think?"
Rayna scoffed, the anger rising in her immediately, "Oh, you know what, Tandy, you are just like Daddy, I swear. Y'all are just two peas in a damn pod."
Tandy sat up and opened her mouth to speak. Reading her intentions, Rayna cut her off.
"No." Rayna's voice was firm, her voice bouncing off the stark white walls, "You know what else? You don't even know Deacon, you met him one time for five minutes, so I don't really think you have any right to sit there and say—"
Tandy held her hands out in front of her, trying to calm Rayna down, "You're right, you're right." Her words stopped Rayna's tirade, "I shouldn't have said that," She reached for the wine glass and took a sip, "I'm sorry." When Rayna didn't look at her, she held out the glass of wine, dipping her head to catch her sister's eye, "Rayna, I am sorry." Her voice was sincere.
"Say the thing about me being right again." Rayna stared at her sister.
Tandy bit back a smile, "You're right, Rayna, I shouldn't have said that," Tandy shook the glass of wine a little bit, a peace offering.
Rayna glanced at her sister, rolled her eyes, and took the glass. Taking a long swig of it, she sighed. "Fine."
Tandy leaned over and nudged Rayna with her shoulder, "Tell me about him." She said, her voice quiet.
Rayna tapped her fingers on the stem of the wine glass, eyeing Tandy, trying to figure out if she really wanted to know, or if she was just trying to keep the peace. Rayna decided she didn't much care since she'd been dying to talk about it since it happened.
She leaned across Tandy and placed the wine glass on the end table. "Well… he kissed me last week."
Tandy's mouth dropped open, "And?" She asked, her eyebrows shooting up, "How was it?"
A smile crept over Rayna's face as the memory came to her; she remembered the feel of the scratchy blanket on her back, the soft feel of his lips against hers. His stubble had burned her chin, but she'd loved it. The feel of his hand sliding up her leg, resting on her hip. She'd lain in bed that night, tracing the circular pattern his thumb had made on her hipbone, closing her eyes and remembering his touch.
Tandy read her sister's look, "Uh oh." She whispered, "That good, huh?"
Rayna felt herself flush, "Tandy…" She trailed off, her voice heavy with the memory, "I've never been kissed like that before. Not ever. I felt…" Rayna searched for the word, unsure if she could say it out loud, even to her own sister.
"Rayna, I know what you felt." Tandy laughed, "And you just answered your own question, by the way."
Rayna looked at her sister, puzzled, "What question?"
"Honey, by the look I just saw on your face, the term you should use for Deacon is definitely man." She winked at her little sister, the wine making it a lazy wink.
Rayna rolled her eyes, "Oh, Tandy." She pressed her head back into the headboard and closed her eyes, "I don't know what to do!"
Tandy smirked, "Do I need to give you my patented sex talk again?"
Rayna's eyes flew open, "You really don't." She shuddered, and then dissolved into laughter, remembering three years ago when 18-year-old Tandy had given an almost 15-year-old Rayna a very clinical sex talk complete with photocopied pamphlets and diagrams.
Daddy had actually tried to give Rayna the sex talk initially, but he'd just stood in front of her as she sat on the couch and he'd turned about thirty different shades of red during the first two minutes. Rayna wanted to laugh and crawl deep into the cushions of the couch all at the same time. So, Tandy had been called in. After the pamphlets were distributed and prophylactics thoroughly discussed, her big sister gave her the same sex talk their Momma gave to Tandy two years before she'd died.
They'd sat on the bed, just like they were now, and Tandy told her how you could have sex without love, and love without sex, but how the one you really had to watch out for was sex with love. That, Tandy said by way of their Momma, didn't come around every day, but when it did, you'd better figure out whether you wanted to run like hell or stand there and face it, holding on to it with everything you had. And, Tandy had warned, you'd better figure it out quick, because either choice could mess you up but good.
Sometimes, Rayna felt envious of the experiences Tandy'd had with their Momma that she knew she would never get, but that night, as she lay with her big sister imagining the dashing men they would fall into love and into bed with, she just felt grateful that she had her big sister to pass down their Momma's advice.
"So, what is it that you want to do?" Tandy asked, shrugging.
Rayna bit her lip and looked at Tandy, the color flooding her cheeks again. Rayna felt the heat keep crawling up her neck, until she was sure her face was a deep crimson.
Tandy's eyes widened slightly, and then tears began filling them. She reached out and touched her sister's hair, smoothing her hand down the long copper strands.
"I knew this would happen someday." Tandy said, her voice wrought with emotion, "Please be careful." She whispered.
Rayna felt the tears spring to her eyes, too, and she was surprised by them. She was surprised, too, by the depth of her sister's reaction. Tandy hadn't exactly been like a mother to her, she was too young to really fill those shoes, but she had been Rayna's only support system for a very long time. Tonight, it felt like they were both growing up in unexpected ways, and the thought was sad and exciting all at once.
Rayna reached up and covered her sister's hand with her own, "I will." She promised, blinking back the tears. She knew she would try to be, anyway.
Tandy dropped her hand, and leaned back on the pillow, tilting her head to the ceiling, "And remember… you have to play hard to get." This was a 'lesson' Tandy learned her senior year of high school, and one she'd passed down to Rayna every year since—it made them want you even more, she'd said, and helped protect your heart just a little bit.
Rayna shook her head, "I don't want to do that, Tandy." She drew small circles on the bedspread with her finger, "Deacon's life has been hard enough already."
Tandy nodded, still looking at the ceiling, the weight of what Rayna said weighing between them, "Okay." She let out a heavy sigh, "I can't believe I'm getting married tomorrow."
Rayna turned on her side to face her sister, "I know," She breathed, "I can't believe that after tomorrow night, you won't be a virgin anymore."
Tandy's mouth dropped, and she rolled her head to look at Rayna. When they caught each other's eyes, they both burst into thick laughter. They kept laughing until the tears rolled down their cheeks, the happiness bouncing off the walls, filling the room. Any other night, Lamar would have burst in, asking them to tone it down—but tonight, perhaps for the only night in the last five years, laughter was given a free evening pass, too.
After the laughter died down, Rayna curled up on her side and yawned. Staring at her big sister, she lowered her voice, convinced somehow that their Daddy could hear through walls the same way he seemed to be able to when they were little. "Does it… hurt?"
Tandy chuckled, reaching her arm out to run her fingernails through her little sister's hair, "A little." Her voice was a little sad but tender, "But… then it doesn't." She pursed her lips.
Rayna nodded, and closed her eyes, enjoying Tandy's fingernails on her scalp. After their Momma died, Rayna could never fall asleep. She'd leave her room in the middle of the night and crawl into this very bed with Tandy, who also couldn't sleep. They'd cry together, and then Tandy would scratch Rayna's scalp until the gentle repetition lulled her into a light slumber.
The first time they unexpectedly giggled after their momma died, they both sat wide-eyed staring at each other, pleased and horrified at the sound, because they both thought they'd never laugh again.
Whatever else Tandy had become at Vanderbilt, no matter how much she'd become like their father, Rayna knew Tandy would always be her sister, the same girl who held her hand as she walked up the steps to her first day of Kindergarten, the same girl who held her hand at their momma's funeral.
"I love you, you know." Tandy whispered.
Rayna nodded, "I know." She smiled, "I love you too, you know."
"I do." She sighed, and turned over on her side, facing her sister.
Rayna smiled, "Good. Say it just like that tomorrow."