This was a hard one to write, for some reason it just didn't want to come out so I had to fight tooth and nail for each and every word, so I'm really sorry for the extended wait but you get an extra extended chapter for your patience!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.
All mistakes are mine. I don't have a beta, just a sister who gets to read it first and then tell me I need to put more angst into it!
Push or Pull? Your choice
Chapter 10
The brothers had retreated to their own corners to think about the revelations of the last few hours. The eldest brother revaluates his belief in his father, in his hero and what he really stands for and the other brother wonders if he should have said anything in the first place. The youngest brother take no satisfaction with the fact that he was the one to shatter his big brothers illusions of their father, that he wasn't the hero he thought he was and he had a really dark side to him that Sam had always alluded to when he was young but the big brother had just dismissed it as stubbornness.
Dean just couldn't understand why his father was so different with his brother that he had always been with him. If he hadn't had that dream and had it confirmed with his little brother he wouldn't never have believed it. He cursed softly and allowed his anger at his father to bubbly up slightly when he punched slammed his hand down on the table in front of him caused everything that had been sitting on the small table to jump. He couldn't help but think that all these years he had blamed his little brothers need to escape the hunter's life and his small family but the real culprit was the father who had practically pushed him out the door and their family.
He looked over towards where his little brother was sitting, against the head of the bed, hands flopped into his lap, looking off into space. He seemed so small and lost. Dean decided he couldn't stand to see his brother getting so lost inside his own head and probably blaming himself for everything that he got up and walked over to the hospital bed. He put his hand gently on his head and sat as close as he could to his brothers small form, he leaned forward trying to catch his eye.
"Sammy?" He said as he brushed the hair out of his little brother's face. "Come on buddy, snap out of it…" He said and he kept up the motion of running his hand through his little brothers soft hair "I'm not mad at you... Sammy?" he said, instincts telling him that his emotional sibling had shouldered all the blame.
Sad eyes looked up at him and blinked a few times before they were able to focus. "D'en?" Sam sad softly
"Yeah, buddy I'm here… sorry, I think I might have freaked out a little before… I don't blame you though man… if all that is true... I should be apologising to you… that night… Sammy if I had known there would have been a whole different outcome let me tell you" Dean had taken some time thinking about what he would have said and done to his father if he could go back to that night and what he would if he saw his father again.
They are silent for a moment and when Dean speaks again it's because he's worried Sam doesn't believe he's genuinely sorry about not seeing their father's behaviour towards the youngest Winchester. "Sammy? Please believe me… I would never."
"I know D'en... "Sam interrupted so his brother didn't continue thinking that he was blaming him for what their father had said and done.
"Do you though? Sammy, the thought of Dad saying and doing those things to you and… I was in the dark and I just went along with what Dad said, not knowing all the shit he had done to you.. I'm just really sorry… you didn't deserve that" Dean felt sick to his stomach that Sam had lived with the memory of that night for years. Now wonder he has had issues with their father for all these years and that he always felt like an outsider and the black sheet and… the list goes on Dean wants to groan at the impact this has had on his little brother.
"You know Dad was always careful right… He made sure you could never see where he would use his belt…"
"What!" Dean asked a little confused and a lot worried.
"Dad… he used to… use his belt on me Dean… Whenever I did something wrong, on a hunt or… if he drank too much…" Sam said looking at his hands, he couldn't lift his eyes any higher from fear of what he would see on his big brothers face.
Dean couldn't understand what he was hearing, he had just come to a realisation that their father was the reason Sam had practically run to Stanford and not looked back and now he was finding out that it had been going on a lot longer that he could even fathom. "Why… Why the hell hadn't you told me… why am I only just finding out about this now?" He asked angry at his little brother for keeping this from him, angry at his father for treating his little brother this way, after drilling into him the need to protect him, he was angry at himself not noticing, for believing their father when he said Sam had been slacking off, or that he needed to be toughened up or that it was all his fault, when in fact it hadn't been and Sam had lived with his father's cruel words and recriminations until he believed them. No wonder it was hard for Sam to trust Dean.
"Well I… I… Dad said if I told you… that you… umm... you wouldn't believe me" Sam spoke so softly that Dean struggled to hear him that he had to lean in close and when his brother finally looked up at him Dean saw nothing but sadness in his little brothers hazel eyes but he couldn't look past the anger he felt. Deep inside he wasn't sure he was angry because Sam assumed he wouldn't believe him or because he knew he probably wouldn't have.
"Right… Of course I wouldn't believe you, I mean, I was just a mindless drone… am I right? That's what you think, that I don't have a mind of my own?" Dean asked irrationally, he knew that Sam had once felt that way because in his adolescent mind his brother hadn't been on his side when he had sided with their father.
