Chapter 10 – Hittin' The Hay
You shift a little in bed and feel faint sunlight hit the back of your eyelids. You smile, too content to even open your eyes, and despite everything, that was probably one of the best sleeps you've had in forever. You're relieved a little when you don't feel Brittany's body pressed up against yours and you think maybe she's already up or she's just rolled away from you. You don't think you care, you're far too relaxed right now, part of you just wants to go back to sleep.
You feel Brittany shift next to you and feel her come closer until she's beside your ear. Your stomach flips when she suddenly licks the ridge of your ear.
"Brittany, we can't" you breathe out unevenly, your hand clutching the bed covers.
"Can't what?" you hear Brittany ask but her voice is much further away. Your eyes shoot open and you look to your right. Lucy is lying on the bed next to you, her head tilted to the side and staring at you oddly.
Your stomach flips again when Brittany giggles, she's standing at the doorway.
You groan and shut your eyes, feeling your cheeks tinge with embarrassment.
A goddamn dog licking your ear just turned you on.
You put your hands over your face and you hear Brittany walk closer until you feel her weight sit down on the bed next to you. She's still giggling and you don't have the guts to look at her right now, you're always making a fool of yourself around her.
"Santana," she singsongs and it makes your heart flutter, "C'mon it's not that bad, just look at me"
Unwillingly you drop your hands from your face and look at her, your eyes still a little blurry from sleep. She's smiling down at you, you notice she's wearing her overalls and boots and you wonder how long she's been up and what she's been doing.
"To be honest I'm kind of offended, there's no way I'd be that sloppy with my tongue" Brittany smirks at you. "And, that's not exactly the first place I'd tongue you either" she says shyly.
You let out a breath you weren't aware you were holding and smile at her nervously, your stomach doing cartwheels and between your legs doing god knows what. She's only sitting next to you and there's covers separating your bodies but you already feel like she's too close and you can't concentrate.
"You said you'd never initiate anything so I should have known" you say and give an awkward laugh.
You feel too vulnerable lying down with her looking over you so you sit up slowly, your hands clinging tightly to the top of the covers. You clap over Lucy's head to give your hands something to do.
"I figured out what the water dripping was," she says to you like she senses you're uncomfortable.
"Oh?"
"Yeah, the en suite toilet upstairs, the shower pipe was blocked and water was over leaking and pooling in the space below. Basically there was a puddle and it soaked through the ceiling a little, but it should be fine now" she says and smiles at you politely.
"OK," you nod and you feel weirdly disappointed for some reason. "Thanks Brittany"
"No problem, Mrs. Evans has made soup, you should come down and join us," she says and stands up walking away to the door, flashes you a smile and leaves.
You let out a sigh in relief. God. Why did you come here again? You think she's going to kill you. You get up brush your hair, wash your face and dress into denim shorts and a plain white t-shirt.
A little while later you go down into the kitchen and Mrs. Evans, Teddy and Brittany are all sitting at the dining table eating soup and chatting.
"Good morning Santana, I left your bowl by the cooker" Mrs. Evans smiles at you.
"Thanks," you mumble, your eyes immediately locking with blue but you quickly look away. It's so weird having her here; you can feel her eyes constantly on you.
You pick up your bowl of soup and you sit next to Teddy, opposite Brittany and Mrs. Evans.
"We were just talking about your Wedding" Mrs. Evans beams at you.
"W-w-were you?" you stutter out nervously and look at Brittany but she looks down at her bowl silently.
"I was just saying Brittany here should be your bridesmaid, how cool would that be, she's practically part of the family now!"
You feel the blood drain from your face and you look at Brittany and she just smiles sadly at you, looking embarrassed.
"Oh…I don't know…Quinn's already my bridesmaid-"
"You can have more than one, silly woman!" Mrs. Evans chuckles at you. "Brittany would love to be, wouldn't you?"
Brittany clears her throat and nods meekly. "Yeah…that'd be nice," she says quietly.
Oh my fucking god you can't believe this is happening, you want the floor to swallow you up.
"We all know Santana ain't gonna go through with the wedding" Teddy smirks and nudges your arm at the side.
You feel another jolt of panic travel through you and you stammer yet again, "W-what are you talking about?" you try and laugh nervously.
"We all know you totally want up on this instead" he smiles, gesturing to himself.
You breathe out in relief and you roll your eyes at him. You look across to Brittany and she takes another spoonful of soup to her lips, not before the smallest of smirks appear.
