Alright, I would like to apologize, formally, for my horrible spelling of Seifer's name. I am aware it is spelled Seifer, and I try to keep it that way as often as I can. I am dyslexic and have a difficult time with 'ie" and 'ei'. I will try to keep it perfectly spelled from this point on, just have a little patience.

Chapter 10 - Caught in the Storm

It had been 6 months since Vanity cut off all his hair.

Everyone had been shocked seeing him for the first time as he came back into Garden with Selphie.

"D-darlin'?" the cowboy had squeaked.

Even Seifer seemed moved, if that were at all possible. His eyes just followed Vanity's hair from the root down to where it ended, just at chin level. "We'll find him." That's all he said.

The Saint, if he could still be called that, had changed drastically since that day.

He took to training - hard.

Selphie had been there, the first time he walked purposefully into the Training Grounds.

Vanity had called his staff the moment they walked in.

"Come, Benevolence," he called to it, flatly.

Selphie drew her nunchaku and was prepared to keep walking, but he didn't move.

He just kept staring down at his staff with a vacant, almost sad expression.

"What's wrong, Van...ity?" she forced herself to finish his name.

He just held out his staff. "Just saying goodbye."

Before she could ask what he meant, the staff rose upwards, out of his hand and began to glow. It's shaft lengthened and the dove melded back into it's form. Before she could so much as comment, it split into two equal lengths and each reformed themselves; hilts appearing at one end; each with a single sharp dove's wing acting as a parry, and twin deadly blades at the other.

"The Pain of Sodom and the Agony of Gomorrah," he said, taking Sodom into his left hand while wielding Gomorrah in his right.

And she never needed to ask why they had such dark names. Pain and Agony explained it all.

Vanity whirled them around his body effortlessly, as though he had been doing it all his life. Blow after blow was landed on whatever creature came out to challenge them; each of their wicked blades biting deep into flesh and cleaving through it.

Vanity had stunned her into simply watching. He moved like a vengeful angel, descended down onto earth to seek retribution for his goddess. Corpses of creatures; dozens of them, littered his wake. Until, he had found what he sought.

A T-Rexaur.

"Vanity, no!" she had cried, but he didn't even stop.

The boy leapt into the air, leading with Gomorrah. The blade sunk deep into the monster's neck and it howled in rage.

The jurassic creature shook violently, and Vanity had been flung off. His body flew towards a tree at the edge of the clearing and Selphie's stomach flipped in anticipation of the *crunch* she was sure would follow.

But it didn't. Vanity twisted his body around and hit the tree with his feet, bending his knees, and springing himself off and back to the carnivore. Once again, Gomorrah tasted blood as he drove it into the creature's chest, and this time, Sodom too would know battle as he swung himself up around it's neck, and sunk Gomorrah's twin down deep.

The creature let loose one last roar, and stumbled forward and collapsed.

Vanity just retrieved his blades and said nothing.

And that was his routine. Day after day he would return to the Training Grounds and seek another T-Rexaur to slay.

After several weeks of this, Vanity's attire changed as well. He no longer wore his white robes. Instead he favored a simple black tank top, and light blue jeans that fit his form.

"Just like Zell," Quistis had thought upon seeing him for the first time in his new clothes.

After the months of hard training, his body began to change. He retained his slim form, but his chest and shoulders expanded with muscle.

He was looking at himself in the mirror, admiring what had happened to him in such a short amount of time. "Fine," he had thought. "if I can't be a Saint, then I'll just be an Avenger."

Even as this new, improved, ideal image of himself was in his mind, he couldn't help but wonder, "Will Zell still find me attractive?"

It was true, he had lost his soft, beautiful features. They were now hardened, more masculine, more pronounced. But, they were still there. He was still him.

After the initial apathy consumed Vanity as he threw himself at his training, Selphie was pleased to see, eventually, his old spark starting to come back. She was worried he'd turn into another Seifer.

But, as the months went by, the two of them still chattered endlessly about nothing. They'd had little slumber parties, filled with alcohol and horror movies. Things were still good.

