Spencer should've known better than to bring himself around people again. After his conversation with Jean, he really should've just hidden himself off somewhere out of the way. Somewhere that he wouldn't have to encounter anyone. But the idea of being alone hadn't been the least bit appealing and so Spencer had made his way back into the house in search of either Logan or Remy, someone that he was comfortable with to be around so that he wouldn't have to be alone. He was so eager to find one of them that he actually ignored the warning signals his mind was sending out. Today's conversations had weakened his shields. There were too many emotions pushing in at him, too many that he'd drawn in already and too many that he could feel around him. He ignored the warnings and trudged on.
That was his mistake.
All it took was one strong emotion. Just one. Somewhere nearby, Bobby leapt out from behind something and scared Kitty as she went past. It was Kitty's fear that hit Spencer's fragile shields. Weakened as they were by too many emotions and by his own emotional distress, still not fully repaired from the recent damage done to them, they couldn't hold up against something strong like that, and they shattered. With a low cry of pain, Spencer dropped like a ton of bricks.
It was all he could do to keep from projecting his own pain outwards. The deepest part of his shield, the layer that protected his own thoughts and feelings from coming out, was the only one that was still standing. The only reason that still stood was all the years he'd put into reinforcing it. But his outer shields, the one that protected him from feeling and hearing other people's minds, those were completely gone and Spencer couldn't keep from feeling the raw emotions and thoughts that seemed to be screaming around him. He clenched his hands down into his hair and curled in tightly right there in the middle of the floor and did the only thing that he could manage to do. He broadcast one single though to the person he trusted most in the world. /Logan!/ His control wasn't enough to focus the thought to one person. Plenty of people around it heard the voice calling out, and they all went in search of that voice.
Spencer was lost in a sea of pain. He couldn't filter out the emotions, couldn't keep the thoughts of others back, and each one was scraping against his raw mind. They were getting closer, too, and stronger. He gave another cry as the pain grew even stronger. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt! Unknown to Spencer, things started to rattle around him, pictures shaking on the walls.
All of a sudden a deep snarl cut through everything and Spencer knew that sound; he recognized it and almost sobbed in relief. "Back off!" Logan was shouting. Then he was right there on his knees at Spencer's side and Spencer let himself be gathered up in strong, familiar arms. He curled into them, unable to even be embarrassed as he usually would've at this display of weakness. All he could do was cling to Logan and the safety of the man's embrace. With the strength of Logan's support there he managed to get his shields back up, but it was already too late, the damage had been done. The amount of thoughts and emotions that had swarmed in had overloaded him. The whirlwind caught him up and he was lost in the agony of it.
The crowd around them watched as this grown man seemed to shrink down in Logan's arms. They saw the quiet man they barely knew seemingly turn into a terrified child. Logan held him closer and lifted him gently in his arms. Jean gestured with her hands for the others to back up and she cleared an open space for Logan to move through. "Go, Logan, get him out of here." She told him gently, working to make sure her own thoughts were sheltered. She didn't want to add to Spencer's pain. "He's got his shields back up but I think he overloaded. Get him out, quick. I'll keep everyone away from the boathouse."
Logan moved immediately. He'd known the instant he'd seen Spencer lying there on the ground just what was going on. He'd seen Spencer's shields break down before. It was rare, though. This wasn't like what had happened in the Danger Room before. This was Spencer's weak shields coming apart and leaving his mind open to everyone else's. It only happened when stress put his shields too low, or something extremely emotional happened and made his control shaky. Later, Logan would find out what had happened to cause this. For now he needed to take care of his boy.
Though he hadn't had to do it often, the routine here was one that Logan knew well. He got Spencer down to the boathouse where he'd be safely away from people. Then Logan set to creating a sensation of relaxation and safety. Those were the two things that Spencer needed right now. He needed to relax and he needed to feel safe enough to do it. To that end, Logan took him up stairs, though not to the room he'd been sleeping in. He took him to Logan's room. Not only would that feel just a little safer for him, it would help Logan feel a little better to have Spencer in his territory. Once in there, he carefully laid Spencer down on the bed and then he worked to strip him down to just his boxers.
