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"You saw yourself again?" James asked in awe. Lily nodded and James felt extremely inferior. "Just… just like that?" he asked with disbelief.
"Yes, and it's not difficult, so you two had better get a move on." She said, impatient that they couldn't figure it out, but she was only too happy to wait for them. She understood that sometimes these boys just couldn't shut up, even in their own minds.
Sirius and James had never been so determined to make this work. Lily wouldn't move on without them, and they didn't want to stop her progress.
Unfortunately, it was soon the last week of the year and the boys were no closer to figuring out their forms than they were before they knew what they were trying to do. They had tried the Room of Requirement, but it really hadn't helped. They didn't know what they needed, so they didn't know what to ask it for.
End of term exams went as well as anyone could expect, which was amazingly. Even with the extra Animagus time James and Sirius were in the top four in the house.
Lily had dedicated every other Animagus experiment to studying, and it showed as she was once again tied with Remus for first place. James was slightly perturbed that she had beaten him again, but Sirius smiled and told her she deserved it. And he meant it, with all that had happened to her this term, it was a wonder she hadn't failed.
"I guess I'd better owl Petunia… She'll want to know when she should come to the train station." Lily sighed the last day of the year.
James looked startled, "That… won't be necessary. We aren't letting you go with her. We're not letting Sirius go either." Lily smiled and Sirius nodded.
Remus frowned slightly, "Well, I can visit, but I can't stay because of my…. problem…" he said slowly, trying to think of a way to refer to it without half the school knowing he was a werewolf.
He had continued taking a few days out of each month and returning extremely beaten up looking. His friends were oddly inspired by his appearance as he didn't like Madame Pomfrey to use any more healing magic on him than necessary. His father was a rather accomplished Healer and he just didn't trust anybody but him. He resigned himself to being stopped from bleeding all over the school, but that was it. He didn't even let her treat the scars, claiming that he would just talk to his father about it when he returned for the summer.
"Your furry little problem?" James suggested, Sirius' face lit up and it was agreed that that was how they would refer to Remus' lycathropy.
Remus frowned slightly, "Yes, that. Anyways, you'll have to tell me where you're staying or I won't be able to owl you. I can floo over for a bit if you like." He responded irritably. He didn't like his moon-lit troubles to be made light of.
Sirius could see that this annoyed Remus, and decided to take advantage of his usually un-touchable friend. He threw an arm around him and said "Aw, but Moon-man, what if he's unplottable?"
Remus cringed, and James folded his arms and said "Yeah, Moony, what if I'm unplottable?"
Lily had been looking from face to face, still not sure if she would be returning to Potter Manor that holiday. She had a slight frown on her face, "I don't get it…" she muttered.
Sirius smiled at her, "See, Lils, his… 'furry little problem' bothers him, which I can completely understand, but Moony here made the mistake of letting me know that." he beamed.
"No," Lily laughed, "I mean, am I going with James this summer? How did you ask Petty? How did you get her to agree?" she asked curiously.
James looked at her brightly, "I just owled her. She wasn't difficult to convince-" James said, then Sirius glared at him.
"Old cow," Sirius muttered darkly, making Lily laugh. It was a relief for James to have such a great best friend who could fix anything that James messed up with Lily.
"Alright then," Lily beamed, "I'll go with you. Much better than going with Petty anyway." Her face darkened slightly as she thought of where she would be going if her parents weren't… Well, if they weren't dead.
"Sirius, it's going to be so great!" James beamed, "We should start making that damn map, by the way,"
Sirius laughed, "Oh yeah. You okay, Lils?" he asked concernedly. Lily was staring out the window at the humid grounds.
"Um, yeah…" Lily said quietly, "I think I'll go to the roof." Then she swept past them and swung out the window. Sirius had stopped flinching every time she did, but still got worried about her, and listened carefully for a scream, just in case. Of course, Lily made it just fine.
Lily sat on the edge of the rooftop, staring out darkly. There hadn't even been a funeral. She though bitterly to herself. She hadn't been to either of her parents funerals. It was strictly against her fathers religion to commit suicide, so there hadn't been one. Something about not appreciating the gift of life…
Lily wasn't sure she believed in anything now. What kind of religion would punish someone's family for something that they did? Obviously he had been distraught, and he had never been particularly in control of his emotions. Lily knew that. But she never thought that he would leave her like that. She was only twelve. How was she supposed to deal with it? With being on her own?
She felt so abandoned by both her parents. The hole that had burrowed itself into her heart back when she first heard that her mother was sick had grown and now took up most of the space that normally held love and happiness. Lily had not truly been happy in months, and she wasn't sure if she ever would be again.
