Title: The Wizard of Oz

Word Count: 938

Pairings/Characters: Szayel Aporro Granz, Orihime Inoue, Ulquiorra Schiffer, Nnoitra Jiruga, Tia Halibel, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

Prompt/Quote: the Wizard of Oz. X3

Summary: Szayael Aporro wants to make a movie. Pure crack. For TheCatWithTheHat, who wanted something on Szayel Aporro.

Being a mad scientist gave Szayel Aporro Granz clearance to do pretty much whatever he wanted to, as long as it wouldn't deplete the Arrancar army by too much. So, when the Espada decided to make a movie, Lord Aizen was all for it – or, rather, Gin was all for it, and Aizen didn't really care.

"The cast is as follows!" Szayel called through his recently acquired megaphone. Nobody knew who had given Szayel a microphone, though Gin was high on the suspect list. "Orihime will be the sweet little girl that lands in the wonderful, magical world of Hueco Mundo. Tia will be the good witch-" Nnoitra snickered. "And Nnoitra will be the wicked witch."

"What the hell?" Nnoitra exclaimed. "A witch is a girl! I'm not a fucking girl!"

"Your point?" Szayel Aporro said, looking at his clipboard. "Ulquiorra will be the scarecrow, Grimmjow will be the tin man, and Starrk will be the lion."

The reply from the Primera Espada was a loud snore.

"And the Wizard will be Baraggon," Szayel decided. "Action!"

Orihime skipped through the sand. "Oh no! I'm lost!" she exclaimed. In a burst of yellow, Tia Halibel appeared, arms crossed underneath her breasts.

There was silence.

Orihime 'stage-whispered' to her castmate. "I think you're supposed to say, 'Fear not! I'm the good witch!' Or something like that!"

The silence stretched on.

"Oh, fuck it!" The muttered curse came from behind a sand dune. Nnoitra Jiruga jogged into view. "I'm the evil witch or whatever the hell I am. I want to kill you, or something."

Orihime gasped. Tia threw a pair of bright green shoes at her. "You want to kill me because of my emerald shoes?"

"No..."

"You do!"

"No..."

Tia sighed, disappearing. When the sand cleared, Nnoitra was gone as well. "Now what do I do?" Orihime wondered out loud. She wandered a bit before she came across an emotionless Ulquoirra, sitting in a tree. "Ulqui, I think you're supposed to be hanging on the tree."

"Do not call me Ulqui."

"We have to see the wizard!"

"Very well."

The two, after the momentary struggle of getting Ulquiorra out of the tree, began to wander once more. After a while – Szayel Aporro made them march through the sand for a few hours, to make it more 'realistic – they came across a stiff-looking Grimmjow. "Oh no! He's frozen!"

Ulquiorra pushed him over. Grimmjow jumped up, spitting sand out of his mouth and drawing Pantera.

"Cut!"

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra glared at him. Orihime, who was fully enjoying this, began to play with her hair.

"Grimmjow, you're too stiff. Be a better tin man!"

"I'm a man made of metal. I'm supposed to be freaking stiff!"

"Do we have to recast you?"

"Please!"

Szayel Aporro sighed dramatically. "Pity. This footage was going to be shown at the next Espada meeting. If you want me to tell Lord Aizen you won't participate..." he drew out the last few syllables.

"Fine," Grimmjow muttered. "Let's do this."

"I knew you'd come to your senses!" Szayel Aporro said brightly, beginning to film again.

"Oh no! He's frozen!"

Ulquiorra stared at a stiff Grimmjow, who was just as motionless as the last time. He wasn't even blinking. "We have to save him!"

"Girl, be quiet."

"But we have to save him!"

Ulquiorra scooped some sand in his hands and dumped it on Grimmjow, who vented his frustration through a growl. "There."

"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" Orihime cheered. "Now we can go visit the Lazy Lion!"

She skipped off, leaving the two Arrancar to follow. After a few more hours – Szayel Aporro was trying to make it realistic, remember? - they came upon a cave. "Let's enter!"

"Girl, that is stupid."

"Ulqui, don't be mean!"

"Do not call me Ulqui."

Upon entering the cave, they encountered a very...fluffy Coyote Starrk. He was curled up in a corner, snoring away. "Waaaaaaaake up!" Orihime called, right next to his ear. He was still. "Waaaaaaaaaake up!" No movement. "Waaaaaaake up!"

That continued for three and a half hours, until Grimmjow got bored of standing there and decided to just drag Starrk along with them. On their way to the last section of their 'trip', however, they were intercepted.

"Mwahahaha!" Nnoitra laughed. "I've got you now!"

After spending a few hours pondering the meaning of his character, he had decided that he liked being the wicked witch, and was going to put everything he had into being a wicked witch. "Tesla! Capture the fuckers!"

Tesla appeared behind Orihime and Ulquiorra, capturing them quickly. Ulquiorra considered resistance, but decided it wasn't important enough. Nnoitra captured a very unwilling Grimmjow, who still held onto Starrk's hair.

But, Nnoitra's plan was foiled when Tia appeared and freed all of our lovely protagonists. She had gotten bored with the whole thing, and just Sonido'd them all to Baraggon.

"The wizard! Yippee!" Orihime cheered. "I wanna go home!"

"Too bad," Baraggon rumbled. "Go away."

"That's a wrap!" Szayel Aporro exclaimed, stopping the recording.

"Where's the movie you took a day recording?" Gin asked, leaning forward with a leer.

"If I have Lord Aizen's permission...?" When Szayel Aporro got the nod he was looking for, he popped in the disk and the Espada and Soul Society Traitors began to watch...

Request!