A/N: I am very sorry for the long wait, I know that I haven't updated this story in WAY to long but I have reasons. I have been super busy with exams all through January, then my birthday and then I had to finish Heroes Again but I promise not to leave this so long again. The good news is that now that Heroes Again is finished, this is my main focus and the story will pick up from here on out. Ok, so it has been that long since I updated that I can't remember if I relied to the reviews. If not, I am very sorry and I will respond straight away to any I get for this chapter;

Unsigned Reviews:

Jo: Thank you so much! I'm sorry this one took so long

Alquimista: Thank you, I'm glad you think the plot as coherent, as it is something I have really been working on and I'm glad that you give honest reviews as it helps me know what way to write. As for Kingsley, he was trying to make some changes and to improve the ministry. He didn't want to be completely relying on the aurors like they were before the Order and he thought that this was a good idea. After all, they were only meant to be going after a smallish threat; he didn't anticipate that they would be so underprepared. It was a rushed decision but he was very under experienced at making these decisions at the time. You're right about Hermione being wrong, her logic was definitely flawed. She wasn't trying to be selfish though, she wanted to keep them out of danger and let them train for the job they actually wanted to do (They had only started training at this stage). She didn't consider that she wouldn't be up for the job because she was being offered it by Kingsley so she assumed that meant she was qualified enough. I agree though that the massacre may not have happened in some ways if they were led better. Hermione hadn't really accepted that she had to LEAD these people and the massacre made her realize that she hadn't been doing a good job. However, it isn't completely her fault; these people were more dangerous than the ministry anticipated. The team, some of them are full aurors but they done a quick training of new people (some who applied to be aurors but were referred) to preserve more actual orders as the DE that were still at large were deemed more of a threat (again the ministry underestimated how big of a threat these people were). Finally, I am making Hermione work for forgiveness in this fic and there will be repercussions for her actions. Thank you so much for taking the time to give such a detailed review and I hope this response was helpful.

Chapter 9

Hermione hesitated nervously outside the door, trying to steady her shaking knees but it was pointless. She felt queasy in her stomach now and wondered why she had ever agreed to this. It was sure to be awkward and humiliating.

And it was sure to break her heart.

Sighing, Hermione fought down her nerves and knocked on the door.

It opened a few seconds later, its owner looking unsurprised that she was here. Ron stood in the doorway, glowering at her. It made her want to turn around and leave again but she couldn't. Ron had told her to come over, and she had agreed. To leave now would only damage the trust between them even more and then they wouldn't ever have a chance.

A chance, a voice inside her head scoffed, he asked you to come over and collect your things! There will be no more chances!

She knew that the voice was right, and she wanted nothing more than to tell Ron to hold onto her stuff for a while longer but she couldn't do that. She had to force herself to maintain her dignity.

"Hello." She managed to choke out.

Ron rolled his eyes but opened the door wider.

"I've got most of it here already, I was just finishing finding it all," He said emotionlessly as he gestured to his living room.

She followed him inside the flat they once shared. She looked around at the place she would always truly call home. She couldn't believe she was seeing it again all this time, she never thought she would.

It looked almost the same as it did they day she fled. The living room was large and spacious but filled with furniture. There was a black sofa in the centre, with a red rug thrown carelessly over the top of it. There were three armchairs in the room that, along with the sofa, formed a semi-circle around the large fireplace. The photos that used to lie on top of the fireplace were gone though. Replaced with small ornaments, some of which she recognised. Some she didn't.

The decor was mostly the same but any traces of her, like the photos or books, had been removed. Her heart sunk a little, though she knew it had no right to.

She turned to face Ron again, to find that he was watching her expectantly.

She gulped. She wanted nothing more than to tell him she loved him and that she didn't want to collect her things. That she wanted to stay. That she wanted to stay with him. That they could give their relationship another go. That she would be better. That she would never leave.

But she couldn't find the words without them sounding painfully emty. Instead she tried again to make amends.

"I'm really sorry, you know, Ron."

His eyes lit up with a passionate fury.

"Not good enough."

That phrase just summed it all up. She would hate herself for leaving him, she would be sorry for the rest of her life that she hurt him but it would never be enough. Because she did hurt him.

