Chapter TEN: Terminating the Fiction
7/7 – 14/7
Daily Prophet, Issue: 2989768684 Saturday 7th July 2006
Tot-ally Stupefying and we're not Kid-ding
Two of the wizarding worlds leading lookers capture the moment, and it was all a snap.
By Vincent KintworthWho would have thought that with just a little baby talk and a pretty face, Hermione Granger- smartest witch of the last century- and Draco Malfoy –Witch Witches handsomest wizard of all time and billionaire bachelor- would be able to 'save the day' from escaped mental patient, Gonnald Stumpy, from St Mungos.
Stumpy, missing for four days was found in a failed attempt to hold hostage his estranged wife Carmen Travell, fiancée of multi-millionaire Paicus Dimitri, for a substantial ransom.
The scene, unprofessionally staged outside Flourish and Blotts was crowded around with amused bystanders until the scene developed perilous as one member of the public was hit with a Cruciatus curse.
"We all thought it was a fools attempt to receive some attention, but when that curse hit someone, we realised how serious it was," an onlooker comments.
Unknown to Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy, of the terrors that were taking place, walked outside of Gringotts bickering to only see the ever-growing crowd surrounding Stumpy.
"It seemed as if Draco wanted nothing to do with it and was arguing with Ms Granger to leave it alone.
I vaguely remember him saying, "Don't be so nosy" to which she replied, " I'm a journalist, that's my job sunshine." Anyway, it caused the attacker to avert his attention towards them, and that's when things got interesting."
With Stumpy already frustrated, seeing Granger and Malfoy ignoring him, made his temper rise above boiling point. However when another curse was sent their way- fortunately it missed- he finally got their attention and a little extra.
"Excusey-woosey me! I am trying to have a teeny weeny argument with Mr Malfoy here, and you try to hit us with a naughty curse!" – by this point in time Ms Granger was walking toward Stumpy with a finger flexed to his chest, and Malfoy rolling his eyes smirking, following right behind her- "Uh ah, that's not very nice, how would you like to be hit with a curse, I didna think you wouldy you silly boy…"
The conversation, not made up copied straight was copied from my vocal pad, went on for about five minutes before Ms Granger suddenly stopped out of her trance, as did Stumpy. But before he could hit her with a targeted Cruciatus curse, Draco Malfoy hit him with his own Expelliarmus and Stupefy charms sending Stumpy to the floor.
"What I don't get is why no-one stunned him before! Its not that bloody hard, and it would've saved that victim some pain, had someone done it. But instead, we had to wait for a witch who was under a Toddler prank, to come and have a friendly chat to the nut bag before I had to hit him with my own spell ahead of something more serious happening," Draco Malfoy complains. "I've been living in the Muggle world for the past eight years, and I tell you now they don't need wands to defend themselves, and yet we can't manage when we have them. Are we growing into a community of cowards?"
This does raise the issue on the safety conditions in the Wizard world. Professor Gerald Adams from the Wizard Institute of Behavioural Conditions blames it on the past wars endured during he-who-must-not-be-named brief rise.
"We have just gotten over a war, and though it has been just under a decade since, it still scars those who witnessed all the horror and murders from it.
No witch or wizard knows whom to trust yet. And when they start to, wizards such as Stumpy, prove that there is much more needed to be done before we can ever walk safely down our streets again."
So is it a matter of trust, or is it plain and simply cowardice? Owl us your opinion and what you think should be done about it.
To: Herm Granger
From: Gin Weasley
Re: Stop!
Stop…Rewind…Fast forward…and HALT!
Nothing interesting
My interpretation of this comment made by you: Hermione Granger on the 6 July, was that you spoke about your court case and all that sort of boring stuff, with the occasional taunt in between.
I did not for once think that you and Malfoy would be apart of a hostage scenario and…ha!
What's, black white and red all over?
I thought of two things: Carl's hideous shirt -honestly, how could his wife let him out in public like that? And a triple deck Cadbury chocolate.
And yet I was again mistaken. For you see you Hermione dear, almost got yourself Avada-ed, because of a stupid prank the twins pulled off days ago.
As serious as this should be, I can't help in laughing, haha! It could only happen to you.
Awe you know I luv ya :P
Ginny.
See you at mums; I'm sure they've got a lot of childish things to say to you.
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To: Gin Weasley
From: Herm Granger
Re: Halt
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Oh shut up. I can't believe they put THAT side of the story up and not they part of the mental patient- oh wait a minute, they got the right one…me!
It was so embarrassing! I could hear myself saying it, yet I couldn't stop it. Malfoy didn't know whether to laugh hysterically or push me out of the way.
To be honest, nothing actually happened yesterday. I met up with Malfoy at his office, then we went to Diagon Alley, and he had to stop off at Gringotts, so we got a little side-tracked and I never got my affidavit. And then when we walked out…well YOU know the rest…
Which reminds me, on Tuesday I need you to come with me, there's a group deposition so we'll all be there like one big happy family. The joys!
Oh god Gin, I can't go over to your mums- I'd be too embarrassed. Can you severely injure your brothers for me? Oh I know how- introduce them to Sharmayne, haha! They won't know what hit them…
Hermione
Childish? Is that the best you could do?
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To: Herm Granger
From: Gin Weasley
Re: rewind
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Quick flick to the gossip page, check out Pansy's story. I can't believe they got that pig to write in the celeb column for today! I mean, wasn't she voted the lowest witch of all time because of her song release and failed movie attempts. Ha, have you heard her last track: Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam- I am the Witch man.
Tell me this: How can a witch be a man? Aren't they wizards?
Hah,
Gin
What do you mean you aren't coming! I can't be there all by myself listening to Ron's lame jokes and mum's pestering about when I'm going to get married…
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To: Herm Granger
From: Harry Potter
Re: Are you okay?
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Let me guess, this was part of George and Fred's prank they pulled. Molly's going to have a nice chat to them, if she finds out it was them who pulled it- oh and she will I guarantee it.
Now I know I've been away for a bit, but why were you with Malfoy yesterday? Would you mind filling up the gaps, before I start assuming the inevitable.
I'm taking an extra break before I head back to Scotland, so ill see you today, I assume you're going.
