I'm Not Falling In Love
Previously: A very tall and handsome jump suit who might possibly think I was handsome too. Shit.
"The Wreck room get boring, guys?" I asked them, nervously looking at Arsenic and hoping I looked composed and not how I felt—which was shaken and confused. What if they guessed what had been going on here, between Arsenic and I? Was there anything going on between Arsenic and I? How could there be, when I didn't even know his real name.
"Yeah, not much is going on in there. Mostly just talk about how badass our honorary girl is, really." Arrow told me, a hint of pride in his voice. I tried to fight off a blush—was it me, or was it really, really hot in that tent lately? I'd thought it was hot when only Arsenic and I were in there, but now I was burning. Antsy, of course, noticed.
"Hey, what's wrong with your face?" he asked me, concerned.
"You dissing my face?" I replied defensively.
"Whoa, whoa. Get your panties out of a twist girl." I glared at him.
"There is nothing wrong with my panties! They are not in a twist! He didn't even have an effect on my panties!" I cried out, furious. They all turned to look at me, and Arsenic raised an eyebrow mockingly.
"Who had an effect on your panties?" he asked me, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"There was no panty twisting in any way," I told them lamely. Arsenic smirked. I saw him open his mouth, probably about to say something incriminating, so I did the only thing I knew how: I ran out of the tent, and tried to find a place to hide. Which was a ridiculous idea, really. It was a fairly small camp, excusing the miles of desert that were desolate and not the best place to hide. I needed somewhere to hide that wasn't dangerous. I couldn't think of where to go, so I just... stopped. I stopped running. I sat down on the dusty, rocky ground and just sat. There was nowhere to hide, and running was such a stupid thing to do. What, I wondered, was I even running from?
Arsenic? It wasn't like he would hurt me. He wouldn't slap me, or kick me, or bruise me in any way. But what I was starting to think I was feeling was insanity. There was absolutely no way I had feelings for him. Not proper, legit feelings. I thought that I had lost them long ago, even before Nicky. I thought myself incapable of feeling real love. And with Arsenic it was too soon to tell. But it was such a dangerous idea. To stay with him, at this camp. And to spend time together. The more time I spent with him was more time for him to worm his way into my subconscious, to trick me into thinking I felt more for him than the others. So that was why I was running. I was afraid of myself, and the possibility that I might still have some emotion left in me.
I'd tried running before. It hadn't worked so far, so why was I running now? I was obviously going to have to turn back, go to that tent and make some kind of decision. I was going to be stuck here for months, after all. It would be fairly awkward, having to sleep out of the tent. So I travelled back, reluctantly. But as I did, I felt within me that it was the right thing to do. I didn't want to fuck this up. I only had one shot at this; it was make or break. They were all still in there when I got back, confused and sitting down. At least I wasn't the only confused one.
"Hi." It was all I could manage to say, and I was staring at the ground. I felt rather than saw Arsenic stand and move over to where I was standing, and I nearly flinched away from him. But I knew that would be a bad start. And I didn't want a bad start. I wanted to make things right with him, or as right as I could make them be. "I—" I started shakily, trying to gather my words. "I wasn't prepared for this," I eventually managed to gasp out. I looked up into his eyes, which were so comforting and reassuring. There was something there that hadn't been there before. Not until today, anyway. He moved his head closer to mine again, and mine lifted—just like before—but this time, our lips touched and moved together, melding into one as we wrapped our arms around one another, embracing and kissing fervently.
The others cheered loudly, startling us from our kiss. I dazedly looked up at him, and laughed a little as he took my hand and we sat with the others. All of us looked a little uncertain, but overall happy with what had just happened, and we spent the rest of the remaining time talking quietly amongst ourselves. I was just wondering what would happen tomorrow when I remembered—another day, another hole. It was a certainty, and reliable. I liked that. It would also be Nicky's first hole, which was bound to be funny if his tent was placed anywhere near ours. Even if it wasn't, there was always the wreck room, or even just a description from one of his tent mates. Perhaps digging some holes would even be good for Nicky. It might make his arms ache at the very least.
That night, Arsenic and I pulled our cots together (which resulted in a lot of mocking and wolf whistling) and we slept with our arms wrapped around one another. I felt safe and serene, able to lay there with my new boyfriend and just be. There was no pressure to do or say anything with him. I felt comfortable with just existing while I was with him. Like, no matter what went on that was enough for us. That at the end of the day, we could lay in one another's arms and just be two people who went to the same camp, had had shoddy pasts but were keen to change. Just Arsenic and Acacia. Just Isis and Tyler.