Your heart thuds and you smile a little back at her, knowing she'll see it from the corner of her eye.
After you've eaten Teddy needs to go out on the tractor and Brittany says she has things to do today. She leaves through the front door and you get the feeling she's avoiding you. You go after her and catch her on the porch.
"Hey, uhm Britt?"
"Yeah?" she turns round like she expected you to follow.
"I-Is it OK, and it's fine if it's not, but would it be OK if I just…hang out…with you today? I don't really feel like spending a day with Teddy and I won't bother you or anything, I dunno…I'll just watch you work or something…"
Holy fuck. Every time you think you can't be more nervous you always end up proving yourself wrong.
She smiles a little and turns around and walks away from you.
You frown.
"C'mon then gorgeous" she calls over her shoulder toward you.
You beam and try your best not to skip happily after her.
The day passes rather slowly, you watch as Brittany feeds the animals and you're amazed because she even knows how to shear sheep. You just watch her and talk about idle things. You notice she's a little unresponsive today, almost like she doesn't want to talk, that's fine by you though. You'd gladly just watch her.
A while later you both head out over to the barn with the hay supply. Brittany is moving large square piles of hay from the loading truck to the building. You watch and chew your lip as you see her sweat a little. You're so distracted by her face and her arms and her everything.
Fuck you can see her boobs again, why doesn't she wear a bra like normal people?
"You need help?" you call after her because watching her is counter-productive.
"Sure"
You both start moving blocks of hay strapped together over your backs and you're surprised by how heavy they are. It takes you about half an hour to move them all and you're sweating like mad, Brittany isn't sweating nearly half as much as you.
"Why aren't you sweating as much as me?" you laugh nervously and watch as she goes over to the truck once you've both finished and lies down on the pile of hay stacked on the back.
You walk over to the back end, climb up carefully and slump down beside her. Again, it's surprisingly comfortable. Brittany shifts a little and her elbow grazes your arm and you gasp at the contact.
"Sorry," she mumbles and moves away from you.
"It's…nothing," you say awkwardly, sad that she's shifted away.
"I'm not sweating cause I'm not wearing anything under this" and you can hear the smirk in her voice.
"A-anything?" you stutter.
"Anything" she smiles and she kicks off her boots onto the ground. "Well, unless you count my socks"
Great. Now you're going to have a really hard time not looking at her general crotch area.
"Look, I'm sorry about Mrs. Evans earlier, she tends to get excited about stuff, you don't have to be my bridesmaid"
"It would be awkward," she says honestly. "Especially at the whole 'does anybody know of any reasons these two shall not marry' part"
You sit bolt upright and look down at her frowning. She's got a smug smirk on her face.
"Why, what would you do?" you ask seriously.
She closes her eyes like she's falling asleep and just shrugs up at the sky. "Dunno"
You chew the inside of your cheek and slump back down again. "Uhm…so…this is a pretty good place to get a tan really"
"Yeah" she agrees.
"Hey since we're friends now, you should totally give me your number" you say nervously and take your phone out of your pocket.
You hear her giggle a little and she snatches it out of your hand, you watch from the corner of your eye as she punches in her number and hands it back to you.
You both sunbathe for a while in silence.
"Brittany?" you call out to her warily.
"Yeah?"
"Tell me something about yourself, anything…like…how did you get Lucy? Did you buy her? She's very smart and cute"
You hear her cough awkwardly and you roll your head to the side and notice she's picking at her nails.
"She came to me" she says quietly and you immediately sense a shift in her mood.
"She came to you?" you ask.
"Yeah," Brittany sighs and you hear her shift a little. "My parents died when I was young so I grew up in an orphanage most of my teenage life"
You immediately sit back up and look down at her. Is she opening up to you? Your head and heart start spinning. You really hope so. You nod a little for her to continue and you watch her talk to you but look at the sky.
"Well," she sighs, "I was an angry kid really, I barely graduated high school, I didn't have many friends, my parents were gone, I didn't have any money or any idea what I wanted to do with my life. Then when I turned 18 I had to leave the orphanage, they gave me enough money to rent out a crummy little apartment for a while so I did, but I still had no job so I was going to loose it eventually any way. But when I turned 18, one day I got this letter telling me that I was legally my parent's heir and that they left me all their money. I read that letter and re-read it for like an hour and I couldn't believe it"
"H-h-how much? Was it a lot I mean?" you ask, your throat dry completely enthralled by everything that's coming out of her mouth right now.
