Their Christmas Candle
"Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself." - Francis C. Farley
Life is rapidly becoming a dizzy blur, the kind that saps all his energy and makes him want to vomit constantly. Life isn't just unfair. It is painful. So painful. It hurts.
He had been right. Gideon had been too close. Is too close. Has always been too close. Right outside the door. Literally. Gideon is once again knocking on his door, insistent, demanding, and he is hard pressed to make sure everything is packed away and that he is wearing clothes and that he looks 'normal' before appearing and trying to answer in a calm, measured voice he doesn't quite achieve. As though he hasn't just been packing and checking. As though he isn't always trying to make himself appear normal when they both – they all – know he's not. Never has been. His chest heaves ever so slightly but Gideon pretends not to notice. How kind.
They talk. For a long time. Situating themselves on the small couch in his small living room, it's almost comfortable. Almost friendly. Almost.
So many chances to open up. To stop this. To accept help or support or forgiveness. Instead he lies. He can do this alone after all, this is his battle. Gideon wouldn't understand. He lies. He is fine. Life is good. He tries not to over-enunciate. He tries not to embellish. He tries to stay as close to the truth as possible. Gideon is a profiler. Gideon will know if he lies. If he lies too much. So he doesn't say life is fair, or kind, or easy, or enjoyable. He doesn't say he is healthy or happy or fine. Wait, he did. Gideon must just be being nice then. Fine is too much of a stretch. Not even he is a good enough liar for that. Yet after it all, all the lies, Gideon leaves.
Big, sad eyes. Disappointment. Guilt. Concern. The concern blocks the friendship and he knows now that he has no one. And he is not fine. It hurts.
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The last two chapters are bigger than the rest so two long chapters on the way… nearly over… Reid's pain is nearly over… read into that what you will :)
Hope everyone is ready for Christmas, (presents bought, etc… if not… well, good luck :D)
Reviews are love :)
Have fun x