Still, there was defiance within her. She would fight for this. She would fight for Ron because no matter how much she didn't deserve him, she loved him more than anything.

"I know, I know that it's not good enough Ron." She implored, "But I really am sorry. If I could take back how much I hurt you, I would!"

Ron stepped closer to her, throwing more things in the boxes around the room.

"You'd take back that you hurt me, but you wouldn't take back that you left?" He shouted at her, seeing the double meaning in her words.

Hermione didn't answer. She couldn't because she knew that she wouldn't take back her choice. In the office with Kingsley that day, she was emotional and illogical and her choice to leave proved that but she couldn't bring herself to regret it. Because Ron or Harry would have left. They would have taken her place and they would have had to face what she faced in the last four years. She wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy, and it would destroy her if it had happened to the boys. They would have been tortured. That alone was enough reason to keep them away. The last few years had broken her. It destroyed her. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep and she couldn't function properly and while she knew that was her own fault, she wouldn't take the chance that it could've happened to them.

She would accept that she destroyed her life by her own choices. She would accept that her family hated her. She would accept the guilt that was destroying her. But she wouldn't accept that she could have made any other choice. She couldn't live with herself if she allowed Ron to sacrifice himself while she stayed at home.

She couldn't answer his question. Because while she knew her heart would never want to leave and would never have made that choice if she could avoid it, her brain told her that she had to.

"I thought you would have moved." Hermione blurted out, without thinking, in an attempt to change the topic.

Ron instantly fired up, "I don't think you understand what I went through, Hermione," He said, stepping towards her, "It wasn't like it is now, where I know that you left me. No, four years ago, my fiancé didn't come home from work. I thought that something bloody awful happened to you. I thought you were kidnapped or killed! I didn't consider moving away from our home, because I didn't consider that you just left me. I've spent the last four fucking years worrying about you and hoping that I would be able to find you before they killed you! So no, Hermione, I didn't move out. But I bloody wish I did now that I know you ran away!"

"Ron! I made a mistake, I know that! But I promise, I promise I didn't mean to hurt you."

"A MISTAKE?!" Ron fumed, stepping dangerously close to her. "It was more than a mistake. It was unforgivable. You abandoned us all! You abandoned your own bloody family! Because you were too much of a coward to just break off our engagement."

Something snapped within her. Maybe it was the mention of her broken family or the implication that she didn't love him but she couldn't handle it. Every ounce of frustration from the last four years, every feeling of anger that she ever had and every moment of bitterness crept upon her and erupted at that moment. She couldn't control herself. She couldn't stop herself. She was furious.

"I am not a coward! You are wrong! It had nothing to do with how much I love you!" She spat. "And unforgivable? I am not the first person one of us to abandon anyone, am I Ronald? And if I remember correctly, you were forgiven!"

They were face to face now, glaring spitefully at each other. Hermione didn't know what came over her; she didn't want to fight with Ron. She wanted to make up. But she had cracked.

She knew she had dealt a low blow. She knew that she was wrong and certainly out of order but Ron could do that to her. He had always been the only person who was able to break through her calmness and cause her to do things she was not proud of (like the canaries).

"IT DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE!" Ron snarled, "I was a hot headed, hormonal, 17 year old kid. And I came back after a few months! You were my fiancé, Hermione! And we haven't bloody seen you in four years!"

They were so close now that they were nearly touching. She was standing on her tip toes to even see his eyes. They were filled with fire and fury, which she was sure were reflected in her own eyes. She could count the freckles on his nose with how close they were. They were both breathing deeply and shaking from anger.

Hermione knew this was the worst fight they ever had because never before had there been so much hostility between them.

"Don't you dare give me that I was 17 rubbish, Ronald Weasley! I was nineteen!" She roared, "And I always intended to come back, you did not!"

"You have some nerve! How dare I?" Ron scoffed, "How dare you? How dare you come into my home and blame me for you leaving!"

Everything seemed to stop in that moment. Their bodies were touching now and Hermione couldn't help as her gaze flickered to his lips. She saw his do the same. There was so much unsaid between them and yet they were filled with passion and lust.

