Chapter 10: Untouchable
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or any of the characters; some idiot named Dan thought them up…
Author's Note: Hey Jori shippers, what's happening? Sorry for the late update, but I've been busy with my other ships (fanfic ships, not literal ones unfortunately) and also I've just completed a huge ass project with my friend Knightales (work related, not fanfic). So a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted the last chapter, it really meant a lot to see all of those emails! I understand that the last chapter caused some confusion, so hopefully this one clears it up. Just FYI, anything written in italics is the past, and normal font is the present. So please sit back… relax… and enjoy…
"'I'm sorry'" whispered Jade thickly, feeling her words cut out of her throat like razors. The dark shadows of her room moved silently in fluid lines as the sun bled itself out over the L.A. horizon, each one taunting her for daring to be happy, but her grief blinded her from the outside world. "'I'm sorry' she says. Like it doesn't even fucking matter!" Of course it didn't anymore, nothing did. Her bliss had wilted down to a fleeting moment in the past. Only the occasional beat of the warring void where her heart had been gave any sign to why she was alive. "I knew you would make a fool out of me." The Goth's barely noticed the icy slice her voice had transformed into. The hurting rage inside of her beckoned her away from other emotions, cruelly mocking her for her vulnerable state, but possessing her all the same. "I knew this would happen, but did I care? No, because it was you. It's always been you who turns me out like this" she moaned, her hand clasped against her chest. Two burning tears streaked from the shimmering dark of her eyes, emblazoning identical paths of misery in their journey down her pale skin. Whoever said happily ever after existed was a cruel son of a bitch.
With a cry that seemed to echo right down to her soul, Jade threw herself at the patient yielding of her pillows, her eyes blurred by the searing sting of her tears. Memories are what she had now, worthless scraps of time that she'd have to live off of forever. How could she simply forget the way the Latina merrily curled her lips into her sparkling grin or the way her eyes narrowed to cocoa slits when she was angry. In between all of that was where she had fallen in love, where she had risked everything for her heart's desire, and now she was being torn from that loving sanctuary. "You've really killed me Vega" she whispered faintly, feeling her breath rise and fall with the ebb and flow of her heartache. "You've taken every fucking piece of me and shattered it on the floor." She let out a scornful laugh to try and appease the roaring monster inside of her, but pathetic sobs exited her instead. She wanted to say 'I hate you' to the face which haunted her so, but it would have been directed at herself instead of the one she loved. She could never let go, not when she was so willingly entangled in every little part of her. The pain she felt would only grow in its snaring tendrils, but it would be a small price to pay to ensure that the memory of Tori Vega was permanently stuck the bleak little world of her head.
-xoxoxoxoxo-
"Let me get this straight: you're leaving Los Angeles to go where?"
"Keep your voice down" whispered Tori urgently, swinging her head from side to side. The bell had yet to ring, but the last of the stragglers were too busy to notice the beginnings of the altercation. "I'm going to Sacramento to live with my aunt." The Goth stared at her blankly. Her ears must have been deceiving her because it seemed too strange for the Latina to ask her out on a date one day and end things the next. "Sacramento? What the hell for?"
"Kind of obvious don't you think?" murmured Tori wistfully, gazing concernedly into Jade's bewildered eyes. The Goth took a step forward, lowering her eyes to the floor. She felt her heart race somewhere inside of her, sending adrenaline gushing throughout her body. This wasn't right; she had just begun to taste what true love had to offer. "Is your family making you do this? Because it won't just be me, none of us want you to leave."
"They have nothing to do with this. This is completely my decision."
"So you're just going to run away?" asked the Goth incredulously, still averting her gaze from the brunette's guilty watch. "This is your big solution, just up and leave to someplace else and hope your life won't catch up with you?"
"What the hell do you want from me Jade?"cried the Latina helplessly, throwing her hands up in the air. A forceful brush of her tender brown locks revealed the full force of her devastation, but still Jade would not look. Cursing under her breath the Latina grabbed the Goth by her arms and shoved her against the wall of lockers behind her. Jade let out a staggered yelp, feeling Tori's hand weave its way underneath her chin and push her head upwards to face the true mask of misery that she had been hiding away from the world. Lost in her own hurt, the Latina wanted it all to end. To hell with the friends she treasured here, she couldn't escape the crumbling remains of her life. "I'm pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's child" she said, tears misting over her gentle brown irises. "One of my best friends just committed suicide and the other won't even take my calls let alone talk to me because I hurt her so badly. Tell me Jade, if you know all the answers, tell me what to do!"
"Stay and fight!" shouted the Goth, pushing Tori away from her body. "Screw everyone else-"
"That's just it! I've hurt too many people here!"
"So rather hurt me instead?" Tori exhaled deeply, letting her sanity slide away with the errant cloud of breath bursting forth from her lips. Jade didn't get, but how could she when no one else did? "Rather the one for the many" she said quietly, feeling her stomach knot itself in angst as she watched the raven-haired girl widen her eyes. She herself had worn that expression so many times, a face where it was as if someone knocked the breath right out of her. Jade could hate her for what she was doing, but it wasn't about her now. Someone else took priority, someone who would become the sun and moon for her. The unborn clump of life slowly pulsing away inside of her was now her only obligation. "Tori don't do this" whispered Jade weakly. "Don't… please, don't leave me."
