"Um, excuse me." She lightly rapped on the half closed door of Commander Erwin's office.
"Enter." He sat up, blinking and trying to pull his attention from a stack of paperwork. His eyes widened as a glance at the clock revealed that it was already half past 1 am. "Rachel, you've been up since your 3o clock post. You should get some rest."
"Thank you, sir. I will look after it…" She began to close the door and then paused, awaiting permission to shut it completely. Her soft footsteps stopped about halfway between the door and the Commander's desk, and she hesitated to lift her head.
"What's on your mind?" He folded his hands under his chin and looked at her pressingly.
"I wanted to formally apologize to you, sir. Jacob shouldn't have died. It was my fault. I thought I could be a hero and disobeyed your orders, and it cost a man his life." Her head was lowered from her shoulders and her voice shook with regret. Erwin let out a deep sigh before unfolding his hands and placing them on his desk. He steadily rose from his high backed chair and motioned for Rachel to sit on a sofa that was situated across from a cushioned chair a few feet away.
"Can I pour you a drink?" He started towards a tall cabinet in the corner of the office.
"Um, no, thank you. I don't drink, sir." He paused and then nodded firmly before taking the chair across from her. He let out another sigh before speaking.
"We all do things we regret. Sometimes they are consequences of not following orders, and sometimes we regret the decisions we were ordered to make. But by disobeying, you took responsibility for his death. I don't need your apology." Her eyes shut tightly as she remembered those deep blue eyes growing cold, fresh blood clinging to the soft lids. No one's fault but her own.
"On another note, Rachel, you prevented three other deaths…" He looked up at her, fishing for eye contact. "Levi told me about how you redirected his squad and used yourself at a decoy. You are a rare breed of soldier."
"But it's never enough…" Her words were still weak and growing faint. Erwin's eyes fell as he retreated into his thoughts. He was going to wait, but now was as good a time as ever.
"I was hoping you could help us go over the plans for the next expedition. It's been on the agenda for a while now, but Levi has brought it to my attention that you might have some suggestions on how to reform the Scouting Legion…" His gaze fell as he recalled on painful memories. "Do you know how many lives we lose on average per expedition, Rachel?"
"No, Sir." To this, the Commander slowly reached a hand into the lining of his breast pocket and pulled out a seemingly small slip of paper. He gently held it out for her to accept.
"The number is over thirteen." Her eyes widened as the thin sheet of paper, edges frayed and tattered, continued to unfold in her unsteady hands. Her arms stretched to reveal the narrow strip in its entirety. About three inches from the bottom of the page, in miniscule, rolling script, was written Jacob Toppke. A dense silence hung in the air of the room.
"That is the second list... It's almost time to start a third." He averted his pained, weary eyes. "This most recent outing was a deviation from the usual. And while I enjoy the morale of the new recruits, they don't seem to understand the severity of our situation. I would prefer it best if they never had to experience losing more than one comrade on any outing. But in order to do that, we have to change things."
"Absolutely…" Her voice was soft and her hands trembled slightly.
"How do you propose we begin?" His stare was hard and unmoving as he retracted the slip of paper and returned it to its home in his pocket.
"Um, I'm not really sure what you mean, Commander…" She nodded her head in refusal. She took orders. That's how it had always been. That's what she knew best.
"It's fine if you can't tell me now. I will hold a meeting with the Captains in the morning. I expect you to be there with a proposal. Don't worry too much. We have plenty of time. I'm sure Levi would be happy to review your thoughts before you present them."
She nodded her head, eyes still widened by the surprise, trying to grapple the thought of making a proposition to tell all of her superiors what they needed to do better. That's about the time Levi barged in.
"Erwin." He hadn't even looked into the room before speaking. His confident stride hesitated mid step when his eyes fell upon Rachel.
"Oh, Levi Heichou, I'm sorry. I was just leaving…" She stood quickly and lowered her head before him. His eyes were glazed with mischief as he continued towards the cozy seating arrangement. He tossed himself into the sofa with his arms tightly pressed across his chest and threw one leg over the other exaggeratedly.
"Sit down. Your hovering is making me nervous." He said to Rachel with expressionless eyes locked on Erwin. She did as she was told and sat uncomfortably, observing just how well the two men knew each other.
They sat across from each other in utter silence, eyes and features completely unmoving, as if they were communicating telepathically. She wondered how long the two had known each other and just how close they were. Just as Rachel's thoughts were starting to flood with an imagined history of the men before her, Erwin cleared his throat and focused his attention towards her.
"Rachel. Levi has brought it to my attention he needs to select a replacement for his Special Ops Squad immediately in order to begin his training with the other members. It is apparent you have a lot to offer because of your unique skillset. Would you consider taking the promotion?" She couldn't believe how quickly everything was happening.
"I need to know now, quit gaping." Levi's eyes pierced her every insecurity.
"Yes." She bowed her head. "I will accept."
"Good. We'll meet at four-hundred hours. Don't eat anything before, unless you enjoy puking."
"Thank you, Rachel. You're dismissed." Commander gave her a pleased smile. "I look forward to your proposal." He spoke as she rose to leave.
"Yes, sir." She lowered her head and began to walk off.
"Oh, one more thing." Levi turned to face her as he stretched his arms over the back of the sofa. "Don't bring those formalities to the training ground in the morning. They'll only get in our way." His order caught her off guard, but she nodded before exiting the room, gently pulling the door closed behind her.
AN Sorry this took so long, cross country road trip means little to no internet. Thank you so much for reading and your support. Please please let me know what you think! I'd love your feedback! Also, how would you feel about suggested/past/one-sided Eruri?