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Chapter Ten

Affliction

Once you're blinded by the onslaught of love, devotion and the feeling of pure bliss, it's hard to see anything beyond it. You're mind goes into a hazy blank and the only thing consuming you're head and heart is the one who makes you feel that way. A rush of emotion runs from the pit of your stomach to the fluttering of your heart and pumps through your veins consuming your very being. Attraction, affliction and affection. It's blinding and dangerous, like driving down a speeding highway with a blindfold on. Stupid, yes, but gives you a rush of bursting adrenaline.

The adrenaline spurred by his touch flows through me with vigor. It's like alcohol to an alcoholic; once you start, it's hard to stop, no matter how wrong it is. I can't stop. Not now, not when I need it like a drug.

He whispers that it's close to three a.m. and that he should leave. I pulled the front of the shirt closer to me and replaced his lips on mine.

"No," I said between kisses, "You're not going anywhere."

He didn't seem bothered.

Carlisle soon broke off the kiss to beam down at me. I wrapped my leg tighter around him. My eyes felt heavy and exhaustion ran through my bones thick and overpowering, but I was not going to sleep any time soon. Not when there was so much to say and do. I smiled back up at him, and he pulled me closer into his chest so my head could lean on his arm. We both stared up at the ceiling in our embrace and watched the shadows of streetlights and cars dance as they flowed in through the window.

I sighed contentedly. He placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"So… why did you try in the first place? To end it between us?" I whispered inquiringly in the darkness.

"Hm…" He let out a thoughtful breath, like he was measuring his words. "Well, I always try to do what's right. No matter how much I don't want to. I guess…I thought it was right, and I understood that I was weighing too much of my thoughts and actions around you than was appropriate. I was trying to be the bigger person. But I've realized…sometimes, you have to do what's wrong. You have to give in, and be a little bit bad. How else can you satisfy yourself?"

I smirked in the darkness. "And besides, you can tell how well separation meshed with the two of us. We were both a mess. You looked like hell, Carlisle."

He didn't chuckle. "I felt like hell. When I realized what being away from you did to me, how strongly it really did affect me; I knew I had been wrong. I came straight here to beg for your forgiveness. And I saw your red eyes and I knew you had been crying…it made me believe for a second that my heart was beating again, because Bella, it hurt me to see you like that. I felt pain."

I raised my hand and caressed his cheek, turning my head to see him fully.

"You're so much more than I deserve, Carlisle."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, Bella. You're the only thing that is worth more than the world to me. What I would do if I weren't with you now… I don't know. If you hadn't forgiven me…"

"Of course I would have forgiven you. As soon as you climbed through my window and I saw that heartbroken expression on your face, I knew this was right. That you and me…we were supposed to happen."

I nodded once firmly to add emphasis to my statement. Carlisle smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek. I turned my head so his lips could instead meet with my own and I heard him laugh lightly as they collided and we were kissing again.

The night wore on and I fell in and out of sleep in Carlisle's arms. I would wake sporadically during the course of the night to make sure that he was still holding me, that it hadn't been a dream. He never left and my world felt full and bright. A new reverence was holding fort inside me; it was true happiness.

When morning came, I awoke to find my head resting on top of Carlisle's chest and my arm curled around his torso protectively. I stayed still in the silence for a minute as the slumber wore off, relishing in the quiet intensity of the moment and watching Carlisle from the corner of my eye, before yawning, making my consciousness aware, and repositioning myself beside him.

I opened my eyes tiredly to gaze at him and he gazed back with wide, bright eyes, free of sleep or tiredness. He looked like the Carlisle I knew and had grown to adore. The shadow of the man who had desperately climbed into my room last night was long gone, and he looked as though a breath of life had been blown through him. His hair lie flat against his head on the side he had been lying on and I reached out to fix it. Carlisle caught my hand in mid-air and intertwined his fingers through mine.

"Good morning, beautiful."

I smiled genuinely and giggled slightly at his hoarse voice, seeing as he had kept quiet for as long I had slept. I squeezed his hand in response. The fact that he had stayed with me through the whole night truly hit me then. Reality was a bother.

"Do you have to go?" I asked, feigning carelessness.

Carlisle sighed and looked at the clock. It was close to nine a.m.

"I should… but I don't think I will. I just want to stay with you, Bella. Just be this close and just stare at you all day."

He grinned sheepishly and I released my hand from his to wrap my arms around him and keep my body as close to his as possible.

"But what about work?"

"I'll call in sick."

He had responded without missing a beat, and we both knew now that there was no point in trying to find reasons for him to leave. We also knew that Carlisle could not ignore his responsibilities for long anyway, but today was all he needed to fill his need to some point of satisfaction. I gladly held him closer and he sighed.

But something was itching inside of me. Something I needed to say, though it would not make this any easier.

I whispered it quietly and ashamedly, but I knew he would hear it with perfect clarity anyway.

"And what will you tell…E-Esme?"

He stiffened. I looked up at him and he was staring fixedly at a point over my head. Carlisle did not say anything for a moment or two.

"I'll…just say something came up at work. Or…anything. I'll lie. Don't worry about that, Bella."

Though he told me not to worry, I knew Carlisle well enough to know that he himself was very worried. He tried not to show it. I rubbed my hand reassuringly against his back and then untangled myself from him to go to the bathroom.