"I'm sorry." It was all she could offer – two meaningless words to console a lifetime of sorrow. It wasn't enough, but what else did she have to give?
-xoxoxoxoxo-
"Hey" came a soft whisper into the Goth's ear, slowly cajoling her mind away from the dark recesses it clung to so tightly. Jade let out an indifferent cloud of breath as she felt an affectionate hand curl its way around her hip. Even in her bleak state of mind, she found it strange that the Latina consumed most her senses. Her own hands seemed like strangers to her and anyone else's… she needn't have bothered. "How'd you get inside?"
"Well, it helps that your Mom trusts me enough to let me be alone with you in your room" said the Canadian quietly, losing himself in the thick forest of jet black of hair. He half smiled as he felt Jade's hand tenderly lay itself on his own, giving it a soft rub. Throughout his epic guilt, he had only longed for her, her words, her face, even her sarcasm to help bring him out of his prison. Now that she was going through the same thing, how could he not come? "Want to be miserable together?" he asked tentatively, gently closing the distance between her body and his. The Goth fidgeted in his grip slightly, but did not resist his comforting hold. Right now, it could have been the entire world holed up in here with her, and she wouldn't have noticed. Heck, someone could have slit her throat and she would have thanked them for sparing her the agony of carrying on with this measly existence of a life. "So you finally made the great trek to the outside" she whispered hoarsely. The sentence completely drained her of what little energy she had left, but she valiantly soldiered on. "How does it feel to be free?"
"It's not freedom. It's just a hell that follows me around."
"So I'm going to be where you are now?"
"There's one difference between yours and mine Jade" said the Canadian softly, his low voice rippling through the Goth's head. Jade allowed herself one tiny wry smile. "What's that?"
"I'm here for you." The smile fell from her face instantly. Just what she needed – just a hint of guilt to give all of that angst a bit more depth. Without leaving his protective grip, she rolled her body around in one graceful turn to face him. Her hand compassionately traced his face, falling into the light etches of misery that would soon become her own. "How come you don't hate me?"she asked, her eyes completely entranced by him. Beck leaned forward and placed his silken lips on her forehead. "The answer's been the same as always" he whispered. "I love you."
"I'm sorry I can't say the same" she said quietly, finally lowering her gaze to the white expanse of his T-shirt. "Not yet… I don't know if ever."
"Why do you feel the need to know what's going to happen? The world's not going to fall apart just because you don't have all the answers."
"Yours did" replied Jade smoothly, flattening her hand against the Canadian's chest. "And mine is heading the exact same way and the one person who can save it is gone."
"Not gone yet. You can still fight for her." Jade gazed deeply into his eyes, feeling herself melt away in his grip. She wanted to escape from here and cross seas to fight for her love, but her spirit was too weak. There was only so much she could take. She stretched up and placed her lips softly against the Canadian's, wanting nothing more than the sweet embrace of death to take her. "I'm tired of fighting."
-xoxoxoxoxo-
"Can't say I saw this coming" said the Canadian flatly as his widened eyes took in every detail of the broken girl standing before him. His face rearranged itself apologetically for his tone of voice. Taking careful steps towards the Goth, he hesitantly sat placed himself next to her on the small sofa, laying a feather light touch on her hand. She lifted her head and attempted a smile but the tears were adamant in their desolation. Her eyes were devoid of anything but the raw surge of gloom streaking through her body, robbing her of her ability to feel. She grew weaker with each passing second, her usual stubbornness replaced by an innate surrendering to the depths of her shattered heart. Tori Vega had crawled under her skin, became part of her, and before she knew it, erased her will to live.
"I didn't see it myself" muttered the Goth. She slowly rocked back and forth on the sofa as she blankly looked ahead. "If I had known what would happen, I wouldn't have done any of this." She turned ahead and faced the Canadian. A wave of guilt gnawed away at her, but she had to do this. She owed him this much at least. "That's why I couldn't go through with us anymore. I thought…" She took a deep breath in to steel herself. "I thought that if I was honest with what I wanted, that it would actually happen, you know." She laughed coldly. "Guess I got what I deserved."
"No, you didn't. You don't deserve this." The Canadian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gently tugged her towards him. He felt a familiar spark fly up his spine as her head lay against his chest – he missed this so much. "Beck, I'm sorry" she murmured. "I can't… I just wish I could go back and stop all of this."
"Do you think that she's coming back? Even after the baby's born?"
"Her family's here, so maybe. I don't know."
"Last question: do you think that we can teach each other how to live again?"
"I don't want to know."
-xoxoxoxoxo-
"This is Jade. What do you want? Leave a message, and I'll get back to you if I feel like it. And if this is Senjin, I saw what you did. You'd better start running like your life depended on it, because my little freak IT SURE AS HELL DOES!" The Latina cancelled the call and flippantly threw her phone onto the bed. She wanted to say that this was the fourth time she had tried leaving a message, but each time the words caught in her throat. "It's for the best" she thought anxiously. "I've left her too hurt. Saying how sorry I am on a voicemail would only rub salt in her wounds." She stared at the green Pear-phone, awaiting some magical call from the Goth to say that she was fine and that she hoped everything went well for her in Sacramento, but the device stayed as silent as ever. "What am I, high?" She rubbed her palm across her forehead before letting it travel down her body to her stomach. "Guess it's just you and me now" she sniffed. "Jade, please… forgive me."
So guys, what did you think? Leave a review and let me know Till next time, t4l signing off!