Down The Rabbit Hole

(Love Hina Arc)

Warning: It is assumed that you've read the disclaimer in the first chapter posted. If you continue to read past this point, understand that this story may contain content some find offensive.

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Chapter Ten

– You Win Some –

– You Lose Some –

– You Rarely Break Even –

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It had been little over a week since Ranma had become the manager and owner of the Hinata-Sou and he now knew just about every job that needed to be completed on a regular basis. This was mostly due to the tenants, specifically Naru, Motoko, and Kitsune, making sure he did them all – sometimes multiple times a day – and always with one of the same three watching over him like a hawk. Oh there were several times he'd give them the slip but once they found him they would harp on him that this or the other thing had not been completed or accuse him of trying to do something perverted while out of their sights.

Currently it was mid afternoon and Ranma was working on cleaning the wooden floor on the second story of the inn. When he had paused to wipe the sweat from his brow his current guardian, Naru, berated him for what was clearly an act of laziness. "At this rate you'll never get this done and you still have a whole other floor to do before dinner! It's bad enough you keep changing the water every time it gets even a little bit dirty."

The reason for this had nothing to do with the filth in the water but rather its temperature which Ranma sought to keep above the level that would activate his curse.

"You know, you could always go bother someone else. I can do this just fine without an escort or someone telling me how to do it. I've done things like this plenty of times." Ranma had in fact done so many times in the past in both of his lives while staying at various dojos as payment for his stay. Inwardly he was chuckling at Naru's attempt to be annoying by pointing out spots he supposedly missed as she was hardly as exacting as any of his duly appointed taskmasters had been. "Heck I'd probably get this done a lot faster if you weren't looming over me."

"And leave you alone? No way!" The broom-toting female adjusted said weapon to her left shoulder. "And I'm not looming! I'm guarding you to make sure you don't try to do anything perverted!"

Ranma bit back a retort and sighed. "Look, like you said I gotta do this floor 'n then the next so why don't ya just go find something else to do and leave me here ok? Seriously, what kinda trouble can I get inta with a bucket, a sponge, and a bunch of warm water?"

"I don't know and I don't want to give you the chance so just shut up and get back to work." Naru added a mumbled 'Pervert' as she turned away from Ranma towards the sound of Kitsune's door opening. Said girl poked her head out and smiled at her friend.

"Hey Naru. Ya seen our new manager around? I got a crack in my ceiling that needs fixin'."

"Sure, the jerks right…" Turning back Naru found the hallway empty, even the wash bucket was gone. "HEY! Where did he go? He was right here a second ago."

Kitsune stepped into her doorway to lean against the jam. "Told'ya Naru, ya can't take yer eyes off him for 'em second or he'll up 'n vanish on ya."

Hefting her broom Naru stomped off, "Great. Now I have to go find the jerk before he does something, again. He had better not be leading Su on again that pervert!"

Kitsune just shook her head as she watched her friend round the corner, "That girl has got ta learn to relax."

"Yeah, no kidding."

Letting out a startled "EEP" Kitsune whirled around to find Ranma standing not more than two feet behind her; he was holding a trowel in one hand and a small container of plaster in the other.

Ignoring the fox's reaction Ranma held up the trowel and wiggled it a bit. "You said something about a crack on your ceiling?"

Shaking off her surprise Kitsune gestured for him to enter her room making sure to puff out her chest as Ranma passed her. Much to her continued annoyance his eyes remained locked ahead not giving her abundant cleavage as much as first glance.

"So where's the crack?"

Casually pointing up towards a corner of the room Kitsune indicated where the small (miniscule) crack was, "Right there sugar."

Kitsune's response to Ranma's 'you've got to be kidding me' look was a coy smile. "Ya know what they say about preventative maintenance."

"No. I don't." Ranma responded flatly then sighed. "Still, I'll go get a ladder 'n fix yer crack."

"No need, use my chair." Kitsune offered a bit too helpfully.

After eyeing both the chair and the one offering it Ranma cautiously accepted its use as a ladder.

Once up on the chair, his back conveniently to Kitsune, she slipped into position in preparation for when the chair broke, something she was sure would occur as she'd weakened the legs on the side facing her, she'd be conveniently in position when Ranma fell so they would land together in compromising position on her futon she'd just rolled out across the floor with a gentle kick of her foot. The little remote she scooped up from the dresser would let her trigger the camera she'd strategically placed so she could capture Ranma's inappropriate act on film for blackmail use.

Now all that was left was the wait. Not that she minded for she had a rather nice view of Ranma's backside, something she'd come to appreciate after watching him during his time spent scrubbing the hot springs.