Harry
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(Ring)
(Ring)
"Hello"
"I AM GOING TO GO MAD"
"Hello to you to. I see you're okay…"
"Not funny Ginny, ouch"
"What's wrong?"
"Oh I bloody hurt my hand when I was reading the paper."
"Honestly Hermione, it's just a paper cut, you couldn't be in that much pain"
"No Ginny but thanks for the sympathy. I was at the table reading it, when I literally fell off the chair, when I saw Pansy's brief yet straight-to-the-point article"
"Yes, I was shocked too. I couldn't believe she could use 'circumstances' 'marriage' 'inevitable' in one paragraph, they're big words even for her. Thank god it's only for one day"
"What the hell possessed her to make up a whole heap of rubbish, about Malfoy and I being a pair? I haven't even seen her in years for her to even get revenge on me"
" Oh its all about you isn't it Herms, oh I'm kidding. Haha, Kidd-ing..."
"Oh so what now you're a comedian eh?"
" Oh hush. Ever think that she might want to get back at her ex, him being Malfoy or perhaps, she made it up for her own blunt amusement"
"Oh I don't know, pooh…"
"Pooh?"
"It was the prank the Twins pulled on me. It's going away, but very very slowly. Look I have to go ok. Ill see you later today"
"Ah so you are coming, I knew you would. Ok ill let you go, see you"
"Ciao"
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To: Draco Malfoy
Fr: Josh Grey
Re: da da dadum, da da dadum…
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…(Failed attempt to convert wedding tune into words)
I was casually flicking through the Daily Prophet, when I innocently stumbled upon quite a catching heading, that had a somewhat impact on myself…
Ah I'll cut the crap: When you said you were going to lunch with Hermione to run through the guidelines on your impending case, I seriously didn't think you'd be married at the end of it. Honestly I thought you were smarter than that to ever get hitched…
Uh oh, Marz just read it…oh dear god…
Ouch….
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To: Draco Malfoy
Fr: Marz Grey
Re: MARRIED
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I've just given birth, I'm not ready for more unexpected surprises…well ok, I knew that she would pop put, but come on 6kgs!
I don't usually believe what the newspaper states, but considering how well I know you, I'm willing to believe this. You should've told me first!
(Dear God, is Josh this much of a Loser? I just shoved him off the chair and he's already complaining…and they say women are nags)
Ah, well thought I could scold you…
Would you shut up Joshua…ouch don't pinch me…look what you've made me write
Luv Marz
P.S. Ashley wants to know if the pretty lady at the hospital she met is going to be her aunty, don't ask…Josh put it into her head…
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To: Josh Grey
From: Draco Malfoy
Re: WHAT!
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Since I know you're both fighting over the computer for my reply, I'll answer both your stupid questions…
What the hell do you mean married? What bloody newspaper did you read?
One: I am not married to Granger and two: yes Marz, he is a woos! If you ever watch Terminator 2 with him, at the end when Arnie is about to burn up, Josh gets all sentimental and whines about how hard it must be knowing you are going to die…
It's a painful spectacle to watch…so unless you're in a cheerful mood, I refrain you to watch it. It has scarred me, as it will you…(shudder) :D
Draco
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To: Draco Malfoy
Fr: Josh Grey
Re: Newsflash
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You really don't know do you…it's in the Daily Prophet, gossip page.
Oh and I read the other one with the escaped mental patient. Nice comment you made there on how the wizard community are cowards, you're sure to make more than enough fans.
Josh
P.S. thanks for telling Marz about the whole Terminator thing. Now she's gone to rent the movie, I hate you.
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To: Josh Grey
From: Draco Malfoy
Re: Hmm
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Well I don't know what to be more scared of. The fact that you read the gossip page and cry over a robot-death scene, or the fact that I'm soon-to-be-wed to my client-nemesis Hermione Granger…
Oh God…my AUNTY………!
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To: Draco Malfoy
Fr:Herm Granger
Re: I don't know…
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What went on between you and Pansy, but the fact that this stupid FALSE rumour is now spreading its disease around the Wizard-world is quite aggravating. Soon everyone will catch the symptoms and I'll be forever shamed with the illness that I am your supposed BETTER half- though I'd agree on the better half…
Do something Malfoy! You know of Pansy's infamous status, but everyone believes her gossip! Why pray-tell I have no idea, but ah….
Hermione
P.S. You'd have better have had nothing to do with this Malfoy…
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To: Herm Granger
From: Draco Malfoy
Re: To my darling Mrs Malfoy
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Hello sweet-cheeks, nice analogy.
Look Granger, I have no idea what possessed that wench to do anything of the sort, but I tell you I had nothing to do with it.
I just found out the same way you did.
But it's not as if you have anything to worry about. You don't have an Aunt who thrives off gossip pages and believes every word she reads. Soon she'll be owling me and whinging about why I didn't tell her and why I'm engaged to a nutcase blabla…
Oh and mentioning to bring you to all the family functions, get to meet the rest of the Malfoy clan.
Who knows, maybe she'll even owl you too and hint on another Malfoy to grace the world.
Salutations Mrs Malfoy,
Your -ahem- loving husband
Draco
XOXOX
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Dear Draco
I am not sure on how to take this sudden attitude you have plagued yourself with. First you get into a fight with a muggle, and now you're possibly engaged…if you're parents were both alive…
Whether this be true or not, I write to inform you that Saturdays little get together has now been re-scheduled as it is now a Charity Ball for all Wizards and Witches alike.
Although I do detest Charity Balls, I figure this is the only way to formally grace the Malfoy name onto the respected Wizard-scene with you so willingly detach yourself from.
Note that I will not be accepting this behaviour in the future and if this occurs yet again, you will loose half your inheritance and it will forwardly go to your only cousin Xavier.
Below are some guests of your age whom shall attend this function. Perhaps, if the news article were false, you should introduce yourself to some eligible ladies.
Your Great Aunt
Vincent CrabbeGregory GoyleMarcus Flint
Ginevra WeasleyPercy WeasleyOliver WoodSusan Bones
Neville Long bottomCharlotte SheridanLavender BrownXavier Malfoy Hermione Granger
The Invitations will be going out on Thursday; they are only a few eligible mentioned, note that Ms Granger is attending.
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To: Draco Malfoy
Fr: Herm Granger
Re: Oh…
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Go and jump off a bridge.
