CHAPTER 10 – THANKSGIVING

-November 2000-

I always called it the Thanksgiving Miracle. Who would have known that the weekend after last Thanksgiving would have been the best weekend of my life? If someone had told me Angel would become human before that weekend, I would have told them they were crazy, but they would have been right.

I had so many plans on how I would spend this day, a day that I had planned to celebrate like an anniversary. I didn't want a big Thanksgiving like I tried to do last year. I would have been perfectly content to just spend some time alone with Angel.

Things, of course, didn't go how I planned.

Mom hangs up the phone and breezes into the kitchen. "That was your Aunt Arlene on the phone. She invited us for Thanksgiving again. I told her I would think about it. Why don't we go together?"

I look up from the cookie I'm attempting to decorate. "I don't really feel up to traveling. But you go. Have fun with your sister."

"Oh, honey, I'm not going to leave you here by yourself."

"Mom, I'll be fine. I was fine last year."

"That was different. You weren't…"

"Pregnant?"

"Maybe traveling's not such a good idea right now. You know what, I'll call Arlene later and tell her not to expect us this year. In fact, I think we should have our own little Thanksgiving here. And we could invite your friends too if you'd like."

"Willow hates Thanksgiving."

"Oh. That's…strange. Well, we could invite Giles."

"He's British. He seemed reluctant to participate last year. He doesn't get our American traditions."

"Well what about Xander?"

"Xander will come. He likes to eat. But, Mom, I really don't want to have a big dinner this year. Can't we just order a turkey dinner plate from somewhere?"

I can see the frown forming on her face. "Are you sure, Buffy? It might be nice to be around some friends, especially this time of year."

I stand up from the barstool and put down the container of sprinkles. "If it's all the same, Mom, I'd rather just be alone."

Not wanting to engage in anymore Thanksgiving conversation, I left and went to my bedroom.

Outside, the Astorian air feels crisp and smells like firewood burning. I've taken up jogging lately. It's not quite as exciting as the martial arts, but it's good cardio and keeps me in shape. Plus, it's something to do. Anything to take my mind off of how much I miss Buffy all the time.

I feel energized by the time I arrive back to the house. There's voices coming from the kitchen and something delicious is cooking.

"Something smells good," I say as I walk into the kitchen. I find Althea peeking into the oven with Andromeda and Serena.

"Angel, we're helping with the dinner!" Andromeda says.

"I get to stir!" Serena says proudly, holding up a large spoon.

"Must be some special meal if your mother lets you stay home from school and help prepare it."

Andromeda laughs. "We don't have school today, silly! It's Thanksgiving!"

It takes a moment for her words to register. Thanksgiving?

I've been human for a year.

Andromeda stares at me, giving me a confused look when I don't respond. "Don't you have Thanksgiving, Angel?"

"Yeah. I just didn't know you had that holiday here as well."

"We adopted it," Althea says, smiling at me. "I guess Roman forgot to tell you."

"Guilty," Roman says when he hears his name. "We've been so busy lately."

"Roman, will you go check on the firewood? I think we need some more."

"Sure." He kisses his wife and heads out the back door.

Althea turns back to her pot on the stove but continues to talk to me. "We liked the idea of having a day to be with friends and family, to think about all the things we're thankful for."

"Yeah, I was looking forward to that. I never really got to have a big Thanksgiving with family. It wasn't a holiday in the country I grew up in. And for the longest time, I had no family. But things changed for me when I met Buffy. This Thanksgiving would have really been special. I'm sure she was looking forward to it as much as I was."

Althea glances at me with sympathy in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Angel. I know you must miss everyone back at home."

"It's okay. If I can't spend this day with the people back at home, at least I get to spend it with you all."

"Here, Serena," Althea says, handing her daughter a small bowl. "Take this to the table. Be careful not to spill it."

"You think about your girlfriend a lot, don't you?" Andromeda asks me.

"Yeah. Almost every second of every day. I miss her a lot."

