Disclaimer: A blurb I thought would be funny. I own nothing. Not even the idea is that original. Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 10: Emo Potter... And What Became of Him
James had been turned down. James was not happy. James was wearing all black. James was brooding in a dark corner. Putting all of this together, Sirius came to a terrifying conclusion. James Potter was... EMO! This could not be allowed to continue. Oh-no, it could not be allowed. So, he hatched a cunning plan... and dragged the rest of the Marauders into it. He tried to get Severus, Regulus, Marlene, and Lily in on it too, but failed. Lily had been the one to turn James down, Marlene was Lily's friend, Severus didn't really like James and could care less that he was being emo, and Regulus had homework. At least, that was the excuse he gave. Sirius was fairly sure the little Ravenclaw just didn't want to be part of the craziness just yet. He could respect that... for the rest of the year. Then his brother would have some really magical knowledge and make all pranksters bow before his awesomeness! Yes, and Sirius would be right there beside him. Even James would have to bow before the epic awesomeness of the Brothers Black! But that he was getting off track. They had to get James to stop being emo first, and that called for chocolate, a twenty gallon drum, red sparkles, tin foil, invisible string, five chickens, and a party hat. Why a party hat? Because it's fun, that's why. Now, Operation: Cure the Emo... commence!
/*/
James knew something was up. His emo senses were tingling He just didn't know what was up. And if you say the ceiling, he will hex you. Emos do not like being made fun of. "James~," came an eerie voice from an unused classroom. James fought back an eep and looked inside. What he saw... was horror. Sirius was dressed in a white sheet and flinging rice at him. It was so random, so strange, so impossible, and so Sirius that James had to flee... or laugh. Truly, it was an emo's worst nightmare. So, like any self-respecting emo would, James fled. Sirius gasped under his sheet. "Ah. He got away. Do not fear! James! I shall free you from this evil!" he suddenly shouted, the image of a sunset on the beach appearing behind him, the entire scene gaining the look of an oil painting. Remus poked his head in, somehow looking like a child's attempt at anime, and said,
"He's not listening. You know that, right?" Sirius gasped comically, then took off after his friend, crying fake tears and leaving a dust trail. Honestly, what is up with all these anime effects? This is not an anime! "Um... you do know that magic doesn't care... right?" Remus asked the narrator, who then jerked with surprise.
"EH! You can see me?! You can hear me?! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" Remus gave the anime-cool-apathtic-main-guy-character-smirk-and-heh combo.
"We have stolen the show, please sit back and enjoy the reality warp," he said before vanishing after his mildly insane best friend who was chasing their for-some-odd-reason-emo friend. Don't worry, it was a rather confusing day for everyone.
/*/
Remus knew that he would succeed. Who could stay emo in the face of a five pound chuck of Honeyduke's chocolate? "Oi! James! I have something for you!" the over-the-top cheerful werewolf called out, skipping (yes. Skipping. Be afraid. Be very afraid.) over to James. He didn't wait to see what Remus had for him. He ran. He ran for his very life. There were some things in the world that should not happen; a singing Severus Snape, a pink Black, a blue Slytherin, a happy Voldemort, a drunk McGonagal, a cross between a fire crab and a newt(don't ask), a whistling Filtch; and a skipping, sparkling, grinning Remus Lupin was one of those things. One could not really fault James for running. Emo or not, when you see something like that, you scream and run. However, Remus wasn't about to give up. He stopped skipping, but not sparkling or grinning, and ran flat out after the raven haired emo Seeker. There were not many who could match Remus for speed, though James gave him quite a run that day, but the inevitable happened. Remus tackled James. "It's chocolate!" Remus said happily, holding up his gift as if it were something sacred, which to him it was. James groaned and let his head fall back onto the dusty ground.
"That's nice. Now, please, get off," he hissed from his position underneath the happily grinning, shinning, sparkling, and, horror of horrors, giggling Remus.
"Okay~!" Remus chirped, still in that horrifyingly overly cheerful mood. The werewolf handed over the chocolate and, thankfully, lost a bit of his over-the-topness. "Man, that much chocolate is dangerous! Make sure you eat some, quick, before it takes you over too!" Remus said. Did I say he lost his over-the-topness? Nah, just the cheeriness. The dramatics were still as over-the-top as ever. James wished he knew a spell that would make someone depressed and withdrawn. Hum... maybe he should mention that to Regulus. The kid already had a flare for spellwork, maybe he could work something out. But again, that is not the point. Gah! Stop giving me these off topic tangents! Wait... isn't that the same thing? Eh, oh well. On with the story!
"Did you get hit with a super powered cheering charm?" James asked, taking the chocolate and holding it at arms length, which was pretty impressive as it was five pounds of pure chocolate of the finest quality. Remus looked shocked.
"How are you not effected by the chocolate? I was sure it was big enough piece to effect even you! Clearly, I underestimated the Power of the Emo. Hold on James! We will free you from this evil!" the werewolf said before vanishing in a puff of smoke, Naruto style. James sighed.
"That anime hasn't even been invented yet. And when did Hogwarts get turned into an anime anyway?" he asked, rubbing the back of his head with a puzzled expression before replacing his emo mask. Underneath, he was cackling like a madman. It was such fun to see his friends trying make make him not be emo, they didn't seem to realize he was just playing around. Suckers.
/*/
"Peter! You're turn!" Remus said, entering the RoR with a rather put out look. Sirius and Peter gasped.