"Enough to buy this place and more" she breaks eye contact with the sky for a second and smiles a little at you. "But at that time I didn't see it as a good thing, I was depressed. I felt guilty for suddenly coming into all this money, I felt like I was being rewarded for my parents dying. Not to mention I didn't really know what to do with the money, I didn't even know how to buy stuff for myself or never knew how to buy another house or even how to get a job. A few hours after I got the letter I almost burned it but decided to leave it beside my suicide note"
"Y-your…your suicide note?" you ask stunned, your heart plunging downwards. You automatically place your hand on her knee and you feel your palm tingling a little. She sits up eventually and looks between you and your hand.
She swallows and nods, "Yeah my suicide note, I went into the bathroom, got all the pills I could find, sat on the floor and just as I was unscrewing the caps I hear this scratching noise"
"What was it?" you ask eagerly and find yourself leaning in closer to her.
You think you just squeezed her leg too but you're not sure.
"I didn't know at first" she says quietly. "I wasn't in a good state of mind but for some reason it was annoying me and I really needed to find out what this noise was so I got up and looked around. Eventually I opened my front door and there she was. Lucy. Scratching at front door. It had been raining so she was soaking and she was only just a pup really. She ran past my legs and went straight into the bathroom and lay down on the floor where I had been sitting. It's like she knew what I was about to do and she was looking at me sadly," Brittany smiles a little fondly. "She was the most gorgeous dog I ever saw and just when I was in my darkest hour she came to me and…distracted me…completely gave me a reason to live, even if just a little longer."
You stare at her and you think you're about to fucking cry or something. You want to hug her but you refrain.
"Strangest part of the story is…nobody knows where she came from."
"What do you mean?" you ask with interest.
"The following weeks I looked around the local animal agencies and asked if anybody had lost her. I asked everybody in my apartment block, she had no ID chip or collar. Nobody knew her or where she came from, nobody within miles had even reported a missing dog. She was literally a nobody, with nowhere to go and nothing to say - just like me" Brittany smiles sadly.
She laughs a little and it's the first time you've seen her nervous.
"What?" you ask.
"You're going to think I'm stupid but…"
"Out of all the things I think about you Brittany, that's not one of them" you say firmly and you feel your heart flutter.
Her eyes brighten and she smiles at you, then looks down, her cheeks a little red. "Well," she says slowly. "Legally they said after a certain amount of time she was mine if nobody claimed her. It sounds silly but at the time, I thought that maybe…just maybe…my parents had sent her here, to stop me from taking my own life and to look after me and she did and she has ever since. So I named her Lucy after my mom."
You stare at her and you feel your eyes glow a little and your throat close. You seriously can't fucking cry but you want to and you're not sure why. "Wow…just….wow" you breathe out. "I have no idea what to say to that"
"So that's how I got Lucy" Brittany says, forcing herself into a smile. You want to tell her she can cry in front of you, that she doesn't need to pretend in front of you. "She simply…came to me"
"Wow…" you say, still stunned. "Do you tell that story often?"
She shakes her head, "you're the first"
Fuck.
You smile sheepishly. "I'm honoured," you say honestly.
You both sit in silence for a while, picking at some of the hay before she lies back down and closes her eyes. "Do you mind Santana? If I just go to sleep for a while?"
"Not at all" you say softly and smile at her, your heart swelling. "I think I'll join you," you say as you lie down and close your eyes against the burning sun.
You slip into slumber and have dreams of just holding Brittany. You don't really need an expert to tell you why that might be.
You eventually after a while stir a little, the hay rustling beneath you as you wake from your nap. You can tell you hadn't been out long but you feel a little better for it. You feel really hot, you sit up expecting to see Brittany next to you but she isn't. You raise your hand to block the sun and you look around wondering where she went. You yawn, hop off the truck and stretch a little. You suddenly hear a screeching noise but it's subtle, you walk toward its source. The nearer you approach the barn you begin to get memories of your game of hide and seek the last time you were here and you smile a little. It fades though as you realize the noise is Lucy and it sound likes she's crying or whining. You walk quickly into the barn and Lucy is sitting restlessly at the bottom of the ladder, looking up like she wants to climb it but can't.
You're about to ask her what's wrong but then you realize she's a fucking dog and can't exactly answer you back.
Sniff.
Your head shoots up to the top of the ladder and you can't see the entire level from down here but you're sure you heard a sniff. Like someone's crying.