"Maybe Angel would like to help us with dinner?" Althea suggests. "Angel, do you cook?"

That gets a smile out of me. "Oh yeah, I can definitely cook. But first…" I look down at my sweaty shirt and pants. "I think I'll take a shower."

"Oh my god! What happened?" Cordelia rushed towards us as Doyle and I helped Angel through the doorway.

"I'm fine," Angel insisted as he moved to sit on the desk.

I glared at Angel. "You're not fine, Angel! You almost got killed!"

"What happened?" Cordelia asked again. "Was it that Mohra demon? Did you guys find it?"

Doyle nodded. "It's dead, but it almost killed Angel first."

"I'll go get the first aid kit." Cordelia left to go retrieve it.

"Please don't be mad at me, Buffy," Angel pleaded with me.

"Why didn't you guys wake me up? I could have helped! I'm not the slayer for nothing, you know! Instead I had to find out from *Cordelia* where you went?"

"Here's the first aid kit." Cordelia placed it on the desk.

"I tried to get Angel to bring you," Doyle said.

I rifled through the contents of the first aid kit, grabbing some antiseptic wipes and bandages. "Angel, why didn't you wake me? I was worried about you."

"Because, you looked so peaceful," Angel admitted. He then winced as the alcohol on the wipe made one of his cuts sting. "After the perfect day we've had, I didn't want it to end on a sour note. I just wanted to let you rest and not worry you about it."

"So you went up against that thing by yourself?"

Angel shrugged. "I thought I could take it."

"Yeah, but you're human now!" Doyle said. "You don't have the strength like you had as a vampire."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I can't fight. I'm trained in several of the martial arts. I just need to brush up on my fighting skills."

"But, Angel," I said to him, placing my hands around his face. "You almost died tonight."

"Okay, so I have a lot of brushing up to do. But this was the first time I fought as a human in a couple hundred years, so the lack of strength threw me off for a moment. Besides, I couldn't let that thing roam free, could I?"

I smiled at Angel. "You really are stubborn, you know that?"

"But you love me anyway."

"Just don't do anything stupid again, okay?"

"I promise."

I brought Angel's face closer to mine, then placed a kiss on his lips.

"Okay you two, if you're going to get groiny again, you can go back downstairs," Cordelia said.

We broke up from the kiss, and I shot Cordelia a look.

"Why are there sticky notes everywhere?" Angel asked as he glanced around the office.

"Oh, well I figured we'd have a little 'going out of business' sale," Cordelia explained. "You know, to compensate for the severance package you never set up for me."

"Going out of business sale?" Angel asked. "Who said we were going out of business?"

Cordelia shrugged. "Well I assumed we were, what with you being human and all. And especially since you and Buffy are obviously back together."

"So wait, you're going to continue Angel Investigations?" I asked.

"I don't know. I guess I hadn't really thought about what I'm going to do now." Angel then reached for my hand and gave me a smile. "I do know one thing though."

"What's that?"

"I'm never letting you go again. That's for sure."

Despite telling my mom that I didn't want a big Thanksgiving, she invited my friends anyway. Even Willow was a good sport and came, going as far to even help my mother prepare the food. That, and to keep Xander away until it was ready. I think everyone thought if they surrounded me with people I love, it would make me forget how sad I always am.

I tried to put on a happy face, for their sake at least. I tried to smile whenever someone mentioned the baby. But in the end, I just couldn't take it anymore. It was like I was on the outside looking in. Everyone, even Giles, was getting into the spirit of Thanksgiving, laughing over mishaps in the kitchen and ooing and ahhing over all of the delicious smells.

What the hell did I have to be thankful for? The most important person in the world to me was gone. Deciding I'd had enough, I silently left the kitchen and stepped out on the back porch. No one even noticed I was gone.

"Is it done yet?" Myles asks impatiently as he peers into the oven through the glass.

"Almost," I tell him, though I have to admit, I'm about as impatient as he is.

"It smells good!" he says.