When Ranma stepped up onto the backside of the chair in order to get at the furthest point of the crack Kitsune held her breath in anticipation for when he came back down. When he did she almost giggled in joy when the legs gave out with a crack. That joy turned into a wide-eyed stare when instead of Ranma falling back on her he somehow managed to keep the chair perfectly balanced on two legs only to step down off it catching the chair and hefting it over his back before it could hit the floor.

Turning to face her Ranma gave Kitsune an apologetic smile as he headed to the door, "Sorry about the chair Kitsune. I'll get it fixed and back before ya know it!"

With that he left her room sliding the door shut behind him just in time to be confronted with Motoko who spotted him exiting the room as she came up the hall. Having heard Kitsune's scream of frustration Motoko immediately went on the offensive, if only verbally. "What have you done to Kitsune?"

"Why does it have to be me that did something?"

The raven-haired sword-mistress dropped a hand to the hilt of the blade at her waist as she sped up her approach. "Do not try to deceive me male! Kitsune screamed after you exited her room so it is no doubt your fault now stand there and take your punishment like a man!" Blade coming free from her waist Motoko swung her weapon with a cry of "Stone-Cleaving-Sword" releasing the ki attack towards her target.

Leaping out of the way and letting the attack go down the hall where it struck the outer wall destroying it Ranma glared at his attacker. "HEY! I didn't do anything!"

"Then why were you coming out of her room!" Motoko demanded, her arm already going back for a second attack. After having it happen once before she should not have been surprised when Ranma stepped forward and into her personal space instead of backing away, yet she was.

Meeting her glare with his own the chair-toting manager yelled "WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER!" with enough to cause Motoko's hair flutter backwards, his left arm gesturing firmly towards the door to Kitsune's room. "That is unless you want to create some more holes in the walls of this place for me ta fix 'cause you don't wanna take the time to check things out before ya go all crazy on me!"

"Very well." Motoko lowered her weapon with a glower as she stepped away from him. "I shall do so. But you shall remain here where I can see you until I obtain the truth of this matter."

Plopping the chair on to the floor Ranma folded his arms across his chest and took a seat, balancing himself with ease despite the chair only having two functioning legs. "Fine. But hurry up. I ain't got time to waste."

With a wary eye upon him Motoko rapped upon the doorframe to receive Kitsune's clearly irritated response of "Who is it!"

"It's Motoko Konno-san. Is everything ok?"

"Just peachy sugar." Came the fox's immediate but disgruntled sounding reply; one accompanied with the sound of a cork popping.

"Are you sure Konno-san, I heard you yell out before I cough… found Urashima exiting your room. If he has in anyway coerced you into silence you can rest assured I will…"

"I'm fine Motoko" Kitsune yelled back, after which a barely muttered "if a bit frustrated." was added. "Tell Shinobu to save me some dinner 'k? I'm gonna be doin' some late night writing and don't wanna be disturbed." The sound of her deep chugging could be heard from beyond the door cluing both Motoko and Ranma into the fact she was gulping down something.

Ranma easily spotted the brief down-turn of the raven-haired warriors' lips before they returned to their previous neutral position. "I will tell her Konno-san. I hope to see you at breakfast."

Ranma stood up, grabbed the chair, and started down the hallway. "Told ya so Aoyama-san. Ya should try to be a bit more trusting." When he reached the corner Naru's yell of "GOTCHA YOU SLACKER!" accompanied her punch to his face sent the surprised male flying from the inn.

ooO Several Minutes Later Ooo

Hauling himself, his passenger, and the now completely ruined chair into the tea shop at the bottom of the stairs to the Hinata, Ranma slid on a stool to flop his head down on the counter while releasing a long drawn out sigh.

Haruka, who was mindlessly washing out a series of small tea cups behind the counter, chuckled at her nephew and his lamprey for the almost five foot tall blonde on Ranma's back had her arms and legs wrapped tightly around his waist and neck. Adding to the overall oddness to the image was that Kaolla Su was busily snoring away as if she hadn't a care in the world.

"Another bad day Ranma?" Haruka asked, finishing up one cup to start on another.

Cracking open an eye Ranma stared hard at his aunt for several seconds before answering, "Nine attempts to launch me from the premises via either punch or sword – two of which succeeded. Two bathroom walk ins – both on me and by the same person. And that's not counting the fifteen compromising circumstances – one of which involved a laundry basket filled with female undergarments and a banana peel. So yeah, kinda a bad day."

