A/N: This is the end of this little story. For those who were worried it would not end this way, it was never my intention to do that. Thanks for reading.
Epilogue
Rayna stood in the upstairs bedroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her glam squad had just left and she pulled at a strand of hair trailing down her neck. There was a gentle knock on the door and then it opened slightly. She turned and, seeing Tandy's face, she smiled. "Come on in," she said.
Tandy walked in and shut the door behind her. She looked back at her sister. "Are you ready to get dressed?" she asked.
Rayna took a deep breath and then she nodded. "I think so," she answered.
Tandy frowned a little. "Are you having second thoughts?"
Rayna shook her head. "No, not at all. I think I'm just, I don't know, feeling a little overwhelmed, or something. Like it's hard to believe we're really doing this." Just then she felt butterflies in her stomach. She laid her hand where she felt them. She still sometimes wondered if she'd given Deacon's recovery enough time, if she'd given them enough time to be able to navigate all this in a healthy way. But she had decided she could let herself be scared to try for the rest of her life and that would mean she'd miss out on being with the love of her life.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Tandy asked, concern tinging her voice.
Rayna rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm fine." She gave her sister a pointed glance. "I'm fine."
Tandy raised up her hands. "Okay, okay." She sighed. "I promised myself I wasn't going to be anything but helpful today. I need to just do that."
Rayna nodded. "I think that would be a good idea." She breathed in again and looked back at her reflection in the mirror. "I think I'm ready to get dressed." Tandy walked over to get the dress, which was hanging on the back of the closet door. She brought it back over. Rayna shrugged off her robe and then Tandy lifted the dress up over her head and slid it down over her. As Tandy handled the buttons in the back, Rayna smoothed the dress down. She'd had the dress made for her, with tiny cap sleeves and a smooth line all the way down to her toes. The dress was cream colored satin with a lace overlay. She had wanted something that really made her feel like a bride. The dress was sleek but tasteful, fitted but still forgiving. Her stylist had really nailed it. When Tandy finished with the buttons, Rayna turned to the side and ran her hand over her abdomen, looking back at her sister. "Do I look fat?" she asked.
Tandy rolled her eyes. "Babe, you're pregnant." Then she smiled. "And you look beautiful." Rayna turned back to face the mirror, still feeling a little doubtful. Tandy came up behind her and put her arms around her shoulders and leaned her head on Rayna's shoulder. "Are you happy?" she asked softly.
Rayna took a deep breath and then smiled back. "I am happy," she said. "This is what I always wanted, Tandy. Always. And Deacon has shown me he can be the man I knew was always there."
Tandy squeezed her shoulder gently. "Then just concentrate on that. Think about the way he looks at you. All he'll see is his beautiful bride, not anything else." She smiled. "So, speaking of Deacon, I'm going to go check on him. He's handling Maddie and I'm sure she's quite the handful right now." She stepped back.
Rayna turned to her and took her sister's hands. "Thank you." Tandy looked confused. "For being supportive. For trusting me."
Tandy gave her a sly smile. "Sometimes I might wonder if you know what you're doing, but I do trust you, sweetheart. And I love you. You can always count on me, you know that."
Rayna squeezed her hands. "I do know that."
Tandy pulled her hands away and started for the door. "I'll make sure your daughter and your fiancé are ready," she said as she slipped out, leaving Rayna alone.
Rayna turned back to the mirror and took a final look, then walked over to the window. She looked out over the lake in front of her and breathed in. This place was still as beautiful as it was the day Deacon had brought her here the first time. She had questioned the wisdom of his making the purchase right out of rehab, but she'd never questioned what it had meant to her. He'd bought it for her, because it was her dream house, and there had certainly been many happy times spent here. There had also been a few painful times, but she worked hard to push those aside these days. He had been the one to suggest they get married at the cabin and she'd thought it was a lovely idea. They had driven up the day before so they wouldn't feel rushed.
The past four years had certainly seen their share of ups and downs, but nothing compared to the previous eleven. The day she'd taken Maddie to see Deacon, and introduced her as his daughter, had changed everything, although not always in the ways either of them had expected. She had not wanted to overwhelm him, so early after rehab, knowing it was a tenuous time and that he needed bolstering and support. She had made sure to create appropriate boundaries for them, determined to navigate things on her own as long as she needed to, and had held Deacon at arms' length on everything other than him getting to know his daughter.
She had waited three years before she really let her guard down, three years of listening to him alternately beg her to take him back and angrily accuse her of not having faith in him. She settled her hand on her stomach. They'd come so far. But she'd had to be sure, sure she could count on him, sure he was committed to making sober work, sure he could be the father he wanted to be. And then the man he wanted to be for her.
