Chapter 10 Life is a Rock... but the Radio Rolled Me - Reunion (1974- a good year)

I know the last chapter was a tease. I can't wait for them to have their happy ending. But this will have more twists and turns than a P!nk concert, so strap in.

Stephenie Meyer owns all the Twilight gaff. I own Twilight stuff too, and in particular am proud of my New Moon mousepad.

~~OtA~~

BPOV

It's hard to remain angry at Rosalie. It's not her fault that she interrupted possibly 'the' best sex dream that she had ever had. Rosalie tended to cock block most men, and now she had managed to do it in her friend's dreams.

Bella breathed in deeply and tried to remember the plan that she and Edward had come up with the night before. The plan where he would irritate her for the entirety of the shift, and hope that all of their respective wing-people would be sucked into the charade that was hopefully the 'Bellaward' fight of the century, all while maintaining the level of decorum required so that Edward could successfully meet his court ordered requirements.

Bella noted that Edward was wearing his ski-mask and was in full 'Shockward' mode from the moment she entered the staff meeting room.

"Well, if it isn't Ms. Swan. How are you this morning, Ms. Swan? Breaking hearts and taking names, or is it too early for that?" His voice was emphasizing the 'Ms.' within his sentences, just like it had in her dream. She may have blushed a little at the thought.

She was glad his beautiful face was hidden by the angry fluorescent green ski-mask. Somehow it helped create the illusion that was required for the masquerade to continue. His gentle green eyes were still there, all the more green for the bizarre color choice in headgear for the morning. It was like natures warning signal ' I am pretty, but most likely poisonous, so eat me at your peril.' "

Edward was maintaining his redneck accent. Given the dream she just had, she was eternally grateful. She was likely to jump him if he called her 'Love'.

She shook herself out of her reverie and attempted to give her best cool or cold response to his morning greeting.

"Oh, it's far too early to be breaking hearts, but continue on like a jackass and I'm more than happy to take your name straight to the judge. After all, that is what I am here for isn't it Mr. EC?" Lying wasn't easy for her. She was certain she was looking slightly fake and equally certain that her bitch brow was twitching in amusement.

"I have some awesome suggestions for the Vegas show tomorrow. Let's find the oldest virgin in Vegas; the winner will get set him with a hooker and get his cherry popped courtesy of the show." He glared at her, daring her to respond to his suggestion.

Bella didn't have to fake a shocked reaction.

She had a lot of inner turmoil regarding her virginity. She had almost lost it twice now, but due to issues of her partners at the time - one finally breaking down and admitting to being gay just as they were about to do the act (apparently she didn't come equipped with a gaydar) and the second involved a rather serious reaction to some massage oil that he had bought.

Either way, her only memories and sexual experience involved counseling the now gay Eric, providing him with tissues and the name of the moisturizing cream that she used to keep her skin so soft, and of the only thing being swollen on Mike was his face and his hands from the oil he had purchased to attempt to massage her to soften her up for the event. He hadn't been able to look her in the eye since, let alone attempt to complete the transaction that was midway through occurring.

She must have been looking slightly freaked out about the turn of events that Edward was now contemplating, enough for Rosalie to stand in and make due comment about the inappropriateness of the suggestion, but that, in fact, it wasn't outside of the court ordered restrictions, and could be a part of the show.

Bella made herself as small as she could in the corner of the room and hoped that no one would notice. She often wondered if she smelled of virgin. She had been relatively okay about her status, given that she felt she was a good person doing good things. She hoped that she would find somebody who loved her who would do the deed of taking away her virtue, and now that potential somebody was making the suggestion that virginity was something worth mocking on national radio. She wondered how old this wayward Vegas virgin was, and sincerely hoped that they were significantly older than her, so that her patheticness, if that was even a word, would be diminished somehow.

"Can't you just do something like, I don't know, Katy Perry kissing a girl drawn out of a raffle, or put Perry in peril or something like that?" She looked around the room at the odd facial expressions on Edward's staffers.

