Chapter Ten
She woke up alone.
Legs twisted in the red satin sheet, brown eyes fluttered open gradually and Regina groaned.
A sense of feeling completely alone and empty again. It was just the same like every other morning. But this time, the only difference was that a promise had been broken and her heart had cracked.
They had kissed again, kissed so deeply, and she had been shaken to the core after that one like no other time. In fact, nothing before had ever quaked her mind, body and soul like this. Definitely not the way Emma made her feel. When she used to ride on the pleasure of looking forward to seeing just those emerald eyes, now she realized that her body had wanted so much more.
Her soul had been longing to curl up beside Emma's own being and to stay there. Simply because they fitted together so perfectly, it was unjust to still wake up alone. It pained her deeply, so that when she did drag herself to the shower, even the warmth of the water could not weld back the pieces of her heart.
Even as she slipped into a simple pink shirt and black jeans for the day, her phone vibrated and Regina refused to take the call. Not because she was expectedly pissed. But because she was already fearing the disappointed ending to all of this. That all of this…would end badly.
"And maybe they were right all along," she said to herself whilst fixing her disheveled hair, still wet at the ends. "She's my undoing. She's going to break my heart and she's going to kill me."
Her phone began vibrating again and again and she just had to answer that damn call. No matter how hard her resistance was put up, Regina couldn't prolong the agony of hearing the other woman's voice on the line.
"Good morning, babe," Emma sounded as downcast as the brunette was. There was David's rumbling voice in the background.
"Morning," Regina mumbled, tumbling around for her red scarf because it had begun to rain and she was already trembling enough from the pangs of love to be presented with a chilly wind outdoors.
There was silence between them.
In that time, the brunette managed to wrap the scarf around her neck, allowing the two ends to fall behind those slumped shoulders. She never slouched. Never. So why was she now?
"I know that you're seriously mad at me right now," Emma began, her voice trembling a little. "And I deserve it. But last night when I brought mom and dad home, dad fell right into bed but mom was restless. She began to dance around and knock down stuff. Then…we ended up on the couch. And I had to listen to her talk about her girl crushes way past midnight. By the time I fell asleep –"
Regina sighed and that's when the blonde stopped talking.
There was more silence.
The rain was coming down in sheets by then. The sky remained darker. Lightning cut across the dark expanse outside her window.
"I couldn't help it, Regina," Emma finally said, in a softer tone. "I just couldn't leave her. God knows what she was capable of doing."
"You promised me," the older woman croaked. "But it's fine. Life goes on."
"What does that mean?" the blonde's voice was hoarser. "That life goes on."
"It means," Regina's eyes fluttered close as she stood by the window and tried to see through the thick haze of the rain, "that I keep on doing the things I do and you keep on doing the things you do. And we both live our lives."
"I would have been there in a flash," Emma sounded seriously affected. "You know that. I was so frustrated last night that she didn't –"
"I have to hang up now," the older woman felt her throat burn. "I have another call coming in," she lied. She had to. This was not the right time. This was not the way.
"And the other call is more important than me?" the blonde wanted to know.
"I really need to take it," Regina could feel herself crumbling.
"Then take it," Emma definitely sounded as if she had begun to cry. "By all means, hang up on me. I deserve it, right? You know what? I'll hang up first. Because I know when I'm not needed."
"Emma, wait –" and the brunette heard a click.
Bringing herself to remove the phone from her ear was so difficult, Regina stood there and felt herself tremble internally from failing to hold onto composure. From becoming too weak. From not listening to Emma's words and the meaning and the truth and instead, she ended up allowing her emotions to cloud her judgment.
She shouldn't have done that.
Regardless of a promise being made last night, the blonde had owned up to what had occurred to sway her directions elsewhere. Not only that, the excuse was genuine. So why was she behaving like this?
Regina slowly unwound her red scarf and she balled it up, crushing the fabric between trembling fingers. Glaring at the mirror, she pelted the scarf in that direction and began to yank off her shirt. She pulled at the buttons, then stepped onto the bottom of her jeans and tugged them off, one leg then the other.
This wasn't going to do at all.
Not today. Not when she needed to fix this. Not when she needed to get what was hers.
So moving to the closet, she pushed aside all the formal outfits and settled on a peach coloured dress that would hug every curve. The neck was low, just enough to deliver an abundance of cleavage and the length was perfect, reaching just two inches above her knees. Complementing the outfit, she chose black stilettos and opted to rake back her hair into a wild, sexy look.
