… (Fowl Manor, Dublin – a little after 12 pm)
…
Artemis sat at his old oak desk and opened a Mac Book Air. He hit some buttons and all the monitors in the room flashed into life. With another couple taps all the cameras and webcams turned on. With a few final clicks, Artemis turns on mikes, audio, and opens a link. Four people are waiting on the other end of the link, having just completed the same ritual.
"Hello Artemis."
The voice was that of a woman, an angry one at that. Avery was staring at the beautiful woman with fear in her large eyes. Their eyes were identical, but our hair was, too. That lady must be my mother. I didn't doubt it. She looked at Juliet and her scowl turned into a smile.
"Juliet, still want to see that wrestling I was telling you about before the wipe?" Juliet's smile was filled with the warmth and tenderness of a grandchild looking at their favourite grandparent, the one who's always spoiled them.
"Yeah! That would be so great..." She trailed off at a look from my father.
"Dom, old boy, how are you?" The lady gave Dom a look I couldn't interpret. "Is the master still getting the pair of you into trouble?" She winked at the older man in a vixen-ish way.
"Not since the last big one." The man whom I knew better than my mother smiled at the lady and my father in a very disproving way, and like children caught in a headmaster's steely glaze, their cheeks reddened and their eyes lowered.
"So, Artemis, you kidnapped another one?" The lady asked my father, her voice hardening and her eyes flashing with fire and rage.
"So, Holly, still breaking laws that you are meant to reinforce?" My father sounded bored, like this was an old game.
"Still exploiting others for your own gain?" The lady, Holly, sounded murderous.
"Still afraid of commitment, are we?" My father's eyes flashed.
"Still a traitorous, backstabbing, immoral, underhanded fiend?" Her face turned red.
"Still sleeping with the boss?" My father wore a horrible grin and his face was whiter with rage.
The lady stared at my father in shock. Her eyes lost their flare and she looked ready to cry. "How could you?" she croaked, her shoulders shaking. "You know... know I would ne...nev...never do that... and in front of my daughter... You... you ... you..." Holly looked about to burst into tears and her back to us, her shoulders still shaking.
"Artemis Fowl the Second, you apologize right this second," ordered Dom, sounding angry.
"Oh Holly, I'm so sorry, really. I truly am. You know how we get at each other's throats, but I deeply regret what I just said, and I hope you'll forgive me. I don't want us to fight again. Why, last time, I practically had to bring someone back from the dead for you. Please, please, Holly, I'm begging, do forgive me..." My father looked really sad.
"Foaly," Holly said, "please tell me you got all that." She rounded, smiling brightly and Dom and Juliet laughed. My father just glared. "Oh, don't worry, Arty. This won't be posted on the internet." My father looked like he was waiting. "It'll be all over satellite TV." She and the three others at her end laughed.
The hairy man at the key board spoke, his voice tinged with laughter. "What'll you do about your reputation as a big man now, Arty boy?" The others stopped laughing when my father began smiling in that way of his, the one I hadn't seen until today.
"How about, I cut your entire budget, Foaly. Maybe buy out the LEP. I could do some serious damage where you guys are." My father contemplated their expressions. "Or, you could come visit and we could work something out."
"Option two, please, Mr. Fowl." The short, hairy one spoke.
"Wonderful, but bring No. 1, if you can."
Outside Fowl Manor – around 3:30 pm
They had finally arrived. Foaly had decided they could commandeer three Section 8 Speed Saver Shuttles, from Foaly Labs, patent pending. Holly shuttled Number 1, Foaly got his own and Doodah drove Mulch.
"Holly, can I ride back with you? I can't stand the Martian. He drives like a lunatic LEP flyboy... Actually, on second thought, can I have my own shuttle on the way back? Foaly can control it. I don't care, but I can't do this anymore, I'm too old for it."
"You're too old for this, Mulch?" Holly asked, shaking her head. "Come on, be realistic. You love this."
"Yeah, well, so do you. Besides, that doesn't mean I'm not too old for this. I'm going on 400 in a few years."
"Yeah," Foaly snorted, "if 98 are a few years."
Just then, they arrived at a large oak door, engraved with beautiful art depicting classic Celtic symbols, magic and the Fowl family crest and motto. Number 1, looking like an average Irish teenage boy, knocked on the door, then stepped behind Holly.
"Why'd we even have to knock?" Mulch grumbled.
"It's polite," muttered Foaly.
"With Fowl?" demanded Holly.
Inside Fowl Manor (same time)
"It's almost time," I stated. We all stood in front of the large oak door, waiting for the 'guests'. Everyone was in different states of preparedness.
Butler stood stalk-still, years of training managing his stress; Juliet sat on the floor in the lotus position, waiting patiently; I leaned against the wall, wondering about everyone's shared history with this lady, my mother; Artemis flipped through a ratty, old book, looking bored – and slightly worried; but it was Avery's reaction that caused the greatest amount of my worry and stress. She paced up and down the large hall, muttering nervously and eyeing her surroundings with poorly hidden frustration and fear.
"What's the deal with this woman, to have you all in fits of panic? It's not like she gonna kill us all. What's the worse she can do?" I asked, once again breaking the charged silence. No one answered. "What's the worst that could possibly happen?"
As soon as I spoke those cursed words, there was a knocking on the door. The echoes rang in my mind as the rolling of thunder clouds about to release their steely downpour on all of us. I had just made a grave mistake.
