A/N:

Whew, can't believe I finally made it to chapter ten! I also can't believe thirty plus people are actually following this story and that I've hit 50 reviews. In my opinion I think the Tonks and Lupin coupling is not nearly as popular as say…Ron/Hermione, Hermione/Draco (really Hermione and anyone…) or even Sirius/Lupin, so I take the reviews I get as a small feat! Thank you to everyone who reviewed!

Several things I would like to say, sorry if the notes are a bit long this time. First is that several of you mentioned the way I portrayed Tonks as a stronger character than most ppl write her. Maybe its because I'm a twenty three year old feminist…but I always pictured Tonks as quite independent and strong. I mean, she is an Auror and trained under Moody right? That said, I hope everyones not too disappointed because the next few chapters will be full of a broken and depressed Tonks. Its 100% canon that she looses her will to 'function' during HBP because Lupin is a no good heartbreaker and since I'm keeping this particular story (or trying to) to the books she will not be so strong in times to come.

Thank you for all of the suggestions. I've combined a lot of them into ideas already for the next few chapters to come. Thanks again!

To Margot- Wow, I can't begin to explain how kind your review was. I completely agree with your take on fanfictions, though I do sometimes think I use them as an out for fantasies as well…just not in this particular Fanfic, but it was my intention to make this one canon and to the book. I'm glad you believe I'm doing a good job at this! Fantastic to hear from you and I will try and take your suggestions into account.

*"She can't change her appearance like she used to," explained Hermione. "I think her powers must have been affected by shock, or something."

"I didn't know that could happen," said Harry.

"Nor did I," said Hermione, "but I suppose if you're really depressed..."

*Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Chapter 5

Chapter 10

Tonks sat alone in her flat, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She wasn't sure how long she had sat there, she just knew that the moment she had gotten home from the Ministry, she begrudgingly dragged her feet into the living room and miserably sat herself down on the sofa, not moving since. Her thoughts had settled on one thing only all day and it continued to torment her as she sat perfectly still by herself now. The memory seemed to be ripping pieces of her heart away, shredding them into bits over and over again as it played repeatedly in her mind.

She wasn't sure what she expected Lupin to do when she told him, but the romantic optimist in her had thought that once she admitted it and forced it aloud, he wouldn't be able to deny the remarkable chemistry between them anymore. He would have finally accepted the love he deserved and she had been sure it was the nudge he needed to bring him to his senses.

But it hadn't happened. Her confession didn't coax the truth out from him, it had instead strengthen his need to reject her.

The thought forced her to scrunch up her face in an attempt to forbid the tears from coming again. She hated crying, whether it was by herself or not, and tonight she felt as though she had never cried more in her short life. She had finally stopped herself moments ago and begged her eyes to not start up again. Her head span as she concentrated on all the reasons not to throw herself back into a fit, but this proved harder than she thought since she was certain there weren't too many reasons against it.

I told him I loved him, her mind echoed to her and the burning sensation in her eyes finally gave way to streams of tears once again. She sobbed quietly to herself remembering the face that had looked back at her when she said it. She had never told another man she loved them before. She had always figured the moment would have been magically, more meaningful than anything she'd experience. Instead it had turned into one of the most haunting moments she could have imagined.

The room seemed to be slowly closing around her, getting smaller and making it harder for her to breath. She stood up quickly, forcing herself to move and roughly brushed the wetness from her cheeks.

She had to get out of here, she thought solemnly. She could send Hestia a message to meet up with her, she didn't live too far away.

Tonks walked quickly to the bathroom, feeling if she didn't hurry up and leave than she might change her mind and decide to lay alone all night, despondent and hopeless forever. As she made her way through the door to the loo, she stopped abruptly, catching sight of herself in the mirror. She looked ghastly, a red puffiness encircling her eyes, over exaggerated from the equally red hair she had been sporting for the day. Her skin seemed grey-like and the usual sparkle radiating from her eyes was now gone, replaced with a dull almost morbid look. She ran her hands over her face delicately, not positive she could even recognize herself anymore.

What has he done to me?, she thought dismally. She cursed herself for the power one man seemed to be having over her and commanded herself to put a stop to it. With a strong feeling of determination, she scrunched up her face to change her appearance into something more suitable for a night out.