Red lipstick was never an option but a priority. And so was black eyeliner. Lightly dabbing perfume on either wrist, the brunette snatched her keys on the way out, hips swaying as she went through the door and towards the kitchen.
For the entire morning Emma sulked at her desk over a shitload of paperwork to complete. By midmorning, she hadn't even reached halfway when David came in groaning and holding his head. Without saying more than two words, he managed to settle at his desk and from then on, the calls came through to a disgruntled deputy Sheriff who answered with the wariness of someone who just had a terrible hangover.
"You have an Aspirin?" he was shielding his eyes as if the sun was in the same room as them.
Emma yanked open her drawer and batted around for the bottle. She might need one or two as well from the feel of tension building up behind her temples. After tossing one across the room to her father, she downed two with some orange juice and realized that it was almost 11:30.
Great.
Meaning, she'd have to get her ass up and find something to eat, either at the Diner or at this local burger joint that had newly opened. Something that wasn't healthy, or green or leafy or…
She found herself thinking about her again, and Emma buried her head of blonde hair into folded arms on the table.
Why the hell were they always on this rocky path? Over and over again, just like old times when clarity on the situation, any situation would be a difficult task. Could this possibly go away? Never finding a way to come to terms with each other, be it with something not relating to them or their many fights over Henry.
She just needed for them to reach a point in time where they could settle down and be happy with where they were. Contented.
"I'm heading out for a walk," David rose up and reached for his brown jacket. Grabbing his keys, he didn't await a response but strode away.
So this was what her father was like when suffering from a hangover. Never before had she experienced this. And above all, Snow apparently was still buried under the sheet in bed at home.
Her parents were having the time of their lives and here she was, sulking over a bumpy affair with a roller coaster of feels attached.
She pulled the second half of the heap towards her, and was about to sign off on a complaint when the sound of the outer door opening could be heard. The obvious turn of the key, possibly meaning that her father had returned too fast. Maybe he had forgotten something. But then, the usual way he often locked back the door wasn't something she noted in the current instance.
No. Instead, the door was pressed back onto the frame in a soft fashion and then the jingle of keys could be heard down the hallway. Her father didn't have a bunch of keys. He had two keys attached onto a snowflake keychain. Two keys wouldn't create that sound.
Emma reached for her gun, immediately tensing up as her alertness flipped on. Who on earth would come into the Sheriff's station with a bunch of keys this time of the day? There were only four persons who had keys to the office. And, from the sound of it now, the second door that led into the interior main office.
Gold. Her father. Herself. And…
Regina rounded the corner, just where her father's desk was positioned and in she walked with the poise and composure of a Queen. Of course, her arrival only snatched the blonde's breath away, as the pen she was holding dropped onto the table.
That peach dress, and the low neckline that gave her an eyeful of cleavage, just enough to have the mind wander. Sparking. Little electric bolts travelled throughout her body and tingled the younger woman's mind to a point where she had to lean forward for support.
"Hello, my darling," the brunette greeted in a husky voice. She deposited a large red cooler bag onto the desk and let out a long sigh. The smile was contagious.
Emma smiled back stiffly. Well fuck. How about that? Talk about the unexpected after such a blasted gloomy morning.
"I wasn't…expecting you."
"Delighted to note the genuine surprise," Regina's brown eyes searched the room for a vacant chair and upon finding one, she gracefully flicked one hand, sending the piece of furniture closer to the blonde. "Now," she tilted her head, and gently perched herself on the edge of the desk, "allow me to say a few things."
Emerald eyes fluttered onto the heap of paperwork and she idly began to push her pen about, falling silent and staying that way.
Her countenance displayed everything, from her disappointment in their conversation earlier to feeling utterly wary about them fighting around every corner.
Regina studied the other woman's expression for a long time. Within that time, the air around them was indeed silent as a grave until a vehicle passing by stirred up their attention once more.
She cleared her throat, adjusting her seat on the desk. "Emma, I have been wrong in my behavior this morning. I shouldn't have discarded your explanation like that. Of course you had your reasons for not keeping your promise. Had you been able to sleep with me last night then you would have."
"I would have," the blonde mumbled, eyes still lowered.
"I know," Regina's expression was a look of pain after realizing how crestfallen the other woman was. "I ask for your forgiveness in everything I've done wrong thus far. And even last night when I tried to force you to have us take things fast. Even after I suggested that we take things slow."
Maybe it was frustration.
Maybe it was the slow unfolding of something she dreaded. Something that would crash and burn. And she didn't want them to crash and burn. Not when they had reached this point together.