"Brittany?" you call out softly and begin climbing the ladder.
You hear Lucy whine beneath you like she's sad you are able to climb a ladder but she can't.
You reach the top of the ladders and look into the corner; Brittany's lying on her side on a huge pile of hay, her shoulders shaking slightly, the occasional sniff coming from her direction. Your heart sinks, she must be crying.
You don't trust standing on this level, so you crawl over on all fours toward her. "Brittany? Are you OK?" you ask as you near her feet and simply sit at the end of her body. You can't quite see her face from here because she's turned away from you but you can tell she has been crying. "Britt, look at me, please" you say quietly.
She sniffs once more and sits up on the hay; her bowed head moving slowly up and bright blue teary eyes are looking back at you. She sniffs again and runs the back of her hand under her nose, her face and around her eyes are a little red and you feel absolutely horrible. Seeing her cry is like seeing a puppy get kicked and you can't stand it, you don't want her to be sad, you don't want to see her sad ever again.
"Oh Britt," you coo and you scoot closer and closer to her until you're right beside her, the hay rustling beneath your movements. Without thinking about it you reach your hands out to her face and gently tuck away the stray bits of wispy blonde hair that had been sticking to her face. You continue stroking a hand through her hair.
She just sniffs again but looks at you with a little more awe.
You cup both her cheeks in your hands and you just stare at her, your heartbeat speeding up. You lean in closer to her and she watches you, her mouth agape a little.
"I…" you sigh and run the pad of your thumb under her eyes to sweep away a tear that just silently fell.
You feel light-headed and you think you're about to do something stupid like kiss her so you drop your hands and lay them on your thigh. Your face is still close to hers and you just watch as more tears fall silently from her, only the occasional sniff breaking the silence.
She isn't saying anything to you.
"Lucy's down there, I think she's worried about you" you offer a lame smile.
She doesn't laugh or smile back.
Brittany's blue orbs consider you for a moment and you watch as they drop to your lips and back up, her eyes still a little red and inflamed. She opens her mouth and her words come out thick and quiet, "Lucy tends to know when I'm upset, I came up here so she couldn't come after me, I just want to be alone"
"Oh," you sigh, feeling your heart swell in your chest.
She stares at you like you should leave.
"I'm not leaving," you tell her, "I can't stand to see you sad like this" you say as you shuffle even closer to her and your faces are oh so close, you feel like…you fell like…doing something stupid. You think your heart is actually breaking seeing her like this and you can't help but feel a little guilty, maybe it was from your talk earlier?
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried earlier" you say and again your hands are automatically reaching out to her, you rest your left hand on her thigh and you feel your skin burn at the contact, even through clothes.
Brittany just sniffs again and shakes her head like it isn't your fault.
Your hearts beginning to pound all over your body and this time you feel like you have little control over yourself. You just want to take away her sadness. Before you know what you're doing or what you're even thinking you lean into her until the tip of your nose hits hers. You begin panting against her lips, finding it harder and harder to take in air the closer you are to her. Her eyelids fall a little heaver and she blinks looking startled by your actions, she looks right into your eyes, you're so close you can see every little freckle on her face and every shade of blue in her eyes.
"Santana, you don't want to do this," she whispers, her breath instantly hitting your lips.
You think you actually do.
You blink slowly at her already completely lost in everything that she is, you raise your left hand from her thigh and place it gently on her cheek, her smooth skin tingling beneath your touch. She sighs contently and leans into your palm like she can't get enough of you. The way she's leaned into your palm means her other cheek has tilted up toward you and you do the first thing that seems natural. You ghost your lips by hers, somehow willing yourself not to press yours onto hers and lick your lips then slowly press your lips against her cheek.
Your heart stops and for a second you feel nothing but bliss. Her cheek is so smooth against your lips and she tastes slightly sweet and salty from her tears. You lean away and quickly plant a kiss slightly above your last one and you whimper into her skin.
You hear her sigh into you and your whole body begins to shake. She smells like vanilla and you want to breathe her in more.
"Oh my god-" you pant and begin planting more and more forceful kisses onto her cheek, your lips and her skin getting damper and damper.
All you can hear is your own heart, both your heavy breathing and the smacking of your lips against her skin.
"You-" kiss. "Feel so-" kiss. "Good" you breathe against her and your kisses are getting more and more potent and heavy and you think you've pretty much kissed every inch of skin on this side of her face. You hope somehow you're soaking up all of her sadness.
