Chapter 10

Fix You

"He's doing better," Elizaveta hummed into the phone. "He seems to have calmed down since last night. He's tired, but he's smiling again."

"Good. Tell that bastard to call sometime. Listening to Antonio orgasm all the time over fucking tomatoes is like nails on a chalkboard."

She choked and laughed. "Lovino!"

Meanwhile Feliciano was in his room, sitting in bed with Roderich. They were both under the covers and in "lazy" clothes, watching a movie on the TV that the Austrian had moved into the room until further notice.

Feliciano excused himself and got out of bed. Roderich immediately followed, holding his arm as the younger dizzily made his way to the bathroom. Inside he locked the door and sat on the tub, carefully peeling the bandages away. He had been worrying he somehow had blood poisoning and he knew he wouldn't feel better until he checked that the cuts were all healing normally. They were all red and puffy with dried shame on them, but they appeared just the same as always.

He put the bandages back and met up with Roderich, who helped him back to his room. They sat in bed, watching the movie until Feliciano fell asleep against Roderich's shoulder.

Around four o'clock there was a knocking on the door. Elizaveta stopped her cooking and answered it, surprised to see Ludwig standing there, looking awkward.

"Oh, hello, Ludwig."

"Hello, Mrs. Edelstein," he greeted formally. "Is Feliciano in?"

"Oh, yes, but he's sick," she replied. He was ready to walk away when she called out, "I'm sure he'd love to see you. You'd cheer him right up!"

Ludwig entered the house and followed the Hungarian to the bedroom where Feliciano was awake again and watching another movie with Roderich.

"Feli, honey, your friend is here to see you!"

Feliciano and Roderich both looked up. Feliciano smiled at his friend, too weak and dizzy to wave like he used to. Roderich got up, giving a small greeting before he went to his room to put on clothes that were more presentable for company.

Ludwig was then left alone with Feliciano. He sat in a chair by the bed and curtly looked away. "I was worried."

"You were?"

"When you didn't show up to school again. I thought… something else bad happened."

Feliciano remembered the night before, all the pain and blood and sobs. "Nothing bad happened," he lied. "I'm sick."

"You were ignoring my texts. I thought… I just, well…"

"Oh, shit," he muttered. He pulled the smartphone from his nightstand drawer, seeing all the missed calls and sitting texts. "I'm sorry, Luddy. I'm not used to having a phone to check." He decided to wait until after Ludwig was gone to read the messages.

"Feliciano," he grunted. "You can't keep hiding."

The Italian tilted his head. "I'm right here, Luddy."

"You know what I mean." A stab of guilt hit Feliciano and he found himself wringing his wrists, wanting to scratchscratchcut them. They shared a long look, one of confusion and understanding. Roderich and Elizaveta were being great to Feliciano, saying they cared. Maybe Ludwig cares as well… maybe he wasn't lying when he said he could be trusted.

It was the first time Feliciano didn't think of his parents when he thought of trust and adults. He weakly held his arms up, like a child. Ludwig's eyes softened and he understood. He got up, sitting on the bed, giving the too-warm teen a strong embrace. He felt Feliciano's soft chin rest on his shoulder and he snuggled into the hug. Ludwig hated affection but he let this moment be. He just held onto the Italian he was so worried about for his own selfish reasons.

A small timer dinged and Feliciano flinched out of the hug.

"What was that?"

"The, uh…" he looked away and his face was tinted red. "…the medicine timer."

"Medicine timer?"

Feliciano's blush darkened. "Well, Roddy said I had to take the nasty medicine, but I didn't want to because last time I took it it made my feet smell because I threw up all over them. So he said I could wait, but I had to when the timer went off…"

"So you need to take it now?"

"…Si."

Ludwig got up from the bed and found the blue bottle of nighttime medicine beside the timer. There was a small measuring cup and he poured out the greenish liquid. He turned back to Feliciano, who watched him with wide eyes.

