Contest in the author's note at the bottom!
81. Shouting 'constant vigilance' at first years as a warning before hexing them is not acceptable.
Ron Weasley was not in a good mood. He'd accidentally overslept, burnt his toe in the shower, and now he was running late for potions. Potions! Snape was going to kill him.
As he sprinted down the staircase, stumbled around the corner, and dove towards the dungeons, he was forced to come to an unceremonious halt. For there, flooding the hallway that led to his potions classroom, were a slew of first year students mindlessly milling about. Ron's stomach dropped; there was no way he'd make it in time. Unless...
With a renewed sense of determination, Ron stepped forward, raised his wand, and shouted, "constant vigilance!" Then he began to force his way through the crowd, cursing the bewildered first years out of his way as he went.
82. I'm not allowed to scream in the middle of the night for no reason.
Ron Weasley was exhausted. After procrastinating endlessly on his Charms paper, he'd had to write the entire eight foot essay in one night. As he stumbled up the stairs and into the bedroom he shared with the other Gryffindor boys, his eyelids began to droop, coming closer and closer to closing. This is the last time I study until four o'clock in the morning, he thought to himself as he pulled back the covers of his bed and climbed in, still fully dressed. All he wanted to do was sleep...
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"
Ron's eyes snapped fully open, and within a moment he had jumped from his bed. He darted over to where Harry slept and flicked on the light, prepared to find his friend writhing about in agony, a vision fresh on his mind. "Harry! Harry are you okay? Is it You-Know-Who? Is he..." He trailed off, his eyes coming to rest on Harry's calm demeanor. "Harry?"
"Hello," Harry said, giving his best mate a small smile.
"Bloody hell," Seamus groaned. "Must you always scream in the middle of the night?"
"Go back to bed, Seamus," Dean muttered, already rolling over in his bed.
"Harry," Ron said slowly, "are you all right?"
Harry shrugged. "I'm fine, Ron. How are you?"
"Good. Good, yeah... Harry... why did you scream?"
Once again, the Boy-Who-Lived shrugged. "Dunno," he said with a grin. "It seemed like the thing to do at the time."
"Right, okay. Yeah... One more thing." Ron smacked his best mate on the top of his head, a snarl building up in the redhead's throat. "Don't you ever do that again! You scared me!"
"Well, maybe next time you could not come home at four in the morning," Harry countered, swatting Ron's hand away.
"And maybe next time," Seamus snapped, "you both could shut the hell up!"
83. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce "These are not the droids you are looking for."
"Ginny Weasley! I can't believe you, hiding Madam Pomfrey's supply of chocolate," McGonagall gestured angrily to the pile of chocolate on top of the redhead's bed. "What on earth were you thinking?"
Ginny quickly looked to the chocolate, looked to her professor, and looked back to the chocolate again, not wanting to confess to her hideous crime. Thinking quickly, she made a decision, a decision to use the unique talents of a true wizard.
Wavering her hand in front of McGonagall's face, she said calmly, "These are not the droids... er, candies, you are looking for."
84. I am not to substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.
An emergency meeting was called one Saturday afternoon late in January. The entire school was forced to attend and spend their afternoon off in the Great Hall, waiting with baited breath to find out what was wrong.
"You reckon the school's been threatened?" Ginny asked with a frown.
"Again?" Hermione and Harry said at the same time.
"No, that can't be it," Fred said, his eyebrows furrowed in wonder. "We would be locked up if that was it."
Ron shook his head. "Well then what the bloody hell-"
They were interrupted as the doors to the Great Hall banged open. Dumbledore stormed in, his face red with ire. The students of Hogwarts were shocked to see the furry etched out upon the old man's face, his eyes blazing with anger.
"Who did it?" he yelled. "Who took my candy?"
Fred and George shrunk down in their seats, hoping the headmaster would forget they were there.
"Seriously?" Ginny muttered, looking at her brothers. "Why would you do that?"
"Well you took Pomfrey's chocolate without a problem," Fred confessed. "We just thought we could one-up you without incident. Apparently, we were mistaken..."
85. When asked a question by Professor Snape I will not ask him to get the answer by Legilimency to give me a chance to practice Occlumency.
"Who knew that Dumbledore would flip out about the candy?" Ron whispered to Harry the next afternoon in potions class. "He usually seems so mellow..."
"Really, I feel bad for Fred and George. All of those detentions..." Harry said, shaking his head as Snape droned on.
"Would you two stop talking?" Hermione hissed. "You should be paying attention!"
"Aw, come on Hermione," Ron whined. "You've got to admit, it was weird."
"That doesn't matter! This might be on the O.W.L.'s!"
"But-"
"Dear Merlin, just stop fighting and get a room," Harry snapped at them.
"We weren't bloody fighting!"
"You were about to-"
"Mr. Potter," Snape interrupted, drawing everyone's attention back to the Golden Trio in the last row. "What, may I inquire, is so much more important than the lesson?" He tapped his foot impatiently.
Harry's eyes grew wide at having been caught. "Well sir," he said slowly. "Perhaps you could use Legilimency to find out. That way I can practice Occlumency."
