This chapter is unbeta'd
November 2014
Weeks quickly passed by after that incident at the coffee shop. Professor Cullen never asked me for coffee again outside of the school premises. Instead, he'd taken to occasionally ushering me to the students' lounge after class. Sometimes, he'd offer to tutor me especially when he noticed that my mind was drifting earlier in class, and other times, we'd just sit across each other and chat. I learned a lot about him during those talks; he shared about his life in Chicago, but curiously enough, he didn't delve into his personal matters. And I didn't ask because I didn't want to appear intrusive. Regardless of how my feelings run for the professor, I wouldn't force him to share pieces of his life that he wasn't willingly giving away.
"Professor Cullen's staring at you again," Jake whispered inconspicuously, his voice drowned out by the professor's voice.
Looking up from my notes, my eyes flew to Professor Cullen's direction and caught his gaze, before I looked to Jacob. "No, he's not."
"Yes, he is," Jake scoffed, his gaze intent on my face, "And it's creepy."
"What? That's ridiculous," shaking my head, I focused my attention back to the lecture. I let my hair fall between us to create a curtain of brown hair. It wouldn't do me any good if Jake would notice the small smile I was trying to fight off my lips.
"He's always staring at you during his lectures. And I'm sure all the other students notice it too," Jake continued his tirade. "And it's really creepy, like he's at least a decade older than us and he's got massive fucking crush on you-"
"Jake!" interjecting, I turned in my seat to face him. "Stop. You're being absurd."
"But, Bells— "
"Drop it," I hissed, my eyes pointedly looking at him. "You will not say another word about this, okay?"
"I was just trying to look out for you," he mumbled, having the gall to look ashamed.
"Are we clear on that?"
"Yeah," he acquiesced rather sullenly. "But honestly, Bells, be wary of Professor-"
"Mr. Black," the professor's voice boomed around the room, "What do all the waves in the electromagnetic spectrum have in common?"
Every head turned to look at the back of the room, pinning Jacob in his seat. From the corner of my eye, I could see Professor Cullen slowly approaching us, his eyebrow quirked and his lips set in a firm line. I lowered my head slowly, avoiding the professor's gaze as he stood in front of us. Jacob was still sitting beside me, immobile, as his brows were pinched into a frown. I don't know if he's thinking or if he's just pissed that the professor brought the whole class' attention to him.
"I asked you a question, Mr. Black," Professor Cullen said in a low voice. I watched as his feet moved until he was standing directly in my line of vision. I resisted the urge to raise my head and meet his gaze.
There was a beat of silence around the room, almost every student waiting with bated breath for Jacob to answer. Slowly, I moved my eyes to look at Professor Cullen. He was staring at Jacob, the challenge deeply etched on his face. His gaze flickered towards my direction briefly before returning his eyes to Jake.
"Miss Swan?" he called out without looking at me. "Would you like to help a friend?"
Gulping down the nerves, I raised my head higher, looking straight at Professor Cullen. He stared unabashedly at me, the green of his eyes distracting me momentarily.
"They could all travel at the speed of light, sir," I said in a clear voice.
"Good," Professor Cullen nodded, "And these waves could also travel through empty spaces. Amplitude, meaning that of distance, or height, from the middle of an electromagnetic wave to its maximum displacement, is also a property which is common to all electromagnetic waves."
The murmurs in class started to grow again, heads turning to follow the professor's movement as he walked towards the podium. From my periphery, I could see Jake shaking off his shock, his head turning to lean into my personal space again.
"I told you he was watching you," he whispered harshly.
"Anything to add, Mr. Black?" Professor Cullen asked loudly from his podium, his eyes still trained on the papers he held in his hands. The other students' heads swiveled again to gape at Jacob, their expressions ranging from shock to disbelief.
I guess they couldn't also believe how Professor Cullen was obviously picking on Jake today.
"No, sir," Jake mumbled glumly beside me.
Jake huffed quietly before he settled back in his seat, his attention focused now on taking notes. The lecture went on without any more incidents. Professor Cullen was obviously in his element, his voice strong and clear, his hands steady as he discussed the subject matter. The rest of the class was also paying close attention to the lecture, the sound of pens scratching across papers was the only noise that could be heard inside the room apart from the professor's voice.