His lips were on hers. Frantically, passionately and angrily they kissed. Their tongues mashed together, in an all too familiar fight for dominance as Hermione ran her fingers though his hair. Ron's hands were on her lower back as he pulled her closer. She felt like she was on fire as her senses went into overdrive. The only thing she was aware of was Ron and how close they were and how much she loved him.

But he broke away from her. For a second, all they could do was look at the other in shock before Ron stepped back. He turned away from her and she tried to hide how much that hurt. Because it did hurt.

Finally he turned to face her again but his eyes were cold and emotionless.

"You need to leave."

"Ron, I-"

"Hermione, lift your things and get out!"

She felt tear prickle in her eyes but she would not cry, not here. Trying to maintain as much dignity as she could, Hermione vanished her things back to her room at the Leaky. She looked one last time around her home, at Ron, and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to leave. With a pop, she was gone.

Oo00OO00oo

Hermione jerked awake, panting for air and sweating hugely. She took a few shaky breaths to calm her pounding heart, adjusting herself to the dark hotel room. She let out a muffled laugh when she realized that she was safe at the Leaky and not back…well, not back there.

She stood up quickly, and then regretted it as the blood rushed to her head. She searched the bedside table frantically for her wand and released a sigh of relief when she felt its familiar warmth in her fingers. It was one of the few sources of comfort she had left.

She immediately lit up the room, feeling much less intimidated now that she could see every inch of it. She was finally able to regulate her breathing. Somehow, the light seemed to act as her patronus, keeping horrifying things at bay. For now.

Hermione raised her wand again, and she cast all of the protective enchantments she could think of over the small room ignoring the fact that she had already had these in place. She finally allowed herself to relax when she was finished.

She ran her hands through her short hair as she tried to shake away the visions of her nightmare. It was just a dream. No reason for a fully grown woman to become upset. She almost laughed at how pathetic she had become, how could she be so scared of something that had already happened?

But even as she tried to convince herself that she could go back to sleep and that there would be no demons waiting for her, Kelly's face swam into her view. Kelly's limp body and the horrendous torture that followed. Those horrible, evil men. Surrounding her. Leering at her.

Shaking, Hermione began to pace the room. She needed to calm down. It wouldn't do to think about this anymore.

She glanced warily at the clock on her bedside table. 3am.

She had to find something to do. She couldn't face the darkness right now.

She knew that another version of her would've lifted a book in a time like this, and submerged herself into another world of fiction, facts or figures. Merlin knew it was what she done after the war. She had used her books as an escape, a way to avoid reality, but now she couldn't allow herself to hide like that.

She couldn't find the calm within herself to forget about her problems for a couple of hours and read about someone else's life. And that scared her. It used to be so easy for her to get lost in books, forget about her own life and read about someone else's but now she never wanted to do that. And it certainly wasn't because she was content in her own life.

No, it was like she was too restless. She didn't have the patience for reading right now.

Hermione let out a humourless laugh. She wondered what those who used to know her would think if they knew that Hermione Granger didn't want to read.

She sighed again before grabbing the cloak lying on the floor. She would go a walk. Walks always helped, that's what her mum used to say anyway.

oo00OO00oo

"You're here early." Nate commented as he strolled into the office.

Hermione looked when he spoke. He was looking at her sceptically obviously wondering why she was here.

"I set the wrong time on my alarm," She lied effortlessly, "Couldn't get back to sleep after that."

Nate nodded as he sat down at his desk.

"What do we have to do today?"

Hermione looked up at the board containing all the information on Ellie Mathewson's murder. She had been looking at it for the last few hours in the hope that something would pop out at her. It didn't.

"We have a few interviews to do. Martin and the other talked to a neighbour the other day, she said she saw something so she's coming down for a formal interview." Hermione answered him.

"Who's leading that?"

"Beth and Jonathan. I think they're the best at that."

Nate nodded, "What do you need me to do?"

Hermione stood up and handed Nate the list of names they had compiled over the last few days,

"Check these with Ellie Mathewson, look for any connections."

"How?"