I walked slowly to my door and I heard Carlisle stand up as well and he moved closer to the window. I turned around to look at him questioningly.

"I'll be back soon, Bella. I have to hunt."

His eyes were a pitch black and I could see dense shade sticking out abruptly against his pale skin clearly from across the room. He looked at me imploringly; I bit my lip and nodded.

Carlisle saw the apprehension on my face and sped to my side in a fraction of a second.

"I'll be quick. I promise I'll come straight back, Bella. There's no abandoning you now, it's not an option anymore."

He kissed me on the cheek and departed out the window, leaving only a rush of cold wind behind him.

I stayed unmoving in my spot for a moment as the curtain ruffled from his quick exit, and telling myself that he would be back in no time, walked sullenly to the bathroom.

I did not know how long it generally took a vampire to hunt, but as one full hour passed without his return, I began to grow anxious. I sat in my room, trying hard to concentrate on the novel I had open in front of me (which happened to be 'Interview With The Vampire'), but failed to do so dismally. I kept throwing glances out my window, hoping fruitlessly to see Carlisle speeding up the tree and into my room. Another half hour passed and I gave up any hope of reading past my current page and discarded the novel on my bed.

It was then that I began to pace.

Two hours. No Carlisle. My nerves were on a serious edge. I thought vampires were built for speed?

I sat perched on the windowsill, my face pressed against the glass. Surely, he'd be done by now…

Then suddenly, the phone began to ring shrilly, disrupting the quiet. I shot my hand out and fumbled with the receiver, before pulling it desperately to my ear.

"Hello?"

There was no answer. I could hear nervous breathing.

"Hello? Who is this?"

There was no reply for a solid fifteen seconds, and just as I sighed and moved to hang up the phone, they spoke.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I replied impatiently.

"It's…Jacob. Hey."

I was shocked. Jacob Black. The guy who was supposed to be ignoring me.

"Jake. Well…what do you want?"

I hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but I was annoyed. I had visited him for days trying to apologize, called numerous times, left voicemails crying, and now he calls me. He definitely took his sweet time.

"I just…I wanted to talk to you. About everything."

"You didn't exactly want to talk before. What caused the change of heart, then?"

He chuckled nervously. "Um…I guess I sort of missed my best friend."

I tried not to smile. As good as it felt to talk to Jacob, and not have him yelling at me, he still had put me through hell. I deserved some repentance from him.

"I missed you too. Only…you were kind of mean, Jake."

He laughed again. "Wolves have hot tempers, Bella. But I did sort of...overreact. I should have listened to your side. And…I'm really sorry."

"Jake-"

"No, let me finish. I really was a jerk. I was mean and I didn't mean it when I said you weren't my Bella. You still are. You're my best friend, and things must have been confusing enough without me leaving you alone to deal with it all. I'm sorry. Really."

I was silent. Could it be true that everything in this moment was utterly perfect? I had Carlisle, and now I had Jacob too.

"Oh, Jacob. I missed you. You know you mean the world to me, right? And, I'm sorry too. For not telling you about…Carlisle."

Jacob sighed heavily. "Yeah…what's up with that anyway? The last time I saw him, you were unbuttoning his shirt and a fraction away from kissing him. How did that happen?"

"Well, it's kind of complicated. Long story short…he means a lot to me. And I really care about him."

Jacob sighed again. "Bella, you always go with your instincts, just like you did with Edward, and I know Carlisle probably seems like the best thing in the world right now…but how is it ever going to work out? It obviously didn't work out so well with Edward…and he's not even married. Right now, I'm the only one that knows, but what are you going to do if Charlie, or one of the Cullens find out? How are you going to justify this?"

I groaned. Trust Jacob to snap me into reality.

"I don't know, Jake…we'll figure something out. We will. I know we can," I said anxiously.

"Hey…I'll be here if you need to talk." Jacob said soothingly, "I may not understand it in the least, you're still my best friend. I'm here to be your shoulder to cry on."

I chuckled. "Aw, Jake. You're the best-"

My window flung open behind me. I spun around, almost dropping the receiver, to see Carlisle speed anxiously towards me. He was soaked; it had clearly started raining again.

Carlisle pulled me into his chest and hugged me tightly. It felt he was hugging me for the last time. And then I looked up into his face, and his black eyes met mine. He hadn't hunted. Instead of being filled with the familiar golden shade, they were wide and fearful. Something was wrong.

"Hey, Jake. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

I dropped the phone in my haste to hang up and pulled myself away from Carlisle to brace my hands on either of his arms. He looked at me with a destroyed expression and my stomach turned uneasily.

"Wh-what is it, Carlisle? What's wrong?"

He shook his head and pulled me back into his arms. He held me tight and strong…almost protectively. I couldn't think. What was going on?

"Bella," He whispered against my hair.

"What? What is it?" I felt frantic and scared. I didn't know why; something was really wrong for him to be acting this way.

He gulped and slowly exhaled, trying to calm down. "They called."

"Who? Who called?"

Carlisle held me tighter but didn't respond. I was very scared. Only his embrace kept me from shaking.

"Carlisle!" I called desperately, "What is it?"

Carlisle let me go slowly and looked down into my eyes. I held my breath while he gathered his words.

"It was Edward…Bella, they're coming back home."

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