"Moony! Have you been infected by the emo?" Sirius asked. Remus sighed.
"I was sure the chocolate would work... but it didn't. I'm sorry. I failed. Please, Peter, use your awesome plan. I pray it works before we have to use Sirius' crazy plan," he said. Sirius scoffed in mock-offense at that.
"It's not that crazy. You just refuse to see the genius of it," he said. Peter leaned over to Remus.
"I'll get the paint-ball gun your dad made for me, you keep him here, okay?" Remus nodded and Peter left to arm himself for the trail ahead. The Hufflepuff grinned as he marched to his dorm. That emo wouldn't know what hit him!
/*/
James was beginning to get irritated. What was up with his friends? I mean, sure, he was acting like an emo, but really? Muggle ghost costumes and rice, five pound chunks of chocolate, and now a paintball gun loaded with red glitter glue shells? What? "Why? Just... Why?" he asked, running from the cackling Peter.
"Die emo! DIE!" the Hufflepuff screamed, pumping another shell into the barrel of his gun. James made a desperate dive into a tunnel scrambled down it, then rolled into an unused classroom that smelled and looked like it hadn't been used since the Founder's Era before dashing off toward Gryffindor Tower. Lucky for him, Peter had been unable to keep up and thus lost him. James let out a relived sigh.
"Perhaps it's best if I drop the emo persona?" the Potter Heir asked himself as he strode softly down a secret passageway that was a shortcut to Gryffindor Tower. He grinned. "Nah~! Let us see what else my crazy friends will come up with to 'cure' me." If he had known what Sirius had in store for him, he might have just dropped the persona then and there. But he didn't, and he would later regret it. The Marauders weren't feared in another time-line for nothing after all, and Sirius was one of the worst offenders. Poor, poor James Potter, he was about to be hit with something no-one but Padfoot could have cooked up.
/*/
Peter shook his head. "Remus... please... stop laughing like that," the poor Hufflepuff groaned. Remus Lupin was currently mixing up chocolate in a twenty gallon drum and laughing while Sirius was loading balloons with red sparkles and tin foil then attaching them to invisible strings. What purpose the five chickens and party hat were going to serve Peter didn't think he really want to know. However disconcerting the sight of Sirius Black loading prank balloons with tinfoil and red sparkles while grinning and then tying them to a trip wire was, the sight of a manically laughing Remus stirring chocolate in a twenty gallon drum, lit only from beneath, was worse. Peter couldn't really turn on more lights, but maybe he could get Remus to stop laughing like that.
"NEVER! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!" Remus cackled. Peter sighed, then escaped the Room of Doom. As he was walking away, a thought occurred to him.
"Every room with Sirius, or any Black for that matter, is a Room of Doom, isn't it?" he asked the only slightly dusty corridor. Hogwarts had quite a few unused corridors and classrooms as they only had ten teachers and a headmaster. Honestly, why didn't they have several teachers for the same subjects so that each year had a professor suited to their age group? That would make sense, right? Oh. Right. Sense. When did the British Wizarding World ever make sense? It didn't. So, one professor for each subject and a whole bunch of unused rooms perfect for pranking, snogging, and general rulebreaking.
"Peter! Come here and help me charm these chickens to sing would you?!" Sirius suddenly yelled. Peter sighed.
"Oh. So that's what the chickens were for," Peter said glumly, turning on his heel and walking back into the Room of Terror. To be honest, he felt sorry for James. Not even the most emo of emo's deserved this...
/*/
James could tell it would be a bad day. Why? Because Remus had brown smears on his face and hands and his eyes gleamed madly. Not only that, but Peter was shooting him pitying glances from the Hufflepuff table, Sirius was skipping, the Great Hall smelled suspiciously of chocolate, and Regulus took one step into the room, growled, then spun on his heel to stride back out in such an elegantly disgusted manner James was sure a few Slytherins moaned in envy. Oh yes, a horrible day indeed. His crazy friends were kind enough to wait until most people had finished eating before unleashing their monstrosity they dared call a cheer-up prank. Chocolate rained down in him(Remus cackled madly, yelling "CHOCOLATE FOR THE WIN!" at the Ravenclaw table.), five chickens dressed in red and gold sequin dresses came strutting up to him signing 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'(Where Sirius got that song James did not know), and Sirius stood up and donned a Party hat before joining the chickens, who were now attempting to do the can-can. James glowered at his mad, mad, friends and stalked out the door. Too bad for him, Regulus had set up the trip wire when he strode out and so the balloons fell from the arch of the door, covering the already gooey Potter in tinfoil and red glitter. He growled and turned to the Slytherin table. "I'm gonna get you, Black, and your little cat too," he said menacingly. Sirius gulped. When James got that tone of voice, it meant trouble for someone. And this time, it was Sirius and Regulus who were to be on the receiving end of James' ire.
"Perhaps this wasn't the best idea," Sirius moaned, face pale. Severus snickered, totally unsympathetic.
"You brought this on yourself Siri. Now, you must lay in the bed you've made," he said. Sirius groaned and dropped his head onto the table.
"You're a lot of help," he groused. The other Slytherins were torn between laughing at Sirius' misfortune, offering help to the Gryffindor, or helping Sirius hide. Some genuinely liked Sirius, but there were more who didn't care for him. In the end, James humiliated Sirius and Regulus, along with Remus, quite thoroughly with random pranks spread over seven months. They never pranked James Charles Potter like that again.
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A/N: So, what did you think? Please, leave a review in the lonely gray box down below!