Hermione
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To: Herm Granger
From: Draco Malfoy
Re: Granger…
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You have no idea how tempting that is at the moment
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Xavier,
I just want to clarify that gossip article from the Daily Prophet from yesterday, about -I presume he is your cousin though I'm not sure how- Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger being an item.
If this is indeed a fact, please contact me ASAP, and would you please inform me of your relation to Malfoy. It could direct the pending case, toward a different direction if so. If you would please respond before Tuesdays group deposition that would be greatly appreciated.
Jeremy.
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JOURNAL OF HERMIONE GRANGER:
I can't believe you brought paper to this stupid seminar, good thinking…and I can't believe you name your journal…you're so anal -G
Would you not make it so obvious that you're writing and passing this to me? Our delightful host will snap at us…-H
Yeah yeah…you know you should write more in here… I can't believe we're here all because the D.O.C. got mad when we threw food on her Salvo suit. THIS IS SOOOO BORING…. I should just flick through….
DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! Look at that guy sitting next to that chick who's wearing a mini and a g-string… he wouldn't be too bad if he didn't have his eyes down her top…I wonder why he's at this silly "Work and Attitude Seminar"
Man I can't stand womanisers….
Speaking of a former womaniser, I suppose you scolded Malfoy about the whole fiancée thing? How did he take it?
Well Draco thought it mildly amusing! You would not believe what happened yesterday when I was at Diagon Alley…
Ah so it's Draco now eh? First name basis. Oh come on you have too admit, you like him. You've been with him what twice and both those times, you've come back, blushing, smiling or ready to kill someone…
Shut up.
Yep, that's what I thought…
Oh well looks like its time to get into groups, we'd better be together…DAMN!
Maybe you could put on a little charm, he's been staring at you the whole time… Yeah, probably because I've been ignoring him and writing to you in my journal…Ooh, that cute guys in your group…this is war Granger, I'm going to beat your group in this Trivia thing.
You're on Weasley……………………………………………………………………………………………
Jeremy
I have not this slightest idea of my cousin's affair, nor do I want to be part of them.
I can however clarify that he is my cousin, from my father's side. His father Lucius Malfoy is my father's cousin and both Draco and I are of second kin. Although, I wish we weren't.
I am unaware as to his status with Ms Granger, though he is her lawyer for this impending case. Ms Parkinson, my other half, did her part in filling up a piece in the prophet, and the information is confidential of how she obtained that information Any other information, you will need to personally ask Draco.
I hope I have assisted you on what need is to be known.
Xavier
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To: Gin Weasley
From: Herm Granger
Re: Monday's Seminar
I told you you wouldn't win. No one can defeat me when it comes to general knowledge.
What in the world is Vanessa wearing? She looks like something out of the Rocky Horror Show…
Ha, look at Sharmayne's face…looks like Gothic is out of this season…
Not that there's anything wrong with being a Goth though.
Herm
P.S. What's wrong Gin? I mean you're not usually that depressed whenever you get two-dozen roses
I need you happy and well YOU, for today's meeting!
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To: Herm GrangerFrom: Gin Weasley
Re: ROSES………………………………………………………………………………………
I just got these from David, says he's got to cancel for tonight. He's got some 'shindig to attend.'
Please who uses 'shindig' these days, honestly. What I want to know is why he's not taking me with him! I'm his girlfriend for goodness sake!
I'm down in the dumps Herm; want to go out for lunch, so I can fill myself up with food, to drown away my sorrows…
Gin
P.S. Vanessa is going out tonight. But whomever she's taking, is going to get the fright of their life when they see her. Ted says she looks a cross between Mortisha and Cousin It from the Adams family. I laughed, but I don't know who they are.
P.S. I would've beaten you in a food contest. WHY is society degrading food challenges? I would mind scoffing down several pies and cakes, but no they think general knowledge is more benefiting in today's world. Puh-lease, it's better to have an appetite than a brain.
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Group Depositions
In case of
Jeremy Jonks
Vs
Hermione Granger
Held at the offices of Malfoy Grey and Felnof
100 Georgeston Avenue, Suite 12
London, England
Appearances:
Draco Malfoy (DM)
Hermione Granger (HG)
Jeremy Jonks (JJ)
Xavier Malfoy (XM)
Ginevra Weasley (GW)
Recorded by Joshua Grey (JG) for afterward assessment with stenographer's transcript.
Emily Duleres, Short Hand reporter and confidential secretary from MGF law firm.
DM: Thankyou for coming here today to comment on the event, which instituted this meeting, Ms Weasley. As Ms Granger's attorney I…
XM: Objection
DM: You can't object Xavier, we spoke about this confidentially- Jonks, could've brought a witness. Besides, this is a pre-trial conference, not the courtroom.
XM: I just don't think it necessary that Ms Weasley should be here, since she is a friend of Ms Grangers. It would trigger a bias opinion…Draco.
GW: Before you start criticising me Malfoy…I mean Xavier Malfoy, not you Draco, so don't look at me like that…I would like to defend myself, by saying that you have no reason to prejudice against me as I have not yet, previous to this uttered a word. However what I would like to point out it that Ms Granger acted rationally as Jonks is a sexist, manipulating ferret…
HG: God Ginny, did you have to bring ferret up? Honestly…
GW: Whoops, sorry Malfoy…Draco…bugger, I'm surrounded by Malfoys…
JJ: Pardon me for interrupting, but don't we have a show to run?
DM: I need not be told my job, Mr Jonks. As I have heard, there have been several previous meetings with both you Ms Granger and Mr Jonks, would you care to explain what happened at all intervals? Perhaps, you should start first Ms Granger
HG: Well, I had been previously acquainted with Jonks only once before I smacked him in the nose…Um, I mean physically disfigured his face…. oh god, that's not what I meant at all…
XM: You do not have to laugh Malfoy and Grey
DM: That's all right Hermione; you're just nervous, continue.
HG: well the first time was when a few of us from work-including Ginny- went out on a girl's night for not particular reason, but to enjoy our Friday night. Then Gin left, and Jeremy Jonks came straight up to our party, which consisted of his Ex-girlfriend, Aneen Gnish-she's really nice, though I can't imagine what she saw in Jonks-
JJ: I am right here Granger
HG: Yes, how's your nose by the way?
