We're slumped on the floor completely naked, our shoulders brushing together. Steven's all marked up and I'm aching but completely satisfied. He tilts his head a little to the side, resting it against my bare shoulder. If I smoked, now would seem like the right time for a cigarette.

The reason why I don't creeps up on me, another memory to add to the horror of the rest. I hide my expression so Steven doesn't notice; I'd hate to ruin our moment of tranquillity. He sighs, shifting himself so his legs are drawn up to his chest.

"Okay?" I ask him, able to focus on the here and now again.

He turns to me and smiles. I want to kiss the corner of his mouth, the part where it turns upwards. I lean in to do so.

"Bren," Steven whispers when I'm inches away from him.

"Mm?"

"Maybe we should go somewhere more private?" He glances down at himself in all his nakedness and I do the same, drinking in him.

"Might be a good idea," I agree, slowly gathering myself off the floor. I grunt, stretching out my sore muscles. I offer Steven a hand and he takes it, jumping upright with more ease than me.

It's clear to see why I chose him all those years ago. There's something about him, something that draws you in and doesn't leave. Not to mention he's beautiful. It sounds ridiculous in my head, and I wonder to myself if I've ever called him it before. It doesn't seem like my style, but the truth of it hits me square in the chest.

I watch him as we retreat to my room, the curve of his arse mesmerising. He's practically smooth until you reach his crotch. His legs are the most astonishing of all however, so thick with hair and dark too.

"What?" He stops, looking over his shoulder at me. He must have felt my eyes on him.

"Just enjoying the view," I tell him. My hands reach for his waist, gripping tightly.

"You're keen," he laughs, pushing open my bedroom door.

I plaster myself against his back when we're inside, running my hand down his waist.

"I remember some things," I murmur into his shoulder as I place a kiss there.

"What do you mean?" He asks, choking back a moan.

"You know, from the others."

"The others?" He says, bewildered. He then goes suddenly still in my arms.

"Steven?"

"Get off," he says roughly. I immediately let go of him.

He grabs some clothes from his bag, slips them on without a word. I can tell he's shaking, from fear or rage I can't tell. I wait for him to speak, my breath caught in my throat. I've obviously said something wrong.

He finally turns back to me. He's white with rage.

"Jesus, Steven," I breathe, taking a step towards him.

"Don't." He holds up a hand, stopping me in my tracks. "I'm going back to my room, okay?"

"No, not okay." I bar the door, acutely aware that I'm still naked. "What's going on? Is it because I mentioned the others?"

"By others you mean Macca and Vinnie, right?" He spits his words out.

"You know about them?" I'm surprised how honest I've been with him.

"You told me years ago. I met Macca."

"You…" I trail off, struggling to comprehend.

"It doesn't matter. Can you get out of the way now?"

"No," I say sternly. Steven's face is turned away, trying not to look at me. "I wasn't thinking when I said that. I just meant that I remember more… about sex."

"From them."

"But I'm with you, you know that." I go to him, placing my hands on his arms.

"You remember more about them than you do about me."

"That's not true," I say immediately.

"You remember having sex with them!"

"Just the mechanics. I remembered having it with you too."

"It's not the same." Steven shakes his head. "I didn't expect you to remember so much this quickly."

"What do you want from me, Steven? Hm? Do you want me to forget again because believe me, I'd like to."

"Don't do that." Steven closes his eyes as though in pain. "I'd take it away in a heartbeat if I could."

"I didn't mean…" I falter, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. "That goes without saying," I mutter.

"What did you mean then?"

"If I could erase everything I did with them to get you back in here, I would." I point to my head.

Steven breathes out, beginning to calm down. I take the opportunity to wrap my arms around him.

"Can we stop with all the arguing now?" I whisper into his ear.

"We used to do it all the time," he says, relaxing a little in my embrace.

"Yeah? Who was mostly right in these arguments?" I tease, trying to get a smile out of him.

"Me, obviously." He chuckles a little. I cup his face with my palm.

"We okay?"

He nods against my hand. "Not easy, this."

"No, it isn't," I agree. "Come on, let's lie down for a bit."

I guide him towards the bed, pulling back the covers to slip inside. He takes his clothes off again before he joins me. I lie on my back, one arm behind my head. Steven slots into the space beside me, curled around my side. He still has his socks on.