Every time she'd considered opening the door, she thought about what had brought them to that point in the first place. She thought back to that time when she had decided she couldn't do it anymore. There had been the drinking, all those times in rehab, arrests, ending up in the hospital. She had finally decided she couldn't spend the rest of her life waiting for the next call from the emergency room or a jail, the next time she found him passed out in a hotel room or a bar, the next time he disappointed her in any number of ways. She had promised herself she would not live her life like that anymore, but Maddie had changed everything. Having a child together meant they'd had to figure out what they were to each other and how to navigate whatever relationship that meant they would have.
As his relationship with Maddie grew, she was encouraged. She supported him but she still was hesitant to go all in, which made him angry. He had wanted it all – his daughter, a family, a wife – but she was still afraid. She'd spent too many years watching and waiting, feeling unimaginable pain and loss, and she couldn't risk more of that. Her fear was always that he'd disappoint her, disappoint Maddie, and she had to be sure. Of course, all that did was frustrate him.
She'd learned a lot about herself, though, by choosing to stand on her own first. The one thing she had believed from the start – that she didn't need a man to define her – had proven to be true. While Deacon added something immensely important to her life, it had also been important to find her own way, taking care of herself and her daughter. She thought back to a conversation she'd had with Tandy, when Maddie had been almost a year old. It had been at the end of an argument, but it had stayed with her ever since. You of all people should know that a woman doesn't have to have a man. I've made my own way since I was sixteen years old. I fought for my career and for everything I've achieved up to this point. I don't need a man – any man – to take care of me and make me respectable. I live my life with integrity and I'm true to myself. As long as I do that, I'll be fine. It had been true. That knowledge and understanding had led her to this point.
They'd been here, at the cabin, on a sunny, warm late spring day, just after Maddie's third birthday, when she had sat on the porch and watched the two of them, sitting on the dock with fishing poles. Deacon was so gentle with Maddie and listened patiently to her non-stop babble. She could see how clearly Maddie adored her father and she could also see that the feeling was mutual. That was when she decided she was done waiting, that he'd proven enough to her. When she suggested they stay overnight, the look of happiness on his face told her she'd made the right choice. Finally. All he wanted to do was take care of his girls and now he'd have that chance.
She had wanted Maddie to take a nap, after they ate lunch, but she had shrieked her displeasure with that idea. Deacon had looked at her apologetically and she had shrugged. The point of being at the cabin had been for Maddie to have a good time, not to take a nap, so she let it go. She had brought a bathing suit for Maddie and her daughter's desire to 'get outside!' had made it a struggle to get it on. Deacon had swooped her up in his arms then and carried her down to the lake, as she squealed her excitement.
She followed them down and sat on the dock, dangling her legs over the edge and letting her bare feet swirl in the water. Deacon dipped Maddie in and out of the water, to their daughter's happy delight, and he would look over at her periodically, as if trying to judge how okay with it she was. But she smiled warmly, happy to see what a sweet bond he had with their daughter. None of this had been a given – he could have balked at being a father or not been able to handle it or not been able to stay sober. But he had loved Maddie from the moment he laid eyes on her and had stayed the course, wanting to have a place in his daughter's life.
Deacon eventually went inside to get fishing poles and when he came back, she had gotten up and headed for the house. When she went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror, she saw that she'd gotten a little sun – maybe too much – and decided to just sit on the porch. But before she did, she again walked through the house, touching familiar things, feeling a little like she'd gone back in time. She went up the stairs and peered into the upstairs bedrooms. They had never done much with them, thinking they would when the day came that they had children. She felt a knot in her stomach, remembering the despair she'd felt when she thought that would never happen for them. He had guitars in one room, but the rest were empty.
She remembered the day Deacon had brought her here for the first time. It was the day before she was supposed to perform at the CMA's and she was worried about getting back on time. It was her dream house, and Deacon was sober, and her career was taking off, and, even though he shouldn't have done it, she couldn't stop smiling. He told her it was the place where they'd grow old together and she had felt a surge of love for him that overwhelmed her. It had felt like the fairytale had come true for the two of them. She sighed. It had not, of course, because there were still years of turbulence and volatility and pain and disappointment ahead of them, but that day everything had been magical. And, as much as she loved the little house she'd bought after Maddie was born, this place was absolutely her favorite place on the planet. She hadn't known that the last time she was here was going to be the last time, and that was probably a good thing, because had she known she might have made a different choice.