"Oh Santana" she sighs into your ear and you feel tingles run down the walls inside your body.
"Brittany…" you practically moan back and you kiss your way down her cheek till your back at her lips and you hover them slightly over hers without touching. You're almost scared to feel her lips against yours.
You move your hands so you're cupping her cheeks again and you realize you're holding the most beautiful person you've ever met in the palm of your hand. You feel a little overwhelmed.
"I warned you Santana" Brittany whispers and there's a slight hint of playfulness about her tone. You look at her and her face seems a little brighter and she's no longer sniffing or crying.
"Warned me about what?" you breathe back, a smirk tugging your lips.
You feel so elated and all over the place.
"That if you made the first move I wouldn't be able to help myself," she says lowly, her eyelids so low that you think she's almost shut them completely.
She grabs both your wrists and suddenly spins you over, lying you down on your back against the hay and pinning your hands above your head once again. She climbs over you, looking down at you, her eyes laced with lust and conflict. Brittany slides her body up over yours so that she glides up over your stomach, then her breasts are pushing up against and sliding by yours.
Your gasp and you begin to pant again as her face comes up to meets yours. She's lying on top of you and instead of pushing her away or feeling guilt you arch your back up into her needing the contact.
"Please…" you sigh shakily at her.
You need her to do something.
She does. She leans down and nudges your nose playfully with hers before her lips lean down and press gently against yours. You let out a whimper as you feel your body turn to mush under her weight. You feel her smirk against your lips and you whimper again, the feeling vibrating your lips against hers. She sinks her lips further and more forcefully down onto yours and your whole body is frozen and buzzing and you haven't a fucking clue what to do. You're breathing hard through your nose and your clammy hands grasp at the straws of hay at your side. You feel like you're going to explode.
She does that little giggle you love and it trembles against your lips and you moan again and your heart flutters in response.
"Santana," she breathes playfully against your lips. You open your eyes and she's looking down at you mischievously. "Open up" she says her voice low and husky and she trails the tip of her nose along your lips.
"Oh my god I-"
You're silenced when Brittany presses even further down onto you and dips her tongue past your parted lips. You jolt in response as you feel her slippery tongue flutter itself under yours.
You feel your eyes roll to the back of your head and you whimper breathlessly into her mouth. Her tongue is snaking around and discovering all of you mouth and you're lying here completely overwhelmed by all the sensations and you think you're going fucking crazy, that, or you're about to pass out. You feel a knot form in your lower stomach and it feels like it's getting tighter and tighter.
Feeling a little brave, and spurred on by the throb now emerging between your legs, you clash your tongue with hers, slip past her lips and enter her mouth.
Holy fuck.
You're panting and making small noises of approval into her mouth because it's so fucking warm and wet and you feel her tongue dance with yours. You have goosebumps and you swear you could get off just by kissing her alone. You've never felt like this. You think you're high. The knot in your stomach is now deliciously loosening and you feel slickness pool between your legs. You clutch and ball the material of her overalls and run your hands all over her back, just needing to touch her everywhere.
"Ugh…" you moan and suck on Brittany's tongue and she breathes back harder in approval.
You kiss her hard and deep, your heart beating in your throat, your ears and your chest.
She's so…
A plaintive moan escapes Brittany's lips and she pulls back, your lips parting with a wet smack and she sucks your lower lip, lets it snap back to your face and she sits up moving away from you. You groan in frustration as her lips and body leave yours.
Your hearts about to burst out of your goddamn chest.
You sit up too and look at her. Her lips are swollen pink from kissing so much and her hair is a little dishevelled, you grin stupidly at her, she looks so goddamn cute. Your heart is still racing and you know you're supposed to feel guilty and bad but you don't. You actually don't think you've been happier.
"We can't do this," she says quietly, sounding a little breathless and she looks at you dejectedly.
"I know…" you sigh but you want to forget about everything, you just want to keep kissing her and feel what it feels like to not think about anything and instead feel like you're floating up to a high place.
"This is wrong on so many levels" she says and looks away from you.
You kneel and shuffle over to her. You lean into her face again and you feel like you'll die if you both stop what you're doing. "So wrong" you husk against her and recapture her lips with your own.
How can something so wrong feel so good?
She closes her eyes and her eyebrows go up like she's surprised by your actions and to be honest so are you.
You're kissing another woman, you're kissing someone who isn't Sam and you're not freaking out. Maybe because it feels right.
