Nick lay on this bed willing his eyes to close, sleep had become something of a luxury over the last three weeks. He still lay on his side of the bed making him even more aware of the empty space next to him. They hadn't seen or spoken to each since their conversation at the bar and although nobody had actually said the words, the truth of the situation was painfully apparent. They had broken up.

He hadn't seen this coming and it felt like his world had crashed down around him. How could that perfect thing they had be torn apart in the space of a few days? They had both hurt each other, something they swore they would never do, something they didn't even think they were capable of.

Nick's attempts to sleep were futile once again so he reluctantly lifted himself out of bed to go to the kitchen. Every night Nick would trade the view of his bedroom ceiling for the darkened kitchen, it had become a ritual for him - so had pausing outside her empty bedroom on the way. Only tonight he went in.

As he sat on her bed he took in the scent of her that surrounded him, worried that it was starting to fade. Knowing she hadn't been there in a month made the room almost eerie. The thought of never seeing her in this room again, never laying in this bed with her suddenly made it very hard for him to breathe. Feeling overwhelmed with sorrow Nick abruptly made an exit for the kitchen dropping the pyjama top of hers he had been clutching without even realising.

Grabbing a beer he sat down staring at the bottle, slowly peeling off the label as Winston rounded the corner. Winston had been working crazy shifts lately but after the last few weeks he was no longer surprised to bump into Nick in the early hours of the morning.

"Hey Nick" Winston had soon stopped asking what he was doing up so late or why he couldn't sleep.

"Hey, how was work?"

"Oh you know, same old thing." After along silence and knowing this wasn't really what Nick wanted to talk about Winston steeled himself and spoke tentatively. "Nick...I think you need to talk to her man."

Nick inhaled deeply but didn't seem to breathe out. "I can't"

"So you're honestly telling me this is it Nick, you're never going to talk to each other again."

"I ended it Winston, I killed our relationship, what the hell am I supposed to say to her."

"I don't know man but you can't go on like this, it's eating you up."

Nick rubbed his face roughly squeezing his thumb and forefinger into his eyes.

"She hates me" Nick whispered.

"She doesn't hate you Nick. She loves you. That's why you gotta talk to her."

"I miss her so much its killing me Winston" A single tear fell down Nick's cheek before he sniffed and squeezed his eyes shut forcing the rest of them away.

"I know you do man" Winston squeezed Nick's shoulder, slightly taken aback by this rare display of emotion and unsure of how to respond to it. As Winston lowered his arm they both sat in silence.

(Cece's apartment)

Cece was not a morning person she never had been and Jess used to drive her crazy when she would stay over. She would sing as she made breakfast at the crack of dawn, then she would flop on Cece's bed wanting to chat while Cece was still enduring the troublesome task of simply getting her eyes open. Hers and Jess' friendship had always been better after midday.

Now it was Cece waking Jess up.

"Hey Jess you need to get up you don't want to be late."

"I don't care Cece"

"Yes you do, come on...up" Cece grabbed her hand pulling her upright and forcing a cup of tea into her hand.

"You want some breakfast I made bagels."

"No thanks I'm not hungry."

"I wasn't really asking Jess." Cece countered as she headed for the kitchen looking back at Jess expectantly.

As Jess arrived to the kitchen, Cece hadn't just made bagels, she'd made pancakes and eggs too. It hadn't gone unnoticed by Cece that Jess wasn't taking care of herself the way she usually did so it had been up to her for the past few weeks. Jess was always the one who fixed things, she was the one who took care of everyone. Seeing her like this made everything feel off balance and Cece didn't know what to do to make it better. There was only one person who could fix it and he wasn't here.

"Hey this came for you today." Cece passed Jess an envelope addressed with only her name. "I got one too, it's from Coach." Cece quickly spat out not wanting her to assume it might be from Nick.

Jess screwed up her face confused as to what it could be. Coach had moved out of the loft a few months ago when he got back with Malia and true to form nobody had heard from him apart from the odd text here and there.

"It's an invitation...Oh my God" Jess yelled with as much enthusiasm as her voice would allow.

"I know"

"They're engaged! That's great...I mean you're ok about it right?" Jess suddenly remembered herself.

"Oh God, yes. It was one date Jess. It's great I'm happy for him."

Then the reality of the situation dawned on Jess.

"You ready to see him yet?" Cece asked softly seeing the expression which clouded over Jess' face.