She waited a moment, readying for the rushed feeling to overcome her, but the quick shifting sensation that usually went through her never happened. She popped one of her eyes open to find herself facing the exact same appalling features. Her eyes widened in shock.

What was going on?

A small fear began bubbling inside of her as she quickly scrunched up her face again pleading within herself to make the shift.

Purple, purple, purple! she thought wildly

She watched as the red in her hair disappeared sporadically to reveal a dull brown color.

"No!" she cried at herself, giving way to a sudden state of hysteria. She began crunching her face up again and again, convulsing with fright. She thought of every color in the rainbow before frantically giving up on her hair and began trying to change her facial tones instead. The redness of her eyes and grey tones of her skin remained despite her frenzied efforts. The only thing squeezing her eyes brought her were more tears, feeding even further into her panicked state. Her last try turned her face bright red from holding her breathe, as she silently implored her body to morph. She gasped suddenly for air and a set of harsh and broken sobs began to pour out of her uncontrollably.

This isn't happening, she thought panicked. She dashed back into the living room, picking up her wand. She had to send Hestia a message right now.

"Expecto Patronum!" she shouted out hoarsely. A light blue and wispy spark flew out of her wand and disappeared quickly into the air, taking no shape at all. She gasped in horror.

Its not possible! She assured herself, feeling feverish. She just needs to calm down is all.

"Expecto Patronum!" she tried again and another blue spark erupted from her wand before falling feather like onto the floor.

Happy thoughts, you have to think happy thoughts, she told herself repeatedly, fighting back the tears springing from her face from her repeated failures. A vision of Lupin handing her chocolate on a summers night sprang through her mind as she cried out once more.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

A very large creature blasted out of her wand, making her fall back a step, and sprinted violently throughout the room encircling her. Tonks dropped her wand in bewilderment, watching as the giant furry animal dashed around her, thoughts of her message immediately forgotten. She stared in confusion as the werewolf ran through her, disappearing and she dropped to the floor, unable to handle the crushing feelings accumulating around her. Any amount of strength left seem to drain out of her as a fit of cries echoed from her mouth violently. She stared at the floor unable to control the giant tidal wave of emotions now running through her. How could she hate and love a man so much at the same time? She was livid and so broken. She wanted to kill him and yet make love to him all at once.

"Why is he doing this?" She asked irrationally to the empty room in-between sobs.

The weight of it was all too much to bare alone and she grasped shakily for her wand on the floor next to her. There was only one place she could think to go and without standing up and still crying, she Apparated there.

XxxxX

"Good Merlin! Tonks!" Mrs. Weasley cried as she opened the front door to the Burrow. The woman before her was barely recognizable, the normal vibrate hair now limply hung in a strange brown color and her face looked as though it'd been through a war.

Tonks tried hard to take a step into the house, but gasped in pain as she grabbed her left arm.

"I think I splinched myself." She mumbled weakly at Molly and the red-headed woman quickly grabbed under Tonks right side and helped her inside the house.

"What happened?" Mrs. Weasley asked terrified as she slowly set Tonks on the one of the kitchen chairs. Once Tonks was seated comfortably, Molly pulled out her wand and began healing the wound on her shoulder.

"Nothing happened Molly. I just…" Tonks paused, not sure where to even begin. " I just had an accident." She finished. She knew she had come to confine in Molly about all her troubles, but now that she was here she was beginning to feel as though she made a mistake. Mrs. Weasley was not one for keeping secrets and Tonks would die of embarrassment if anyone besides her found out what was going on, especially if Lupin heard word of it. The last remaining pride in her would be damned if she allowed him to see the state he put her in, despite the fact that a small side of her wanted him to feel the guilt he aught to.

"You look terrible and this isn't just from splinching. I'm not daft." Mrs. Weasley scolded her as she put the last finishing touches on her injury. Tonks rolled her shoulder in relief and looked up at the kind woman.

"Thanks." She said humbly as Molly took a seat next to her at the table.

"Is this about Remus then?" She asking softly, looking at Tonks with a mixture of pity and sympathy. Tonks eyebrows shot up quickly at her statement.