"Well, I better be getting to bed! I sure am tired—"

Ludwig sat with him again and held tightly to his shoulder. "Nein, Feliciano. It's time to take your medicine."

"But it's so gross, Luddy!"

"Take it."

"No!"

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, FELI?!"

Roderich and Elizaveta watched the door from the kitchen, snickering to themselves at the frustrated German.

"TAKE IT, FELI. TAKE IT."

"NO, THAT DOESN'T GO THERE!"

"IT GOES IN YOUR MOUTH."

In the end the only way Ludwig could get Feliciano to take the horrid medicine was to take some himself, to show solidarity. He had left the room after he and Feliciano took the god-awful medicine, skirting past the adults to get a glass of water for him and the Italian to get the taste out. Roderich snorted at the sight of some green liquid smeared on Ludwig's chin.

It was nighttime medicine, so of course the boys were both asleep the next time Elizaveta went to check on them. Ludwig was over the blankets and Feliciano was, as usual, huddled beneath them. This time Feliciano was curled into the warmth of his best friend. Elizaveta smiled softly and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

She quickly called Gilbert, whose number she had solely so she could call him and yell at him for constantly sneaking into the flower shop to scare Feliciano.

"Look who it is, Eliza herself calling the awesome—"

"Hello, Gilbert. Your brother fell asleep here and I think he'd be too tired to walk home. Be a dear and tell your parents for him." She clicked the phone off and giggled to herself, knowing Gilbert would be pissed to be hung up on like that.

She walked back to the guest room, Feliciano's room, and checked on the boys again. There was something absolutely adorable about platonic male friends inadvertently cuddling in their sleep. She took a few quick pictures with her phone and went back to Roderich in the kitchen.

"When Feliciano is feeling better I think we should talk to him about… the abuse," Roderich said quietly, as not to alert the boys on the off chance they'd wake up. Elizaveta simply nodded and they worked on dinner. After an hour or so it was done. They made soup for their sick Italian and they brought two trays of food into the bedroom for each of the teenagers.

Ludwig yawned and sat up, woken by the sound of the door alone. Roderich and Elizaveta left the food on the desk. "I called your brother. You're spending the night," Elizaveta added before exiting. "I'd feel better if you didn't have to walk home in the dark."

Ludwig nodded and went to the desk to eat his own food (something solid and German-esque) while Feliciano continued to sleep. Once he finished he brought the other tray to the bed and sat next to his friend, rousing him from his rest.

"Get up, it's time to eat."

"But I'm tired," Feliciano whined.

"You can sleep after you eat your dinner."

"I'm not hungry."

"I swear to Gott if you keep whining…"

Feliciano groaned and sat up, adjusting his eyes to the world of the conscious. Ludwig eased the tray to his small lap and after a few failed tries, began to feed Feliciano himself.

After he finished, unable to eat all of it, Ludwig helped Feliciano slide back down the bed and onto his back.

"Luddy?"

"Ja, Feliciano?"

"Thank you for… for visiting… and helping me eat."

"And feeding you your medicine," Ludwig smirked.

"Oh no, I hated that."

Ludwig chuckled and patted his friend on the head. "As it turns out, I'll be spending the night. I can force-feed you your medicine again tomorrow morning."

Feliciano groaned at the prospect of more medicine, then silenced. Ludwig was spending the night. What if he saw his legs? What if he found the knife in the drawer? What if he—

"Feliciano? Are you alright?" Ludwig was gently rubbing the Italian's arm in a soothing motion uncharacteristic of the straight-faced German.

"Mi dispiace," he muttered back. "I'm going to bed."

Ludwig wasn't happy with the reaction. Feliciano was starting to act normal again, and suddenly he's back to acting all weird and unusual. He wanted to blame it on the sickness, but Feliciano didn't act normal until he was sick.

Ludwig sighed and left the room once he was sure his friend was out. In the living room the adults sat together and he approached them, asking if there were any spare blankets.

"There's another guest room right over there," Elizaveta said, pointing to the door next to Feliciano's room. "Go ahead and sleep in there. I'd hate for you to catch what Feli has."