Butler pulled the door open for the motley crew on the other side. There were five, well, things. The lady, centaur, 'dwarf', and Martian from earlier – as well as a strikingly hansom teenage boy. They all entered the Manor and looked around the foyer, with expressions of joyous familiarity. As soon as the door closed, they all began to head up the main stairs. Heading for Artemis's study.
The procession moved in a charged silence. The moment everyone was seated in the study and door was closed, conversation began – Meaningless chatter, about food and the never-ending prattle of empty greetings and the present. I sat beside Avery, and we both listened in silence. Butler left and returned, bearing food. Once everyone had a plate of food, the idle chatter turned to silent reminiscing. Then Artemis stood. He seemed prepared to speak when Holly stood.
"Hello, Mud Boy," Holly spoke in an almost seductive way. Artemis tugged at his collar, face slightly red. "It's so nice to see you again..." And her eyes glinted, and she winked. Then her arm snapped forward. Her fist hit Artemis right between the eyes.
Artemis smiled widely at Holly. "It's been too long," he said, before leaning in to kiss her cheek. Holly pushed him away, shaking her head. Then she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips to his. Artemis automatically responded by wrapping his arms around her small frame. Holly and Artemis backed up until they hit the desk. Artemis boosted Holly onto the desk, where she sat, as they continued kissing. They finally broke apart – too much relief for all watching.
"Wow!" I mouthed to Dom.
He responded with quick hand motions (in American Sign Language) that: "That was nothing. You should have seen their first kiss." I could hardly imagine it. I wouldn't want to imagine it. I looked at Avery, who seemed to have gone into shock at watching her mom necking with some random guy – a guy who happened to be my father.
"Have you built any bivouacs with Trouble lately?" My father asked. Holly punched in the arm.
Just as everyone began grasping what they had just witnessed, Dom's phone beeped. He had it up to his ear in an impossibly quick motion that could only be preformed by professionals. He listened for a second before hanging up. "Minerva just arrived. She is pulling into the garage as we speak." Artemis nodded. So did Foaly.
"I figured as much. When she phoned me, she was slowly descending. My GPS is spectacular." He shared a chuckle with all the other adults.
"So, what are we going to do with Minerva?" the Martian asked. He spat my 'mother's' name. "Mulch, do you think you could eat Bo again?" The adults all laughed.
"No, Mr. Day, we will not be doing anything to Minerva. We shall greet her when, and if, she comes to the study." My father's voice was almost young, as though these guests had transported back in time. Then he noticed the young man in the back corner of the room. "No. 1, could you please stay the way you are until Minerva comes to see us? Then I would very much like you to return to normal, thank you." The young man nodded and smiled. Red sparks shone behind his eyes and I quietly shuddered.
Then I heard a door bang shut. One of the monitors was on and playing a live feed from a camera following Minerva's progress. My father and the centaur shared a smile while Holly winked at Dom. Everyone watched the screen. When Minerva was on the last step, my father whispered something to Holly, who then whispered the following command:
"Alright everyone, shields up! Or, if you can't shield, hide somewhere in this room. We will jump out and scare Minerva when she gets here. No. 1, come sit in front of Artemis's desk. Pretend to be doing business with him. Go, go, go!" And everyone went. Suddenly, Avery, the young man, my father, Dom, Juliet, and I were the only ones in the room.
"Holly," my father hissed, "cam foil." And then some materiel fell on us.
"Don't pull it off until Minerva is gone, girls." Holly's bodiless voice floated to my ears. "No matter what happens," she commanded.
"Yes, sir," both Avery and I whispered in reply. There was a ghostly chuckle. We'd been heard.
Then the study door opened and Minerva stepped into the room. She was older than my father, and most definitely looked it. She wore a blood-red summer dress despite the fact that it was hardly 10°C outside today. She was wearing a pair of black slippers and was holding a fleece blanket in her arms. She smiled at the young man sitting across from Artemis. Cougar, I couldn't help thinking to myself as I watched the twisted smile that appeared on her face. "Hello, young man," she practically purred, "I'm Minerva, Artemis's wife. Who are you?" She seemed to choke a little when she said Artemis's name – and her relationship to him.
"Hello, Minerva," the young man replied, "it's been a long time hasn't it? You seem to have bloomed. As in you hit puberty – or grew up." Then he smiled. "It's me, No. 1." Then the handsome boy disappeared, to be replaced by a short, grey, child-like thing with a stubby little tail.
Minerva gave a little shriek as everyone else appeared within seconds of No. 1's change. That is, everyone besides Avery and me. Neither one of us are stupid.
"Hello, Minnie," Holly appeared directly behind my quasi-mother.
"Holly," Minerva scoffed, before looking briefly at my father. "Still cradle-robbing, Rumplestileskine?"
"Really?" My father's voice was heavy with scepticism and distain, "that is the best you could come up with? It was a barely passable and highly hypocritical retort, to be sure. Your brains must be melting." Holly cackled at the thought. I smirked, invisible, glad of my father's wit.
"Artemis I cannot believe you still associate with these creatures," Minerva spat, unable, I believed, to come up with a proper retort. At that, Holly seemed to lose her control. She pulled back her arm and punched my parent right in the jaw. I couldn't help grinning as Minerva stumbled back, eyes wide with shock.
"I think it would be best if you left now," Dom said calmly, leading her somewhat forcefully out of the study.
"Well," my father said with a tight smile, "that went well."