Chapter 10: Unexpected Arrivals

I still felt bad about leaving without saying goodbye. But, well, what else could I do? I don't know what I would have done if I saw him before I left. I probably wouldn't have left, is what would have happened.

Well, that might not seem like such a bad thing, but it kind of is. I mean, he's probably so much better off now that I'm not there. At least I won't lead assassins near him anymore. Well, I hope.

I really hope Gina is okay. She is still over there, with Jake. We were actually planning to stay for a month, since we had five weeks off of college for winter break. But since I came back super early, I have nothing to do.

I mean, I guess I could go get a job or something. At least that might take my mind off of things.

Or I could just go do the inevitable and break up with Paul.

Except, I really don't feel like doing that. I mean, I want to break up with him, but I know he will totally flip. And I really don't think I could put up with that at the moment.

Well, whatever. I'll make my decision as soon as the taxi drops me off at our apartment. You know, since I wasn't quite there yet.

But if I had known what I was going back to, I would have just stayed at the airport. Seriously.

Because who should be in my apartment when I walk through the door?

Well, if you guessed Paul Slater, you would be correct.

Because he was there, laying on my bed, his arms folded under his head. And despite the fact that I wanted to break up with him, I still couldn't hold back the urge to kiss him. Because, really, he is hot. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist (a female one, at least…or maybe a gay one) to figure that out.

He looked up at me as soon as I shut the door behind me. He smiled lazily and said, "Well, if it isn't the little princess."

When he said princess, I looked at him sharply. For a moment, I thought maybe he knew about Jesse and me (which, in reality, probably wouldn't have been a difficult feat, considering his country's media went haywire over it. Who's to say America didn't?). But he didn't seem to let on that he knew anything. He was actually looking at me with a small smile playing on his lips.

I groaned. "Paul, I really don't need your shit right now. I'm pretty stressed out as it is."

He scowled. "Well, gee, sorry if I wanted to see my girlfriend, who I haven't seen in two weeks."

That was my opportunity. It really was. I should have taken it and just said, 'You know what, Paul? Yeah, this girlfriend-boyfriend thing? It just ain't working out between us. Sorry.'

Well, its not like I was afraid of breaking his heart or something. I mean, if it was even possible to do that to Paul Slater. I had come to the conclusion a long time ago that you couldn't really damage his heart or his ego.

The reason I didn't do it is because I didn't feel like answering the inevitable 'why?'.

"Whatever," I settled for saying. "I'm just tired."

He walked up to me and put his arms around my waist. He looked down at me with a grin that I could only describe as wolfish. "I could wake you up real fast."

"I'm sure you could, Paul. But I'm just not in the mood right now."

He slowly unwound his arms from my waist and took a step back from me. "Okay," he said, sounding fed up, "what happened?"

I really wanted to be all, 'well, I found this really amazing guy when I was away. But I really fucked it up because I was going out with you. Oh, and he happened to be the King of the country.' But I didn't.

"I really don't feel like discussing it right now, okay? I'm tired. And I wanna sleep."

He smiled again, but not completely warmly. "Alright, let's go to sleep. I'm exhausted from work myself."

I didn't move from my spot. I just stared at Paul, standing my ground. "Paul, look. I just wanna be alone right now, alright? I just…I need to think in peace. Without you."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "What the hell went on while you were over there? Did some guy touch you? Tell me, Suze. I'll go kick his ass for you."

Ha, if only he knew how close he was. Only Jesse laid more than a hand on me. But Paul didn't really need to know that little detail there.

I groaned. Lying through my teeth, I said, "No one touched me, Paul. I'm jet-lagged from the trip. And Gina met up with Jake over there. There, that's it, okay? Now can you leave so I can go to sleep?"

I looked at him and he walked toward me until I could feel his breath on my cheek. "There's something else, isn't there? Something you don't want to tell me?"

Okay, I really didn't know how I was getting out of this one. It was quite the complicated position.

"Paul, I told you everything. Please, please, let me go to sleep."