Spencer was too far gone inside of his head at the moment to even notice what it was that Logan was doing. He'd described it once to Logan, trying to make him understand. "It's like…too many emotions get inside my head." Spencer had said. "They get in there and they just, they overwhelm me. Sometimes it's a gradual build up and sometimes it just hits me all at once. When my shields are normal and I'm doing okay, I can typically just process the emotions that slip inside. I work them out of my system. But too many, too strong, too fast, it just…it hurts. I feel it all and it just hurts. Especially the negative ones. When I overload like that, there's nothing for me to do but let them bleed their way out. When it's like that, I don't have the strength or control to work them out on my own. All my control goes to keeping a grip on my sense of self in the center of all that chaos."
It drove Logan crazy to see his boy have to go through this. As he pulled Spencer's pants off and set them aside, he tried not to sigh or growl. Seeing his boy hurt this way was always hard. But it was even harder knowing that it didn't have to be like this. This didn't have to happen. Spencer was stronger than this, he knew. He knew it better than anyone else in the world. He wasn't just referring to the man's personal strength, either, but his psionic strength. The power behind his mutation. Logan knew just how strong it was, just as he knew the reasons why Spencer never tapped into that full strength. Jean had questioned him about it more than once after that session in the Danger Room and so had Scott and the Professor. Logan hadn't told them. He knew Spencer hadn't, either. Telling them would mean admitting to the horror that lived in his past.
Logan took Spencer's socks off and set them down as well. Then, now that Spencer was in nothing but his boxers, he climbed into the bed with him. He didn't lie at Spencer's side but sat up against the headboard. When he got settled in he reached out and carefully drew Spencer to him. He brought Spencer right up against his side and held him there so that Spencer's head rested on Logan's stomach. Simple though it may have been, this was really all Logan could do for now. It was all he could do to help Spencer find the peace to get back to himself.
Some days he wanted to shake Spencer. To demand that he realize that holding back that part of himself would do no good. He wanted to shout at him and tell him that it was stupid to ignore some of your own power just because you were afraid. But other days, most days, he knew he couldn't. Spencer was afraid, he knew. Deep, down to the bone afraid. Having the power that he did scared him. The things that he could do with it terrified him. So he pushed it down, pushed part of it away, and he used a fraction of what was at his disposal. But it wasn't out of stupidity, or ignorance. It was out of fear. A fear that Spencer felt was entirely justified.
Sighing, Logan laid his head back against the wall and pushed those thoughts away before they could get his emotions going too strongly. Spencer needed calm and control right now, not anger and worry. The feral man closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before slowly sinking down into a sort of meditative like state that emptied his mind and relaxed his emotions.
It took hours before Spencer's body managed to purge the foreign emotions enough to let him free once more. But he gradually came back to himself, little by little. Logan felt the changes in his sleeping charge. He felt as the tension in Spencer's body gradually started to fade away and he could scent it as that sharpness in Spencer's scent that he associated with pain slowly started to fade away. By the time Spencer finally did open his eyes, it was dark outside. Logan was still sitting there holding him when he felt Spencer start to shift around and his body slowly started to wake. He kept a light hold on him even after he felt Spencer come fully awake.
They laid there in the quiet for a few long minutes. Logan was content to wait. Though people didn't realize it, he was a very patient person when he needed to be. This was one of those moments that called for it. He stayed quiet and just lay there and held on to Spencer until his brat felt ready to speak. It didn't take long. In the dark and quiet of the room, Spencer's voice was a weak little whisper, soft enough that only someone with Logan's enhanced hearing would've been able to pick up on it. "I'm sorry."
Logan shook his head. Only Spencer would apologize like this for something that was outside of his control. "Shut up." Logan grumbled at him. He stroked a hand over Spencer's head in a touch much softer than his grumbled words would suggest.
He felt Spencer burrow in a little closer to him, clinging in a way he didn't often indulge himself in. "You know what happened?"
"I know they were asking questions that Jean thought might've upset ya."
A small little tremor ran through Spencer's body. Just a hint of his fear was leaking out around him, souring his scent and putting Logan on alert. Then Spencer whispered the words that froze Logan completely. "She was asking about Nightmare."