Hermione rubbed her temple, a headache already forming, "The aurors files are in the order department. Look for Ellie Mathewson's work file, she might've handled something with one of these people," She explained, "And, get the individual files for all of these. Well, whoever has one. She might come up in their file."

"You think we missed someone?" He asked her.

Hermione sighed, "I don't know, Nate. I didn't seem like we did, did it?"

"No, they were all accounted for. We saw the bodies."

"But we had to have," Hermione said, thinking aloud, "How else would that spell have been cast?"

"No idea. But I'll get onto this."

"Thank you. Everyone else should be here soon," Hermione answered, "so they can help. I'm going to talk to Martin about what they found at the scene."

Nate ran his hands through his hair, "I wouldn't get your hopes up. I was talking to Jake last night and he said there was basically nothing, apart from that neighbour obviously."

Hermione rubbed her temple tiredly. This case was one big dead end after another.

Nate looked concerned, "Are you ok? You look rough. I can handle things here if you want to take a break for a few hours."

Hermione sighed. She did look awful. She didn't get any sleep last night. She went walking for hours, until 6am when she could come to work. But all she could think about when she was walking was her confrontation with Ron and that did nothing to calm her down.

Before Hermione could answer, the doors open and Beth and Jonathan burst in.

"Guys, we have to go," Beth exclaimed.

Hermione was startled "What's going on?"

"We've just come up, the department head was waiting for us," Jonathan explained, "There's been another murder-"

"What?"

"Who?"

Beth was becoming impatient, "They don't know yet. The aurors are there but there's no identity. We have to go."

"The same spell?" Hermione asked determinedly. She was beginning to get the feeling that there was much more to the story than Ellie Mathewson.

"Yes." Beth said sadly.

"Ok," Hermione commanded, "Jonathan, I need you to handle everything here. There's a woman coming in a few hours for an interview, go ahead with that. Beth, come with us."

Hermione began putting on her coat as Nate gathered up all the files they had been working on and put them away.

"What will I tell everyone else when they come in?" Jonathan asked

Hermione ran her hands through her short hair. She could barely think straight.

"Um, send Martin over to us. He'll be of more help. You, Ally and Jake can handle things here, right?"

"Sure."

Hermione nodded gratefully. She gestured for Nate and Beth to follow her to the apparation point, and after a quick glance at the coordinates Beth had obtained, they were off.

The first thing that Hermione noticed about their location was that it was in an area that could only be described as dodgy. A far cry from the safe and secure neighbourhood Ellie Mathewson was found in.

The second thing that Hermione noticed was that it was crawling with aurors.

Nate frowned beside her,

"Are they supposed to be here?"

"Probably not." Hermione said, "But we don't have their resources. They can stay for a while and we can find out what they know."

"And that's nothing to do with the possibility of seeing the dashing ginger auror that could be here?" Beth smirked wickedly.

Hermione flushed but managed to roll her eyes at the comment. Trying with all her might not to think of last night, of their kiss, she threw Beth an annoyed look. One would think that a topic like Ron would be off-limits, especially to joke about, but Beth had no boundaries.

The Head of the aurors was making his way towards them. Hermione remembered him vaguely from when Ron and Harry had first started their training. She was, however, surprised to see Seamus Finnegan walking alongside him, glaring at her coldly.

"Miss Granger, I presume?" Reynolds said, extending his hand, "I'm in charge of the aurors. Reynolds is the name. "

"Hello, Mr Reynolds. Nice to meet you." Hermione smiled, shaking his hand. "My team and I were notified that the person murdered was killed with the same spell that killed Ellie Mathewson?"

He smiled tightly, "Yes, as far as we can tell. Are you saying that your department will be taking over this murder too?"

"Yes, we are investigating anything in relation to that spell."

Reynolds smiled stiffly at her, "You don't mind if I check with my superiors before extracting my aurors? In the meantime, Auror Finnegan can bring you up to speed."

Hermione nodded as the old man disapparated.

As she turned back to Seamus she could tell that things were not going to be smooth between them. It was disconcerting. She really wasn't used to seeing so much hostility from her peers. Not directed at her, anyway.