"I'm just tired of arguing with you," Emma said. She turned the pen upwards and tried to balance it upon the desk. It fell anyway. "Will we ever be happy with each other? Like every time I see you, we can talk about happy things. And think happy thoughts. And nothing else but us being happy together?"
The older woman swallowed hard. Her eyes stung for she understood how rocky their relationship always was. Even before this revelation, with their feelings being exposed. They had always been up and down and sideways and spiraling out of control sometimes. Never had they been steady. If she didn't fire up a disagreement between them, someone else did and Emma hated her for it.
"I'll make that happen," Regina said in a tone that suggested a deep stir of emotions inside of her. Their eyes met. She held that gaze. "I promise that I'll make that happen between us."
"Because I want that," Emma twirled her pen around. "And I'll make it happen too. But only if you're going to help me."
"I will," the brunette said. She reached for the red bag and slowly began to unzip it. "Now, to begin on that happy note, my oh my do you look quite beautiful today in that shirt."
The blonde hunched her shoulders over the desk and smiled. Well, it was a start, wasn't it? Besides, if they lingered on that topic any longer, a lot of feels would drift to the surface and both of them might end up crying.
She smiled. "It's the one you gave me a while back. For my birthday."
"Yes," Regina gently lifted out a square bowl wrapped in a red cloth. She rested it upon the table. "I know that."
"And I gave you that dress for Christmas," Emma pointed out, her eyes roaming the curves on the older woman's body as the brunette was quite unaware of the scrutiny whilst fixing the lunches. "It fits perfect. And you look gorgeous. As always."
"Thank you," Regina's voice trembled a little whilst she brought the bowl around and settled it in front of Emma. "Now, guess who made lunch for her soul mate?"
The use of that description simply made her heart skip a beat. Feeling her cheeks grow warmer, Emma smiled and collected a fork wrapped in a napkin with such expertise, she wasn't surprised. Knowing how particular Regina was in everything she completed. She was really a woman who paid special attention to details.
"I know it might sound totally immature," the blonde carefully peeled away the red cover on the bowl. "But would you like to be referred to as my girlfriend?" The steam drifting out from the remarkably delicious smelling rice, topped with cubes of chicken and chopped vegetables immediately tugged at her stomach.
Regina slid off from the table's edge and she settled herself into the chair, just two inches away from Emma. "I don't mind. Providing that you would like to be referred to as the same."
"I wouldn't want anything else," the younger woman's cheeks were puffed out and full already as she smiled back.
"Don't speak with your mouth full," the brunette scolded with a soft lash from her rag. She proceeded to explain what had transpired that morning within the kitchen as she had slipped off her stilettos and attacked the stove in the same attire.
"Must have been so sexy, to see you in there working all dressed up," Emma gestured to the water cooler. Regina declined with a wave of her hand and she reached into the cooler bag, eventually fishing out two cans of orange juice.
"I've got us covered."
"Are you ever not prepared?" The blonde pulled open the lever on the cans for both of them. She always admired how Regina gracefully took her time in eating any meal placed before her.
Like now, she was carefully spooning up rice between her red painted lips, so that her lipstick wouldn't even smudge. It was almost as if she had been trained to be achieve this level of etiquette.
"So I was thinking about that date," the blonde began, realizing that her spirits had been lifted ever since the brunette walked into the room, "why don't you surprise me?"
Entertaining the idea ravished her with feels, knowing that if the older woman was to indeed surprise her, then she would be ultimately awed into blushing red.
"I was thinking that we forget that one special date. And we merely focus on building our connection," Regina suggested, "meeting each other often, perhaps?"
"Whatever you say, baby," Emma leaned back and held the bowl close to her chest.
The brunette's cheeks coloured. "I like when you call me that. It just makes me so mushy. And the one time you called me darling when we were in Neverland. Can you recall that?"
Emma frowned. Her bowl was almost empty. "No. When was that?"
How rude of her to forget, the blonde thought to herself. But then again, oftentimes we would say something to someone, only to realize that what we had said to them was so special, that they would remember it for a lifetime.
Regina's chest heaved. "When I wanted to take a dip in the lake at night, just because I couldn't go without a shower. And you said to me, "if you go in there, darling, and something gets you, then don't say I didn't warn you'. Do you remember?"
The blonde nodded and smiled. "Yeah."
"And I still slipped in and you sat there on a rock with your back to me and you took up the role of being my bodyguard," Regina said.
"Who said I didn't turn around?" Emma grinned.
Brown eyes widened. "Did you?"
The younger woman shrugged. She avoided eye contact. "I did once. But all I saw was your back and your cute little butt –"
"Emma!" Regina was surprised. She stared back.