He slammed his head back down on the bar, his next words mostly muffled by the wood, "I doubt poor Shinobu'll be able to look me in the face for a while which sucks since I'd finally managed to get her to do more than stutter a hello when she sees me."

Haruka patted Ranma's head with a free hand, "That's three less attempts to launch you than yesterday. The girls must be warming up to you."

"Yeah right." Ranma said shooting Haruka a look that clearly asked what universe she lived in. "The only one who's shown wanting to be around me besides to guard me is this one" He thumbed towards Su, "and she tries to blow me with one of her gadgets 'n when she ain't doing that she treats me like her personal monkey-bars or something."

"So she still tries to blow you up?"

Haruka discerned her nephew's shoulder and head movements to indicate he'd nodded.

"Odd, I haven't heard any explosions lately."

Raising his head to prop it up with a cupped hand under his chin Ranma chortled, "That's 'cause she doesn't do it inside the inn anymore."

Taking a puff on her ever present cigarette Haruka waited for him to explain.

"I kinda worked out a deal, she doesn't try to blow me up around the inn and I let her have her fun when I'm up on the mountain trying to practice. Of course this means she really goes nuts when she does."

Figuring there was more to the story Haruka prompted him with a raised eyebrow only to receive a smirk in response to which she let out an exasperated sigh. Turning away she moved about behind the counter to pour him a cup of tea which she set down with a slight clatter before him. This had become something of a game between her and Ranma since he came down to her shop after his third day as manager. He'd come down grumbling about setting the place on fire and she'd managed to calm him down by feeding him, using it to prompt him to tell her more of what had been going on instead of just mumbling. Since then he'd give her just enough information about what was going on in his life to get her interested and then would hold out until she ponied-up with either a drink or snacks – often both.

"Ok, cup of tea your highness." Haruka said mockingly. "Now spill."

Enjoying both his drink and his aunts twitching eyebrow for a few moments Ranma eventually started speaking. "The other day after being blasted outta the inn by the tomboy," Haruka knew who he meant as this was the name he'd taken to calling Naru, "I landed up near the top of the falls, the ones that lead to the small pool where Motoko found me the other day."

At seeing Haruka nod he continued.

"Well if ya follow the stream a ways up it kinda splits, one part going way up the mountain the other disappearin' into a cliff face. You know, the one that's always covered by fog making it hard to see where yer going. Well I figured out why it's always foggy there, it's 'cause of the hot spring the water comes from."

Knowing their dance and Ranma's likelihood to cease sharing Haruka deftly set a small plate of sugar cookies in front of him; she'd bought the box just for these occasions and kept it beneath the counter.

Snagging three cookies from the plate, of which he only got to eat two as a sleeping Su somehow managed to snag one from him to eat in one gulp, Ranma continued, "Well I found this opening and it leads to a kind of kind of a bowl area surrounded by cliff faces all the way around takin' up the most of the one side is a hot spring. Seeing as there's no stream out of the bowl I kinda figure that it seeps through the rock 'n out the cliffside which's probably why there's always fog along there."

"That still doesn't explain your agreement with Su."

"I'm getting' to it. Shesh." Picking up a napkin Ranma grumbled about the girl on his back making a mess as he wiped the crumbs from her mouth and than his own, an act that left Haruka with a smile which she quickly hid when her turned back to her. "Well I'm sure ya heard all those explosions the first couple of days up at the inn… they happened every time Su here was involved in watchin' over me or trying' to help with my 'chores'."

Haruka didn't need to acknowledge Ranma's stressing the word chores as she knew from earlier conversations that one of the primary trio (Naru, Motoko, or Kitsune) had been riding shotgun over his shoulder making sure he completed his duties as manager; several of which hadn't been done in ages as they were annual jobs not weekly as the girls seemed set upon convincing Ranma they were. She in fact had plans to correct him on this when after she found out about their attempts to foist greater amounts of work upon her nephew but she'd put off doing so after overhearing their disbelief after he completed each job without undo complaining. It amused her to see that their plan to force him to quit had proven to be ineffective up against Ranma's apparent ability to get the job done despite their less than unobvious attempts at sabotage.

"Anyway, the little banana nut here kept me going for several days usin' me to test several of her 'toys'… that is until I started ta avoid her."

"And how did you manage that? Avoid her I mean?" Haruka smiled. "I only ask 'cause I know just how persistent and skilled she can be at locating people she's looking for and such a skill might come in handy someday."

"Sorry, some things I gotta keep to myself." Ranma picked up another cookie. "Anyway, I was able to avoid being her test dummy for about two days until she tracked me to my hidden practice spot."

