He left 23 days later. It was Christmas Eve and the Whitlocks had spent the day over here. Rosalie was spending Christmas with Emmett's family but she spent the day at ours to say goodbye to Jasper whereas Esme and Carlisle were going to also spend Christmas day as well. I wondered what they thought about what Jasper had done and though they hadn't said it outright I got the sense that Esme was mad, like I was, but joined her husband in being proud as well. I wasn't sure yet if I felt proud of Jasper's decision yet, I was too angry and too upset to feel anything other than those two emotions.

I picked at my food the next day and Mary-Alice nudged me to do even that. I could tell she was worried but I couldn't bring myself to reassure her that I would be fine. There seemed to be a part of her that understood though because, although she was now fourteen, she spent the night in my room that night to give me so company. It was probably a good things as well because even with her there I didn't get to sleep until the early hours of the morning.

Edward tried to cheer me up on boxing day. We had a ball that we had to attended and he spent most of it trying to make me laugh or at the very least smile. I did like Edward: when it came to it, he was a good friend. Emmett made an appearance as well but had a lot more success.

The first hit to our band came 104 days after Christmas, 3 months and 14 days later. Emmett's elder brother, Owen, died on April 8th of 1862 at the age of 20, he would have been 21 if he had lived to July. It seemed to rock us all a little but Emmett's family especially.

Since Jasper started courting me, I had gotten to know the McCarty's a bit as well. There was Jackson, the eldest, who was still as war and was 22; then Owen; then Margaret, the eldest girl at 19; Emmett came next, he went to war before Owen died, 27 days after Jasper did having actually waiting till he was 18 before he enlisted, it gave Rose and I something to bond over; then Amelia; Abagail; then Henry at only 11; and finally William, the youngest, being only 9. It was a big family but everyone played their roles and they ran their farm easily.

My life seemed to begin to revolved around people leaving and coming back from war. It was how I measured time now. Jackson was discharged from the war in 1863 on January 15th, it was a Thursday, because of an injury he had sustained. He was ordered out of the army and back to his wife. That was a year and 22 days since I'd seen Jasper or 387 long, lonely and painful days.

Next to go was Edward on July 15th, a Wednesday, having turned 18 on June 20th.

Then, 1 year, 7 months and 19 days later, came the news that Jasper had been promoted to Major. I knew I was proud of him by that point, had told him so in letters, he was the youngest major in the Texas Calvary. That was 596 days since he'd left and my managing without him was beginning to crack.

We'd sent 5 men from our circle out; by the end of 1863: 1 had been discharged, 1 had been killed and 3 were still out there. News didn't come often, it was too dangerous apparently, could compromise positions but it just made me ache for Jasper more. By the end of that year, I was desperate to see his face, to hear his voice, to be able to feel his arms wrap around me and know we were both completely safe. I took to sitting out on the steps up to my covered porch as though he would just appear though I knew he couldn't. He wouldn't just come strolling up the road.

Rose wasn't coping to well either and would sometimes join me, her one year old son in her arms. A son Emmett knew would be born while he was gone, a son he had yet to meet. The boys name was Emmett by the tradition that the first son is named after the paternal grandfather (Emmett's father) - the second son was name after the maternal grandfather and the third son after his father. His middle name was Owen since the boy was born around 6 months after Owen died. He had Rosalie's blonde hair and Emmett's baby blue eye colour plus his facial shape minus the nose which was Rosalie's. I sometimes wonder how Emmett must feel knowing he had a son here, a son that was growing up without it him.

Other times, when we weren't sitting on the front steps, we would try and distract ourselves. Sometimes it was by taking little Emmett to the park or whatever he wanted to do. He provided a very good distraction since he was so hyper and was always on the go even at one. I could tell Rosalie had her work cut out with that one but it was her dream to have kids with the man she loved. I just hoped she got the other part of it which was to grow old with the man she loved and watch their grandchildren together.

1864, thank the heavens, brought no more causalities for us though a woman round the corner lost both of her sons to diseases out there. I brought her food and flowers from my family and at her request sat and read to her for a while every evening. It seemed to help her and provided myself with a nice distraction so I kept doing it until it got the point where she didn't even have to ask.

Christmas that year was quiet. Rosalie and little Emmett were with the McCarty's but Carlisle and Esme where with us again. For some reason I found it some comforting having Jasper's parents so close by.