"I just think the virgin thing is kind of offensive, given that some people are virgins and you don't want the message sent out to religious groups that the radio station is condoning getting someone's err 'cherry' popped as a radio stunt. They want sex to be about love and commitment and this is just kind of gross." She turned to see Rosalie's face looking slightly pained, and she hoped that everyone didn't realize that sadly she was currently holding onto her 'V' card despite her attempts at losing it.

Edward seemed to sense that something was wrong and he stepped forward, appearing as though he was going to comfort her.

Aro interrupted. "Its God-danged genius! You got the lawyer girl all skittish about it, and her other lawyer friend says legally it's a go.. It offends, is perfectly legal, and absolutely stuntworthy at the same time. I wonder if I can get some condom sponsorship and maybe a brothel sponsorship as well...genius!" Aro walked out of the room, oblivious to Bella's suggestion and disapproval.

She glared at Edward. "Ok, go ahead, do your disgusting little stunt. Yep, it's legal, but it's morally just, it's just...its ick". Ick? What happened to her bloody law degree, where the best moral argument that she could come up with was the word ick?

She decided just to go and sit at the control panel, cross her little arms and keep her mouth shut. She wasn't finding it difficult to pretend that she didn't secretly have issues with Edward that morning.

The show went by without her needing to push the little yellow button. She was internally fuming at the disgusting show that she would have to bear witness to the following day. Edward had stayed away from her, not engaging her in conversation at all, and she in turn ignored him. Maybe she smelled like a fuming virgin? Either way, they had successfully gotten through the shift without altercation or adulteration.

Edward and Bella refrained from their usual post production debrief, keeping it strictly professional and amongst the show staffers. She had little to comment in the post show discussion and only vaguely listened to Aro prattle on about tomorrows show. Somehow he had secured advertising from a prominent condom company, a brothel and a hotel willing to put up a room for anyone who declared they were a virgin for the weekend.

Bella felt disgusted with the situation, and was now having difficulties in separating the cute Edward that she had emailed extensively the day prior with jackass boy who makes crock suggestions such as the one she heard this morning. This was what he got paid the big bucks for; she couldn't change the thoughts in his head.

Once inside the garage, Rosalie put her arm around her friend and tried to offer comfort.

"Oh sweetie, your little face. You poor thing, that was just awful. It's not about you honey, it's about the shock value of some really old guy being a virgin. You're young; it's not wrong to be one if you are a girl. Really honey, it's okay. I like your morals."

"Rose, it isn't my morals. I'm just freaked out about it. What happens the next time I'm with someone and we attempt to do it? Am I so cursed that the poor bastard is going to keel over with a coronary if we attempt to do the wild thing?"

"Oh honey, your first time isn't the wild thing. Your first time is a messy, embarrassing and brief thing. You will find Mr. Right eventually. He's probably one of those doctors working in a little clinic, looking after homeless people for free. The pair of you will have little activists who go marching against poverty and wood-chipping, and save dolphins on your holidays. You will be happy little do-gooders together."

She smiled at Rosalie's sentiment. Most likely she would wind up with Edward, he being a public jackass, and she defending him full-time in courts for all of the half baked ideas he came up with on a daily basis.

"Maybe Rose, but tomorrow is going to be awful and I don't think I can stop myself from pushing the little button and making all this shit go away. I hate being the uptight grown-up in this situation."

"I know. But Alice and I will both be there. You concentrate on stopping her from laughing and mocking the old virgin guy and egging on Edward. And you can also stop me from throttling the living daylights out of the jerk. It will be fine. You'll be so busy stopping the pair of us from killing Edward or each other that you won't even notice the bad man's show. Now let's get ourselves into gear. Alice was making her way over to your house after lunch and our flight leaves at two. Long weekend in Vegas honey - who knows you might even lose your V-card."

Bella secretly wished that Rose was right.

~~OtA~~

You can follow me on twitter, I'm MissIzbels. You can follow my beta if you'd like as well, she's FicObsessed. Please be kind and write a review. Thanks to elaine67 for her prereading- nice to know I make someone laugh.

This story will remain ridiculous and light hearted. The reason for this is that life is just too tough to be taken seriously.