He put his shoulders on my arms and stared down into my eyes, searching for something. "You met someone there, didn't you? Someone you think is better than me. Someone you would rather be with than me. Well, who is it? I want to know what I'm up against."

I was really hoping he would not catch on this fast. I suppose I underestimated him. He is a lawyer after all. He can smell a liar a mile away.

But I was seriously in deep shit right there. I mean, I was not quite sure what he would do once he found out about Jesse and me. I was actually hoping he wouldn't. But then again, when has my life ever gone the way I wanted it to?

"You're delusional, Paul." Lying only makes it worse, Suze. "There's no one. I just really want some sleep."

"I know when you're lying, Suze. And you're doing it right now." His grip tightened on my shoulders.

"I---"

Only, I really didn't get to finish. Not that I really knew what I was going to say, anyway. But thank God someone knocked on the door when they did.

"Excuse me, Paul," I said.

Paul grudgingly released his hands from my shoulders. I rubbed them as I went to go answer the door.

I suppose I shouldn't have been as relieved as I was that someone knocked on the door. Because, well, the person behind the door?

Yeah, that was Jesse.

I looked through the peephole, or whatever its called and saw that Jesse was standing there. He was looking totally gorgeous as always, but I really couldn't think about that, knowing who was standing impatiently behind me.

, was what I was thinking.

"Aren't you going to open the door, Suze?" Paul asked. It sounded like he knew that Jesse was on the other side of the door. Or at least, the 'guy' he kept talking about.

I nodded numbly and slowly, carefully, opened the door.

And then dashed outside and shut the door behind me before Paul could see who it was.

"Jesse, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked sharply. Too sharply, I soon noticed.

Jesse's face, completely nervous, but shining happily before I had said anything, completely fell, and he tried stuttering out an excuse. "I just thought…"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I just…Paul is in there. And he…" I sighed.

"Oh," Jesse said. He realized what this meant.

I looked at him, studying his profile. He had flowers in his hand, but they seemed to crumble when his face did. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a few days and his hair was looking a little rumpled. But still, he managed to look incredibly sexy.

I sighed, averting my gaze from him. "Jesse…" I was not sure what to say. "I really didn't expect you to come after me. I thought…I thought you would have seen that I'm not right for you. I just…I really think you deserve better."

He looked at me sharply and I looked back at him. "Susannah…of course you are right for me. We both may have made mistakes, but I think we can correct them and move on."

I shook my head. I knew what I had to do. I needed him to realize that he needed someone that wasn't me.

"Jesse, I'm going to ask you once and I need you to do it. I need you to leave." I couldn't bear to look at his face after I said that, so I looked away. "You need someone who could be there by your side, to be a queen. I - I can't. I want to, but I can't. I have too much here, and you have too much over there. So…please, just leave."

I looked back at him pleadingly. He then fell to his knees and looked up at me. He took my hands in his and said, his voice cracking slightly, "I'd give it all up just to be with you."

I shook my head, not wanting to make it harder on him. "Please don't make this any harder than it has to be. I know you have duties, Jesse. I know you need to be there. Don't give all that up just to be with me. Please."

He stood back up and looked away from me. "If that's how you want it, then fine. I'll leave. And you'll never have to see me again."

What? "Jesse, no! That's not what I meant!"

But it was too late. He had already dropped the flowers on the ground and walked away. I stared after his retreating back and felt tears come to my eyes.

Why did things have to be so difficult?

Sighing, I went back inside my apartment. Paul was lying on the bed again, staring up at the ceiling.

"So," he said, unusually calm, "you managed to have another guy fall in love with you?"

I sat on Gina's bed and looked down at the floor. "Paul, I…" I didn't know what to say. Was there even anything I could say to make it right?

"Suze, don't. I can't believe…this is happening. I never thought you'd…I thought you were happy with me. What went wrong?"

I blinked, shocked. I expected anger, a whole tirade from him when he found out. But this…I never expected this.