"What?" The blonde appeared sheepish. "I had to see if anything or anyone was creeping up on you. So I had to look."
"You shouldn't have done that," the older woman's voice had grown smaller. "So you saw my tattoos, didn't you? You saw them."
"Wait," Emma sat up, her forehead creased. "I thought back then that maybe it was shadows cast from the branches or the leaves by the lake or something. I mean, the place was dark. The moon wasn't even out. So I didn't get to see much. I remember when you went under the water though," the blonde said as she noted how tensed up the older woman had grown, staring at her bowl. "I got up and was ready to jump in when you popped up back and spurted water from your mouth."
"Maybe you should have slipped in with me," Regina suddenly suggested, pushing around her food idly. "But then you were too anxious to get back to Hook."
"I wasn't. Not really," Emma was studying the other woman's face intently to detect hurt, so that she would change the conversation. "I mean, he tried to make himself important."
"And it worked…"
They locked eyes. Brown ones blinked slowly.
The blonde sighed. "Look, if I had a penny for every time I regretted being with him, I'd really come close to being a millionaire."
"Don't you think that he'll come back to you?" the brunette's voice cracked. She reached for her can of juice, eyes lowered still.
The way her hair fell into place was simply amazing, Emma thought to herself. She sighed. "Nope. Not after the last conversation we had. And even if he does come back, I no longer have any feelings for him. I'm drunk in love with someone else."
She was drowning. Regina's chest heaved and her fingers trembled around the can.
"And I'll tell you this. I wasted every damn minute being with him. When I could have been with you. All the time," Emma leaned forward whilst maintaining eye contact, "I spent with you, Regina, I was so blind. About these feelings inside of me." The blonde pressed a hand lightly on her chest. "Swirling up and trying to scream the truth, you know? Whenever I was with you, from our road trips to killing some crazy monster, the feeling was always there. This…tingly feeling."
"Tingly feeling," the brunette repeated in a husky voice.
"Yeah," the other woman nodded. "Just around my heart, like something that shook it up a little. I remember when we had pizza in New York, then ice cream, we had such a great time."
"Yes, you…made me laugh so many times. I told you that I hadn't felt that happy in a long while," Regina reflected. She took in a mouthful of food and chewed slowly.
"I remember how you sat so close to me, our shoulders touching and every time you turned to me to say something, I held my breath because I had this crazy notion that you were going to kiss me. Can you imagine that?" Emma smiled incredulously.
"I...thought the same thing about you," Regina returned with a frown. "That you wanted to kiss me. The way you kept looking at my lips. And then you took me to that bookstore, fearing that I would hate it. But goodness me, how I loved being in there. The smell of those old books and the historical volumes."
"You ended up buying like ten in one go," the blonde tilted her head and showed some teeth whilst smiling.
"You really used to frequent there a lot, did you?" the other woman studied Emma's face intently. "As a child."
"I used to spend hours in there. See," she folded her arms on the table and sat forward, their hands inches apart, "I hardly used to get any sort of allowance from my foster parent, whoever they were at the time. But I'd save up as much as I could and in the meantime, I'd go in there and look around, giving the Nancy Drew rack a twirl. Then when I did save up enough and I went in there to buy one, I just couldn't choose."
Regina chuckled. Her fingers curled up, aching for their hands to meet.
"So one day there was this guy in there, and he noticed little me gazing up at the Nancy Drew books. And he came over and he took like four from the rack. And he cashed them out, right? Then when I was leaving, Mister Austin, the old guy who owned the bookstore, he was like, 'hey wait, this kind young man just bought these for you so take them along'. You could imagine my face." Tears were in Emma's eyes.
Regina felt hers tearing up too. "Precious darling," she said softly. "If it were me, I would have bought the entire collection for you."
"Aww," the blonde blinked slowly as she smiled. "I know you would have. I don't know," Emma shrugged. "It kind of stuck with me. Even though my foster mom took the books and gave them to my foster sister."
"That was a horrible thing to do," the older woman frowned. "Thinking back now how I never knew about Nancy Drew but was introduced to her by Henry who became obsessed with Hardy Boys. However, when I was a child, I collected Jane Austen's novels along with Charlotte Bronte and Charles Dickens. My mother never interrupted me whilst I was reading. It was my escape from that horrid life. Father would indulge my passion for books by bringing ones from far off lands. I had this library after I was married to Leopold. But sadly," she appeared crestfallen, "all of it was left behind in the Enchanted Forest."
"But don't you have one in Mifflin Street, like now?" Emma could remember Henry mentioning it. "Downstairs next to your study?"
