A/N: So I don't know if I should apologise or not but this is not the epilogue as promised. I felt there was still a little way to go before we get to that. So this is the last chapter but the epilogue will DEFINITELY be up next. This is a little heavy on dialogue but I guess I thought they had a lot to say to each other still...

Chapter 10 – Talking & Tears

Jane pressed the keycard into the door of the hotel room suite and allowed Lisbon to enter first.

'Wow' she smiled, taking in the opulent surroundings. 'Jane, this is too much' she said as she glanced at the super king size bed flooded with luxurious cushions on top of a rich soft bedspread and crisp white linen sheets underneath.

She felt his breath at the back of her neck as she felt the plush carpet beneath her feet and looked at the solid oak furniture adorning the room. He kissed her neck gently, his hands caressing the tops of her arms, careful not to touch the bandages strapped from her elbows to her wrists. 'Nonsense' he whispered, kissing her neck again.

He turned her quickly into his arms and found her mouth, delving in for a kiss that almost took her breath away. His hands clasped to her face he continued, devouring her lips in desperate need. She kissed him back with as much ferocity as she could find only to have him match it and then exceed it. His lips trailed frenetically across her jawline, then to her neck, moaning with every kiss he placed. His hands moved quickly, pushing her T shirt above her midriff before he took a small breath and kissed the bare skin he found, his hands grasped to her sides.

'Jane' she said, her voice a whisper as it was all she was capable off as he continued his sweet assault on her skin. 'Jane' she said again, louder as she gained better control over herself.

'What?' he mumbled impatiently and a little irritably, his kisses now peppering her bra clad breasts, his hands on the catch of her bra.

'Stop' she said softly, closing her eyes and breathing a little easier as he immediately did as she asked.

He brought his face back to hers, a frown on it as she opened her eyes. 'You were rushing' she said gently.

'I'm...I'm sorry. I thought...well I thought you wanted...I mean-'

She nodded and smiled. 'I do. Believe me I do. And to be honest it was pretty hot to begin with-'

A glimmer of a smile crept over his lips but his eyes still looked worried. 'If it was then why did you want me to stop?' He glanced at her arms. 'Are you in pain? Do you need something for it? Is that it?'

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip before taking his hand, leading him over to sit on the bed. 'No. It's nothing like that.' He waited patiently for her to explain. She took a deep breath before she looked at him then spoke quietly. 'I've had casual sex before. I've had sex where all I wanted was to forget about my day, to find that release. You know that already. It wasn't about the person I was with. Or...feelings...-'

'And that's how I just made you feel' he finished for her. 'That you were just somebody for me to find a release in.'

She shrugged. 'Yeah, I guess. Kind of.'

He nodded, looking to his feet. 'I'm sorry. I...I would never want you to feel that way, Lisbon. I just...I just got carried away-'

'Hey, it's okay. I get it. And any other night I'd be happy to let you get carried away all you like. But...well after what happened tonight you're clearly not yourself. You've had a hell of a night.'

He frowned at her immediately. 'I've had a hell of a night?' He glanced at her arms briefly before he averted his eyes from them and back to her face. 'I wasn't the one being tortured a few hours ago.' Guilt and tears in his eyes he added, 'By me...I hurt you Lisbon. Even if it got me Red John I...-' His words were cut off by a sob that came from his chest. Suddenly he laid his head in his hands and cried, his body shaking as the waves of tears overcame him. She had never seen him like this before, even in Vegas he hadn't been this out of control. She began to run her fingers through his hair, hoping it would calm him. 'It's okay, Jane. It's okay.'

He shook his head wildly. 'No. It's not okay. I can barely look at you after what I did.'

She pulled his hands away from his face but he turned his head away from her. She rolled her eyes, figuring the soft approach wasn't working. 'Look at me' she ordered. 'Jane, stop drowning yourself in self pity for a damn minute and look at me.'

With a loud sigh he blinked the remaining tears away and stared at her. She brushed his cheeks with her fingers, drying his face. Softer again, 'Hey, the wounds will heal. You just need to give them some time. But not addressing them or pretending they're not there doesn't mean they don't exist. They're not going to be wiped out in the space of a night.'

He cracked a small smile, her words echoing with him, knowing she wasn't just talking about those on her arms. 'Okay' he nodded. He kissed her gently, his lips still trembling from his outburst. 'Okay.'