XM: Control your client Mr Malfoy
DM: I could say the same for you. Hermione?
HG: Well as I was saying, he came up and started yelling at her. Things like, " How dare you go out, without telling me" and "You good for nothing wench" and just other inappropriate absurdities. Now me being a bit of a feminist had a few words to say and that's all that happened and he left. Aneen's too innocent and nice to bite back at him.
DM: so you thought being a caring friend you would do it for her?
XM: I hardly call it sticking up for someone. Hermione, clearly has a habit of getting herself in violent situations
GW: Are you implying she's got some anger management problem? Puh-leas look at your client before you criticise Hermione. He pushes women around, what a pig!
XM: Thankyou for you unnecessary input in the conversation Ms Weasley, however please refrain from doing so until you are asked. Now Mr Jonks, seeing as we have Ms Granger's side of the story, explain yours.
JJ: We'll ill admit that Aneen and I did have an uneasy parting, but I still loved her. A month before we broke up, because she wanted to concentrate on a career and I wanted more to the relationship, more that she was willing to give. So when she left me, I became depressed and I sought to find her, though I didn't.
HG: Oh please, she said you always know where she is. If I could say it and I know how you did it, I would…
XM: Oh really Ms Granger, pray-tell how you know.
HG: Well…
DM: Ah, I believe we have encountered a touchy subject of which my client and I have yet to discuss
XM: What complete fabrication! Don't try to cover up her ass Malfoy, attorney or not. How far do you and Ms Granger go?
HG: Excuse me? This should not be getting personal…
DM: What's it too you Xavier? Why should you care if we are an item or not? Did that rumour Pug-head Pansy wrote in the Daily…newspaper strike a chord?
XM: I'll have you know that "Pug-head" happens to be my other half!
DM: what the part that makes you one-hundredth decent?
XM: No, she happens to be my partner…
HG: GINNY! Shut up…
GW: HAHA, oh I'm sorry, haha…I just can't help but thinking…haha! Hey Xavier, did you help her write her new Trash-hit Abra Kadabra Alakazam, I am the witch man
JG: You've heard of that song? I can't stand it!
GW: Me neither! For one, the title is way too long as is the song…
JG: Ha! Too true, I purposely turn it up loud to annoy my mother-in-law, and I straight away out comes the silencing spe…plugs into my ears
ED: Why haven't I heard of this song?
JJ: Okay were getting slightly off track here…
DM: Oh shut it Jonks, they whole session was over five-minutes ago. Emily could you please re-schedule
XM: Excuse me. We have yet to finish, are you and Granger an item?
HG: Oh my god!
JJ: Wait a minute, I remember you…Draco Malfoy…you're the one that took me to the hospital after you broke my arm…and YOU'RE the son of Lucius Malfoy…
HG: YOU broke his arm?
DM: Well he hit me first; I was just standing up for myself…
XM: Well this is getting interesting…
JJ: Yes that's right. On the same night Ms Granger broke my nose…
GW: Poor bugger
JG: oh I doubt that Ms Weasley, he was asking for it…
JJ: I'm surprised you remembered you were totally pissed.
JG: In my defence, I was having a hard time with my Mother-in-law…
JJ: Oh please, you let a woman get to you…
HG: Excuse me…I've had it with your sexist remarks! Stupefy…
JJ: So you are a witch…
DM: Well at least Emily the only Muggle in here, can't hear us…
HG: What's it to you whether I am a witch or not? Though I am surprised you haven't heard of me yet…you obviously don't read magazines nor had any contact with the Wizarding World 15 years back…
XM: Well it looks like this room is filling up with too much hot air…first its Malfoy now Granger…
DM: Oh shut it Malfoy…
XM: Speak for yourself…
DM: I am, and everyone else in it…
JJ: Well no Ms Granger, I haven't had any access to the world, being cooped up in Azkaban for ten years. Would you mind filling me in?
GW: Damn, now I really wish I had listened to my father…
DM: You're defending a man who went to Azkaban Xavier? You know yourself his History and yet you are still his Lawyer?
XM: Had you done your research Draco, you'd have known all of this. But instead you were infatuated with Ms Granger, oh don't give me that look we can see it on both your faces. I'm a Lawyer Draco, not a saint…
JG: oh no, us Lawyers are anything BUT saints…
DM: Shut up Josh…wait a minute, Jeremiah Jonkson…that's not you…it cant be you…
HG: Sounds familiar…
JJ: Ah, about time you hopped onto the bandwagon…the very same!
(Door Opens, two people walk in)
DM: Felnof! What the hell are you doing here?
GW: Vanessa! Oh my god!
JG: who invited the Freak party? Are you two going as Mortisha and Frankenstein? Because I can see a huge resemblance…
GW: I cant believe you, I mean I knew we were going through a rough patch, but it never occurred to me that you'd actually stoop so low as to cheat on me…you PIG!
DF: Ouch Ginny, I'm sorry, I can explain…
JJ: I wouldn't mind somebody explaining all of this too me…
XM: My client and I are leaving…
Jonkson and Xavier leave)
VM: Well this is awfully weird
HG: All work status aside, I don't think you should be talking Vanessa
GW: It was too good to be true! I should've listened to you Hermione…always-right Hermione…
HG: Gin, I gave you warning as a friend, I didn't tell you what would happen, geez…
DM: So much for being 'the one' eh, Felnof. I guess I could add Ginevra to your list.
GW: oh shut up Malfoy
DM: Look Weasley, I told him to cut it out and not to hurt another person. But I didn't think it would be you…
JG: If I may. I have no idea what is going on. There are two freaks standing in here, who just had their tongues down each others throat, and are now at each other's throats. Obviously you three shouldn't be fighting, it should be Vanessa, Gin and Felnof. So, before you two, Hermione and Draco make things worse, let's see what the idiot David has to say
DF: Oh put a sock in it Grey. Look Ginny, things started off so well…a bit too well for my liking. We weren't in a committed relationship, but we had fun. I had to know if you were the right one, and the only way I knew how, was to…
GW: Go with another girl? Honestly, you are really pathetic you know that!
DF: Come on Ginny! If I had known this would've…
DM: David, I think you should shut up now. I know from experience…
HG: You always know the right things to say don't you Malfoy…
DM: I sure do sweet cheeks.
GW: I hate you David Felnof.