"Paul, I was happy with you. The key word there being was. Things have changed. I don't want to be with a guy who just wants me for my body. I want someone who wants me for me and my flaws."

He looked at me, those icy blue eyes dull and lifeless. "How can you say I just want you for your body? Of course I want to be with you for all of you, not just your looks."

I looked away and muttered, "It hasn't seemed that way lately."

He sighed. "Alright, I admit I've been a little demanding as of late with that kind of thing. But I've been stressed from work and I needed something to cheer me up."

"You needed sex to cheer you up? What about just being with me? Isn't that enough to cheer you up?"

"Suze-"

"Paul, look. I really did love you at one point. But these past couple months I've grown out of love with you. I guess it takes time to realize the person that you're really with. I guess I thought I loved you for the same reason I think you love me."

By then he had stood up and was walking closer to me. I gulped and stayed glued to my seat. "Why do you think I love you, Suze?" he asked, now only inches from me.

"For my body. And the fact that we both share the uncanny ability to communicate with the dead. But just because we have that in common doesn't make us soul mates, Paul."

He looked down at me from where he was standing. "I think we are. We're old souls, Suze. Our souls know each other just as much as our bodies do. I think we belong together." And with that, he leaned down to kiss me.

And I was so proud of myself that I turned away, not giving in to him.

"Suze-"

"Paul, listen to me. For once, please do that. I don't love you anymore, if I ever did at all. Please just understand that. I don't want to be with you anymore. I - I wanted to do this for a while, I just didn't have the guts. But now…I think its time that I did something about it."

He glared at me. "What did this guy do to you? Before you met him, you were completely fine with me. And now-"

"No I wasn't, Paul! That's what you're not getting! I wasn't happy with you. It was the same old shit everyday and now…I just can't take it anymore!"

The mirror above Gina's dresser started to wobble and then fell, crashing to the floor. Ugh, she was going to kill me for that when she got back.

He retreated a little, stepping back from me a few feet. His eyes were smoldering. He was just barely able to control his anger. "What did you say to him?" he asked softly, but not without mirth.

"I told him to leave," I said truthfully, looking away from his face. "I don't deserve what he feels for me. And sometimes I think I don't deserve what you feel for me."

"Suze…" I looked at him. He shook his head. "I can't believe this is happening! I just…you're the only girl that I felt this way toward…I-"

I cut in. "I think the reason you felt that way toward me was because I was the only one that said no to you, and that I was the only one you ever found that was like you."

"How can you say that?! I-"

"Paul! Just look at us. Is this really what a loving relationship is like? The kind of relationship you're talking about is one where both parties wants to be with the other regardless of what's happening, what they look like, and stuff like that. They don't always ask for sex, like you do. Although, I don't recall you ever really asking for it. You just try and seduce me. Which, I have to admit, does work.

"But Paul," I stopped to take a breath. "You have to see that if we did give us a few more months, it wouldn't have worked out anyway. We're not meant to be."

His eyes were flaming, his nostrils flaring. "He brainwashed you. Or - or something! You were fine until you went on that trip. And now-"

"And now what? He brainwashed me? That is fucking absurd and you know it!" I stopped, trying to calm myself. He looked like he was trying to do the same.

"Paul, he's the king. He…he came here looking for me to be with him, but I turned him down. I did it, because he has so much that he shouldn't give up for me. And you…I can't live in a sham, Paul. I can't go on pretending that I love you just to appease you, when, in reality, I don't love you at all.

"I wanted this to be as painless as possible, but you won't let me do that, will you?"

He set his jaw and looked at me. The expression on his face was painful for me to look at. "If that's how you want it, then fine. I'll get out of your life and let you have your fairy tale ending. But just in case Prince Charming doesn't want you anymore, forget coming back to me."

And with that, he stormed out of my apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Overwhelmed with the stress of the trip, jetlag, and what had just happened with Paul and Jesse, I buried my face in a pillow and cried myself to sleep.

But at least I got my nap.