'All right then. How about some tea?' she asked, smiling. 'And some room service too maybe? Don't know about you but I couldn't eat a thing today.'

She went to get off the bed and he stopped her by taking her hand. 'How do you do it?' he asked, consternation and wonder written across his face.

'How do I do what?'

He shook his head. 'How...how can you be this strong? How do you manage it?'

'Practice' she quipped. Seeing the earnestness in his face she sat back down. Quietly, 'Haven't always been. I fell apart after my mom died. But then I soon realised no one was going to pick me up again. So I did it myself.' She shrugged, looking into space in front of her. 'You cope, you know. You get on with life with the cards you're dealt. No point falling down a hole because of it. It's not going to change anything that's happened.'

He sighed loudly. 'Well you certainly got a lousy hand the day I entered your life.' He laughed but there was little humour to it.

'Yeah, you were a pain in the ass even back then' she replied, a smile creeping up on her lips.

He laughed again, more genuinely as he took a deep breath. 'Well, at least I've been nothing but consistent all these years.'

They looked at each other for a moment before they both laughed as the tension dissipated. 'Jesus, I'm a mess' he added as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of the head.

'Yeah, you are' she agreed, still chuckling a little.

'Why haven't you asked me about what I said?' he asked after a moment.

'Hmm? When?'

'Before we had our fake fight in Vegas I told you something. You haven't mentioned it.'

She nodded. 'Well we have been pretty busy catching a serial killer.'

He removed his hand from her shoulder so he could look in her face. 'I meant it' he said softly. 'I love you.' He laughed nervously. 'Just thought I should clear that up in case it wasn't blatantly obvious by now.'

'Me too' she replied quietly. 'I feel the same way.'

'Well' he grinned. 'That's lucky.' Then his expression turned serious again. 'Why? What is it you see in me that makes you love me?'

Blushing, 'You after compliments to boost your ego?'

'No. I'm serious, Teresa. I told you I wanted a future with you. But...what makes you want one with me?'

She gazed in his eyes, circled his face with her own. 'Well, you're not bad looking I guess' she ventured. 'And you're pretty smart I suppose.'

He raised an eyebrow. 'You're not getting out of this by flattering my looks or my intellect. There are plenty of good looking smart men out there. What is it you see in me?'

She drew her fingers down his face. 'I...I don't quite know exactly' she admitted. 'How do you really know what it is about someone that makes you fall for them? Many things I guess. You know me. Better than anyone ever has. You put up with my bad moods-'

'No. What is it you see in me? Not how I make you feel. What is it about me that's different?'

'Potential' she whispered. 'I see potential. I see what you could be if you'd only allow yourself to let go of the guilt. I see...a good man.'

He shook his head. 'I basically told you a couple of hours ago I was ready to murder a man in cold blood. Like I've been telling you for years. That's not a good man, Lisbon.'

'But you didn't-'

'I would have. Despite feeling about you the way I do I would have thrown it all away just to kill him-'

'But you didn't, Jane. I was there. You had seconds to do it before he picked up that gun. After I was out of danger. You had at least three seconds, maybe more. Enough time to do it. But you didn't.'

'I was working up to it.'

'I think what you were doing was having second thoughts-'

'No.'

'Okay. Then tell me the truth. That you are one hundred percent certain you were going to take that shot. You deal in percentages, Jane. Tell me there wasn't a tiny part of you that wasn't sure you could follow through.'

He thought for a long moment, relived the moment his finger was on the trigger in his mind. 'I don't know. Maybe...maybe something like 0.1 percent of me wasn't sure I could really do it.'

She nodded, smiling. 'I'll take that.'

He smiled back, his eyes questioning. 'Those aren't good odds, Lisbon.'

'It's better than nothing.'

He shook his head at her, wondering if she was correct, if he had hesitated. He doubted it but perhaps there was tiny kernel of truth there somewhere. He would never know for certain and was surprised at how much he was okay that was the case.

He kissed her softly on the lips, imparting as much emotion as he felt, as much love as he could into it. 'You know if I were a better less selfish man I'd tell you to find someone who truly deserves you. A better man than me.'

She kissed him back, softly but lovingly. 'Haven't you listened to a word I've said? I don't want a better man. I want you, you idiot.'

He chuckled lightly at her term of endearment. 'So, potential, huh?' he smiled.

Shrugging she nodded again. 'Yep.'

'Okay' he nodded. 'Then I'll try to live up to it. To become the man you should have and not the one in front of you currently. But I should warn you I'm bound to screw up. I haven't been in a relationship in a really long time.'

