Okay, so I know that I'm posting a lot of chapters today. I went a little crazy the other day writing. And I have all of the future chapters planned out (unless I change my mind on something), so I know exactly how many chapters this fic is going to have, and where it's going. So I decided to upload quite a few today.

MARCH 15

I looked around my grandparents' backyard. There were so many people here, all to honor Great Uncle Gaius. It seemed like half of the city of Camelot was here, and Camelot's not exactly a tiny city.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't stay here and pretend to be strong. I couldn't stand here and not cry my eyes out. I had to get away from all of these people. I'd attended the funeral. I'd made it through that without sobbing like a baby. Did I really have to stay for the dinner, too?

I stood up and went inside the house, grabbing my wallet and keys from the kitchen counter on my way to the front door.

"Whoa," Dad said, reaching a hand out to stop me. He had been getting a tray of appetizers from the fridge when I came in. "What are you doing, Mackenzie?"

"I can't do this anymore. I can't be strong."

He pulled me into a tight hug. "We're all struggling, sweetie. But it's easier to struggle together."

I shook my head. "Not for me, Dad. I need to get out of here for a bit."

"Mackenzie –"

"Arthur," Mom's voice interrupted. I looked up to see her standing in the doorframe, her eyes red-rimmed. She'd been crying almost non-stop since we found out about his death. "It's all right. Let her go. She needs to grieve in her own way."

Sighing, Dad let go of me. "Thank you," I whispered.

Mom hugged me once, quickly. "Be safe."

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm just going to go sit by the lake."

I turned and left.

I got in my truck and started driving. I was intending to go to the lake, I really was. My plan was to just sit and watch the water. That was always soothing to me.

And then I found myself parking in Jon's driveway. I'd asked him not to come to the funeral, thinking I'd needed the time with my family. But now, all I needed was him.

I got out of the truck and headed toward his door, glad that his parents were out of town for the week. It would be just me and Jon. That was exactly what I wanted right then.

I knocked on the door and waited, hugging myself.

Jon opened the door, his face full of surprise when he saw that it was me. "Mac. What are you doing? Is the funeral over?"

I nodded, sniffling. "Grandma and Grandpa Emrys were hosting a dinner at their house after, and I…I just couldn't stay."

"Come on." He gently pulled me inside, closing the door. He led me down the hall to his bedroom, where he made me sit in his desk chair. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get you a glass of water."

I stared at my hands while he was gone. I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget these emotions by losing myself in something else. Alcohol? No, I wasn't sure if my magic would react like Mom's did if I got drunk. Jon knew about my magic, so that didn't worry me, but I didn't want to end up breaking anything. I'd never had alcohol before, so I wasn't sure what my reaction would be, and now didn't seem like a good time to experiment.

I looked at the bed.

I knew something that would make me forget.

Quickly, I stood up and yanked off my shirt. Then my pants. Then I crawled into Jonathan's bed, wearing only my bra and panties.

He would try to talk me out of it, I knew. But I could wear him down. He couldn't resist me for long. He had never been able to.

Jon came back in, carrying a glass of water, which he nearly dropped when he saw me sprawled out on his bed. He froze in the doorway.

"Mac, what are you doing?"

I crooked a finger at him. "Come here. I want you."

He shook his head, his curls flopping. "I don't want to do this right now, not because you're grieving. You'll end up regretting it in the morning."

It was my turn to shake my head. "No, I won't. Besides, it's not like it's our first time." And it wasn't. We'd had sex a few times now. Despite me telling Maddie that Jon and I hadn't been planning to take that next step yet. Well, plans changed, and we took that next step. About two months ago. "I want you," I said again.

I sat on my knees on his bed.

"Not like this," he repeated.

But I ignored him, reaching behind myself to unsnap my bra. He wouldn't be able to resist much longer.

"Please," I whispered. "I want you. I need you." I used my magic to move the water to the dresser, just as my bra fell to the bed.

Jon sighed in defeat, moving toward me, hunger slowly filling his eyes.