"Ja, danke, Elizaveta," he said.

"Germa—Ludwig?" She called out.

He stopped and turned around.

"Can we talk with you about something?"

He nodded and sat down in an adjacent chair to where Roderich and Elizaveta sat.

"Have you noticed anything different about Feliciano?" She asked quietly. "It's becoming clear he's… going through some things."

Ludwig cast a glance back to his friend's room and turned back. Was it wrong to tell your worries to a guardian? Realistically he knew he should, but in his teenaged mind he was afraid.

Taking a breath, he calmly replied, "Ja. I… I have noticed a change."

The couple gave him a look, urging him to go on.

"He's always tired in class, though we only have last class together. But he wasn't always so exhausted before. He used to tell me about his day and homework but now he just naps through class or stares blankly at the wall."

Roderich hummed and nodded.

"He… Something isn't right with him and he won't tell me what it is. If he won't tell me, I'm sure he hasn't told anyone else. He used to be so open and now he's shut down. I don't know what to do. I keep telling him I know he's hiding something and he can trust me, but he… he won't…" Ludwig hung his head low, as if disappointed in himself for not being able to fix the Italian.

"Ludwig, thank you for telling us." Elizaveta said. "He stopped eating dinner after his brother left. You got him to eat again," she smiled, leaving out when they would stay behind to make sure he ate. "We're glad he has a friend like you. Sometimes you need to push people to get them to open up."

Ludwig nodded and left for the guest room. He felt such unrelenting worry in his gut now that he knew Feliciano's problems weren't just at school. It was such a bittersweet feeling having his worries validated. He shuffled into the room and laid under the perfectly made sheets of the bed.

The next morning Ludwig snuck into Feliciano's room before he woke up. He sat carefully on the bed and watched the small Italian sleeping. His cheeks weren't as red as the night before but he was still flushed and warm. His eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Ludwig, who had bedhead (something Feliciano had never seen before). He giggled a bit and sat up, happy to see his dizziness was fading.

"Morning, Luddy."

"Ja, morning, Feliciano."

They flipped the TV on and sat together, watching whatever was on cable at the moment. As it turned out, Roderich and Elizaveta had to go to the shop to tend to it and (as they confided in Ludwig) hire some more help. He had agreed to stay for a while and watch after Feliciano. They were all hoping the best-friend-alone-time would help push the Italian to start talking. Sadly, he refused to give in so easily.

In the distance a timer dinged and Feliciano groaned as Ludwig got up to find the medicine, this time in an orange bottle. Ludwig sat close by with a glass of water while Feliciano took the awful medicine, though alone this time.

"Feliciano, I'm getting you new clothes."

"Why?" The panic set in once more.

"You've worn those same clothes since you fell ill, ja? They're stained with sweat, you need to change." The blonde searched through a drawer, pulling out pajamas and even (with a straight face) a fresh pair of brightly colored yellow boxers.

"Fine," the Italian grumbled. "But you have to leave."

Ludwig rolled his eyes and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. A moment later there was shuffling and the click of a lock.

Inside Feliciano was filling with fear that Ludwig would find out. He couldn't, then he would know he's been lying and stop being his best friend. Feliciano missed the night before when everyone was so nice and loving and everything felt right.

Why did it feel wrong again?

He slipped his shirt off and replaced it, feeling uncomfortable with nudity for once. He slid his pants off, catching on the bandages and unfurling a tiny bit. He was done bleeding so he let it be, confident it wouldn't undo itself any further. He finished changing and threw the dirty clothes to the floor and hobbled over to unlock the door before quickly getting under his covers.

Ludwig reentered the room and sat with Feliciano again. They watched more TV in an awkward haze. It wasn't long before Feliciano, still sick, had to lay down and nap for a bit. Ludwig sat with him, occasionally petting his soft hair, making a mental note to force Feliciano into the shower once he was good to stand. He sat and played around on his phone, checking Facebook out of boredom and settling on a few games before quitting (everything he needed to succeed were behind freaking paywalls!) and reading a book he had downloaded.