"What else has come back to you?" He asks after a while. He doesn't sound angry anymore, just curious.

"It's weird, it's the people I mostly remember, not the events."

"Is it like what you said before?"

"Like an awareness, yeah. Some of the more significant moments are starting to come back to me. Like my wedding day." He smiles wryly at that. "More interested in the priest than her."

Steven doesn't laugh but attempts another smile. "Eileen hates me."

"Yeah?" I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"She caught us after we had sex on the floor, couldn't believe her eyes."

I splutter, disguising it as a cough. "She what?"

"We didn't lock the door and she came to see you about Declan. She was really mad."

"Not surprising."

Steven looks up at me then, a small smile on his face. "That was the first time you said you loved me, you know."

"It was?"

"We had this amazing kiss right, against the wall. It had been so long since we'd… you know."

"Against the wall? Really?"

"Does that sound familiar?" Steven shuffles closer to me.

"It came back to me the other day, parts of it." I close my eyes for a moment. My memories feel easier to unlock now that so many have resurfaced. "It's difficult though; the actions are all there but I have no idea about the feeling behind it."

"You haven't lived through it all, the build up to that moment. You haven't fallen in love with me yet," Steven adds the last part a little sadly.

"I told you that I know I love you."

"But it isn't the same, is it?" Steven tucks his head into my chest. "Just gotta be patient, that's all."

I sigh, feeling frustrated all over again. "I want to remember so badly, Steven. Everything that's come back to me today… it just doesn't seem fair that the time of my life when I was happiest…" I trail off. "That's right, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Steven says. "You were."

"I still am," I tell him. "It's just more complicated."

"It always was," Steven sighs.

I give him a crinkly smile then. "Come here," I murmur, sighing when he presses himself closer against my side. It isn't long until my body begins to react. I place my hand against his hip, my thumb smoothing over the soft skin there. Goosebumps rise where my fingers stroke and I smile in satisfaction, replacing my fingers with my lips.

"Bren…" Steven lets out a little whimper as I bite the tattoo on his hip. He tangles his fingers in my hair, tugging gently at first but gradually becoming more irate. "Fuck," he curses as I begin to kiss and nip across his inner thighs, pubic hair thick and coarse against my nose and chin.

His cock is already hard against his stomach but I ignore it in favour of his hole. It's still a little loose from earlier. I lick around the outside of it, fascinated by the way it puckers and tenses in reaction to my tongue. I grip his legs as I push the tip of my tongue inside, marvelling at the way his body convulses from such a small movement.

I lick him open, my knuckles white from the grip on his legs. I offer him my fingers and he coats them in saliva, making obscene slurping noises and moans. I push one inside, then two, his muscles swallowing me up to the knuckle.

It's ridiculous how appealing he is to me; his body jerking to my thrusts, panting and whining as pre come leaks from the tip of his cock. He's a fucking mess and I tell him so.

"Fuck me then," he says, positioning himself so his legs are wrapped around my back.

I want to tease him more but I can't. He's open bare to me and I need him so badly. I slide into him slowly, allow him to get comfortable and then give him exactly what he wants, what I want. The rhythm of our bodies is jerky and uncoordinated so I re-position us, startled when Steven pulls himself upright and lays his head against my chest. It takes me a moment to recover from the unexpected sweetness of the movement and then I'm back to thrusting into him, his legs now straddled across my hips, our chests together.

His cock is trapped between us and I allow him to touch himself; I need both my hands to hold him upright as I push into him.

This position feels more intimate than anything we've done before and I find myself slowing down, wanting to savour it. Steven comes before me, doesn't stop stroking himself until he's completely ridden out his orgasm. He's sweating and his eyes are squeezed shut, breathing erratic. I hold him close as I quicken my pace, feeling my own orgasm ripple through me.

We collapse against each other, out of breath and completely spent. We're also sticky.

"Tissue," I manage to say, extricating myself from him. I clean us both off but we're still slick with sweat. "Shower?" I suggest and Steven nods, his hair a mess from where my hands were all over him. He's covered in bite marks and red patches from the slide of our bodies. I am too and it feels oddly satisfying.