(Door Slams)
DF: Ginny wait…
VM: David…!
(Door shuts…)
HG: Oooh, I knew this would happen; I'm going to kill him…
(Door slams)
DM: I believe her…wait Granger
(Door slams)
JG: Well I suppose if I don't go, I'm going to look like an idiot, talking to myself with an unconscious girl and a running tape player…
Door shuts)
(Door Open)
JG: Oh god the tape player…
(Door Opens)
DM: Shit this was all recorded
HG: Now what are we going to do…
DM: Well there are two possibilities: One- We could destroy it and Two- We could stop talking
JG: and three, we could take it home with us, and when things seem tragic, we listen to it and laugh.
HG: Is he always so…
DM: yes, I can't find a word to describe it either…oh look Emily is rousing…
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To: Gin Weasley
From: David Felnof
Re: DON'T DELETE
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Ginny babe, I am so sorry. Words cannot express the shame and guilt I feel for hurting you, so please don't ignore me. Talk to me so I can apologize, I don't want us to end on a bad note.
Love David
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(TONE)
"Hey you've reached Ginny's phone. I'm obviously not home or occupied at the moment. Please leave your name, number and a cooking recipe and if it's nice, I'll get back to you."
(BEEP)
Hey Ginny. I'm just calling because I want to know how you're doing. No I'm not anal enough to not know, it's just that well…I'm worried about you. I thought of leaving you alone Monday night, so you could sort things through but since you didn't come to work yesterday, I'm letting the bag out of the hat.
Call, email, MSG me…anything Gin, just contact me ASAP!
I know you don't really want to hear it but David sent you six-dozen red and white roses. I didn't know whether you wanted me to throw them away or keep them. So I guess you can deal with it when you get back! We miss you GIN!
(TONE)
"Hey you've reached Ginny's phone. I'm obviously not home or occupied at the moment. Please leave your name, number and a cooking recipe and if it's nice, ill get back to you."
(BEEP)
Ginny! I've trine emailing and everything but I can't get a hold of you! I need to know that you're all right; I'm really sorry. Did you get my roses at least? Call me Gin!
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To: Draco Malfoy
From: Herm Granger
Re: Monday
………………………………………………………………………………………
I just wanted to apologise about what happened on Monday. It really didn't go the way we expected, obviously.
I can't believe you didn't know about Jonks! Or should I say Jonkson, I knew Jeremy Jonks is too much of a circus name, I reckon he would do the acrobatics.
So anyway, I just wanted to see how Emily is and what's happening with the rescheduling.
Thanks,
Hermione
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To: Herm Granger
From: Draco M
Re: Ok…
………………………………………………………………………………………
Who are you and what have you done with Granger? You seem a little too nice, so what's the deal.
No wait never mind, I know what you want to know.
How do I feel about Pansy being a possible future in-law?
As entertaining it would be, had it not affect me, it is not, surprisingly. I know she doesn't want him; she just seeks revenge after I had dumped her when I got into the muggle world.
How is David?
Personally I don't care, he's an idiot and I'm stupid for believing him for an instant. I've offered to gauge out his eyes, because he was so blind to see what he had in front of him, but that was already done and he politely refused.
As for the re-scheduling, I'll keep you posted. I have to get in contact with my twit head of a cousin, to sort this all out. You handled yourself well in there Granger; I'm shocked I even said it.
As much as I would love to chat, and I would –there's nothing id rather do than to have a business meeting with Felnof, I have to go
Draco
…………………………………………………………………………………………
FROM THE DESK OF HERMIONE GRANGER
Well this bloody sucks. It's a dreary Thursday morning here in London and it resembles the mood everyone is in.
Ginny is here and she hasn't even eaten her fettuccini! THIS IS SERIOULSY SERIOUS! She never refuses fettuccini
Vanessa is in a shitty mood because she had a fling with Ginny's ex, which is now over between them, she made that clear:
"Oh why can't I find a decent man in England?"
Um wake up sunshine; you think dressing like Mortisha will snag you a man?
Sharmayne can't even look at her without cringing:
"Darling, I just don't know what's going on around this place, but I tell you what if everyone is going to start looking like the Adam's family, we've got a show to sell, sweetie."
Uhg! That does it: When in a twist, write a 'to do' list.
Dry cleaner
Do some research on Jeremiah Jonkson
Get Married
Have kids
Find cure for cancer
Pay back David Felnof
Finish off the article that Carl is pestering me about
Start writing in my journal so that if I suddenly perish, whoever reads it will know of the life I have led and that Jeremiah Jonks is an idiot.
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To: Sharm Vonaė; Carl Bronston; Michael Breenay; Ted Simpton
Fr: Hermione granger
Re: Ginny
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Okay we've all seen it and we all know why. Now, let's help Ginny through it. I can't stand seeing her like this, she says she's fine, but damn it, we need to show our support! Any ideas!
I know what's you're going to say Sharmayne, and no! NO strippers! Although I don't think Ted would object: P
Ginny's leaving work early today, so once she's gone, FLOCK to the cooler!
Herm
…………………………………………………………………………………………
To: Aneen
From: Hermione
Re: Hey
………………………………………………………………………………………
Hey stranger,
How have you been doing? Sorry I haven't contacted you in a while, I guess things have just been so busy here and with the court case, I just haven't had the time to do much.
I know you're probably still angry about Jonks and you blame yourself, but in all honesty, it's all going to be okay. Although my lawyer and I don't always get along, I have the feeling he has the equipment to win.
So enough about me, how's work at Good Morning London? I haven't the chance to get a copy yet, but can you imagine Carl's face if he sees me with our biggest rivals paper in his office? I'm so tempted just to see the reaction on his face; but of course more importantly to read what you've written.
So I hope you're well, and if you're not busy one day, maybe we should catch up. I know it's only been a week or so, but it'll be good to see you.
Tata,
Hermione.
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To: Sharm Vonaė sharmayne. Carl Bronston carl. Michael Breenay michael. Ted Simpton ted. Hermione granger
Re: Ginny
………………………………………………………………………………………
This is why you don't let men decide…
Carl you cannot let her just 'get over it' unlike you, we have feelings!
Ted, the male stripper idea is out of the question, I'm not even going to argue with you on it.