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. That was all it took for everything to make sense. It was no wonder the kid had been upset. No wonder his shields hadn't held up and he'd overloaded. They were asking him about Nightmare? "What the hell'd she wanna know about him for?"
"Charles wanted to know about him and I wouldn't talk to him and Scott, so he sent Jean. They're asking questions about him, Logan, and they thought I might know since I grew up in Vegas."
"Fuck." Logan didn't even notice it as he curled himself a little more around Spencer as if to protect him.
The tremor in Spencer's body grew until he was trembling from head to toe. "Why do they want to know about him? Why are they asking about him now, after all these years? You don't think they…they don't know…?"
Logan cupped Spencer's head with one hand and tried to soothe down his boy with the touch. "No. They don't know, kid. There's no way they could."
"Then why are they asking about him?"
"I don't know. But I'll find out."
He would find out, too. As he held on to his boy and tried to soothe his fears enough that Spencer might be able to fall back asleep, Logan promised himself that he would go up to the house tomorrow and find out just why the hell this specter of Spencer's past was coming back to haunt them. What the hell did the X-Men want with Nightmare? He needed to find that out before everything blew up in their faces and the walls that Spencer had safely put around his past came crashing down.
Morning found Spencer doing quite a bit better. He felt normal once more, the overload dealt with and his mind and body set once more back to what they should be. But he was so embarrassed he was finding any reason to stay down at the boathouse. Logan let him get away with it until lunch when he finally took matters into his own hands. If anyone had looked out the windows up at the mansion close to lunchtime they would've been entertained by the sight of Logan slowly but surely dragging an obviously reluctant Spencer up towards the house. Spencer kept trying to protest the entire way, saying that he wasn't quite ready to go up there yet, and Logan was having none of it. "You know the best thing for you after something like this is to get right back around people." The feral man said firmly. "You got your control all set again, brat, and I aint letting you hide out. Now, Chuck and Hank both think that getting around people more, for meals and shit, will help you get yourself in control once more. Think of it like mental exercise."
Stressed, still tired and not having had his coffee yet, Spencer's filter between his brain and mouth wasn't working at its best. That was his excuse for the rude snort he gave and the dry "You're so full of shit."
Logan snorted and shook his head at the boy. There were so many ways that Spencer reminded him of, well, him. It was amusing half the time and frustrating the other half. "You've got a smart mouth on you today."
"You act like that's something different." Spencer grumbled.
Shaking his head, Logan stopped their walk so that he could turn and fully look Spencer in the face. "It's gonna be fine. Quit stressing so damn much. It's just lunch."
"Logan, they aren't stupid people. They're going to make the connection between my conversations and this and they'll—they'll ask."
"And you aint gotta answer." Logan said firmly. He reached out and caught Spencer by the back of his neck, giving him a light shake. "You don't have to tell em anything, you hear? If they bug you about it, just tell em to fuck off, and if they don't, then send em my way an I'll tell em." Without giving Spencer any more time to argue, he turned and started hauling him towards the house once more. This time, Spencer went a little more cooperatively.
Things went quite a bit easier than Spencer had thought they would. He'd been so sure that they would've made the connection between their questioning about Nightmare and his overload in the hall and that they'd want to question him about it right away. But when he and Logan went into the crowded kitchen, which was surprisingly full of people, Spencer was stunned when no one said a word about it. Instead, he found himself being greeted by pretty much everyone, with more than a few people telling him "I'm glad to see you're okay!" or "Hey, man! Good to see you up! You doing all right?"
The room was packed almost full. Charles was in here, set up in one corner with Hank, Bishop and Scott, while Jean, Betsy and Ororo were at the kitchen table drinking what looked to be iced tea and laughing together. Bobby, Kurt, Jubilee and Rogue were up at the bar, chatting away with Remy, who was busy cooking. They were lucky this place was known for large rooms or they would've been packed in like sardines. With everyone talking at once, though, he had no idea how everyone understood each other.