I turn the shower head on and let Steven underneath it first, watching as his hair flattens into a style that makes him look much younger than he is. I run my fingers through his wet hair, my touch gentle. I squirt shampoo into my palm and lather him up, finding it strangely soothing. He closes his eyes in contentment, leaning a little against my wet body. As I rinse the suds from his hair, he lathers me up in shower gel, his eyes wide as he takes me in, like he can't believe I'm really here in front of him. I look huge compared to him and I tell him so. He laughs, standing up on his tiptoes to give me a kiss. I back him against the shower wall, kissing him hard.

It takes us far longer than it should to finish up and by then Cheryl and Nate are back. I hear the front door go and there's a muffle of voices. It sounds like there's more than just the two of them. I look at Steven who's towelling his hair dry and shrug. Soon enough there's a tentative knock at the door.

"Bren? There's someone here to see Ste."

Steven freezes, towel in hand. He slips back into his room, presumably for a change of clothes. I sigh, dressing myself accordingly.

"Just a minute, Chez."

When I enter the living room, Nate is sitting on the sofa with someone who has their back to me. They both turn around when I come in and I'm confronted with a man I'm certain I've seen before. His eyes are pale, his hair almost completely grey. When he stands up I notice how stocky he is. I straighten to show off my own build.

"You must be Brendan," he says, holding out a hand for me to shake. I do so, my grip firm and unyielding.

"And you are?"

"Danny. I'm Steven's father."

I inhale through my nose, trying to hold myself together. "Does Steven know you're coming?"

Danny looks awkward all of a sudden. "Ah, no. I saw you both earlier in the village."

"Did you follow us here?"

"Brendan!" Cheryl scolds, coming into the room with cups of tea.

"It's alright, I deserve that. Yes, I'm afraid to say I did."

"Did you ever think that he doesn't want to see you?" I ask coldly. I have no idea why I feel so hostile towards this man.

Danny coughs awkwardly. "I'll be sure to ask him."

"Where is Ste anyway?" Cheryl asks, forcing a smile on her face. She can obviously feel the atmosphere in the room.

"I'll go see," I say but Nate stands up abruptly.

"Let me," he offers. I hesitate before nodding. Danny sits back down again but I remain standing, crossing my arms over my chest.

After a few moments of silence, Nate re-emerges. "He just needs a minute," he explains, sitting down again.

We wait. Cheryl hands out the tea, trying to stay occupied. When her hands are empty she sits on the edge of the chair, clasping and unclasping her hands. Her eyes are constantly drawn towards Steven's room. I wonder what she isn't telling me.

Finally, Steven appears. He's changed into some dark jeans and a buttoned up polo shirt. He's gelled his hair again after our shower earlier. I find myself missing the boy with the flattened fringe. I shake myself, new images surfacing and taking me off guard.

I'm lost in my own thoughts until Danny goes to him, holding out his arms.

"Son, it's so good to see you."

Steven awkwardly accepts the embrace and I bristle. Cheryl gives me a warning look.

"It's not been that long," Steven says, stepping away from Danny a little.

"Still." Danny beams at him. "I was so surprised to see you in the village. I thought you'd left for good after-"

"Well, Brendan needed to go there," Steven interrupts, colouring. I give him a sharp look. What's he trying to hide?

Danny looks at me again. "How are you feeling, Brendan? I heard about the accident."

"You did?" I look at Steven, my gaze unwavering. He shuffles uncomfortably from the scrutiny. "I'm doing okay."

"Yeah? How are the memories coming along?"

I shrug. "Getting there."

"That's good." Danny nods to himself. "The girls were asking after you, Ste."

"Yeah?" Steven smiles then.

"Rose is getting so big, you know?" Danny grins then. "You should come by and see them."

"Yeah, maybe." Steven shuts down again, looking at his feet.

Cheryl clears her throat, looking around at everyone. "Why don't I get us something a bit stronger, hm? Whiskey maybe?"

I grunt in reply, the others nod vaguely.

"Brendan, why don't you help me? Nate, could you fetch some glasses?"

When I don't move, Cheryl steps on my foot.

"Alright," I say a little sharper than I meant to.

I follow her into the kitchen, turning back to see Steven and his dad take a seat on the sofa, talking in quiet voices.

"Brendan," Cheryl brings my attention back to her. "I know this isn't easy for you but you need to let them be."

"I don't trust him," I say immediately, looking over at them again. "There must be a reason Steven doesn't see them anymore."

"I'm sure there is, but just let him make his own choice, okay?"