She walked back downstairs then and looked up over the sliding doors at the Eternity sign. They had found that when they were out on the road. She couldn't remember anymore what tour it was or what town they were headed to, but they had stopped at some truck stop or roadside attraction, and then wandered through the adjacent shop that had all the kitschy, touristy things. Deacon actually had been the one to find it, practically buried behind some straw hats on hangers and sightseeing books. 'This is us, Ray,' he'd said. 'You and me. For eternity.' She had loved it and it didn't cost much, so they bought it, and then brought it to the cabin. He had put it above the sliders, then wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her on the forehead. 'That's us, baby.' And it was. Then. She sighed. It was no use dwelling on the past. She took one last look at the sign and then walked out onto the porch, lowering herself into one of the chairs, feeling like the world as she knew it was tilting on its axis.
She was sitting on the porch, watching Deacon and Maddie, watching him bend over to hold the rod with Maddie. Just the way she had always imagined, all those years ago, when she still believed the whole world was in front of them. She suddenly felt all her emotions rise to the surface and wash over her. She'd loved Deacon for what felt like her whole life. She knew for sure she hadn't really come alive until she met him. He was in her blood, that was for sure, and she knew she was in his. She'd never really wondered about it before, never questioned it, until she watched him fail – again – at sobriety, after three trips to rehab. It had killed her to turn her back on him, trying to start a new life for herself, but she had not wanted to watch him kill himself.
He'd ended up in rehab two more times before it stuck. That it coincided with her pregnancy didn't hurt his resolve, but she was grateful he'd figured it out. It hadn't stopped her from worrying though. It hadn't stopped her from holding him at arms' length. But seeing how much he'd changed, how committed he was to this, had softened her resolve.
It was getting late in the afternoon and, when she watched Deacon and Maddie walk towards her, she made up her mind. They were almost at the porch when he said, "I guess we should get going, so we can be back before Maddie's bedtime." He glanced at Maddie, then back at her. "I'm sure she'll sleep the whole way back."
She hadn't said anything immediately, still wavering the tiniest bit, still questioning herself. And then she heard herself say, "I know we didn't plan for it, but I was thinking maybe we might stay overnight and go home in the morning."
His eyes widened with surprise. "What?" he croaked out.
She smiled then. "I was thinking Maddie might like to see the fireflies. And then maybe you might sing for us, or something." She looked at Maddie. "Would you like to spend the night here, sweet girl?"
"Yes!" Maddie squealed.
She stood up. "I guess that settles it then, don't you think?" He nodded mutely, his eyes questioning her. She walked down the steps and put her arms around his waist, then looked up at him and smiled. "I think you might need to go pick up some dinner though. And something for breakfast."
He put one arm around her shoulder. His eyes were filled with both questions and hope. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice soft and low. She nodded happily and then he leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back, letting him know she was all in.
He went to the small market just up the road and came back with enough groceries for spaghetti and s'mores and eggs for in the morning. Every time he passed her, he would kiss her, as though he couldn't believe she was really there. He let Maddie wear one of his flannel shirts as a very oversized nightgown and, of course, let her wear one too. And after Maddie went to bed, she made him take her to bed as well, although it didn't take any real prodding to get him there. And then what a reunion. They hardly slept, as hungry as they were for each other, as much as they needed to tease and touch and rediscover each other. When they did finally fall asleep, she felt unbelievably satiated and…happy. So very happy.
She smiled to herself as she remembered the next day. Even though Maddie had loudly protested wearing her underwear and clothes again, she didn't let it spoil her mood the next day. Deacon seemed to always be reaching for her hand or pulling her in for a kiss, like he couldn't believe she'd finally come back. And when they finally had left the cabin, they were already making plans for what was next. Every time she looked at him, she'd felt a shiver up her spine, and then wondered why she had ever waited as long as she had. He was her home, her family. Always had been. And all she wanted to do was rebuild her life with him.
They had decided to buy a new house in town, wanting to start over fresh. The only thing they'd kept from their old life was this cabin. And then there was the night at the Opry, when she'd let Deacon choose the songs they'd do, and they'd performed 'No One Will Ever Love You' and 'Surrender'. When they finished, she had been so pulled into the moment that she almost didn't remember where she was. When they got back to her dressing room, all she'd wanted to do was surrender to him and they had christened that particular dressing room. She smiled to herself. The result of that night was the baby girl she'd have in February. And partly the reason they'd decided to go ahead and get married.