"Mhmmm" she sighs against your lips and you run your tongue along her lower lip to let you in again but she pulls away once more and shakes her head. "No…no Santana we…I…sorry I can't do this" she says quickly and she's turned around and is heading toward the ladder.
"NO wait, Brittany, OK we won't do anything…wait!" you call out to her but she's already at the bottom of the ladder and she's running out of the barn, Lucy at her heels.
Crap.
You figure it's pointless running after her so you take a minute to catch your breath. You can't believe you kissed her. It felt amazing. You almost want to throw up at how good it felt. Kissing Sam doesn't come anywhere close to that, you don't understand why though, is that how kissing is supposed to feel? You always did think kissing was overrated but now you're not so sure.
Feeling like your limbs are weightless and your head abnormally derived of all thought, you walk slowly back over to the ranch house in a wonderful daze.
By the time you get back it's dinnertime and Mrs. Evans forces you to sit and wait while she cooks a pasta dish. You ask her where Brittany is and she tells you she's in her room. You chew your lip nervously; did you make a huge mistake? Maybe she just wants to be alone.
Teddy comes in and sits at the table with you. "Will hot blonde be joining us?" he grins disgustingly at you.
"I don't know, and her name is Brittany" you say angrily.
"I'm also a hot blonde though" a voice floats from the hallway.
You loose your breath a little as Brittany comes walking in and sits down opposite you next to Teddy.
Teddy laughs like she just said the funniest thing ever and you want to hit him over the head.
You just want to talk to her alone, but you're forced to make small talk over dinner with the three of them. Brittany doesn't say much though. Teddy says he's going into town to the bar so he heads off after dinner.
"I'm going to have an early night, goodnight dears," Mrs. Evans informs you both.
"I'll do the dishes Mrs. Evans" Brittany says quickly and moves toward the sink.
"She's a godsend isn't she?" Mrs. Evans smiles to you and departs.
You turn around and smile at Brittany wistfully, "yeah she is" you sigh at her.
"Santana," she sighs as she begins washing the dishes and you just watch her hands with interest. "About what happened, it shouldn't have happened OK? Nothing can happen between us. OK so we got out of our systems but I still think you should tell Sam"
"S-s-sam?" you stutter out. You feel sick because it's the first time you've even thought of him all day.
"Yes, remember? Your husband to be?" Brittany says passive-aggressively. "I think you're in denial about your wedding because you don't seem to be preparing for it at all"
You open your mouth to argue but nothing comes out.
"What did you expect huh? That I'd just be your bit on the side to experiment with when you deal with your sexuality?"
You look around in a panic.
"Please Santana, nobody is here to overhear. Seriously, did you expect me just to play along, expect me just to make out with you while you go marry a guy?"
Her voice is getting more and more uneven and you don't think you've ever seen her this emotional.
"No! It's not like that" you say and you walk right up to her side, looking down into the sink as her hands angrily scrub plates. "It's not like that," you repeat quietly, "I don't expect anything from you, I don't even know what it is I'm doing to be honest" you sigh and slump your shoulders sadly.
You reach out your hand and it's shaking but you place it on the small of her back and she stops her movements and sighs.
"All I know is that when I kissed you, it was the best feeling I've ever experienced" you whisper into her side and begin to rub your hand into her back. You exhale shakily, even touching her feels so good, you still can't believe it. "When I touch Sam it's nice but like nothing more happens, and then I touch you and…I go crazy…touching you feels so good" you say and you feel yourself swoon into her.
"Don't," she breathes quietly.
"I want to kiss you again" you say quickly and lean your forehead onto her shoulder.
"You can't," she says regretfully and she shrugs off your touch. "I'm going to bed early too"
"I'll wait up," you say back and you sit at the table and think about the mess that is your life right now.
"If you must know" she says and turns to you, a smirk back on her face and you sigh in relief, thinking maybe she isn't totally mad with you. "Your lips are big and delicious and I want to kiss you again too," she says coyly before turning around and doing the rest of the dishes.
You laugh a little and feel your face burn. She makes you so happy.
Both you and Brittany walk slowly upstairs and into the hall, you stop just outside her room and she looks at you curiously.
"So," you say awkwardly, your eyes darting from hers to the door.
You watch as her tongue runs along her lower lip and she smirks a little at you, "soooo" she drawls out too, an impish glint in her eye.