I turn my gaze back to her. "Do you know what it is?"

"This isn't the time, Brendan," Cheryl says, attempting to sound mild but not quite managing it. "You just focus on getting better, okay?"

"I just want to remember him, Chez. Properly."

"You will," she says firmly. "Give it time."

"I'm gonna lose him."

"What are you talking about?" She sets the bottle of whiskey down on the counter a little harder than intended.

Steven and Danny glance over at us briefly before resuming their conversation.

I lower my voice. "How long can he stick this out for? Me not remembering him I mean. You should have seen him earlier, Chez."

"Why? What happened?" She lowers her voice too, leaning closer to me.

"He said I haven't fallen in love with him yet."

Cheryl blinks at me, her mouth gaping open. Then her expression changes to one of joy.

"What?" I hiss, alarmed by the knowing expression on her face.

"I'll tell you later," she teases, taking the whiskey over to our guest.

Nate's already laid out the glasses on the coffee table. He sits in the chair and Cheryl joins him. I hover for a moment, wondering if I should remain standing.

"Bren," Steven says softly, shuffling over to make room for me. I sit down beside him, our knees brushing together. He smiles up at me and for a moment I forget everything else. I fight the urge to kiss him.

"So how long have you been staying here then?" Danny asks conversationally.

"Not long, we're actually heading back to Ireland tomorrow," Nate explains.

"Oh yeah?" Danny looks interested all of a sudden. "Are you going too, Brendan?"

"Why would I be going?" I ask bluntly. Danny doesn't miss a beat.

"It's your home, isn't it?" Danny's still smiling.

"My home's here now, with Steven."

"Of course." Danny nods, his smile faltering a bit.

"I can't travel that far anyway, not yet," I mumble, not wanting to explain myself to this man.

"Right, course." Danny's smile has almost completely disappeared now. "I only asked because, well…" he trails off awkwardly.

"What is it?" Steven asks, looking warily at his dad.

"I was thinking it was maybe time for you to come home, son."

There's a palpable silence after this announcement. Cheryl and Nate exchange an anxious glance.

I'm close to jumping out of my seat but as if sensing my intention, Steven places a firm hand on my leg.

"What are you talking about?" He asks, stunned.

"We all miss you; it wasn't right, you leaving like that."

"Can you blame me? After all the secrets and lies."

Danny bows his head. "It's not like that anymore. Sam and I-"

"It doesn't matter, I'm not going anywhere."

"Ste-"

"I'm not going anywhere," Steven says more firmly. "I'm not leaving Brendan. Ever."

Danny appears at a loss for words. "Is that really how you feel?" He says eventually.

"Yes." Steven nods, his grip on my leg tightening. I look at him, the set of his jaw, the blaze in his eyes. I love him.

I look at Cheryl. She's watching me, smiling openly. She gives me an encouraging little nod.

"I think you should go," I say to Danny. He gives me a hard look, opening his mouth as if to say something but then seemingly thinks better of it.

"Alright. I'll be in touch though," he says pointedly. "I'm not finished fighting for you, Ste."

Steven doesn't say a word. He shows his dad out the door and then turns back to me, his expression unreadable.

"We'll give you two some privacy," Cheryl says, giving Nate a nudge. "We need to start packing anyway."

I nod vaguely in their direction, my eyes fixed on Steven.

"You okay?"

He sits heavily on the sofa, pressing his forehead into his knees. "I can't believe he asked me that."

"You could have gone with him you know," I say quietly, ready for the ensuing anger.

"What are you on about? Of course I'm not gonna go with him!" Steven's looking at me now, fire in his eyes. His mouth is puckered and suddenly I kiss him. It takes him about a second to respond and then he's half on my lap, kissing me fiercely.

"I don't want you to go anywhere," I tell him, cradling his face in my hands. "I just don't want you to sacrifice anything for me, that's all."

"It's not even a question. I can't live without you."

I nod, pressing our foreheads together. "Me neither."

I breathe him in for a moment, collecting my thoughts.

"Let's go to bed, yeah?"

"Yeah," Steven agrees, a little breathlessly.

"Tomorrow's gonna be a good day," I tell him.

"You think so?"

"Can't be like today, can it?"

Steven smiles a little, nodding. "Are you okay?"

"I will be." I press my lips against his forehead. For the first time since the accident, I'm sure about that.