"Thank you for your help, Angel," Althea says as she walks into the kitchen. "Usually the only help I have is the girls."

"Angel says he likes to cook!" Myles tells her. "He likes to cook for his girlfriend." He says the last word in a teasing manner.

"You just wait," I tell him, ruffling his bright blue hair. "In a few years, you'll like girls too."

Myles scowls. "Eww, no way! The only girls I like are my sisters and I only like them because I have to!"

"I think it's time to check and see if this bird is ready. Want to help me, Myles?"

"Yeah!"

"Grab that meat thermometer from the counter."

As Myles retrieves the thermometer, I take out the turkey and sit it down on the stove.

"Can I?" Myles asks, holding the thermometer just over the turkey.

"Yeah, go ahead."

Myles inserts it into the meatiest part and I check the temperature.

"Is it ready?"

"Yep, I think so."

"Yes!"

As Althea and Andromeda gather the rest of the food from the kitchen, I grab the turkey. We don't have much food, as is the norm here in Astoria, but all of our guests have brought something from home so there's plenty to go around. I place the turkey at the head of the table which almost immediately brings a crowd to the table as everyone is starving.

The children fight over who gets to sit next to me with Myles and Serena getting the coveted seats on either side of me. Andromeda settles for sitting across from me with Walker's children. I glance at Althea, seeing the grin on her face as both Myles and Serena try to get my attention at the same time.

"You're popular," she says with a laugh.

"It would appear."

A tapping on a glass brings the talking to a halt as Roman stands at the head of the table.

"Today is a very special day. A day in which we spend time with family and friends, and a day to remind us of what we're thankful for. And though we've had some hardships, and will surely face many more to come, we have each other. May we always remember that when times get tough, the support we give each other can get us through anything."

"Here, here," Brutus says.

Roman holds the carving knife up and smiles. "Well, who's hungry?"

We were both exhausted when we came back downstairs. Angel undressed for bed, and I put on his oversized shirt again. As Angel sat down on the bed, he winced briefly, and I knew he was in pain.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just a little sore. I should be okay in the morning."

Angel eased himself back under the covers, and I got into bed, curling up next to him, being mindful of the bruise forming on his shoulder.

"I was so scared tonight, Angel."

"I know."

"Before when you were a vampire, I never worried about you dying. I mean, that's not true. I worried about you, of course, but you sort of had the immortality thing going for you. But now, now that you're human? It's a little more scary, and more of a possibility."

Angel wrapped his arms around me a little tighter, then kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"I just got you back. We've been apart for so long and…well just the thought of losing you all over again…"

"You won't lose me." Angel touched my chin, bringing my face up to look at his. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

Angel moved closer to kiss me. "Promise," he whispered against my lips.

Outside, it's quiet. I sit down on the porch steps and look up at the stars. The sky is clear tonight and there are so many of them. When I was little, I used to make wishes on them. I still do sometimes, though none of them have ever come true.

I spot a movement from out of the corner of my eye. Out of the shadows, a familiar blonde head emerges. "Shouldn't you be inside eating a turkey or something?"

"Dinner hasn't started yet. I just came out here to get some air. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be watching the Buffybot?"

Spike sits down beside me. "I can only take the bot in small doses. I set her off on her own for a while. Don't worry, she always comes back home."

Home. The word hits me from out of nowhere. My emotions have been all over the place with Angel gone and the baby coming, and just that one little word is enough to undo me.

"Whoa. What did I say, Slayer?"

"Nothing, I just…" I sob, trying to compose myself. I cannot believe I am breaking down in front of Spike. "Home. I just want Angel to be home." I quickly wipe my tears with the back of my hand, but it's useless as I feel my eyes watering again.

"He'll come back," Spike tells me.

It feels weird to have Spike tell me it will be alright.

"He's stubborn you know," Spike continues. "Like a stubborn mule. I've known him for a long time, and he doesn't give up easy. Trust me, when he wants something, get out of his way. He makes it happen."