The boys had promised to be there for her, but she couldn't expect them to stick around when she was boring, and mopey.
Lily quickly formed a plan, and swung back in the window almost an hour after she had left, a large grin on her face. "Come on, you're going to need your wands…and the invisibility cloak…" Lily thought to James and Sirius, who were the only ones in the room. Remus had gone to take care of his 'furry little problem' so they would be alone that night.
Sirius saw her smile and was so relieved for it that he didn't bother to ask what she wanted to do. They wandered the corridors for a long while, taking this or that back stair case and hidden door along their way. They finally came to a halt outside a blank stretch of stone wall. Lily hissed a password and entered quietly. Nobody in the Slytherin common room looked up, which was fortunate because only Sirius and James were under the invisibility cloak.
They had let her lead them this far, but now that they were there, they stopped and stared at their favorite girl, standing with her wand at the ready in the middle of a room full of Slytherins.
"Hey!" one of them gasped. Lily stunned them silently with her wand, and it went like that, until every one of the thoughtless Slytherins was lying on the floor with the same blank look on their face.
None of the others cared enough to look up when they heard one gasp, so it was a fairly simple task. Then Lily screamed "Snivellus! Get your greasy ass down here!" she stomped her foot impatiently, a furious look on her face. She stood near twin stone staircases, waiting for her favorite Slytherin to reveal himself.
Finally, they heard a door slam shut, and the greasy haired boy stomped down the stairs. He froze at the entrance. What the hell was this Gryffindor doing here? Then he saw the unconscious Slytherins and whipped out his wand. The boys under the invisibility cloak gasped and Sirius hit Snivellus with a stunning spell. Lily looked behind her furiously. She stomped over to them, and reached around blindly until she got to the invisibility cloak and whipped it off.
"Why'd you do that? I was just about to have some fun," she asked quietly, with a tone that Sirius didn't like. This was not his favorite girl. This… person sounded like a Slytherin: heartless, cruel, and hurt.
"Lils, we've got to get out of here before someone comes-" he started, then the door began to shift, and Sirius pulled the cloak around the three of them.
Someone very short stepped into the common room, saw all of the Slytherins, gasped and ran away. Sirius ran for the door after him, and the three of them got away before anybody saw.
They made it up to their dormitory, though the painting of the fat lady was suspicious of a bodiless voice. Then they threw the cloak off of themselves and Lily jumped out the window, to the roof and into the girls dormitory. She managed to catch her breath, then the portrait was slammed.
"Who… Who…" the voice of McGonagall demanded. Lily climbed down the stairs boldly and entered the common room calmly. She was met by Sirius and James at the bottom.
Professor McGonagall was standing near the portrait, staring down some very alarmed Gryffindors. Lily tried to imitate them, and found herself wanting to laugh. She felt cold and cruel and she didn't like it, but there was no turning back now. She listened as Professor McGonagall calmed down slightly and hissed, "There had been an attack in the Slytherin Common Room."
All of the Gryffindors gasped, including Sirius, James and Lily. They didn't expect it to be referred to as an 'attack'. Their looks of surprise were genuine, if not for the same reason as everyone else's.
"Yes, it's terrible." McGonagall said grimly, "All of the Slytherins in the common room were stunned. None of them spoke straight when they came to, but there was one interesting story. Miss Evans… Where were you ten minutes ago?"
"Me? Professor?" Lily asked, trying to look innocent and succeeding to a scary degree. Only those who knew better were not convinced of her innocence. "I was upstairs, packing. I realize I should have done it earlier, but I just didn't want to think about leaving this place. I didn't want to think about going home… Everyone gets along so well here, professor. I just don't understand why anyone would want to ruin that!" she cried, though she managed to stop a tear from leaking out. She was quite caught up in the performance, and it sickened the boys. McGonagall, however, looked very convinced.
"All right, then, Miss. Evans. I'm sorry for accusing you, could I speak with Mr. Black and Mr. Potter?" she demanded next. The boys looked shocked and Lily looked terrified and sickened with herself.
"Where were you ten minutes ago?" she asked quietly. She had taken a liking to James because of his success in her class, transfiguration, but Sirius had no bias with her, and she wouldn't think twice giving him detention for the rest of his life.
"We were planning to prank Sniv-Severus," Sirius said quietly. Everyone was shocked, even James, why would he admit to that??? "But we weren't going to do it until after dinner, Professor. Really, we've been upstairs planning for almost an hour!"
Nobody had seen Lily that whole time because the other girls were off 'flirting' with some Ravenclaws, and nobody had seen the boys because, well, they were under the cloak, weren't they?