"What? NO! Dean, that's not what I meant…" Sam started but was cut off mid-sentence.
"Just stop Sam… I don't want to hear it" Dean growled as he huffed his frustration and grabbed his jacket and keys and strode towards the door to the hospital room.
"Dean? Where are you going?" Sam asked panic setting in.
"I need to get out of here" He said and he yanked the door open and stepped out into the hall, then slammed the door unnecessarily hard making him jump at the loud bag. He was momentarily stunned and a little guilt crept into his mind then he pushed it aside as he was reminded of what his brother had said and his anger had bubbled to surface again. He wasn't really mad at his little brother, he was a little insulted and hurt that Sam hadn't confided in him or thought he would believe him and want to protect him from their own father. As he walked out of the hospital, towards the impala and got into the driver's side door that at the time he had seen his father as a hero and nothing more, if he was truly honest with himself, he wasn't so sure he would have believed a moody and argumentative teenage Sam.
He sat in the usually comforting leather of the impala but now reminded him and the side of his father he didn't know, the side that had hurt the most important thing in his life. 'I'll have one drink, then I'll go back and talk to Sam' He thought as he pulled out of the motel parking lot, totally oblivious to the self-flagellation happening within the walls of his brothers hospital room.
Sam sat in his bed looking even smaller than he before, he tried to scrunch up even eps alley but his I juries prevented it. They had been doing so well, their relationship was healing but it was a long slow process. Trust was something that Sam would have to keep regaining, no matter how many times he replayed his debts. He let out a shuddered sigh and wiped his tears eyes, when his nurse came trotting into the room, not even noticing the distress her patient was in. "How are you feeling honey? You'll be going in for another set of scans shortly..." She stopped tucking him in abruptly when she finally looked at Sam's face. "Honey? What's wrong?" She said in question.
Sam shook his head in answer as a tear escaped "N...nothing." he replied as he wiped his tears away quickly.
"Are you in any pain?" She asked worriedly
"No... I'm just tired" he said softly, wishing that was true. A flash of his brother walking out the door popped into his mind and he swallowed down the lump in his throat.
The nurse stood there looking at him and after a long hard look she finally conceded "Alright... I'll be back shortly for your scans" she said and patted his knee then walked out the door.
He put his head back down on his pillow and put his hands over his face, he allowed himself to cry a little. At his own weakness, his own failures, his own mistakes. Just when he thought he was out of one cave, one prison, he was right back in another one... one of his own making, one inside his own head.
Dean sat nursing his fifth beer of the night. He had stopped at the first bar he found and had been having an internal struggle ever since, stay and have another beer or go back to his little brother and apologise. The thing was, the longer he stayed and the more beers he had, the less likely it was that he would be able to even walk back into his brother's room, let alone be able to drive back to the hospital without having some sort of accident. He sighed out a long breath and squinting at his watch, he realised that he had been gone for three and a half hours, he gulped down the last of his beer and took out some bills from his wallet and stumbled back to the impala. He got in and clutched the steering wheel, willing himself to focus and sober up enough to get to the hospital. He would have to drive carefully but he could make it without getting the attention of the police.
Just as he was able to talk himself into putting the key in the ignition, his phone rang shrilly in his pocket. Yanking it out and pressing the answer button without seeing whose name was displayed on the screen, he was greeted by Garth's unhappy drawl in his ear "Dean! Where the hell are you?"
"Wha? Garth... I'm just coming back now... I needed a drink... Or two" he replied trying to not slur his words.
"Or five by the sound of it... I just walked into Sam's room and he's not here" he said worried that perhaps something had gone terribly wrong.
"What?" He asked suddenly sober.
"Exactly what I just said... I walked into Sam's room and he was gone, his beds gone too" Garth replied a little miffed that the older sibling hadn't been with the youngest Winchester and was unaware of any movements or medical procedures because he hadn't been with him. Garth felt anger in well up at the thought of the injured man being alone "Where have you been Dean?" He asked.
Hearing the angry tone of voice from the usual happy go lucky man, he took a moment to answer thinking about how best to describe what had happened. "I... I've just... Okay I'm just going to say it. I needed a good stiff drink so I went to the local bar..." Dean blurted out not knowing how else to start the conversation.
"You went to a bar!?" Garth practically growled
"Yes... look you weren't here... Sam and I were talking about some stuff and he said something that I guess I overreacted about...again" Dean was fumbling for the words now, this conversation wasn't going the way he thought it would.
"You guess?... I'm pretty sure you DID overact Dean... my god!" Garth was livid, he couldn't believe he had been away from the Winchesters for a few hours and they had already broken apart.
"Hey!" Dean said defensively then realised that he had actually overreacted. "Okay, I get your point... but you have to realise that..." Thinking about what he had said to his brother he felt shame colour his cheeks. "Shit" he said softly as he got into the impala and turned the key in the ignition, hoping that there weren't any cops on the roads.