"And just how did she do that?"

"I put a tracking device in his food!" Chirped the now awake Su who then snagged the cookie from Ranmas hand to stuff it into her mouth much to his annoyance and her delight.

"Let me guess, you were in a hurry to eat and didn't even bother to chew." Haruka drawled out with a half-chuckle.

"Hey!" Alternated between giving dirty looks to the girl on his back and his aunt, "You try sneaking in a lunch when you're either bein' harassed by a tomboy with a broom, glared at by a wannabe samurai, or trying to avoid being tricked into something by a far too grope-happy fox 'n see how often you get to enjoy a good meal!"

This earned him a few more unwanted chuckles from his audience of two.

"Anyway," Ranma groused "the next day when I snuck out ta take a bath in the hot spring up I found myself dodging landmines, banana powered flame throwers – which act like napalm, pie throwers – pineapple of course since Su doesn't like pineapples and throwing banana pies would be a waste." The little blonde in question nodded in affirmation. "'N there's no fogettin' the miniature attack copters, the laser guided missiles, marbles ranging in size from peanuts ta baseballs, the deadfalls, and the bear traps."

Haruka looked owlishly at the two seated before her, both of which were smiling as if they had just won the lottery, a sight which disturbed her for if everything she'd heard was right Ranma was probably lucky to survive yet he looked as happy as could be. She couldn't help herself, so she asked, "Um… Ranma… Why are you smiling?"

Ranma brushed away a single tear that fell from his eye, a tear of joy before exclaiming "'Cause it was the best damn practice session I've had since Granny took me away from pops!"

The elder Urashima alternated expressions and feelings ranging from horrified to impressed as she had some of an idea of what Ranma was calling great training after seeing Su make such a obstacle field once for Motoko; the kendoka hadn't made it more than three feet before fleeing her room in fear for both her sanity and safety. Su never did it again after Granny Hina have her quite the dressing down explaining to the poor girl that as much fun as Su might believe it would be for Motoko it wasn't something anyone should have to go through just to get a pair of panties from their drawer.

Once she marshaled her thoughts a straight-faced Haruka spoke, "So let me get this straight. Su booby trapped your private bathing area and you like it?"

"Hell yeah!" Ranma exclaimed jubilantly. "Why if pops saw what this little girl could do with two tongs, a pint of raspberry jam, a toy Pokémon ball, some gasoline, twelve clothes pins, a ball of twine and a lighter he'd weep with envy!"

Gulping down the last of her cup of tea Haruka sent a brief prayer to the kami to punish her sister's ex-husband for whatever he'd done to make Ranma think surviving a war zone was fun.

"I can't wait to see what she comes up with for next time!"

She repeated the prayer a second time before girding herself to elucidate the two of them just how nuts she thought they were when the door to the tea shop flew courtesy of a steaming Naru who was accompanied by a more sedate Kitsune.

"Haruka? Have you seen your nephew? He's supposed to be replacing the broken panels on the windows on the second floor and finishing with scrubbing and the third flo…" the honey-blonde trailed off at spotting her quarry seated at the counter with Su practically hanging off him.

"YOU PERVERT!" Naru screamed as she charged across the room, a glowing fist cocked at her hip.

For her part the elder Urashima watched as her nephew reacted to the sudden impending doom by tilting backwards allowing Su to land lightly on her feet behind him where the little blonde hopped back a step and out of the danger zone with such nonchalance it was clear to her that the two had practice at it. She also noted how just before Naru could reach him Ranma almost glided to place himself before the open window of the tea house in time for the enraged girls fist to connect sending him on a one-way trip up the mountain without actually inflicting any damage to the shop in the process.

With the target of her ire gone a huffing Naru rounded on Su questioning her in an obvious attempt to discern, after the fact that punishment had been delivered, if Ranma had tried to do anything improper.

After about a minute of this Haruka coughed loudly earning her Naru's attention, "Now just what was that for Narusegawa?"

"That jerk was hanging all over Su!" Naru answered, her tone filled with righteous womanly fury.

Haruka thought to correct Naru and point out that it was Su who was doing the hanging but she instead shook her head, "Whatever. I'm not getting involved. This time." She then turned to Su. "Why don't you go play Su?"

The small blonde bundle of energy needed no further prompting as she vanished out the front door with a bounce in her step and a whistle on her lips.

-Hrumph- "I better go after the idiot before he finds some other girl to prey on." With that Naru stormed out of the tea shop leaving Haruka alone with Kitsune; who'd took Ranma's spot at the counter to snatch up the last remaining cookie on the plate.