"The man was found up in the alleyway ahead," He informed them formally, "He looks to be in his late twenties, early thirties. He appears to have too been killed with the same spell that killed Ellie Mathewson."

Hermione nodded, "Who found him?"

"Just some kid passing through this morning, about an hour and a half ago. He didn't seem to know anything so we sent him on his way." Seamus said.

Again Hermione nodded, making a mental note to have Ally and Jake look into the kid later for thoroughness. Somehow she didn't think it would go down well if she were to mention this in front of Seamus. It would appear like she was undermining the aurors.

"The body's down this way."

Hermione, Nate and Beth followed Nate to the end of the street. The walls were lined with graffiti, everyone in it seemed to be wearing long, black cloaks and Hermione felt a sense of forbidding in their air. In short, it was the complete opposite to the murder scene of Ellie Mathewson.

As they reached the end of the street, they turned and followed Seamus down a thin, long and dark alley. Hermione didn't immediately see the body but she could tell where it was by the group of aurors crowded around it.

Hermione stomach churned as she caught a glimpse of flaming red hair beside messy black. She sighed deeply.

She didn't want to go over and tell them that she was here to take over the case, again. Their reaction in the office the other day had been enough. Hermione felt like the bossy schoolgirl with no friends again as she walked towards them. She was sure that her actions in the next few minutes would isolate her further from her boys and she hated that. Hated that they still had the power to make her feel alone. Not to mention the fight she had with Ron last night. Their kiss only seemed to make things worse between them.

But she had to do this. Mustering a confidence that she didn't have, Hermione squared her shoulders and took another deep, steadying breath. She had gotten good at creating an emotionless exterior, one that showed confidence. If the last four years had taught her anything, it was that showing weakness wasn't an option.

"Harry," Seamus called, "The ones from the Prevention of Potential Travesties Department are here."

Harry looked up quickly, his face looking slightly nervous as he glanced quickly between her and Ron. The glance was quick and surreptitious but Hermione caught it. Ron showed no sign of reaction, other than going slightly straight-backed. He didn't turn around. He was staring intently at the body although she was sure that was just to avoid looking at her. After last night, she didn't know how to act around him. If possible, there was even more awkwardness between them than there had been before.

"Have you gotten approval for taking over the case?" Harry asked, meeting her eye reluctantly.

Hermione nodded, "Your Head of Department is confirming it now."

"And you've been brought up to speed?"

The three of them nodded, but before Hermione could respond Nate spoke up,

"Do you know who he is?"

Harry shrugged, "Not yet. He didn't have any personal belongings on him and it's unlikely he wouldn't have been called in missing, especially if he came from around here."

Just then, Ron stood up, positioning himself beside Harry. Hermione swallowed deeply, struggling to control her erratic breathing. He glared coldly at her, as memories of last night came swarming back.

Ron looked at her, without actually looking at her, and said in a hard voice, "Confirmation just came, it was the same spell."

"Do you have an exact time for the murder?" Beth asked.

"Auror Jones estimated around 5:07 this morning, it was found at 8:30."

Hermione's eyes, in an effort to avoid the awkwardness with Ron and Harry, landed on the body beside them. Her eyes turned to saucers immediately, and she couldn't contain the gasp that leapt unwillingly from her mouth. Her heart began beating erratically as her hands shook with panic. For a moment, she couldn't register that this man was dead. All she could feel was terror, spreading to every inch of her body. Her nightmares seemed to be coming true before her and she grasped desperately for her wand.

She heard only muffled sounds around her. Distantly she could feel pressure being applied to her, was someone touching her? She couldn't tell. She couldn't breathe. She could literally feel the air leaving her body as she struggled to make more enter her overworked lungs. She was suffocating. Black patches were beginning to appear in front of her eyes, as darkness lurked waiting for the opportunity to capture her once more. Her throat made deep rasping noises in an attempt to force her to breathe. Breathe Hermione, she told herself. But she couldn't. She was losing it. She couldn't deal with this. She couldn't see his face again. Never.

The last time she had seen him…no! She refused to think about that. But it was too late. Visions of his face leering over her swam before her eyes. Of his laugh as she screamed for mercy. Of his twisted smile as Kelly fell limply to the ground.