You laugh a little uneasily, "So am I going to be able to sleep tonight? I mean you fixed whatever was wrong right? I'm not going to get soaked?"
She puts her hands in her overall pockets and leans against the wall casually, her eyes move up your body slowly and they stop at your lips. "Soaked? Not from the ceiling no" she smirks.
You suck in your lips to stop yourself from practically whining at her words, "you need to stop that," you say frankly.
"Stop what?" she leers.
"Stop being so…you" you stutter out. "Stop being sexy and adorable, this isn't going to work if you keep doing this, you said nothing should happen between us so quit teasing me!" you hiss at her, glancing around the hall making sure no one was around to overhear.
Brittany laughs softly, takes a hand out of her pocket and runs her knuckles along the wallpaper "teasing you is the best part" she says lowly, blue eyes staring at you in yearning.
You feel a little light-headed so you lean against the wall mirroring her position, your forehead tilting against the wallpaper and you inch a little closer to her.
"Brittany" you breathe out quietly, your lungs are doing that awesome panicky breathing again and you feel yourself just wanting to get closer and closer to her.
"Santana" she says back equally as quiet but a little more seriously. "Flirting is all we can ever do, you know that, at least let us have that. We can't cross that line, everybody is just going to get hurt in the end"
"I know it's supposed to feel wrong but…" you trail and look into ocean blue eyes "but you feel so good" you admit shakily, a smile spreading across your face.
Brittany smiles a little, her cheeks flushing. "You feel good too, I wish I knew how good all of you felt outside of my dreams," she admits quietly.
Something tugs at your heartstrings and you look at her sadly, "I've never felt this way about anyone before" you whisper.
"Even Sam?" she whispers back, her hand momentarily touching your side but she snaps it back and stows it back in her pocket.
You swallow thickly, "Even Sam" you say firmly.
"You know we're more or less having an affair, right?" she says to you honestly.
You feel hurt and panic flow throughout you, "Oh God" you mumble, bringing your hand up to your lips subconsciously. "We are aren't we?"
"I've already began to doubt my capabilities as a counselor Santana, don't make me begin to doubt myself as a person, I don't want to be that woman, the other person"
"I know," you sigh sympathetically and you try your hardest not to reach out and touch her, you look down at the floor lost in thought. You have no idea what to do about any of this.
"Santana?" Brittany's voice coaxes you out of thought.
You look up at her.
"Do you believe in soul mates?"
You blink at her, the question startling you immediately. "Uh," you hesitate, "I think so I'm not sure"
Brittany leans up away from the wall and sighs "well I do" she says with a small nod and a kind tilt of the head.
You just stare at her speechless.
She just smiles sadly, turns around and heads into her room leaving you with that statement. Before you can drag yourself into yours in a dumb state of numbness, the door opens again and Brittany pops her head out.
"Oh and Santana?"
"Mhmm?"
"You can come in and sleep beside me any time" she says airily "But I will be naked, I'm not changing my ways for you" she says in a cute huff and shuts the door on you.
You feel your heart thump against your skin and you don't even try to fight the biggest beam that's ever been on your face.
"I wouldn't have you any other way," you sigh quietly to yourself with a smile.
You enter your own room and change into pajamas then crawl into bed yawning. You feel overwhelmed by everything today, yet you don't think you can sleep. You'd give anything for that damn puddle to appear above your head and for you to go and sleep next to Brittany again. Suddenly the noise of your phone rings brings you out your thoughts. You reach over and grab your phone from the bedside table. You don't recognize the number on-screen.
"Hello?" you say quietly into the receiver.
"Santana" a voice giggles back.
Of course it's Brittany.
You grin into your phone, "You know Britt I'm just next door you-"
"No, I didn't want to speak to you," she interrupts, "I just wanted to tell you something"
"What?" you ask with a curious smile.
"I'm in bed naked thinking about you"
Your jaw drops open but before you can respond the lines went dead.
You put the phone back and your breathing has completely changed. What does this mean? Do you want to be with her? Why did she call and tell you something like that? Does she just like to tease you or was it an invitation? Maybe it was.
You debate whether to get up and go next door. What the fuck are you thinking? No you can't.
You lie down on your body and wrap the covers tightly around yourself as if to prevent your body from moving against your will.
Brittany's right you can't do this. What about Sam? You can see his face fall in your mind if he ever saw what you and Brittany were doing today. Your stomach lurches with guilt.
She's right, you can't do this.
You just wish it didn't feel so good.