"I just wish that…oh god." A foot kicking me puts a temporary stop to the waterworks. "Oh wow."

"Are you…okay?"

"I just felt the baby kick is all. That was kind of a strong one."

"He'll be a football player, eh?"

"Football?"

"Oh right. You call it soccer," he says with an exaggerated tone of annoyance.

He manages to bring a slight smile out of me. "I don't know. Maybe."

"What were you saying before?"

"What do you mean?"

"You wish…?"

"Oh. It doesn't matter. It won't come true anyway."

"Maybe it will," Spike said as he rose to his feet. "Well, I better track down the bot. Poor Bingo, marzipan in his pie plate…"

Now I was laughing. "Oh my god. Is she still saying that?"

"Every. Bloody. Time. It gets old really fast. Hurry up and pop that kid out, will ya?"

"Buffy, there are you!" Mom lights up when she sees me coming back in the kitchen. "We were just about to go looking for you."

"I just had to get some fresh air is all."

"Are you okay?"

I nod. "About as well as I can be anyway."

"Well come on, dinner's ready. Let's go eat. Before Xander helps himself to seconds."

"Oh god, we better get there fast."

Angel and I were tired the next morning, having not gotten much sleep the night before. It was already late when we got back to the apartment after the incident with the Mohra demon. Not to mention the countless times we woke up during the night, aching for each other, making up for lost time. We even started the morning by making love, being mindful of Angel's healing cuts and bruises.

Angel's lips hovered over mine, then moved to my neck, kissing my ticklish spot, kissing my scar. I couldn't believe we were about to go for another round when suddenly, Angel rolled off me and back to his side of the bed.

"What's wrong?"

Angel groaned, and I looked at him, seeing his hands over his face.

"Angel?"

He then finally looked at me. "Nothing. It's just…I'm human now."

I laughed. "Yeah, and that's a problem why?"

"It's not a problem."

"Am I wearing you out then, tough guy?" I laughed again.

"No, that's not it."

"So what is it?"

"Are you on a birth control pill?"

"Oh…right. Oops. I guess birth control was sort of the last thing on our minds."

"I've never had to think about it before until now." Angel moved closer to me, taking my hands into his. "It's not that I wouldn't want to someday have children with you. I mean, now that I'm human, I actually could give you that. But I know the timing's all wrong…"

"And we just got back together."

"And I wouldn't want to force you into something you maybe aren't ready for."

"Angel, if I got pregnant, yeah it would be bad timing, but it wouldn't exactly be the worst thing to happen to me. I mean, you'd be there helping me. You'd be willing to go out in the middle of the night to get my ice cream whenever I had a craving. Right?"

Angel laughed. "Of course. I'd do anything for you."

"We'll just use condoms next time. But there's no point in running out to get them now. If I'm going to be pregnant, it's probably too late to stop it at this point. I mean, we've been having a lot of sex, you know."

"Do you really think you could be pregnant?"

I shook my head. "No, I really doubt it."

"Okay. Hey, what time is it?"

I glanced at the clock. "Almost eleven."

"Cordelia usually gets donuts every morning."

"You think there's any left?"

"There might be. Why don't we go upstairs and find out?"

"That sounds great. But first, there's something else I want to do."

"Yeah, me too." Angel rolled back over me. We laughed as we slipped back under the covers.

I'm feeling marginally better by the time I get into bed. Not about Angel, of course, but my hopes were restored. Maybe Angel wouldn't be home for our "anniversary", but he would be home. I just had to be patient. I had to keep believing that.

I turn off the lamp and sink down into the covers. My enormous belly sticks out like sore thumb. Sometimes it makes me feel fat, but I always forget about that whenever I feel Liam kicking inside of me, this little miracle that Angel and I made together.

A/N: Just so there's no confusion about the timing of things, I want to make it clear that the flashback is not when Liam was conceived. That happened later. But it did get the conversation about kids started. ;)

Until 11!