"How do you-?" she started

"Mere observation." Molly stopped her shortly and placed a comforting hand on her own. "You've both seemed so distant lately, took me a while but I finally figured it out that it wasn't just because of Sirius' death." She gave Tonks' hand a gently squeeze before standing up to grab two cups of tea. When she sat back down and handed the hot cup to Tonks, she noticed the glaze of tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Oh deary," she said as she grabbed a hold of the young girls hand once more. "I've know Lupin a long time now. He'll come around eventually. I'm sure of it."

Tonks gave a short laugh at this idea.

"No Molly, I really don't think he will. He's very…determined." She finished and gave a small smile before silent tears started rolling down her cheeks, realizing the truth of her words. She would never be with Remus.

She wiped the tears away as they came and Mrs. Weasleys face consorted into a pained expression.

"Remus has been through a lot in his life." She explained, trying to give the young woman in front of her some encouragement. "I'm not sure he's ever fully loved himself, let alone allowed someone to do it for him." She sighed, thinking of the ridiculous nobility of the man in question. " He most certainly has never let a woman in his life before and I think it scares him more than anything how much he cares for you."

At this Tonks breathed in a struggled gasp through her sobs and looked dubiously at Molly.

"He does care for you, whether he trys to hid it or not. Its obvious to those that know him." She said defiantly, giving Tonks a confident nod. Tonks blinked at her, she knew the woman was trying hard to make her feel better, but she was sure she didn't know the full extent of Lupins perseverance.

"I told him I loved him Molly." She said quietly, holding the warm cup in her hand and looking down into it. " I told him and he…he just turned away from me." She turned up her head to see Mrs. Weasley throw herself back into her chair slowly with an exasperated 'humph' at her words.

"The bloody git." She moaned to herself and Tonks almost smiled at the sight of Mrs. Weasley cursing. Cursing no less, about one of her favorite people in the world. Tonks was wondering whether she should show her the change of form in her Patronus before Molly interrupted her thoughts.

"I'll talk to him." She said driven and slapped her hand on the table with a new determination as Tonks looked on in horror.

"Oh no, Molly. Please don't!" she cried out. This was exactly what she had feared would happen. " I couldn't bare it. You can't let anyone know. Please, promise me." Mrs. Weasley seemed moments away from a lecture at the request before softening her face and eventually shook her head in agreement, sighing.

"You're both fools than." She said sadly, but Tonks ignored the comment, happy to have convinced her otherwise. She was about to ask for more tea when they heard a knock at the door.

"Oh I forgot!" cried Mrs. Weasley jumping up out of the chair and heading over to the noise. Tonks quickly tried to compose herself and dried the remaining few tears still clinging onto her face before Molly opened it. There stood Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter. Tonks turned away from them, concentrating on her tea. She knew she looked a sight and the two of them were bound to notice that something was amiss. She didn't think she could handle any questions on the matter.

The two came bounding through the door, Harry seemingly happy to be by Dumbledores side. She tried her best to give a smile at the both of them.

*"Ah, hullo Nymphadora!" Dumbledore said kindly, taking notice of the woman sitting at the table.

"Hello, Professor" she replied shortly, not even having the energy to argue with her old Headmaster about her name. She turned her head to Harry and gave a small wave. "Wotcher Harry."

"Hi Tonks." The young boy replied, eyeing her curiously. She squirmed slightly as she saw both the mens faces look her up and down, wondering about the dramatic change in appearance.

"I'd better be off" she said quickly, standing up and pulling her cloak around her shoulders. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

"Please don't leave on my account," said Dumbledore courteously, "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

"No, no, I need to get going," said Tonks, not meeting Dumbledores eyes. "'Night."

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming?."

"No, really Molly…thanks anyway…Good night, everyone."

Tonks hurried past Dumbledore and Harry, into the yard, and a few paces beyond the doorstep, she turned on the spot and vanished into thin air.

*Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Chapter Five

Sorry, I deleted this chapter to fix it up a little, apologies if you got an email twice about a 'new' chapter.

Hope everyone felt Tonks' pain as much I as did writing this...:-( Basically the point of the entire insert. Poor girl.