I still haven't told her. My pen quivers in my hand. A drop of ink falls to the paper and I drop the pen. Words on paper are not the same as words from my mouth. She's fourteen; she deserves to know.
I roll over and stare at the ceiling. Blank. Just like my mind.
Her family is dead. Mine is dead. She had a twin. We're all likely to die.
She needs to know these simple facts, but this is anything but simple. I wonder what we'd be doing now if this didn't happen. I'd probably be at home with my mom, who'd be making traditional Chinese food. He would be out, peddling whatever wares he had this time, before coming home to get high with me. Harmony would be at school. She'd be a Freshmen with her sister. They'd both come home to a loving family and house of their own.
I wonder how much she remembers of the time before. If she couldn't tell that everything we went through was abnormal, how could she know?
I rub my forehead in my hands. The sparking shifts inside and I wince.
Are you okay? I can feel the pain from here but I can't actually hear anything from you.
I'm fine. Just need some time to sort stuff out.
Ya sure? Skye asks.
I shake my head and slide from the bunk to the ground.
I'm cool. Did you get your infusion yet Har? I'll meet you there.
I'm going, mom.
I freeze outside the med-bay doors. Mom. I really miss her. I'm going to be one soon. I almost was one before.
The little pink cross was forever etched in my eyelids. I'm pregnant. I'm going to be a mother. And he'll be a father. I sigh and eye my stomach in the mirror. You could see nothing yet; my thin stomach was the same.
Already, I can't imagine getting rid of it. I hope it's a her.
I drop the test in the trash and bury it beneath a pile of tissues. My mom wouldn't be too happy to find that her barely legal daughter was pregnant. Just like her, I was willing to give up my future for a kid that was an accident. Only this accident was less traumatic.
I dash out of the bathroom and scoop up my phone. Only two numbers are on speed-dial. His and our dealer.
"Hullo." He asks huskily.
"Hey babe. I've got good news." I'm smiling so wide, I bet he can hear my smile from the other end of the phone.
There is a pause before he answers and then the sound of fervent shushing. "What kind of good news?"
Now it's my turn to pause. "I'm pregnant." And rather unnecessarily, I add. "With your kid."
He says nothing and in the silence between his breaths, I hear light footsteps and the slamming of several doors in succession.
"Do you want to keep it?"
"Do you?" He sighs as if I asked a stupid question.
"Of course I do. It's a mini me, a mini you. It's us, a human being made of our love. A-"
"I get it, okay? I'm coming over." I can hear the car starting and the radio talking. "I can handle a kid, though it's a bit too soon. The question is, can you stay clean for it, if you haven't damaged it already?"
I didn't answer because deep inside, I knew I couldn't. I wanted a pill, or a long drink of my mother's liquor.
"I'll see you." I said, pulling the phone from my ear. I ended the call and leaned back on the pile of pillows on the bed.
I lost the baby two months later after a particularly harsh beating and an almost overdose.
"Are you functional?" Prowl asks. I don't remember opening my eyes, but they are open when I come to. I'm in the medbay already, sitting up with the infusion tubes stuck in my arm.
"I'm fine. Just a flashback."
"A flashback is a recurrence of a memory, usually bad, correct?"
I rub the back of my head with my free arm. "Yeah."
He doesn't move for a moment and as I gaze up at him, I can see how much he looks like a robot. The others seem so alive, yet he is so still and mechanical.
"Then there is a ninety-two percent chance that it was about your time in captivity. Is this also correct?"
I grit my teeth at the intruding question.
"Why do you care?"
I bite my nail.
Harmony glares at me. "You don't have to be rude, Flee."
I can hear her jibe from earlier. Mom. And yet, she had no idea that she didn't have one. Right now is probably not the best time to tell her. When else? If I don't tell her, will I get the chance? We've been targeted twice before. We'll all die sooner or later. I should tell her.
Before I lose my nerve, I blurt. "YourfamilyandtwinsisterwerekilledbytheDecepticons." I exhale. The table shakes in time with my fists. Breathe. In. Out. In.
She says nothing and her eyes are blank. Is she flashbacking?
Ratchet is watching her curiously, cautiously. Prowl looks rather defensive.
Harmony's head is tilted to the side. "Syntax error: 76. Data not received."
"What?" She had just repeated a computer relay command. Why would she say that, of all things?
Are you okay?
I hear silence. It's like she isn't there. The berth continues to shake. The containers of medical equipment rattle and Ratchet and Prowl race to catch them.
"What's wrong with her?" I ask as I try to stand. I fall back down again causing the sparking to move. I have to be careful not to hurt it; it's going to kill me, but I can't have offspring any other way.
Something tears inside. A rib maybe.
"Syntax error: 76. Data not received."
Ratchet pauses. "She's glitching. Prowl, pass me the EMP generator."
Prowl freezes. "Humans can't glitch because they are not logic driven. They have no processors. It's not logical."
Ratchet pushes past him to the cabinet behind him and grabs a small box. He shakes his head as he crosses back over to Harmony.
"Of course. I should've known he'd glitch too." He sets the box down carefully next to her and watches silently as she returns to normal.
"Let's not bring that up again when her mental stability is so unstable." He says sternly as he unhooks the Iv's from us both.
"Then when am I supposed to tell her? We're both at risk to die young, either from the alien baby or from everything else. I don't want her to die before she knows."
"Just keep her out of the loop until I figure out why she glitched and how it was possible." He says exasperatedly. I wince at the soreness in my ribs from the nanites as I get up. I think I want a long drink and something to get high on.