He'd even gone on a mission! Squall had sent Selphie and Quistis to a remote village somewhere to take care of a small uprising. And the Commander had asked if Vanity would like to go with them and test out his new abilities. Sure the mission was only for a few days, but he'd done it!

The only downfall to Vanity's renovations, was that guys started taking an interest him.

They started popping up left, right and center asking him out on a date or for lunch, or just plain sex.

Some were softspoken, like he used to be; the real swishy kind. Others were more masculine, like Zell.

Zell.

Oh, they had tried to find him. Vanity would never have let it go without an effort. But, ever since that first time, he couldn't seem to get his prayers to locate him.

He had told Squall where his old staff had pointed, and Squall, himself, went in that direction. Apparently a town called Balamb was there.

Squall had come back empty handed. Zell had arrived in town, taken a train and gone somewhere.

Somewhere.

That was it. No other information. Vanity had had his one shot, with Benevolence. And he'd failed.

So, they resigned themselves to waiting. Hoping that, one day, they'd hear something more.

But, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, they'd began to lose hope. Seifer even suggested maybe, just maybe, Zell wasn't even alive anymore.

Vanity shot him down. Instantly.

"That's not possible," he'd said. "I'd know."

So, they waited. Life went on. Squall still ran the Garden. Seifer was still a dick. Vanity still prayed for his safe return.

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It was storming pretty bad out. A harsh crack of thunder had woken Vanity in the middle of the night.

He tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but it was too late. He was awake now.

He got out of bed and cursed the damn storm. How fucking dare it?

He had decided, that since he couldn't sleep, maybe he would sneak to the Library. He hadn't been in there since that night.

He crept silently through the halls, now oweing more to his training than to his softness.

As he arrived in the foyer he stopped at the map of Garden that he was looking at when he first met Selphie. That seemed so long ago.

He was just standing there, lost in his memory, when he heard -no, felt- someone come up behind him. He turned around to face the midnight intruder and he nearly passed out.

Zell was back.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

Zell had come running through the rain; up the road that connected Balamb with Garden.

He couldn't take it in Esthar anymore. So he had beat up Jason, stolen a bunch of Eden's Tears, and hightailed it out of there. He'd made it all the way back to Balamb safely, and was on his way back to Garden.

He stopped outside of it and looked up. Even among the rain Zell could feel his tears rushing down his face. He was home.

He had crept into the entrance and jumped the gates. He didn't want anyone to know he was back until morning. That way he could clean himself, and shoot up, without anyone noticing.

He had made his way into the foyer, and almost walked into the dude standing in front of the map to Garden.

"Whoa! Sorry, man. I didn't even see you standing there," he said by way of an apology when the guy spun around.

"Shiiiiiiiit, this dude is fucking hot." Zell blinked, then gave his head a shake. "Guess I'm busted, huh?"

Vanity tried very hard to control his breathing. Zell...didn't even recognize him. Fuck, he barely recognized Zell. His face was drawn and dirty and his hair was a greasy mass. His clothes, the same ones he'd left in, were bare threads now and looked like they hadn't been washed. They just hung off his body. His body. It was once the most beautiful thing Vanity had ever seen. Now it was just some wasted shadow of what it once was.

"Guess so. Let's go see the Commander."

Zell sized the guy up, wondering if he could take him. He quickly put the thought to rest as he didn't want his reappearence to be flagged with a brawl. Plus the dude looked like he could mop the floor with him. It might have been different back in the day...

"Yeah, alright. Hey, I don't recognize you. What's your name? I'm Zell."

"Vanity."

"Really? That's kind of a gay name for a dude," Zell said mildly.

"Mmm." Vanity responded.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, up the elevator and to Squall's office. Vanity knocked, loudly.

"Man, you've really got some balls knocking on his door this late that loudly," Zell said, grinning.

Vanity just stared ahead and tried to force his breathing to remain even.

The door swung open and a very tired, very pissed off looking Squall opened it, "Yes!" he barked.

"A Zell has come looking for you, Commander."