Michael just be glad I involved you in this at all. Though she may love food, we are not going to go to an all you can eat' buffet. Though if it were any other circumstance, it wouldn't be a bad idea.
Sharmayne actually that's the best idea I've heard, its plain and simple.
Saturday at seven
Hermione
P.S. Ted I can see you and I know you know I am. So stop pulling that face: NO STRIPPERS!
…………………………………………………………………………………………
To: Ms Hermione Granger
Time: 7:00pm
You are formally invited to attend a Charity Ball on Saturday 14th July, at the Malfoy Mansion in Scotland.
The dress is to be formal as it is a Gala event and all entry monies and special donations will be given to the Children's Ward at St Mungos.
Your attendance would be greatly appreciated and participation even more so.
There is a special secret event that will occur for all eligible Witches and Wizards, so if you aren't in a relationship your contribution will be greatly valued.
If you are willing to attend, do respond so promptly and a Portkey will be issued before the arrival time.
Yours sincerely,
Dolores Malfoy
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To: Draco
From: Josh
Re: Spill it…
………………………………………………………………………………………
So you've been in the slumps the past week, why? What's been nagging at your head? Come on, let Unci Josh soothe your pain!
Oh god that sounds desperate.
Josh
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To: Josh
From: Draco
Re: Unci Josh…
………………………………………………………………………………………
Oh god. Don't give me the visuals. You frighten your kids enough, let alone someone else's.
So what's wrong you say? The tri-divorcé is having a formal Charity Ball tomorrow. In one instance its good, because I don't have to converse with my Aunt and cousin all evening, but on the other hand, the witch is trying to set me up with the adequate.
Oh yeah, she heard about the whole gossip thing, this is just a bloody test to see if it's true or not.
I have no idea, what she's planning but I don't like that taste of it: bitter, sour and downright freggin …wrong.
I have to go and wash my mouth out now. Never going to buy form El Nazi Aunty again.
Draco
P.S. What did you do with the tape?
…………………………………………………………………………………………
I8THETELETUBBIES: 'alo. I figure this is a quicker way to chat.
TheDraconis: Ah let me guess, David's in the room and you're pretending to write a report?
I8THETELETUBBIES: Bingo!
TheDraconis: So what did you do with the tape?
I8THETELETUBBIES: Ah I gave it to Ashley, instead of the Teletubbies album. She thinks its funny, because it mentions "that stupid Abra, Kadabra noise"
TheDraconis: Hmm, I figure it would be quite an educational recording. She'll learn to curse in no time.
I8THETELETUBBIES: Sounds promising. So anyway, why aren't I invited to this ball?
TheDraconis: I don't know. Maybe you are. But I'm telling you it's going to be boring. All the singles and the old farts at the ministry plus special guests. I guess you don't fit into any of those…
I8THETELETUBBIES: I would rather think I was a special guest. Ah it's not like I could go anyway.
TheDraconis: Considering the groan I heard coming from your office, I guess David has realized your tiny secret.
I8THETELETUBBIES: oh shut up. Now I HAVE to listen to his drawl. Tell me WHY did we make him a partner?
TheDraconis: I believe you were inebriated
I8THETELETUBBIES: Sounds right. Ciao
TheDraconis: Logged off
I8THETELETUBBIES: Logged off
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To: Hermione
From: Ginevra
Re: Charity Ball
………………………………………………………………………………………
I know what you and the gang were trying to do for Saturday. That's one of the glitches in your scheme: Sharmayne was in it.
Thanks for considering cheering me up, but I'm honestly over it. There's no point in crying over something that really wasn't there in the first place.
So I assume you're invited to this ball? It has a single-auction written all over it! Hehe! Maybe I could bid for a handsome Quidditch player, mmm Zackery Georges sounds yummy, but not as creamy as my fettuccini- I missed that!
Uh oh, its tomorrow and we have nothing to wear! Let's go and ask Sharmayne!
Love Ginny,
I'm back!
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To: Ginny
From: Hermione
Re: Are…
………………………………………………………………………………………
…you sure you're ok…let me check….
Yep your ok, I can see you scoffing down a lasagne and rissole.
But you know if you need a chat I'm just a cubicle away!
Good idea, i'll go and ask her…
Herms
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To: Hermione; Ginny
From: Sharmayne
Re: Darlings!
………………………………………………………………………………………
Oh you are precious aren't you! If you didn't have mince and cheese all over your face id go up and kiss you!
Well not really treasure, I haven't hopped on and boarded that ship in a while…not that I ever did of course, sweeties.
Well let's see what I have got here.
Hermione treasure, you've got a lovely hourglass figure, with the broad shoulders, pale olive skin and a dark complexion. I figure you should wear a rich red dress that comes low at the back, tight around the middle and flares at your hips.
Oh yes I can see it now, a much better vision that what my mother wears. She looks like a drunken whale, with a cat on her head. Thank god she's in rehab- but trust my darlings, once she's out, straight into a Home she goes.
Ginny sugar, you eat like a starving polar bear yet you have such a petite physique! I say with your cream skin and dark eyes, a nice lime green that comes low at the front and back and finished above the knee – don't worry, it's not too 'slutty' as you too both call it. I wear it all the time darlings, and I think it's just gorgeous!
So if there are no hassles, lets go straight after wok, I know just the place to go. Just don't say Ferris word to Ted, treasures. He might want to go seeing as the designer is well…homosexual.
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To: Ginevra Weasley
From: Hermione
Re: I CAN'T WEAR THIS
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What if my bum falls out of it! How am I supposed to wear knickers with it? It stops an inch above my gluts!
Well I will admit it is nice, but I can wear it, and the balls tonight! Maybe I could go and get something else….
You look great, I thought at first there was nothing to it, just a cloth joined at the shoulders, but it really accentuates your slim figure.
Herm
…………………………………………………………………………………………
(Ring)
(Ring)
"Hello"
"Oh shut up Hermione, you know you look good in it"
"Are you insane Ginny?"
"Probably. But even Ted likes it…"
"Ted wasn't concentrating. If you didn't notice he was busily studying Giorgio Ferris. He was saying 'yes' to everything. You could've asked him: Aren't you gay? And he'd say: yes, I'm not"
"That doesn't make sense. Good for him though, he snagged a man. Don't you do anything to that dress missy it really suits you. And you know how hard a critic I am"
"Well not when its comes to food. You'd put anything in your mouth. Oh well I guess I can live with it. You still going to come over so we can get ready together?"