Jubilee greeted Spencer with a broad grin and a huge hug when he and Logan came over. That was one friendship that Spencer was truly surprised by. The young, energetic girl had latched on to him from the moment she'd met him, not in the least bit jealous about his relationship with her Wolvie—something that Spencer had secretly worried about. She seemed to be under the impression that it made them family and that she'd gained herself a big brother. There was no way he could resist her enthusiasm or her energy and he found himself truly enjoying the friendship he was building with her. Or, as she put it, the 'sibling bonding'.
"Hey, Spencer!" she said brightly. He found himself hugged tightly before she bounced backwards to be able to grin at him again. Her eyes ran over him and she fisted her hands on her hips. "Man, you look like shit. C'mon, get over here. Rem's got food going for us all. We're having some kind of stir fry for lunch today it looks like."
"Some kind of stir fry?" Remy echoed in a disgusted tone. He looked up as Spencer was tugged up to the bar by Jubilee and he winked at the genius. "Don't y' listen to her, Spencer. Dis aint just any ol' stir fry. Learned dis in China, Remy did, from a nice ol' man dat let Remy stay wit' him fo' a while."
"It smells delicious." Spencer told him. He smiled sort of shyly and leaned in against the bar at Jubilee's side. "Did you know that scholars think that wok frying might've been used as early as the Han dynasty?"
Remy made a small humming noise as he stirred the food. "Really?"
"Mm hm. For things like drying grain, not for meats and vegetables. But it wasn't until the Ming dynasty that the wok reached its modern shape and allowed for quick cooking in hot oil."
Jubilee bumped her shoulder against his and grinned up at him. "You know the strangest things."
Embarrassed, he shrugged one shoulder, eyes dropping down. "I read a lot."
"It must be interesting to be able to remember everything you read." Kurt commented.
Laughter came from Bobby. He leaned around Rogue, who was deliberately not paying any attention to Spencer, and he grinned at the genius. "I bet it makes you a terror at trivia games, man."
That brought out more laughter. Remy looked up from his cooking to grin at them all. "Try playing cards wit' him."
"Oh, man, can you imagine how we'd clean up if we took you two to the casinos?" Bobby said. He leaned on his arms on the bar and was laughing at the very idea. "Man, it'd be great. I can't even imagine. Remember the last time we were in Vegas, Remy? We went to the…Mirage, wasn't it?" He turned his head to look at Spencer once more. "You ever been there?"
A hint of a smile touched Spencer's lips. Bobby either didn't know where he came from or he didn't remember. "I've been in there."
"Yeah, and he aint allowed back in!" Logan called out. He'd moved over to join the other 'adults', leaving the younger ones together to talk, but his ears were always tuned to his boy and the things around him.
Heat filled Spencer's cheeks when everyone looked at him. He shot a glare at Logan, who just grinned at him. "Gee, thanks, Pater."
"You're not allowed in the Mirage?" Betsy asked him. She cradled her glass of iced tea in her hands and an amused smile started to tug at her lips.
Spencer swore his face felt like it was on fire. "No, I'm not."
"What did you do?" Bobby asked with a laugh. "Did you break their bank?"
"Well, not quite, but more like, well, I mean…"
Jubilee nudged him with her elbow. "Come on, bub. You've got to tell us the story now. What happened? You get caught cheating or something?"
Looking up, Spencer looked around and saw that everyone was watching him now. He realized no one was going to rescue him from this. He let out a sigh, resigning himself to having to tell the tale. "Fine, fine." He glared at Logan one last time, getting a grin in return, and he had to shake his head at that. His tone was slightly resigned as he started his story. "It was only a few days after my twenty first birthday, so I wanted to actually be able to go into the Mirage legally…"
He got cut off right there by more laughter. "Legally?" Jean asked him. Her eyebrows were raised with her surprise. "You mean you snuck into casinos, Dr. Reid? You?"
Spencer gave her a slightly offended look. "I was born and raised there, Jean." The amusement was settling in a little. His embarrassment got pushed down. "What kind of Vegas native would I be if I hadn't?" Everyone laughed once more. When it settled down, he continued. "As I was saying, I wanted to go to the Mirage, as well as a few other places, and my friend Ethan flew up to go with me. He didn't trust me in a casino alone, though I don't know what he thought he'd do." Spencer paused, shaking his head at the memory. "He said he wanted to keep an eye on me. Honestly, what help he thought he would provide, who knows. I wasn't doing anything overtly troublesome."