"I don't know." Jess looked as vulnerable as she had when they first broke up, her eyes always on the verge of crying.

"I think it could be good for you. You need to see him eventually Jess."

"I know, it's just...it's hard."

Cece stroked her arm knowing all too well how she was feeling.

(Six days later)

Nick opened his third beer, he didn't want to be drunk when he saw her but he needed something to steady his nerves, he had been pacing the kitchen for the last half hour going over in his head what he could say to her, if he could say anything at all.

"Nick would you please stand still you're making me sea sick." Schmidt yelled. Soon realising now wasn't the right time to be harsh on Nick he changed his tone.

"Look Nick if this is too hard for you Coach would understand."

"No it's his engagement party I have to go. I want to go. I'm just...a little nervous" Nick swallowed hard and shook his hands trying to shake the nerves out of them. He was never one to talk about how he was feeling especially if it made him seem weak or like he couldn't take care of himself. That was because of his Dad he supposed - he'd had to seem strong all the time for his Mom - but now wasn't one of those times.

Just as Schmidt started to walk away Nick felt his barriers crumble a little.

"What am I going to say to her man? I'm terrified Schmidt."

"I don't know, I guess maybe you'll know when you see her."

"What if she hates me, like really really hates me?"

"Nick she's in love with you...things have been hard and I can't guarantee she'll greet you with open arms tonight but I know she doesn't hate you."

(Cece's apartment)

Cece had been ready to leave for thirty minutes but she sat sipping her wine patiently as she waited for Jess to change her outfit for the eighth time. Sensing Jess might need some help she knocked on the bedroom door as she pushed it open.

"Hey I thought you could use this" Cece smiled as she handed Jess a glass of wine.

"Thanks. I'm almost ready I just ...I just need ..." Jess scanned the room frantically - she didn't even know what she was looking for.

"Jess take a deep breath. If this is too hard for you we don't have to go, I can call Coach right now."

"No, no I want to go, I need to go." With that she straightened out her dress and messed with her hair for the hundredth time. Nick had seen her first thing in the morning, naked, no makeup, bed hair - she knew deep down this made no difference but she still wanted to look nice. She gulped her wine as she went and then took one last look in the mirror.

"You ready to go" Cece said as she grabbed for Jess' hand.

"Yeah...let's go."

(At the bar)

Nick had barely breathed at all in the last twenty minutes as the cab had made its way to the bar where the party was at. His heart was beating so fast it wasn't implausible to him that he may have a heart attack. Eventually Nick hauled himself out of the cab his legs feeling like lead, he followed closely behind Schmidt and Winston using to them as a protective shield to the force that was about to hit him. As he made it through the door to the bar his eyes felt fixed to the floor like magnets, scared of what he would see if he looked up. Scared she'd be there. Scared she wouldn't.

As he finally started to raise his head he felt Coach's hand thrust into his shaking it manically. For a big, tough guy Coach was bordering on giddy as he ushered Malia over to talk to them. Coach was his buddy and he cared about him a lot but Nick had found it extremely hard to match their enthusiasm, especially tonight. He forced a smile but left a lot of the polite conversation to Schmidt and Winston as his eyes scanned the room eagerly.

His eyes met a row of champagne glasses and tequila shots lined up on the bar which looked very appealing to him right at that moment. Taking advantage of the swarm of girls who suddenly descended upon Coach and Malia, Nick ducked out of the way heading towards the bar while trying to accept that Jess might not actually be there and yet another lonely night would go by.

Schmidt had already started to work the room while Winston had stayed glued to the girls who had joined them moments ago and were now cooing in a chorus over Malia's engagement ring. Nick hoped that his mere presence at the party was enough support for Coach because he really didn't feel like talking with a collection of vague acquaintances tonight, most of whom would no doubt assume he and Jess were still happily together.

He downed a tequila shot willing it to works its way right down to his toes calming all his nerves on the way. The sheer volume of smiles and happy faces made him feel like the loneliest person on the plant. A month ago that had been him. He should have known it was too good to be true. He choked that thought down along with another tequila.

As he slammed the glass down on the bar grimacing at the sour taste he brought the back of his forearm to his mouth dabbing his lips with his sleeve. He rotated his arm as he lowered it grabbing his stubbled face with his hand and rubbing it roughly as he closed his eyes to the celebration around him. In that momentary pause Nick decided to leave. He wasn't ready for this but as he opened his eyes there they were across the room...

...The most beautiful pair of big blue eyes looking right at him.