"Yep! Can wait, ill be over in an hour!"
"Ok Gin, see ya"
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JOURNAL OF HERMIONE GRANGER:
14/7
Oh my dear good Merlin! Why is it that whenever I'm in a metre radius of Draco Malfoy, I make an utter idiot of myself? If I'm not falling on my ass or confronting myself with escaped mental patient, I'm tripping over myself and writing blasphemy in my journal entry!
Ginny came over at around about four, which left us with two hours to get ready for the Gala and in all honesty is not enough time for a perfectionist like myself to prepare. Alas, we did manage though it was more of a challenge than it ought to have been.
My hair alone took an hour, and though it's not as bushy as it was during my first five years at Hogwarts (Merlin, could you image how long it would've taken then!) it still had its curls and puffiness, much to the dismay of me! Its times like these that I was glad to be a witch; a couple of spells and my face was covered in animal-infested face camouflage and my hair straight with curls at the tips.
Ginny looked gorgeous in her couture, and even better when she was all flashed up- not that she isn't without it, but its times like these I wonder what David thought about cheating, that infernal species of dog litter…
When it came to the case of shoes- Merlin all mighty! I'm 168 cm (5'7-ish) and I really don't need more height, but the shoes Sharmayne picked out for me, made me look hulk-ish. Well, ok I'm slightly exaggerating, but I don't know WHAT in the world possessed me to let her talk me into it.
Note to self: Pay Sharmayne back
When we got to the Malfoy estate, all the "who's who" of the Wizard world was there. Well not really, most of them were in courting relationships or were single, and there were a few duds among them (mostly being those married men from the ministry) especially: Crabbe and Goyle, man were they the high light of the evening –not. The lights dimmed whenever they came near …then there was Marcus Flint, who was busily shoving his tongue down some poor ladies throat behind a pillar…oh yes I saw them, it wasn't hard when they were standing on the side where everyone was… and Oliver Wood was there, but it turns out he's in a relationship with Quidditch, no surprise there…
And then there was Gin and I, who were yet to grace the ball with our presence. Gin went ahead after she saw Harry, and I followed…well started to until I tripped over my three-inch stilettos – you may think it not high, but considering my shoes are all flats, I beg you to reconsider. But before I could flatten the floor and my face, guess who graced their presence by being my rescuer: Xavier Malfoy…
No actually, it was the one and only Draco Malfoy. And I couldn't help but stare…bad, bad Hermione. Not so much as the thoughts swimming in my stupid traitor head!
Malfoy: You have quite a tendency to bump into me Granger
Me: I believe this time YOU made it inevitable.
Malfoy: So I see you'd much rather have ripped your dress, showing more flesh…not that I wouldn't have minded after all…
Me: Shut up Malfoy…but thanks I guess…
Malfoy: Awe, that's all right Sweet Cheeks. Well listen, I think you'd better stop clinging to me, Potters getting suspicious, not too mention your making quite a spectacle…
The stupid git was right after all. After he personally denied all of the marriage-rumours circulating, that little scene just ignited them all over again. All I could do was mutter stupid git, and walk away all the while he was smirking.
I was sitting on the table… well not ON it, oh bugger…
I was sitting AT the table with Harry, Gin, Lavender Brown, Oliver Wood; Draco's friends Josh and his wife Mary as well as the devil himself: Draco Malfoy, along with two other people- later named Vincent and Helen- who were terrified of our conversation and Ginny's eating capacity. We all got along- Draco and Harry, made peace at the end of seventh year, though still banter and argue.
The night was actually quite fun, especially when the food came. Ginny had made a bet with me before we arrived, that she would only eat one main course. Of course she lost this bet, downing 3 main courses and 2 cheesecakes, and would've had more had the waiter not fainted when bringing her her last cake.
Then the dancing came. I tried to stay away from Draco but when we were left at the table alone (I was pretending to read the schedule and eat) and Dracos Great-ly scary Aunt, graced us with her terrifying presence, we had no choice but to take to the floor.
Draco: Geez, Granger what are you frigid? I don't bite you know…
Me: well no I don't know, but seeing as your reputation is all but not known, I beg to differ.
Draco: Fair enough, but you're making it quite obvious that there is some tension that you want to release…
Me: Oh what kind of tension…
Draco: Just shut up and come closer…
So I did.
I wish I didn't.
I mean come on! He was my enemy at school and now he's my Lawyer and his body…
Have you ever read those prissy romance novels that describe two perfect bodies just fitting together, like a puzzle…WELL I wouldn't have believed it had I not danced with him. He is so tall! Even in my heels I just reached his chin, so you know I was looking at his lips and he was probably having a nice view of the top of my head…I hope I didn't have dandruff!
Ha! What a way to break a mushy scene!
Anyway when the dance ended, my legs were like jelly. Had he not left his arms around me until we got to the table, I would've repeated my fall, and fallen on my bum!
It didn't help that when I sat down, Gin and Mary- who I got well-acquainted with- were throwing suggestive look at me.
I kicked them under them table.
Harry: So Malfoy, what's this secret that all the singles are supposed to participate in?
Malfoy: Well Potter it's not much of a secret if you know about it…
Harry: True. So spill…
But before he could respond, some guy in a penguin suit (and the man lived up to that standard, waddling on stage) announced:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are all enjoying the evening" (SO CLICHÉ -H)
"I am sure you've all heard the worst-kept secret that tonight's Gala is based on. The committee and I are all hoping that all the single witches will all contribute to the Singles Auction, where all the eligible bachelors will bid for a date or occasion to accompany you on. Let me warn you that men can only take ONE woman, so choose wisely gentlemen"
By this time, I was literally shitting myself, to put it as informal as possible. Marz looed at us with an apologetic look, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh at my face.
"All proceeds will go to charity, and those who do not participate, well…let's just say that you'll probably feel guilty for not doing so. So come up girls, and boys, we need all the money we can get so empty your pockets!"
What a great way to make us all feel bad. Go on Hermione, Ginny, Josh teased. I cursed him and threatened to hex him, and he just laughed. I had no choice.
Me: Great, now I'm going to have to 'go out' with a complete and utter nutcase…Ha, I hope no one bids.