"Overtly, hm?" Scott smiled and shook his head.
That had Spencer shrugging one shoulder. "Well, the only real way he could have prevented what happened would have been to slow my brain down and the kinds of drugs it would take for that, I wasn't going to take. But, I'm digressing. We played a few games but Ethan never let me stay long at one table. Still, after an hour I'd already quadrupled my startup amount." Spencer didn't notice the surprised looks he got there. His eyes were a little distant as he remembered. "Anyways, somehow Ethan and I got separated and I went to play poker. I figured he'd find me."
Remy's grin was growing by the second. "How much did y' win?"
Amused, Jean looked between the two. "You're going to tell me you got in trouble for winning?" She apparently wasn't understanding what letting Spencer loose in a casino could do.
He couldn't stop himself from grinning even as he blushed. "When the guards came to the table, I had—added in with my previous winnings—a total of three hundred thousand dollars, soon to be three hundred and ten thousand." He kept talking as the others whistled and laughed. "They confiscated my chips and tried to press charges against me for counting cards. Of course, I told them I wasn't. Why on earth would I admit to it? I got into a…small altercation with the owner. Ethan came about that time and between us we fast talked me out of being arrested, but I've been banned for life from the Mirage."
While the others started to tease Spencer, Logan stood against the far wall and watched. He saw as Spencer slowly relaxed more and more even with all the teasing around him. The conversation among the 'kids' devolved to casinos and everyone's personal stories of them. Jubilee and Remy kept him talking, kept him involved in the conversation. Between them they were slowly drawing Spencer out of his usual shell. Logan couldn't think of the last time he'd seen Spencer really relax this way around people that were his own age. For the most part the kid had always been more comfortable around older people who were more able to understand him and his mind. Then, as he grew older and kept getting smarter, he stopped being able to connect with the average adult, too, and had seemed to just draw in towards himself. The only people that Logan ever heard him talk about hanging out with were the people on his team and that was mostly work related.
But here, now, Logan got a chance to see Spencer interacting with kids his age, for once actually looking his age. He looked, young. Young and happy. There was a smile on his face and a lightness to him that wasn't usually there. One that definitely hadn't been there when Logan first brought him here.
Jubilee said something to Spencer and everyone started to laugh, Spencer included. He was laughing so hard he had a hand pressed against his stomach and he was actually leaning on Jubilee a little to hold himself up. She just slipped an arm around his waist and leaned into him, grinning up at him. She'd been a blessing when she came back home. Logan had watched as she'd accepted Spencer as a part of their dysfunctional little family, another of Logan's 'pups' as she'd teased, and she'd seemed to take her role as 'sister' seriously since then.
Remy leaned forward suddenly and held out his wooden spoon towards Spencer with a bit of food on the end. Logan watched while his boy leaned forward and took the offered bite, a look of pleasure hitting his face that obviously pleased Remy. When Spencer opened his eyes, he said something that made Remy grin more. Logan couldn't quite hear it over the noise in the room.
That was another relationship that was growing for Spencer that Logan approved of. It wasn't a sibling one, though, and he didn't think it was simply a friendly one, either. There were so many different levels that Spencer and Remy seemed to be connecting on. They were good for each other, he could admit. Very good for one another. Most of the healing that Spencer had done since coming here, the credit for could be laid firmly at Remy's doorstep, and Logan knew it.
Slowly but surely Spencer was coming back into his own. It seemed to be becoming a combined effort, helped along by everyone in the house in their own way, and Logan was thankful to them all for it. Bringing Spencer here was proving to work out so much better than he'd ever thought it would.
Now, if only he could get this other thing dealt with, things might be perfect.
That in mind, he looked over to Charles and gestured with his head towards the door. Now was as good a time as any to talk. Spencer was busy and safe in Remy's care here and he wouldn't notice if Logan disappeared for just a little bit. Quietly, the feral man slipped from the room. He waited until Charles joined him in the hallway and the door was shut before he spoke. "You and I need to have a talk, Chuck."