(Present day)
Arthur stared at Merlin from the doorway. He was curled up on the bed, crying his eyes out.
He hadn't been like this for a long time.
But Merlin was there, and he was crying, and he was shouting at Arthur, who hadn't even had the chance to step into the room.
It was one of those days. The days Arthur hated.
"Go away! Leave me alone!" Merlin's cries hung in the air. "I said go away!"
Merlin should have learnt by now that Arthur was just as stubborn as he was, and he wasn't going anywhere. He stepped into Merlin's room, pulled up a chair and settled down to wait it out.
Merlin's shouts continued, on and on they went, until his throat was starting to get hoarse and his eyes were sore from tears. He glared at Arthur across the small room, resentment in his eyes, but Arthur knew it wasn't really directed at him. It was directed inside himself, to the part of Merlin which knew how badly this was hurting Arthur. It was the part of Merlin which had taken over in his current mood and was lashing out, because it reasoned that hurting Arthur now was better than prolonging the torture that their relationship surely was.
"Just leave me! Please..." Merlin trailed off, his shouts having faded to begging. "I know you can't stand to look at me."
This was what hurt the most. Out of everything that had happened between them, this was what hurt Arthur the most. Merlin was so convinced that he wasn't good enough for Arthur that he couldn't see how much he truly loved him. Merlin was so in love with Arthur, he was desperate not to hurt him, but his desperation was clouded by the fears and feelings of worthlessness which clung to his mind and refused to let go. If only he could see that trying to send Arthur away hurt him more than staying did. Although, on days like these, it was hard to tell which was worse.
Arthur just sat quietly on the chair, waiting for the storm to pass, like it always did. It just took a little patience, and Arthur never ran out of patience where Merlin was concerned.
Merlin was repeating a litany of reasons for Arthur to go, garbled explanations which he'd heard a thousand times before.
"I'm not any good for you, you deserve better, you don't need to stay here for me, I don't need your pity, I give you permission to leave, don't feel bad about leaving the crazy guy, just go, because I'm not good enough for you, you deserve better…" On and on it went, until the words lost all their meaning.
When Merlin's words were just meaningless whispers, Arthur rose from his chair, slowly so he wouldn't startle him, and crossed the room to kneel by the edge of Merlin's bed. He folded his boyfriend's shaking hands up in his own steady ones, and rested his head against his thigh.
"It's okay Merlin. It's okay. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." He soothed.
But Merlin wouldn't listen to him. He couldn't listen to him properly, not from where he was locked inside his head, wrapped in the mistaken beliefs of his delusions. He heard the words but didn't register their meaning. They were simply sounds, nothing more. How could they be more? He knew deep down that Arthur didn't love him. He knew that Arthur only stuck around out of pity, because he wouldn't dare be seen leaving the man who had mental health problems. He knew that Arthur resented him for trapping him in a dead-end relationship. He knew it and he hated him for it. How dare he come over to 'comfort' him, when all along he was just hiding his despise? Who did he think he was to mock Merlin like that? No, Merlin wouldn't have it. He may have been crazy, but he wasn't about to be taken for a fool.
He struggled to free his hands from Arthur's grip, pulling backwards and pushing Arthur away from him. He didn't want that liar anywhere near him. No, it was high time that pretender Arthur got the message and left. And if Arthur didn't understand, well, Merlin would just have to make him. He stood and shoved Arthur back again, back towards the door, and he stumbled backwards as he tried to right himself. Merlin felt his nails digging into his palms as his hands curled into tight fists and his arms tensed. He began to draw his arm back, ready to punch Arthur so he'd understand just how much Merlin didn't want him there, how much he wasn't needed.
Arthur saw the intent in Merlin's eyes as he stared up at his boyfriend. It broke his fucking heart to see the hatred and betrayal in his eyes, but he knew why it was there. He knew Merlin hated him for leaving him here in this hospital, day after day, and he loved him even so. So when Merlin pulled his arm back to throw a punch at him, he ducked under his arm and pulled him into a tight hug. He squeezed him tight and refused to let go until Merlin stopped pummelling on his back. Until Merlin broke down into fresh tears as he realised that he'd nearly punched the man he loved so, so much.
In between the sobs and his shaking body Merlin choked out three words.
"Just leave, please."
And Arthur left, because he knew that Merlin hated people seeing him cry, but not before he replied "I'll be back tomorrow."
With Arthur gone, all of the strength left Merlin's body and he sat back down on the bed, head in his hands. How was he lucky enough to have Arthur, a man who refused to leave him despite everything?
Arthur unlocked his car and sat for a minute before starting the engine, head in his hands. The storm would pass, he knew it would, but it was hard to see when or how.
He would weather the storm because he had to, so he could see Merlin safely to the other side of it.