As the ringing of the bell reverberated throughout the classroom, the other students snapped out of their limbos and began shoving notebooks and pens inside their bags. I remained seated, holding a pen in my right hand while the other hand was idly tracing the spiral spine of my notebook. From the corner of my eye, I could see Jake hastily packing up his things, his movements brash and a bit twitchy. My eyes automatically moved across the room to find Professor Cullen, watching him as he slowly retreated to his podium. He was calmer and more graceful in his packing, his slender fingers wrapping around pens and books as if he were caressing them. The stuttering of my breath upon this vision was mildly embarrassing. Professor Cullen looked up at the sound and our eyes met briefly, a breathtaking smile erupting on my lips while Professor Cullen tried to fight off a grin, and failed.
I averted my gaze as Jake's shuffles became louder. I looked to my right and met Jake's accusing glare. His stare was steely as he moved his eyes in the distance between me and Professor Cullen. Clearing my throat, I lowered my head slightly to avoid his judgement. I pretended to be busy with the notebook I have in my hand, slowly closing it before putting it inside my bag. Jake was still fuming beside me, no doubt seething over the brief exchange he caught between the professor and me. I tried to ignore him as much as I could, but my effort was futile as he was almost blowing steam through his nose as he continued to glare in my direction.
"What?" I asked without turning my head to him, irritation evident in my tone.
"What the fuck is going on between you two?" Jake hissed under his breath, his fists clenching tightly on his lap.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't act dumb with me, Bella," he said condescendingly. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Narrowing my eyes, I looked at him in disbelief. "It's called being polite, Jacob. You should try it sometimes."
"That's not it and we both know it, Bella," he grumbled, leaning closer to me, "He's probably fucking perving-"
"Is there a problem, Miss Swan?"
We were startled out of our staring match when Professor Cullen's voice broke through the room. I quickly turned my head to see Professor Cullen standing a few feet from where were still seated, his eyes intently moving between me and Jake. His mouth was set into a firm line as his eyes roved all over Jake's tense form, his gaze lingering on Jake's clenched fists.
"None, sir," I whispered, throwing a quick glance at Jake's face. He was full-on scowling, the deep lines looking ridiculous on his face.
"Mr. Black?" quirking an eyebrow, Professor Cullen turned his full attention to Jake.
"Everything's fine, sir. Bella and I were just talking," he muttered petulantly.
I wanted to smack him on his head, or maybe elbow him in the ribs. The few seconds he didn't speak could have probably given me an aneurysm.
"Good," nodding, Professor Cullen straightened his stance, his eyes still trained on Jake. "Well, I guess I'll see you both next week."
"Yeah," Jake mumbled as Professor Cullen walked back to the front of the room.
I remained seated as Jake stood from his seat. He retrieved his backpack from the floor and heaved it up on his shoulder. Turning to look at me, a frown blossomed on his face as he saw me still perched in the same spot.
"Uhm, you go first, Jake," I whispered, not meeting his eyes. "I have to talk to Professor Cullen about something."
"About what?" he insisted, moving to sit again.
Before his ass could touch the desk's surface, I shoved on his back, sending him towards the aisle.
"I'll meet you later, okay?" I tilted my head towards the door, silently telling him to leave.
Obviously, Jake could not take the hint.
"I'll stay," he mumbled, replacing his bag on the floor.
"I swear to God, Jacob," I threatened under my breath, "If your ass won't leave this room…"
"Fine," he huffed out, snatching his bag again.
Jake moved quickly towards the door, his hand brushing against my arm as he moved towards the aisle. I caught Professor Cullen's gaze from across the room, the expression on his face was unreadable. Jake was still slowly clumping down the room with heavy footsteps, irritating me further as he blatantly made his presence known. Professor Cullen and I both watched him as he seemed to move slower and slower as he neared the door, his neck tense as he tried to fight off the urge of turning back around.