Squall's eyes snapped to the filthy blond standing next to Vanity.

"Heya, buddy...long time no see, huh?" said Zell.

********************************************************************0****************************************************************

It only took 6 minutes for everyone to be gathered in Squalls office. Even Rinoa showed up for this. Nobody had even bothered getting changed.

Vanity stood by the door, leaning against it, while the rest of them gathered around Zell.

"Where have you been?" Squall asked, his tone unreadable.

"Right to the point, eh? Alright, I was in Esthar."

Quistis blinked. "In Esthar! Why?"

Zell's face cracked into a sneer. "Because I couldn't fucking handle it anymore. You know what I'm talking about."

He lowered his gaze to the floor.

"Yeah, well, by the look of you, you couldn't have handled it too well in Esthar either," Seifer smirked.

"Fuck you, Seifer," he snapped.

Quistis interrupted. "So, what is your game plan, Zell? Have you decided to return to us or are you going to run away again?"

Zell glanced at Quistis. "No, I'm back. For good. I'm done with all that. If you'll still have me, I mean..."

Quistis glanced at Squall. Squall just gazed at Zell.

"Go get yourself cleaned up, Zell."

Zell's scarred face split into a grin. "Thanks buddy." He turned as though he was about to leave, when he stopped. He wasn't fooling anybody.

"Oh, by the way, whatever happened to...to Van?"

"Oh, you're concerned about him, are ya, darlin'?"

"W-well, I just meant...no, not really. I was just asking."

"Well, if you don't care, don't bother asking," Quistis replied.

Zell bit his lip. He lowered his face to the ground. "I do care," he mumbled.

"Sorry? What was that, Zell? I couldn't hear you," Selphie said, the usually sweet tone she took with him was amplified to liquid sugar but with traces of arsenic.

"I said I fucking care, alright! I care so much it fucking hurts." His head snapped up and he glared at, strangely enough, Squall.

"Well, it's a long story," the commander replied, calmly.

"I want to hear it."

"Oh, yeah? Well, I'd like to tell it to ya, darlin'," spat Irvine. "See, after you left, Van figured out a plan to get himself sent back home. He needed six of us in order to get it just right. Can you guess which of the six didn't show up?"

Zell looked down at the ground.

"Oh riiiight," chimed in Selphie, "it was you!" So, anyways, Rinoa filled in and we managed to put the plan into action. And guess what? It worked!"

"It-it worked?" Zell managed to choke. "So, Van is...he's gone?"

"Mmm not quite," said Rinoa. "You see, after we all pitched in and summoned Van's goddess here, she offered to take Van home. So he said all his goodbyes...well, most of them."

"But, for some unknown reason," Quistis picked up from where Rinoa left off, "he just couldn't bring himself to leave without saying goodbye to you. So, there he sat, slumped down to his knees in front of his goddess, and told her her couldn't leave."

"I...I didn't...," Zell muttered. Either no one heard him, or no one cared.

"So," Squall continued, "She gave him seven days. Seven days to get his affairs in order before they would have to depart forever."

"And every fucking day, he waited for you," Seifer snapped. "Every hour on the hour, at your door, knocking."

Zell's legs started to shake, and his knees threatened to drop him.

"So, then, and this is the good part, darlin', you'll love this; so then, Van gets upset that you won't answer after about 3 fucking days of knockin'. And he forces yer door open, where he sees yer room, the way you left it and yer note. The kid bolts outta here like a bat outta hell, with nothin' but his staff charging off tryin' to find you."

"No more," Zell croaked.

"Well," Selphie shrieked, tears spilling onto her cheeks, "he didn't get very far. Just about the forest between here and Balamb when a Caterchipillar found him and tore his FUCKING THROAT OUT!"

Zell felt as though he was got in one of Diablos' gravity spells. Everything slowed down and felt distorted. He hands weighed a million pounds as his knees, true to their word, collapsed underneath him and he slid to the floor.

With tears streaming down his face, he looked up at the group who were watching him with unreadable faces, except Selphie who was visably shaken.