Snape blinked for a second, surprised by Harry's audacity, but then he spoke. "I would take off house points for the cheek, Mr. Potter, but I know you're going to get what you deserve in terms of embarrassment and ridicule once everyone realizes just how bad at Occlumency you are."
86. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination Class does not count as extra credit.
"Mr. Weasley, what are these things?" Trelawney asked, a confused look on her face.
"Fortune cookies, Professor," Ron said, holding out the tray to his teacher. "They tell your future. Want one?" She sniffed, before taking a cookie and staring at it expectantly. "You have to break it in half, Professor."
"Ah," Trelawney said, snapping the cookie in half quickly. She couldn't read the paper by herself, despite the huge glasses she wore, and had to find even bigger glasses to see the slip. "'You will soon have good fortune,'" she read, puzzled.
Ron nodded. "See, aren't they brilliant? I brought enough for everyone. I was hoping I could get extra credit with them..."
Trelawney scoffed. "Are you mad? This Confucius... he obviously knows nothing about the art of Divination. I shall not have good fortune. I've seen the Grim."
87. Voldemort does NOT need a hug.
Dear He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named aka You Know Who aka the Dark Lord aka Tom,
We understand that your life is exceptionally difficult right now - given that you were considered dead less than a year ago - however, we feel that your anger and genocidal tendencies are a little extreme. Killing muggle-borns and taking over the world won't win you the respect and recognition that you so clearly crave. All it will do is make people dead. And that's bad.
So we have come up with an alternate solution that we'd like you to consider! We call it give-You-Know-Who-a-hug day! On such a day, you would stand in the center of Diagon Alley and wizards and witches from all over the community would show up to give you a hug. This would help to illustrate their respect and appreciation for you, and it would remove the need for you to revolutionize the wizarding world in order to show your power. Really, we all know that you're a strong wizard without all of the excess violence you display. You don't need to keep proving it to us. We know.
We hope that you'll consider our proposal, for we find it to be an ingenious solution to this pesky brewing war.
Cheers!
-WWW
88. Asking Professor Flitwick if there is a charm to remove clothing is wrong on so many levels.
Ginny raised her hand high one afternoon in her Charms class. "Yes, Miss Weasley?" Flitwick squeaked, pointing to the red head quickly.
"Professor, I have a serious problem, and I was wondering..." she trailed off, portraying an innocent air. "If I asked it, would you answer honestly?"
Flitwick's eyes grew wide at this statement. Crap. This was a teenage girl asking him to help solve her personal problems in front of his class. What on earth was he supposed to do about this? "Um, maybe now might not be the best time for this, Miss-"
"See," Ginny continued on, acting as though she hadn't heard him. "There's this guy that I really like, and he likes me too, but it's complicated..."
"And you want to know what to do about it," Flitwick said, paling slightly. He was so not equipped to deal with this sort of thing-
Ginny blinked in surprise. "Actually, no," she said firmly. "I already know what to do about it. What I don't know is an easy charm to remove clothing. Do you know of any?" If it was possible, Flitwick paled even more.
89. I am not allowed to call Peeves Casper the Friendly Ghost.
"What's this I hear about you wanting to get down and dirty with someone, Ginny?" Ron asked his little sister that day, his face as red as his hair. The two of them and Harry were walking to lunch after Quidditch practice.
"Who uses the phrase 'down and dirty?' It's a wee bit antiquated, dear brother." Ginny glanced at Ron and saw that he was clearly not amused. She sighed. "Oh, calm down, Ron. He didn't actually give me a spell," Ginny said casually as they passed a taunting Peeves.
Ron stopped. "Wait a minute. That means there is a guy?" Ginny cringed, as if she wished he hadn't picked up on this. "Who? It had better be a first year, or I swear to Merlin, I'll-"
"Oh, hey Casper," Harry said suddenly, giving Peeves a wave. He was glad to draw attention away from the feuding siblings.
Peeves stopped suddenly, cocking his transparent head to the side. "What did you call me, Potty?"
Harry shrugged. "Your new name."
90. I'm not allowed to scream "Run Forest, run" as the teachers sprint off to stop a crisis.
Hermione was tired.
School had only been back in session for a few weeks, and it seemed that every professor had decided that their class was not only the most important, but the one that needed to give out the most homework.
Of course, none of them could best Snape in giving out obscene amounts of work, but some came pretty close...
It was as, Hermione was walking slowly to Arithmancy and contemplating the apocalypse that surely was happening since she was actually complaining (albeit mentally), about school. Suddenly, a bang went off on the first floor. McGonagall and Snape both jumped from her classroom at the same time and began running towards the marble staircase.
She wondered what the two of them were doing together... but her suspicions could wait until later. Instead, she jumped to the side as they sprinted past, and yelled, "Run Forest, run!"
This chapter has four new sections. Can you guess what they are? Last chapter, the new sections were 75, 77, 79!
Out of this batch, I loved 82, 85, 87, and 90. What about you?
Now for this week's contest. Out of anyone who reviews this chapter, I'll randomly pick one of the people, give them a special shout-out next chapter, and give them a review! It's the least I can do to thank you all! And if you're one of my old readers who reviewed years ago, remember that I accept anonymous reviews too! Just put your penname in the name spot! Once again, thank you all!
I'll have the next update out in a few days, so look out for it!
-Selene