Sighing out of relief, I watched as Jake opened the door, his left foot already stepping over the threshold. But, of course, Jake being Jake, he had to be obnoxious.
"Don't forget dinner tonight, Bells," he called out over his shoulder, a cheeky grin plastered on his face, his eyes directly looking at Professor Cullen.
I wanted to punch the smile right off his face, my hand actually itching for the contact. But I held back, sitting on my hand to refrain myself. Instead, I moved my eyes towards Professor Cullen, looking to see his reaction. I was not disappointed when I saw that he was impassive, but his eyes held a bit of what could probably be annoyance in them. His lips quirked as his eyes met mine, his expression softening slightly. We stared at each other for a few seconds, our gazes measuring the other's expressions. I don't know what he saw on my face, but the way that his lips moved to give way to a small smile, I think he liked it. The wide grin etched on my face couldn't be stopped.
"You're dating that boy?" Professor Cullen asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.
"No," I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the absurdity of it.
"You sure?"
"Yes," I chuckled. "I'm really, really sure that we're not dating."
"Well, Mr. Black certainly acted the part," Professor Cullen muttered, his eyes moving towards the space Jake recently vacated.
"He's just…" trailing off, I was lost for words. I gestured with my hands, willing the action to elaborate my point. Seeing that it didn't work, I sighed loudly. "Jake."
"So, 'just Jake' then?" he asked, "What does that even mean?"
"He's just a friend. An annoying, persistent friend who doesn't know how to take a hint," I explained, my annoyance apparent.
He didn't comment on it as he leaned back on his table, his legs crossing in front of him. Professor Cullen was the picture of nonchalance.
"Anyway," I said after a beat, "I apologize for the disruption earlier in class. I promise it won't happen again."
"You shouldn't be apologizing, it was Jacob's fault," Professor Cullen said pointedly.
Briefly, I wonder if he heard what bullshit Jake was spewing earlier. I blushed at the thought that he might have been privy to it. I peeked at him from under my lashes, trying to determine the stern look on his face.
"And you don't like him that way?" Professor Cullen asked after a beat of silence. "Jacob?"
"God, no," I scoffed, shaking my head for emphasis, "He's really just a friend, regardless of his insistent requests for a date."
"Buy you're having dinner tonight?" raising an eyebrow, Professor Cullen looked at me quizzically.
"It's a group study thing," I defended, "Jake's just being an ass by making it sound like a date."
"Oh," he mumbled quietly. Professor Cullen tore his gaze away from mine and focused his attention on a loose thread on his pants.
I stood slowly from my seat, my eyes still trained on Professor Cullen. Reaching down, I retrieved my bag from the floor and walked towards the professor's table. With his head turned down, I was allowed a brief moment to stare at him. Upon closer look, and with a little help from the light shining through the windows, I noticed how the professor's bronze hair wasn't really just bronze. It has splashes of blonde and brown thrown into the chaos of his hair, creating a crazy messy halo atop his head. It's crazy how I've just noticed these little things about him, especially given the time I have allotted to staring at him during and after classes.
"Besides, there's someone else I have my eyes on," I mumbled lowly, my eyes trained on my shoes.
"Come again?" Professor Cullen asked, his brows furrowing in concentration.
"What?" feigning nonchalance, my heart thundered wildly in my chest. I knew that the blush on my cheeks was rivaling that of a tomato.
"You said something," he prodded, his gaze pinning me in place.
"I didn't," I insisted, clutching the straps of my bag tightly in my fists. "You must have been hearing things."
Professor Cullen levelled me with a challenging look, but he didn't prod any further. I breathed a sigh of relief at this while I internally berated myself for opening my big damn mouth.
I don't know what came over me, to give a hint that there's someone else I'm attracted to. I'm pretty sure that with my blushing cheeks and tendency to fumble in front of him, Professor Cullen wouldn't have a hard time figuring out who I'm crushing on. And it's not like anything was going to happen between us, anyway.