Going back to cleaning her cups the elder Urashima let the younger girl sit in silence despite knowing enough about Kitsune's demeanor to know that she had some questions to ask.

With the cookie devoured Kitsune smiled oh so disarmingly, "So, Haruka-san… mind if I ask ya a couple a questions?"

Haruka shrugged, "What about?"

"It's about yer nephew, Ranma."

Haruka held back her desired statement of 'no duh' and instead asked, "What about him?"

"I was wondering if ya'll could tell me a bit about him. Ya know, his likes, dislikes, favorite foods, his friends, his phobias, his dreams, the types of girl he likes. Ya know… those kinda things."

"Anything else you might need to know? His blood type? Height? Weight? School Grades? I know, how about his entire family history?"

"Sure."

Haruka chuckled at Kitsune's taking her sarcasm as an offer, "And just why would you need to know any of this?

"He… interests me." Kitsune replied candidly.

After eying Kitsune long and hard for several moments gauging the seriousness of her request Haruka reached under the counter pulled out two glasses and a bottle of sake to pour them both a glass.

Having knocked hers back in one shot Haruka poured herself a second one noting Kitsune hadn't touched hers. "Go ahead, it's on the house."

That was all the enticement the younger girl needed to drink hers in much the same manner as Haruka did; of course she ended up spitting most of hers out as Haruka deliberately timed her next words to coincide with the fox's drink.

"If you plan to try to have a little no attachment sex with him, I approve."

"Wa…what…" Kitsune turned almost beat red at Haruka's frankness.

"You heard me. If you're thinking of trying to bed my nephew I approve. That is so long as it's not done to hurt him or yourself that is." Haruka poured her a third glass and Kitsune a second as she added "But I gotta tell you, your odds aren't very good."

Sucking back her second shot Kitsune eyed the Haruka in hopes of figuring out what her game was. Not seeing any obvious answer she decided to gamble on asking, "First off I'm not sayin' I'm tryin' ta dance the mattress jig with him but even so it hurts a girls ego ta have you tell me I ain't good enough ta get the job done."

"I didn't say weren't good enough. I said I said I wouldn't give you good odds on succeeding."

"'N why not?"

"Cause frankly, if what his mother and Granny have told me about the girls who've chased after him, even with as good looking of a girl as you ware, you're not even in their league and none of them have even come close to bagging the wild horse." Haruka then poured Kitsune another short, slammed back her third, capped the bottle, drew a red line on it with a pen and then placed it back beneath the bar. "Still, if you do mean to try, I wish you luck. Whoever gets that boy is going to be one lucky woman."

"And just what makes him so special?" Kitsune shot back highly upset that the older woman had implied she was anything less than a knockout. She'd actually began to think Ranma played for the other team as she felt there was no other way he could be resisting her charms; yet, if what Haruka was saying was true it made her very curious about the women who'd been chasing her target and how she actually faired against them.

"Let's just say some of the training he's been through has allowed my nephew a unique opportunity to know a woman's body nearly as well as his own and leave it at that." Haruka's face remained passive but Kitsune saw something in the older woman's eyes that clued into the fact that there was more to her statement than she was verbalizing. "As to wanting to know about my nephew… I haven't seen him in years myself Kitsune. So you see I'm getting to know him as well though I do have some background you don't and won't hear from me especially since Ranma has trust issues and I don't plan on getting on his bad side by talking about him without his consent."

"Although…" Haruka drawled out "I think it would be ok for me to tell you that one of the ways to that's boys heart is, as they say about most men, through his stomach. Make of that what you will."

Before Kitsune could plead her case or try to find a different angle to her request for information Haruka walked over and flipped the closed sign on her shop and walked out tossing a "Lock up when you're done that drink will ya Kitsune?" over her shoulder.

Savoring her drink instead of gulping it down Kitsune was left wondering about everything Haruka had said and more importantly of how she could make use of it. While her original plan had only called for scamming some free rent from the new manager the older woman's words had left her feeling confused, slighted, and extremely curious. One thing was certain; she had to rethink what her plans were and how she would implement them.

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:Notes:

Yes, I know Ranma took some lumps this chapter and it's filled with less humor than the previous one (still learning how to write proper humor) but I felt this was a nice build towards something and even with as good as Ranma gets he still gets hit by the other characters in his original tale; specifically Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo – all of which are in my opinion way below him in skill.

– Written June 20th, 2010

– Revised July 11th, 2011

– Modified August 30th, 2011

– Modified December 21st, 2011