Ten Months

Darling G,

I received a phone call from Hetty today summoning me to the boatshed. She said it was for an update on your whereabouts. Unfortunately I did not get a good vibe from this. I arranged for a sitter to come by at three o'clock. She watched the twins and was there for Gretchen when the bus did the drop off.

Hetty, being Hetty, sent Marty to pick me up. That, in itself, should have told me what would be coming.

Marty arrived and I went out to the car. I could tell by his expression that he wasn't feeling so great about this meeting either. He dropped another bombshell on me. Director Vance would be there as well; like I said, not a good vibe.

When we arrived we were invited to sit, offered coffee and tea and then all hell broke loose. Director Vance started the conversation with a few platitudes but quickly moved to the real reason for our being here. "Mrs. Callen, Mr. Deeks, I'm sure you are aware that your spouses have been gone ten months now. We haven't heard from them directly in the last three months. If it were any other agents, we'd have called this mission long ago. Mr. Callen and Mrs. Deeks have magnificent track records as agents and that is why Hetty wanted this held open this long." He hesitated a moment before he went on. "This agency can no longer support this mission."

I wasn't sure of what was being said to me, I just knew it felt wrong.

Marty gave a feral growl, coming deep from within, looked to me and spoke. "What, exactly, are you telling us?" I could sense emptiness in him, like part of him had vanished or worse yet, died. He waited for Vance's reply, biting the inside of his mouth and I could sense his impatience with Vance's hesitation to explain his position.

Vance wore a pained, and very uncomfortable expression and it's toughness made it hard to read. I assume that is the part of the job he'd never got used to. "Mr. Deeks, I'm saying that NCIS is declaring both Mr. Callen and Mrs. Deeks dead." There it was in plain English.

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I've always known it was a possibility but to actually hear the words...my breath fought to escape my lungs.

Sam entered the boatshed just as Vance spoke those dreaded words. He came and held me and put his other hand on Marty's shoulder for support. His pain was just as evident and as palpable as our own. He'd been blindsided by the news as well.

I turned to look at Hetty and I knew then what I'd known ten months ago, that she hated everything about this. She hadn't wanted the two of you to go and she really didn't want to make this announcement now. It was plain from the expression on her face and normally she's unreadable.

Vance shook his head and got up to leave. As he stood he made an announcement. "There will be a memorial service for them on Tuesday at 10:00 AM.

It irritated me that both of you could be casually dismissed like this and before I knew it words spilt from my mouth. "No Sir, there will not." Marty's head turned on a swivel in my direction and Sam's hands found mine.

Vance stopped in his tracks and turned to face me. Hetty gave me a small smirk reminiscent of you. "Mrs. Callen?"

I stood up and walked right up to the head of a federal agency and looked him in the eye. "No we will not. G is not dead and neither is Kensi. Marty and I would know that. Why is this really being done? So their salary doesn't need to be paid anymore? Okay pay the widow's benefits due me, but there will be no service or funeral for Callen until I know for sure. I really can't and shouldn't speak for Marty but I for one am willing to wait for that day."

Vance turned to Marty. "Detective, what do you have to say about it?"

Marty looked at me and gave me a small sad smile. "I couldn't agree more. No service or funeral until we know differently." Then he turned his back on the Director.

Vance nodded to all of us and left.

Hetty just about tap danced back to us after she walked him out. "I have fought that battle for the last month. He wouldn't take no from me. I'm glad you two could make him see reason. Unfortunately I still need to dispense with their salaries." She looked to me and smiled. I think it was at my audacity. "How are you doing financially?"

I thought about it for a moment. "I'm fine for the next couple of months. I'll need to get a job and a nanny for the babies. I still have my license to teach."

Hetty went on to say she'd look for the nanny and I appreciated any help she could give.

Sam sat stunned; after all it was his partner we'd been talking about. "Are you sure about this Sara?"

I sat down next to him and took his hands in mine, like he'd done for me a few moments ago. "Yes Sam, I'm sure. G and I have a strong bond that I'd know if he were gone. I won't give up on him, ever."

Sam nodded back and smiled. "Neither will Michelle or I. Anything you need, just ask."

Marty got up and headed for the door. "Let's go get the Greebles and go for ice cream for dinner. Maybe we can find bacon and broccoli ice cream."

Sam groaned and I laughed. He is an extremely funny man but this seemed over the top even for him. I sensed a lot of pain just below the surface of Marty Deeks.

Love you forever,

Sara

Dearest Kensi,

Four months ago I started writing in this journal to help me with my feelings, both good and bad. As time goes by I am finding myself to be more confident in who I am and what I want in life. I want us Kensi. I want us and two or three wee ninja assassins and one has to have your dark hair and mismatched eyes. I like kids and I know you do too. I've gotten a lot of practice playing with Sara and G's kids. They are an awesome bunch. I spend a lot of time over at Callen's with Monty. Those kids love him to bits. I hope that Callen realizes he's getting a dog when you two come home.

I was trying to avoid this part of the journal. Sara and I met with Director Vance and Hetty. He declared you dead and wanted to hold a memorial service for the two of you. Sara amazed or shocked is probably the word, both Sam and I by going toe to toe with the director. She marched right up to him, looked him square in the eye and told him that there would be no service until we knew for sure you two were dead. I agreed with her wholeheartedly. Here's the thing I don't know if it was the right thing to do. I miss you terribly but I don't have the sure feeling that she does. Come home soon and prove my morose side wrong, please.

When all was said and done you could have knocked Sam and me over with a feather. I felt so proud of her. She'll have to go back to teaching since Vance cut off your salaries. Hetty is looking for a nanny for the kids for her. You and I are fine, LAPD pays their detectives fairly well so we won't be living under a bridge when you get home.

I miss you so much Kensalina. Come home soon.

I love you.

Deeks