"He's...he's dead?" This was it. Zell knew he had finally hit rock bottom.

Quistis bit back a choked sob and had to mentally kick herself, as she almost felt for sorry for Zell. She walked over towards the cabinet Squall had in his office, and helped herself to a bottle of vodka.

"No, he ain't dead, darlin'. Seifer got there in the nick of time and saved him."

Zell jerked his head towards Seifer. "S-seifer, you-oh, thank you..."

Seifer's eyes flashed intensly. "I didn't do it for you."

Zell looked down at the ground again. "So, then he's still..."

"Oh, we aren't done yet, Zell," Rinoa continued. "So, after he was rushed back here, where we didn't have the funds or supplies to treat his 'physically-crippling-for-life' wounds properly, he remained completely unconscious until his seventh day."

"The day his goddess came back for him," Squall clarified. "Or what was left of him."

"Please, stop. I don't want to hear anymore." Zell said, rather forcefully for someone who felt like he had no backbone.

Quistis had pulled herself back together and returned to the group. "So, she was a little, shall we say concerned, with Van's wellbeing at this point, a mere seven days later. And told him, they had best be off immediately. Can you guess what happened next, Zell?"

"No...no I don't want to-."

"Well, he looked at his goddess and told her, as nice as you please, that he couldn't go back, because somewhere out there, was Zell. And he couldn't leave until he found him," Seifer informed him. "So, his goddess says, Van, if you don't come now, you give up your Sainthood, and you can never come home again. And he looked at her; he looked right at her, you piece of shit, and told her that wasn't leaving. He told her he wasn't leaving...because he loved you."

Zell was staring blankly ahead. His mind had completely shut itself down. Until Selphie walked up and slapped him back into reality. His shocked eyes jerking up to meet her gaze. She just looked back down at him. "With the same disgusted look his reflections had..." Zell thought. All those months ago.

Zell stood up, on shaking legs. "Where is he?"

"Who, Van? Oh, he's gone. Long gone, actually," Selphie said. "It's funny, after his goddess departed, leaving him behind, he went to his room, to his bed, and the very next day, he got up and left. He hasn't been back since."

Zell whirled around and started heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Squall asked.

"I'm going to find him," Zell said without stopping. "I'll find him if it fucking kills me."

Zell approached the door and reached out to open it. Vanity's hand swung out and stopped the door from moving. "If you leave in that state, it just may kill you."

"Move your arm."

"Who do you think you're talking to?"

"I don't give a fuck who you are, move your fucking arm!" Zell snarled.

"Zell. Look at me. Really look at me. Who do you think you're talking to?"

Zell stared at the guy. What the fuck was he talking-

An image of Van came to his mind. The same one that he had pictured a thousand times in Esthar. The one that helped him block out any shit he was dealing with. The one that haunted him in between highs.

And then that image overlapped itself with this Vanity. And it all fucking clicked.

Van's full name...was Vanity.

Zell looked at him, with his mouth hanging slightly open. He reached his hand up around Vanity's neck. "Your...your hair...you-"

"Are you going to kiss me or not?"

Zell felt the tattered remains of heart nearly burst. Even after all this time...even after what he did to him...even though Zell looked like a strung out homeless person...he still wanted him...

Zell almost kissed him...then he remembered.

He was toxic.

He slowly let go of Vanity's neck and lowered his arm, taking a step back.

A look of pain beyond human tolerance crossed Vanity's features before disappearing in a flash. "Commander, if you'll excuse me."

Zell watched him walk out the door.

Quistis lowered her head. Rinoa bit her lip. Selphie stuffed her whole hand in her mouth to stop from crying out loud.

Squall put a hand to his forehead. "Your room is where you remember it."

The group started walking to the door, walking around Zell.

On his way by, Seifer snarled, "Great to have you back, Zell."

Zell looked up, surprised. "You called me by my name? What happened to Chickenwuss?"

Seifer kept walking. "Don't be stupid. That was back when I just disliked you. Now I fucking hate sharing the same air with you."