Draco: You're the only nut case here Granger. Do I have to remind you about…
Harry: Trust me Herms, people will bid
I had no idea what that meant, so I just walked up to the stage…about half an hour later, Ginny was up. She got good bids, about six men were fighting for her and she genuinely looked flustered, but I could tell that she was uneasy. She just broke up from a womaniser; she didn't want to go out with someone else. So I signalled to Harry, who was bidding for her too- purely out of friendship- and I signalled him to pay up! I know he would, he still has feelings for Gin and he asked me if I would care. I didn't…
So far Ginny had the second highest offer: 1000 Galleons, 50 Sickles.
The highest was some snotty nosed blonde model-witch, who always had the men. Her price was 3000 Galleons. She looks like a giant stick insect, which had really no figure, but large breasts, that really got them wizards howling. I had NO chance.
Then it was my turn. I was preparing for 100 sickles at least, or none at all. I have high confidence, but when it comes to self-appearance, it's shockingly low. So you could imagine my surprise when I had over 20 wizards bidding for me. Despite my low appearance level, I know I'm not ugly. I had more than my fair share of men looking at me when I walked-tripped inside, but I tell you know it wasn't because I was a klutz.
Then when Lynal Dretski, the new minister in the Ministry of Magic hit 1500 Galleons, all bids stopped.
I once had the misfortune of meeting him a few years back. He was arrogant and couldn't help but look at my breast and hips. He was trying to hit on me too, much to my dismay and though I kept denying him, would've gotten his way had Ron not stepped in. It was all over the Daily Prophet!
1500 Galleons going once…I almost died. I sent a look towards Ginny, who really wouldn't do much…
1800 Galleons to Mr Flint…and I thought it could not get worse…
1900 Galleons to Mr Dretski…I was almost offended, he has so much money, could he not have gone the 2000!
1900 Galleons going twice…I was shaking with nerves…
3000 Galleons! I almost fell over, and so did the stick. Ha! In your face you tree-loving thing…
My rescuer was Draco Malfoy. Ha! I almost could've kissed him, I said could've… then realization hit that it was DRACO MALFOY. I was grateful that saved me from the hands of the Wretched Dretski, but couldn't help but feel that he only did it as an obligation to help my ass. Either way I was grateful because Dretski wouldn't stand a chance against Draco; he was too powerful in the wizard world and too too rich.
So I went down because I was too frightened of what would happened if he'd come up to get me. We met and said, "Now we're in trouble"
That we are Draco, I agreed. And we went to sit down.
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DRACOS BOOK THING
14/7
No I don't think this title works, ah well shit happens
Now I'm going to cut the crap and just write what made me open this stupid journal in the first place: tonight's Charity Ball
Now I showed up, because if I didn't my Aunt would go mental -not that she isn't now- in my trending black suit and a low buttoned red shirt- the same colour of HER dress I noticed- well who couldn't, I never expected her to wear a dress that revealing…but hey I'm not complaining, I never knew she had curves…
OH SHUT UP YOU IDIOT.
SO I arrived there around 7:30, I didn't want to be early because I wanted to annoy my Aunty- result successful mind you, with Josh and Marz. Gretel offered to baby-sit the kids on her last night at the Grey residence.
I have never seen Josh so happy it was actually scary. It was tempting to bring up the Terminator subject, but I don't think even that would tarnish his happy mood.
We went to our table that my Aunt organised and to my relief did not situate me with Xavier, Pansy and my Slytherin cronies. Although she did put us with Granger, Weasley and Potter, which was not that terrible as I initially thought.
Yarda yarda, ill get to the good stuff…
I was outside when I noticed Weasley, and was wondering where Granger was. Those two are inseparable, I'm surprised they are not Siamese twins…then I noticed her, though I had to look twice, a metre or so from me and she couldn't walk. I had thought she was injured or something, then I realised the heels and smirked. I was about to annoy her when she tripped over herself, the klutz. So I grabbed her before she split her dress more that it already was. We had a nice conversation, then she went away annoyed. I was satisfied.
Then I had an encounter with my Aunty and cousin who saw the whole thing, including my slight smile. I do not fully smile, I don't want more lines…oh I'm joking, I'm not THAT anal…
El Nazi Aunty: Well it seems you have gotten yourself well acquainted with Ms Granger. Quite a pretty thing she is, despite her blood
Xavier: Pretty she may be, but she has a vulgar mouth and a bad attitude. Though, it is quite a similarity, to Draco.
Me: Oh you're all so full of compliments. But I have to go now, and spend my company with more enjoyable people.
El Nazi Aunty: Now Draco, do not be like that. The house is swarming with reporters for the Daily Prophet; so do not do anything stupid as you have a tendency to do so.
Me: Aunt you're talking to the wrong nephew. Ciao now.
She obviously didn't like the idea that I was enjoying myself with anyone but her crowd, and came to annoy me when the dancing was on. If I had any mind to murder her before, I have a better incentive now. She literally ordered Granger and me to go and dance.
At first Hermione was frigid, but when she warmed up I tell you it was not Waltz. We had about two dances then headed back to the table. I could see Marz and Gin teasing Hermione, I would have also had I not been apart of it. Of course I had to get my dose and who better to give it than Josh
Josh: Was that a waltz or a Mating ritual, because I'm quite sure it was the latter.
Me: If you don't shut up, ill tell everyone about your Terminator crisis.
Yep that shut him up pretty quickly.
After that came the Auction. Granger was about to jump out of her skin and run. Though I don't see why, almost half the men were planning to "Jump her bones" to put it grotesquely.
Then that Dretski started bidding, and I knew there was trouble. I hadn't put in a bid before, though I was tempted, but now I knew I had too do something to get Grangers ass in safe territory.
Geez, that sounded heroic and Gryffindor-esque, scrap the last line…
I kept telling myself I was only doing it because of all the stories about him and how he was trying to hit-on Granger, but I knew it wasn't. And I want to shoot myself for admitting it.
Let's just say, I saved her butt and just ignited all those marriage-rumours I dispelled a few days back, and gave her an ego boost.
She was the highest bid after all, though I don't think men should BUY women for a day even if it IS for charity.
So now we're screwed, and she agrees.
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REMASTERED
SouredSweetie