'Neither have I. We'll probably both screw up at times.'

'Well, that bodes well for our future' he smiled, rolling his eyes.

'Our future, huh? I think I like the sound of that.'

'Yeah' he grinned. 'Me too.'

As Lisbon woke she found Jane gone from the bed beside her. They had talked most of the night before ordering room service, laughing at the absurdity of the situation as they ate chicken Caesar salad and scrambled eggs at four in the morning. Jane had showered before he'd run Lisbon a bath, explaining that he had to wash her to keep her hands dry. Naturally that had led to an influx of passion and they had tumbled into bed two hours before, Lisbon's hair still damp as she wrapped her legs around his waist as they made love. It was slow and sweet and incredibly tender and a new understanding seemed apparent between them as they shattered the remnants of the walls they had guarded themselves with for years.

She saw him at the window, staring out with a frown on his face, dressed in the white hotel room robe.

'Hey, can't sleep?' she yawned before she turned, forgetting the pain her arms were in until a jolt ran up the left one as she leaned on it in the bed. Jane was over in a second with her pain medication and a glass of water. He sat beside her, taking the water off her as she finished swallowing them. 'Okay?' he asked.

'Yeah, fine. Can't you sleep?'

He shrugged, 'I got about an hour.'

She leaned over and kissed him. 'Maybe I need to wear you out a little more.'

He laughed, pulling her against him for another kiss. 'Believe me, I'm worn out. Just...um...had a nightmare...I guess after last night it's to be expected. They'll lessen in time I'm sure.'

She nodded, 'Come back to bed.'

He crawled in beside her, pulling her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. 'I checked my phone when I got up. Van Pelt was able to reroute the calls to the burner from the one I left in Vegas. Twenty three voicemails.'

'Huh? Who from?'

'I only listened to the first four. Press.'

She closed her eyes and shook her head. 'Damn vultures. I guess they want your comment on Red John's demise.'

'Yeah. Some offered me exclusives. One even offered me a book deal.' He shook his head, seething quietly.

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes. Lisbon could feel his heart rate picking up, the nervousness in his posture. 'You're leaving, aren't you?' she asked quietly. 'Or at least you want to.'

He drew back to look in her face, perplexed. 'How...how did you know I was thinking that?'

She smiled despite that admittance from him as she had read his body language correctly. 'Is this how I look when I ask you that question? Like a goldfish?'

He relaxed his shoulders and bit the inside of his mouth. 'I guess' he smiled. Serious again, 'Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere-'

'I think you should.'

He widened his eyes. 'We're only together properly a few hours and you're tired of me already?' he smirked.

'Jane, you don't want to deal with the press. No one would who's been through what you have. And besides that I think you need a little space. Away from everything that reminds you of him.' She paused and swallowed a lump in her throat. 'And that includes me.'

'I don't want to be away from you. I've only just come back and you're...injured.'

'I'll be fine, Jane. And you didn't accept Wainwright's offer straightaway to come back to the CBI. I think in your heart you already knew you need a little time away to deal with what's just happened. Even before this press thing.'

'Lisbon, if...if you've changed your mind? About us...then you would tell me, wouldn't you?' he frowned, his heart beating frantically in his chest.

'Of course I haven't. I still want us. But I think some time apart would be helpful too. Starting this thing between us now when our emotions are all over the place probably isn't the best idea. I want to give us the best shot at this working out. So I think we should do that and enter into this properly when our heads are a little clearer than they are at this moment.'

While he didn't want to be away from her he could see the logic in her reasoning. So much had happened since she'd turned up in Vegas they'd been living on adrenalin and not much else ever since. 'Rational as ever I see' he smiled, kissing her. 'You're on suspension. You could come with me. At least for a few days-'

'I think we both need time to take a breath, Jane. Make sure we're both on the same page after the dust has settled.'

He nodded quickly. 'Okay. You're right. Maybe. I admit there are some things I'd like to attend to before we really start this between us. But I won't be gone long this time. Couple of weeks max. I promise.'

She kissed him soundly. 'You know what? For the first time in my life I think I actually believed it you when you said that.'

He laughed. 'Well if that's not progress then I don't know what is.'

A/N: So hopefully not a waste of a chapter. After all that happened the night before it just didn't feel right to jump into romantic fluff territory straightaway. But I promise the epilogue coming up next will be flufftastic!