She was never quite sure if it was the cabin or just the fact that she was ready, but once she'd made the move that day, she really hadn't looked back. Deacon reminded her again of the young man she'd met at the Bluebird, filled with hope and talent and a belief in the future. He was that young man again who had treated her with such respect and love, who had been a port in a storm and then had become as much a part of her as her own breath.
Just then there was a knock on the door. As she turned to see who it was, the door opened and Deacon stepped in. She smiled happily. "I know I ain't supposed to see you, 'cause it's bad luck or something," he said.
She walked over to him. "I don't believe in bad luck. You know that." She put her hands on his face and drew him to her for a kiss. She felt his hands circle her waist and she deepened the kiss. When she finally pulled away, she looked into the face she loved. "Are we ready?" she asked.
He smiled. "Whenever you are," he said. He stepped back and took her hand in his. "You're looking kinda gorgeous, Ray."
She squeezed his hand and smiled back at him. "You're looking kinda handsome, Deacon," she responded. He did. He didn't wear a suit often. Actually she wasn't sure she'd really ever seen him in one, one that didn't include jeans anyway, but he sure looked gorgeous in this one. "But I mean, are we ready for this?" He looked puzzled. "You know. For filing taxes together and raising up our children and having family meals and all that other mundane stuff?"
He smiled at her and leaned in for a kiss. "All that mundane stuff? That's pretty much just what I been waiting for." He kissed her again. "You know that." He bit down on his lip and looked at her seriously. "You ain't looking for a way out, are you?"
She knew he still held his breath a little, not wanting to mess things up again, no matter how often she told him she had faith in him and that she was committed to forever, with him. She put her hand on his cheek and shook her head. "No. I'm not."
He breathed in. "Then let's get married, okay?"
She smiled and nodded. "Give me just a few minutes and I'll be down."
He looked at her intently, then kissed her softly. "I love you, Rayna."
"I love you, Deacon."
She watched him as he walked out of the room, feeling her heart beat a little faster. He could still take her breath away, still make her tingle from her head to her toes, in that way that made her toes curl up. It was magical, what they had between the two of them, how quickly they'd become so much a part of each other it was hard to tell where one started and the other ended. But it had also made it hard to separate her emotions from the pain they'd caused each other. He was still the same headstrong, impulsive man she'd met all those years ago. He had learned how to channel that these days, but he was still the same man in many ways. She didn't want to be wrong. Not this time. There was too much at stake.
Rayna stood on the porch, looking out over the lawn and the lake beyond, as the sun started to lower in the sky. It had been a perfect day. Only their closest friends and family had been there. Their vows had been simple and poignant and meaningful, just like the lyrics to their songs. Maddie had been bouncing off walls all day, like it was Christmas, Halloween and her birthday all wrapped up into one day. She didn't completely understand the significance of the day, but she had been excited to wear a pretty dress and see her parents all dressed up. Rayna's eyes found Deacon, right near the water's edge, talking to Bucky and Watty, and she smiled. She thought back to the night before.
When she rolled over to lay next to him and curl up under his arm, she did so almost regretfully. She placed her palm on his chest while she caught her breath. "Oh, babe, that was amazing," she said, her voice sounding husky to her ear.
He looked at her and grinned. "You're always amazing, Rayna," he said. He pulled her closer and kissed her on the forehead. "I'm so lucky to have you." She heard a wistful note in his voice that made her frown. She rolled onto her side.
"Don't do that," she said.
He looked away. "Do what?"
"Act like you don't deserve to be happy. That you don't deserve this. All of this."
He looked back at her. "I want this more'n anything, you know that. But I don't want to screw this up…."
She propped herself on her elbow so she could look into his eyes. "You're not gonna do that, Deacon. I have faith in you. I wanted you to feel strong and I know you do. So don't try to convince yourself otherwise." He started to say something and she laid her index finger across his lips to stop him. "We're a family already, Deacon. We've been a family since we first met. And now we have Maddie and another little one on the way and we're gonna have everything we ever wanted. And I know you're strong enough for this."
His eyes searched hers and then he reached up and threaded his fingers into her hair and pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply.
"Hey, sweetie." Tandy's voice pulled her back to the present. She turned to her sister. "Maddie's asleep. I was thinking maybe Deacon could carry her to my car so I can drive us to my place." She ran her hand along her sister's arm. "Then maybe everyone else will take the hint that it's time to leave." She smiled impishly.
Rayna grinned. "I think that's a great idea. I'll go get Deacon." She headed down the steps and across the lawn.
Deacon turned to look at her as she approached, and he smiled. She smiled back at him. We're good. We're great. This is what I always wanted, what we always wanted. And now we're gonna have that life we always talked about. A life that's good.
THE END