"Yes," Regina nodded, entwining her fingers together. She studied them. "I have the entire Hardy Boys collection in there, mind you. As well as Enid Blyton and the Famous Five."
The memories of those books, the blonde held her head and swam around in memories for a while. Knowing that she had been so obsessed back in the days upon owning those books. When money was never an option and bookstores were her definition of heaven as well as libraries. Her escape.
"Where are you, my darling?" the brunette suddenly said.
Emma felt warm fingers squeezing hers and she was brought back into the present.
"Where did you go?" Regina wanted to know.
The blonde sighed. "Just thinking of the romance in those Jane Austen books," she changed the topic. "Used to make dating seem so serious. Not that it's not serious. But you had to court someone for a while before even getting a kiss."
"Did you…go on many dates?" the older woman asked in a softer tone, still allowing their fingers to entwine. "When you were a teenager?"
"Mostly after sixteen," Emma confessed. "Before Neal, I had a few…you know."
"One night stands," Regina remembered clearly from conversations they had before.
"Yeah, I couldn't commit because I couldn't connect with anyone. I slept with guys because I wanted to feel something. And when I woke up in the morning, I just disappeared." Those emerald eyes had a far off look. "And Neal, he kind of came in just when I was plummeting. I started using drugs. And he pulled me back up with all these promises and stuff. And then…" she reached for her can of juice. "Well, shit happened."
The older woman remained silent. She allowed the blonde to connect with those memories and to ride them out.
"Anyway," Emma gestured at her, "what about you? Did you go on many dates?"
"Not like what you would define as a date," Regina said. "I went riding with Daniel every day and we spent time together in this spot we had on a mountain that overlooked a beautiful lake. He read to me," her voice remained level. But her eyes glistened a little. "He was the only one during my teenage years. Until I married Leopold and he was rather abusive."
"Damn him," Emma scowled.
The door could be heard being opened and then closed with a bang. David. Regina's eyes met hers and she sighed. Well, there went their slice of privacy. They had roughly spent almost two hours together. So why was she feeling the emptiness already of having Regina walk out of the room?
"Am I interrupting?" David came in and rested his keys upon the table. He remained standing nevertheless. "You two want me to do a bit of filing at the back or…"
"No, it's fine," Regina collected Emma's empty bowl and smiled at the blonde after noting how her meal had been consumed, regardless of the lack of meat but abundance of vegetables. "It's time for the two of you to get back to work whilst I slip into the office to take care of some paperwork myself. Behave yourself," she got up and leaned forward to press a kiss onto Emma's lips.
Momentarily, the blonde's eyes fluttered close as she savored that. Even if it merely lasted for two seconds.
Regina packed up her things and headed away from the inner office.
She could have let her go. Could have. But at times, there was always this daunting feeling that pained her. That forced her to believe that maybe something would happen and this would be her last day. And she didn't want to have the woman she love walk away like this.
"Be right back," she said to David and quickly rose from her chair.
Emma jogged after the brunette. She was just in time to meet her by the door.
Regina spun around, her eyes wide and lips parted. "Did I…forget something?" she wondered.
The blonde shook her head. Even though she was trying to maintain her composure, that was failing when her hands reached out and captured the older woman's shoulders. She pulled her closer, closing the distance.
"I just forgot to tell you…" her voice was hoarse, "thank you so much for coming here today and for taking the time to make me lunch. You really…" her face moved nearer, noting how the other woman was breathless, "…you really surprised me and I can't wait to see you again. Every time you leave me, Regina…you just take half of my heart with you."
The brunette's eyes blinked slowly. She breathed through her lips. "Oh, Emma."
And that's when she leaned in and kissed her deeply. Moving the older woman to the wall where she sandwiched her between the space and all the while, her control on the situation was evident. The way she captured those red lips between hers and pressed in deeper. Tasting and moving their mouths together. A low throaty moan escaped Regina.
The brunette balled her fists full with Emma's shirt and she curled into her, knees growing dangerously weak. Even as they rode through the wave of passion between them, it was evident how strong what they felt for each other was. Too strong. Strong enough to have them hold their breaths for a long time, and never desire to do anything otherwise.
"How the hell am I supposed to survive without making love to you?" Emma whispered, as their bodies moved together slowly, their cheeks pressed together.
Regina's hands were wound around the other woman, and she gasped from the intensity of their connection. Feeling immediately as the blonde's hand boldly roamed between her thighs and was moving upwards. She was on fire. And there was no way her heart would stop racing.
REVIEW!