Mildly anxious and a whole lot awkward, I tried to walk past Professor Cullen but his hand holding onto my arm stopped me in my tracks. I tried to reign in the sparks going off under my skin, but they went off anyway. I think this was the first time Professor Cullen and I had some skin to skin contact. The blush blooming on my face can't be helped. I slowly raised my head to look into his eyes, but he already beat me to it. Professor Cullen was staring intently at my face, his green eyes almost boring a hole into my soul.
"What?" I asked timidly, averting my eyes as he continued to unabashedly.
Professor Cullen opened his mouth a few times, but no sound would come out. I waited patiently, watching his face the whole time. He looked undecided, as if he's warring with himself. I don't know what to make of it, the way the creases deepened on his forehead, his lips getting thinner and thinner as he stayed inside his head. His jaw was clenching and unclenching periodically, the muscles almost bulging out from the pressure. Professor Cullen's grip on my arm tightened significantly, but not enough to cause pain.
I tried to relax my stance as much as possible, but with the way he's holding me, I was left in an awkward position. I watched the conflict playing in his eyes, the emotions rapidly flickering in them. I could tell that Professor Cullen wanted to tell me something, but it was quite obvious that he wasn't sure about it. Or maybe he wasn't sure about me. I tensed at the thought and Professor Cullen flexed his fingers around my arm. I met his gaze, with a bit of hesitation on my part, and he stared at me as if it was the first time he has ever seen my face. The expression on his face was asking me to understand whatever it may be, and I wanted to give him my assent, but I can't, not when there was no guarantee between us.
"I just want to say that," gulping, Professor Cullen looked down, "Your midterms are coming up, do you need some help?"
What?
Confused, I frowned at him, trying to figure out what the hell happened. In a span of a few seconds, he was Professor Cullen again, the unattainable professor. He quickly let go of my arm, making me stumble a bit as I tried to situate myself. Professor Cullen took a step back, crossing his arms across his chest. He looked at me in contempt, his eyes holding a distant look in them. I felt my heart sinking as I realized that he was distancing himself away from me, for whatever reason. I wanted to ask him what changed in the few seconds of silence that descended between us, but it wasn't my place.
Resolved, I stepped away from him, expanding the distance that stretched between us. I saw a flicker of surprise in his eyes, but it was gone just as fast as it appeared. It felt like our string had been pulled beyond its capacity, forcing us to snap the connection rather than to try harder to stretch it beyond what it could take. Not moving my gaze away from his face, I let myself take him in. My eyes moved all over his high cheekbones, his chiseled jawline, to the bump on the bridge of his nose, and lastly, I let myself get lost in his dazzling green eyes. The fire burning in them momentarily pinned me to where I was standing. His stare was unyielding and unapologetic. This time, I truly knew how someone could get lost in one's gaze.
"I think we could handle it, but thanks for the offer," I said timidly, my gaze faltering.
"We? As in with Jacob?" he asked, a hint of something, maybe irritation, coloring his tone.
I looked up at this, my eyes widening slightly at his flared nostrils and the red tint on his cheeks. "Yes, but it's not like that."
Professor Cullen hummed, his eyebrow raising in question. I refused to justify myself to him. I realized that if I couldn't pry answers from him, then neither could he. We don't have any obligations to each other, regardless of how much I want him.
Let him think whatever he wants, I thought to myself wryly. I already gave him my piece, it's up to him if he wanted to believe me or not.
I let out a deep breath and took another step back. Professor Cullen followed my every movement with his eyes, his hands clenching into tight fists at his sides. I waited for him to say something, anything, but when he remained where he was, still perched on atop his table, I shook my head, at myself and at him. It was ridiculous how I keep on waiting for him to do something, for him to give an indication that maybe, just maybe, there could be something more. But I guess everything that happened between us these past few weeks meant nothing to him. For a moment, I thought that we could go further once this term ended, but I was just way over in my head.
One more step and I'd be over by the door, leaving Professor Cullen behind. When I was met with nothing but silence, I turned my back to him and took the final step.
"Good bye, Professor," I called over my shoulder.
He didn't say a word, but I could feel the intensity of his green eyes on my back.
AN: I'm sorry for the late update!
Well, Professor Cullen was quite obvious in this one, right?
Thanks for reading!