"Can anybody prove either of these boys stories incorrect?" the professor demanded, everybody shook their heads, then the professor sighed and left the room. Lily flew up to her room and to the roof.
She sat in her favorite corner, shaking uncontrollably. She had almost gotten her best friends expelled! It was nearly seven o'clock and she could see the last of the sun setting, and the moon beginning to rise.
"Yeah, but did you see her eyes? That wasn't Lily!" Sirius' voice could be heard from the boys window. "But still… you've got to admit…" he said sadly.
"I still can't believe she almost got us expelled!" James said loudly.
That was it. Lily couldn't take it any longer. She began to cry silent tears, still shaking. There hadn't even been an end of term feast, and it was all her fault. All of the Slytherins had been 'attacked'. That was the word they used… Everything was her fault. Everything in the whole world. She had even begun blaming herself for her parents death. If she had just been there for her mother… Maybe she could have held on for a bit longer; just a bit, and her dad wouldn't have been alone, he wouldn't have…
Lily had said that she was going to move on, that she would stop thinking like this, but she couldn't. She really couldn't control her feelings towards her parents, and right that moment, all that she felt was guilt.
She had almost gotten James and Sirius expelled. They wouldn't ever want to speak to her again. They wouldn't want her to spend the summer with them… How would she get home? To Petunias home…. Certainly her snobby sister wouldn't pick her up with half a days notice… She could walk.
Yes, that was it. Tomorrow when she got off the train she would- The train. What would she do about the train? She couldn't sit alone, there were too many students to have an empty compartment …
Fine. She would have to sit with somebody, but she wouldn't sit with the boys. They didn't want her to. They didn't… They didn't want her. They hated her. They all hated her. Everything was her fault.
Sirius could hear sniffling from the roof, but didn't know what to do. His heart was being torn apart. He loved her like a sister, and his sister was hurt, but his sister had gone crazy earlier, and his brother, James was hurting, too. Two of his best friends were feeling terrible. Two of his best friends were killing him, and the third… tonight the third would turn into a vicious monster... and he couldn't help any of them.
The werewolf, Lily thought. Yes, the werewolf. If she went into the Shrieking Shack, the monster there would take care of her. She wouldn't have to worry about any of this any more. Everything would stop. It would all just stop.
Lily stood and wiped the tears form her eyes, she crept back into her window.
Good, Sirius thought, she's all better, and I can stay with James.
Lily stepped into the common room and silently went out the portrait. Nobody thought much of the tiny girl leaving so late. Most of them snuck out after curfew on a regular basis, to get a snack from the kitchens or something like that.
Sirius' ring was lit up like a fire truck, but he didn't notice. He had long since stashed it on top of his bedside table. He didn't want it now. He didn't need it squeezing his finger to death and turning brighter than any light on the planet, which it also was.
Lily made her way out of a passageway behind a large mirror, the one that she had found with her friends, the Marauders, earlier in the year. She felt a stab of pain when she realized that she would never see them again, but she kept moving. Just a few minutes left now. Just a few minutes left. She prodded the Whomping Willow with a long stick and crept into the hole in the bottom.
Sirius didn't know why, but he glanced at the ring on his bedside table. It was as red as it could go and was so tiny around that no human finger could fit. "Oh God, Lily… What have you done," he muttered, then tore down to the common room and yelled, "Has anyone seen Lily Evans???"
"Yeah, she just left. You guys should really leave at the same time. She looked damn miserable, muttered something about a furry issue-" an irritable seventh year informed him. He had been robbed of his graduation feast and was very angry about it.
"Oh God," Sirius muttered, then he glanced out the window just in time to see the very large, very motion-less Whomping Willow. Sirius wished that James was with him. He had left long before to the Room of Requirement, but Sirius didn't have to go get him. He had to get to Lily!
Just a few more minutes, Lily thought dully to herself. She had fallen down the tunnel that was just inside the hole in the Whomping Willow, and saw before her a second tunnel that seemed to stretch for miles. Alright, she thought with a sigh, then she started to shuffle down the dark tunnel, still thinking dangerous thoughts about her parent's death and her own, soon to come.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god," Sirius muttered as he tore out the common room and to the nearest passageway to outside. "Oh god, oh god, oh god," he continued the mantra. Lily was screaming in his mind. Being attacked and bitten by the werewolf form he imagined. The werewolf form from fantasies, a hairy beast that walked on all fours and swung a long tail, yellow menacing eyes, "Oh god, oh god, oh god"
There, now, Lily thought to herself. She had finally reached the end of the very long tunnel. There was a trap door above her, and she was taking a last minute of life before opening and facing the werewolf.