"Hermione!"

Her head spun as her vision began to clear. She felt numb but pictures were beginning to form in front of her. Hair. Red, black and blonde. They assaulted her eyes. Finally! She could feel herself begin to breathe. She took in a shaky breathe, surprised at how sore her throat felt.

"Hermione?"

She opened her eyes. Blinking rapidly to adjust to the bright light, she found herself face to face with Nate, Ron and Harry. She felt someone holding her up lightly and knew that it must have been Beth. Embarrassment flooded through her veins as she looked at the boys in front of her. Nate looked confused, like he wasn't sure what had just happened, but there was an understanding in his gaze. Harry looked concerned and unsure, while Ron had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Hermione?" Ron asked firmly and she realized it was him she heard calling her earlier too.

Hermione pushed herself back to her feet, ignoring the faint feeling with in her,

"I'm fine." She stammered.

"What happened? Are you ok? Do you need a healer?" Harry demanded, firing question after question at her, "You don't look fine."

Her hands shook but she refused to look at her, for lack of a better word, brother. She couldn't let him or Ron distract her right now. She needed to get out of here but she couldn't without pointing out who the man was. She turned to Nate and Beth.

"He was one of them." Her voice rose slightly in panic but she managed to supress the urge to cry.

"What do you mean?" Beth asked.

Nate had gone ghastly pale and Hermione feared he had got the point much quicker than Beth.

"He was one of them, Beth. I've seen him. He was there the night Kelly died."

She was trying to keep her voice even, but she couldn't quite manage to stop it from shaking at the mention of Kelly.

"He was one of them, that night?" Nate demanded. His tone was furious and he looked at the body beneath them in disgust.

Hermione nodded. Nate understood what she meant. He understood what she saw when she seen the man before her because Nate had rescued her that night. He had been the only one to see the true extent of her injuries. And yet, he still couldn't really comprehend her agony because he wasn't there when they killed Kelly. A much worse pain that Crucio could ever be,

"You know him? What's his name?" Ron said, looking at her strangely. There was something close to concern in his eyes but it vanished just as quickly as it appeared.

"I don't…I don't know his name." Hermione lied, she knew he didn't believe her but she wouldn't allow Ron to get caught up with these people. She had to protect him from that, at least.

"Fine." Ron sighed, and then changed the topic. "You should take a calming draught."

Ron stalked away, presumably back to the auror headquarters. Hermione tried to hide how much it pained her to see him walk away. She turned around and found Harry staring at her intently.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

Hermione nodded calmly. Harry sighed. He looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it, as he followed Ron.

"I'm going to contact the others." Beth said. "Get them to look into him."

"His name's Dominic Mason." Hermione muttered. "See if he has any connection to Ellie Mathewson."

With a pop, Beth disappeared.

"What was that?" Nate asked her.

She met his eyes reluctantly, knowing he was referring to her panic. Ron was right; she needed to get something to calm herself down.

"It just shocked me."

Nate looked unconvinced, "That was a bit more than shock."

"I didn't sleep the best last night," Hermione told him, "It was probably that too."

Nate disregarded this, "Did you get that letter from St Mungos? I got one."

She knew exactly what letter he was referring to but decided to play dumb,

"What letter?"

"You know what letter, Hermione!" Nate said, beginning to get frustrated, "The one that said we should make appointment to talk to someone. Have you made an appointment?"

Hermione snapped, "I don't want to talk to some healer, Nate! There is nothing wrong with me."

"I didn't say there was. But it might help."

"Have you made an appointment?" Hermione fired at him.

Nate didn't answer but he couldn't meet her eyes.

"I didn't think so. So don't tell me what to do," Hermione said, "Now, we need to search around here. See if you find anything from the killer."

Nate nodded, giving up.

"Why would he be killed?" He asked her, "He was one of them."

Hermione didn't answer. That question wouldn't leave her mind either.

oo00OO00oo

There's nothing where he used to lie

The conversation has run dry

That's what's going on

Nothing's fine, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith

This is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed

Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed

Into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see

The perfect sky is torn

You're a little late, I'm already torn

Torn, Natalie Imbruglia