He was well into the chapter when he heard whimpering from the Italian. He turned his head to see the boy scrunching his face up and his eyebrows twitched slightly.

"Feliciano?" he questioned. There was no response. So he was asleep, and likely having a nightmare. He lightly shook the Italian's shoulder and repeated his name, wanting to stop the nightmare from getting too far (if he could help it).

Feliciano startled awake and stared directly at Ludwig with wide eyes full of fear. He made a scared and strangled noise before backing up until he fell out of the bed. Ludwig rushed to his side to help him up but instead he thrashed and cried at Ludwig to leave. He panicked and got worse, so Ludwig got up and left the room, listening in from outside the door. It sounded like the sick boy was calming down now that he was gone.

The phrase bounced back into Ludwig's head: "Things are finally getting better. Don't ruin that." And it was true… Feliciano was doing better until Ludwig spent so much time with him. He frowned and walked out to the front porch and sat there. He knew his presence was only panicking Feliciano but he couldn't just leave him there.

He flipped his phone out of his pocket and quickly typed up a text to Elizaveta:

He had a nightmare and now I scare him. I'm on the porch to give him space. I think he needs you.

There was a reply almost immediately. A simple message saying she would return as soon as possible. To not blame himself. He couldn't help but feel guilty and sat on the porch quietly until the familiar car pulled up with both Edelsteins hurrying out. Elizaveta jumped in the house and Roderich, surprisingly, sat with Ludwig.

"It was just a nightmare," he said. "It has nothing to do with you."

"He was so scared he pushed himself off the bed to get away from me," Ludwig said with a sad voice.

Roderich looked away for a moment. "Come back tomorrow. Feli will be calmed down. I promise, it's not you."

Ludwig nodded and stood up, ready to walk back home. It was a rough day for him. He was so sure he was getting through, or at least breaking the surface, and now he had this setback.

Roderich watched him disappear into the distance before he joined his wife inside. She was holding Feliciano and kissing his hair between mumbles.

"It was just a bad dream," she cooed. "You're okay."

"I-I-I kicked out L-Luddy," he stammered. "He'll hate me!"

Roderich sat on the bed. "He doesn't hate you. He needed to go home and he'll be back tomorrow to see you."

Feliciano nodded and tried to will away his teary eyes.

Elizaveta continued to mother him and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He looked away the best he could in the embrace and tried to avoid the topic.

"Remember what I said, Feli? Never be too ashamed to tell us anything."

Feliciano looked at her. More tears built up before he mumbled about seeing his dad. His angry dad. Roderich took that as a sign to go ahead with his needed topic of discussion.

"We know what he did, Feliciano. Your brother hinted at it a few times and… we understand why you don't like new people, especially adults… We understand why you're so scared."

Feliciano watched him with big eyes. They knew? They found out? Now they'll want to do it, too, and he couldn't deal with more beatings right now and all this pressure was just forced on him, making it harder and harder to breathe—

"We love you, Italy," Elizaveta cooed into his hair. "We're going to keep you safe. You don't have to worry about being hurt anymore. We want to help."

"You… you know?" he reaffirmed. They nodded. "You… you know they… they beat me the night… the night they…"

He couldn't say it but they what he meant; he was admitting to the lie about being hurt by random people. He was admitting he was sent to the ER by his parents and wanted to go right back to them.

He was worried they would hate him for the lies and the endangerment (to himself) but instead of the swears and hits he was so used to, he was hugged and given affection. They stayed like that until he began to drift away again. They tucked him in, like a child, kissed on the forehead, and reminded that they loved him before they left for their own beds.

All Feliciano could think of was how he didn't deserve them.

"Fix You" by The Offspring

I wish I could fix you

And make you how I want you

I wish I could fix you

And I wish you could fix me

I wish I could heal you

And mend where you are broken

I wish I could heal you

And I wish you could heal me