Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or its characters. They are the sole property of Takahashi Rumiko.

-To Sip of Black Velvet-

Chapter 10: Not Strictly Lovers

At first when I was away from him, my mind would think clearly. I would know that what we were doing was wrong. I would know that he was a married man and that I should feel ashamed and disgusted with my actions. But no matter how much I knew I should be resisting, I kept seeing him. At the least we'd meet once every two weeks, always in one of his many hotels. When he called I couldn't keep myself from answering.

Time and time again I told myself that I was only going there to end the affair face to face, that I was going to find a way to move on with my life… and time and time again I failed. I felt so right with him, wrapped in his arms and covered in his essence. It was the only time I really felt at peace. And although we would always make love, I reveled that we were not strictly lovers. We became—much more than that.

We became a couple. At least that's what I told myself. Every since the night that he apologized, I'd always stay wrapped up in his arms until dawn. We'd spend most of the night awake, taking comfort in each other until sleep whisked us away. We would laugh, well I would laugh mostly, but he'd sometimes smirk and I learned to enjoy the amusement that would glisten in the depths of his amber eyes. We had deep conversations. Usually I'd talk and he would just listen while holding me protectively in a tight embrace. I told him things that I thought I'd never tell anyone, skeletons in closets that I thought I'd burned to the ground.

His calm and stoic demeanor made him perfect to confide in. He never once judged me when I told him about how I envied my little brother for getting into University or how I had first envied Kikyo for singing so beautifully. No, he made me feel safe and wanted. So for the first time I recollected the memories of sexual abuse I'd endured at the hands of a trusted family friend, Naraku, and how that had led to the slip in my grades in the first place. I told him about how singing had kept me alive then, and about how much it had hurt me to be told my singing wasn't good enough at the bar. And I smiled gently as I explained that it became good enough on the day that we locked eyes—on the day that I stopped singing for grief and started singing for him.

He opened up to me in his own way. Never volunteering new information but responding to my own declarations. When I told him that I'd envied my brother for obtaining something I couldn't, he commented that he had once done the same. When I told him about how much my family had struggled after the loss of my father, he added that he'd once known that struggle as well. I grew so close to him on the nights we lay wrapped up in silken hotel sheets but too my utter dismay, it never lasted. The mornings always came and he'd always have to go away.

It began to hurt me to be away from him and I began to live only sometimes. The life in my eyes dimmed and the dull ache in my heart throbbed painfully in the intermediate days between seeing him.

My life had been simple before him, simple and empty, and although I had been content in my life before, I could now not seem to understand why. Without him now I could not even feel my soul. He was mine sometimes and I told myself that it would have to be enough for now, though it wore me down and tore me to pieces. I figured it was better to have him sometimes and feel ripped apart in his absence than to be without him always and have no soul that could be torn.

I resigned myself to my own fate at the realization. And as a result I stopped telling myself that I was going to meet with him to try and end it. I couldn't end it. I would never end it.

We continued to keep the affair up for months.

Word Count: 725

Author's Note: Since this chapter and the next are short I decided to put them both up. Enjoy. =]