Ok, ok, ok, Sirius thought, his mind racing and blank at the same time. He froze the Whomping Willow with a long stick that he thought Lily had used as well, then slithered down the tunnel, urging himself faster, faster.
Hmm, ok, I think I'm ready. Lily thought to herself.
"NO!" Sirius shouted. Wait, Sirius? "No! Lily, don't do it!" he exclaimed. He had urged himself to go so much faster that now he could make out the red haired girl in front of him, under the trap door…. To the Shrieking Shack.
"Sirius?" a scarily calm voice asked, "What are you doing here?" Lily was so deadly calm. So at peace with the whole thing. Sirius thought he would throw up.
"Lily, you don't want to do this!" Sirius exclaimed, trying so, so hard to make her believe it.
"'Lily'?" she mused, "You've never actually called me that, have you? I guess it's just proof of what's changed…" She was still deadly calm, and it frightened Sirius worse than the thought of the werewolf just above him. He could hear him snarling and gnashing his jaws, pacing back and forth, waiting for the trap door to open… Waiting for his prey.
"Lilikins?" Sirius pleaded, he was sure that he was either going to throw up or cry. She was so close to death. Who thought like that?
"Yes?" Lily asked, differently. Her voice had changed completely, no longer its deadly calm. Now it was warm, like the Lily that Sirius knew.
"Lils, we've got to get out of here!" Sirius cried, hoping to God or whoever was up there that his Lilikins was back.
"I can't. He's waiting for me." Lily said. It had been to good to be true. Her voice was hollow and dead again, her eyes held no life. The usually shining green emeralds looked more like mold. They had lightened twelve shades at least, and she was even paler than she normally was.
"Lils, we've got to go!" Sirius cried, "there's a werewolf up there!"
"I know, he's waiting." Then Lily turned towards the trap door and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her.
Sirius was trapped below. While Lily was light on her own, there was now Remus standing on the trap door as well. A very heavy Remus as he was transformed into a werewolf.
Above him, Lily snapped to attention. In front of her was the picture of her nightmares. The gray shadow from her vision was here, and was realer than ever. The thing's paws were bloody and its ribs stuck too far out. He was drooling slightly. His fangs protruding from his mouth. His yellow eyes bore into her soul. The pupils grew wider for a moment, and turned dark blue, then snap, and they were back. Remus was back to the wolf. He could smell blood and he was going to kill her.
Lily's mind raced for all of three second, then shut off again. The werewolf stared at her. She knew it was going to kill her.
She shut her eyes, and felt herself stretch out considerably. She got warmer, and her sense of smell heightened immensely. She opened her eyes again. The bit of wall that she could see from the corner of her eyes was different now. She looked down maybe three feet. That wasn't right. She lifted a heavy paw with ease, wait…. A paw? Lily looked at herself, amazed. She was a brilliantly white tiger, with bold black stripes. Her paws had tufts of fur sticking out between her toes. She was the lioness from her vision.
All at once, the werewolf charged. He slammed into her and her mind flickered, then shut off again. She was still a tigress, but the tiger was taking over for a moment. Lily was on holiday in the Swiss Alps. And glad to be there.
Lily roared and the werewolf looked frightened, then it howled and the hairs on Lily's back stood on end. It charged again and she flung it to the dusty floor.
Below, Sirius could hear something growling, Oh god, was something else up there too??? But he felt a tug of calm about the whole thing. He was worried about Lily. Amazingly worried, but he had the strange feeling that she wasn't. That actually worried him, too. He was a mess, pacing back and forth under the door.
Lily/tigress tackled Remus/werewolf and held him there, then she bit him once more, hard, on the neck. Not enough to kill him, but enough to warm him. He would leave her alone now.
The werewolf's pupils grew wider and his eyes turned dark blue again. Remus was back, and he was staring at the tigress with frightened eyes. Lily snapped her teeth once more at him, then grabbed the trap door with her mouth and leapt down, letting it slam with a satisfactory bang.
Sirius was now officially freaked out even more. There, in front of him was a beautiful white tigress. His first instinct was to run as fast as he could in the other direction, but the thing's eyes caught his. They were emerald green. Didn't Lily say that she saw a snow tigress?
"Lils?" he whispered. Quickly, Lily's fur vanished. She straightened up and lost her lovely ears and tail. She grew her very auburn hair, and smiled at him.
"I'm back, Sirius," she whispered. She ran forward and latched onto her best friend, "Thank you… Thank you so much," Then tears poured from her eyes, from Sirius' too. He held her tightly…
His favorite girl, his Lilikins… was back.
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