"Yes 'shit'!" Garth said in reply, obviously he hadn't said it that softly "Whatever it was that he said, is it worth destroying what you only just repaired?" He huffed out a breath, the Winchester brothers had a reputation for being smart but lately he was questioning their brain capacity. He listened as the impala roared to life and
Garth was standing outside the hospital with his arms folded in front of him, looking angrier than Dean had ever seen the skinny hunter. Parking the Impala he pushes open the door and as he steps out Garth starts charging towards him. The eldest Winchester puts his back against the car when he gets closer, invading his space, stabbing a finger into his chest. "Who the HELL do you think you are?" He asks his face going red from anger. He points towards the hospital and his brother. "That kid in there, thinks you don't want anything to do with him! That you can't forgive him" Garth put a hand up when Dean opened his mouth to protest. "I know you want to repair your relationship, so does Sam... but sometimes I think you forget what he's been through" The lanky hunter looked sad for a minute then looked Dean in the eye "I'm not sure what your expectations are now that Sam is out of that cave... but I think you may need to reassess what it is you want from him" he finished with giving the older brother a small shove.
Dean took a stumble backwards, he looked at his friend in shock. No one had spoken to him like that since Bobby and when he shook his head he realised it was just what he needed. "Hey, okay man... just... tell me how exactly I can do that and... I'll do it" Dean was seriously out of ideas, he had tried everything and Garth was right, he just kept making mistakes and stepping back into old habits which hadn't exactly been conductive to a happy and healthy relationship with his little brothers not the past.
"I think what you need to do it go kill a monster or exorcize a demon or something... I don't want to see your face until you've sorted yourself out and figured out what exactly you want from him and how he's going to fit back in your life"
Dean looked at him like he had three heads "I can't leave now... Sammy is going to think the worst of me... He already thinks the worst, I have to fix that first" Dean didn't think leaving was the best thing right now but maybe going on a hint and clearing his head would help him to get a new perspective.
"Leave your little brother to me... I'll tell him I sent you away... I'll make something up, don't worry" Garth said hoping to ease the eldest Winchesters mind.
"I just... I don't want Sam to think I left him for good... I mean you said he was already messed up after our... fight and... I didn't mean to get so…" He trailed off searching for the right words.
"Pigheaded?" Garth chimed in with a small laugh.
"Yeah… Ok I deserved that…" Dean replied with a smirk in return.
The two men stood there, in front of the hospital, their moods much lighter than it had been when Dean first arrived. Dean looked over at Garth and sighed in resignation. "So… If I go..." Dean hesitates before going on, he's scared of his friends answer "Is Sam still going to be here when I get back? Is he going to even want to see me?" Dean grimaces at his vulnerability.
"Hey, don't you worry about your brother… I'll knock some sense into him too... No wonder Bobby was going bald… he had to deal with you two?" Garth said sarcastically. He knew that older hunters demise was a wound that may never heal but he hoped that he was helping to fill the large space he left behind.
Dean nodded laughing his eyes misty "Yeah, I don't know why he put up with us for so long?" he said still chuckling.
Garth smiled at him "He had his reasons Dean… least of which was that he cared about you both… I won't let anything happen to Sam while you're away" He said sincerely.
Dean stood there rooted to the spot, his legs didn't seem to want to move. He and his brother had been through a lot lately, lots of ups and downs and misunderstandings and leaving just didn't seem like the right thing to do. He sighed then just as he was turning to go back to the Impala he was stopped by a hand on his arm.
"Wait… I have something for you…" Garth stated as he looked in the indie pocket of his jacket "Here" he said as he passed over a bunch of crinkled paperwork folded in half.
Dean looked at the papers in his hand and wondered yet again what he had gotten himself into. "What's this?" He asked as he open the pages and skimmed over the pages of research, some were internet newspaper articles with highlighted parts and some were hand written notes in Garths scribble with a coffee stain right in the middle. "Are you kidding me?" He asked disgusted at the state of the skinny hunters research, he was so used to his little brothers neat almost OCD style of research that anything else was just subpar. "What the hell am I supposed to make of this?" He asked incredulously.
"It's the job you're going on… I found it for you last night" He replied like there was nothing wrong with it.
"This makes no sense Garth? What they hell is… 'hinky'?" Dean asked reading some of the notes as Garth pushed him towards the Impala.
"Just head east… the address is in my notes… speak to a woman name Maude" He replied opening the door and pushing him inside the car. "You'll figure it out man" He said to the dumbfounded hunter who was sitting in his beloved car still holding the notes in his hands opening his mouth the ask another question but shut it when he realised garth had already started to move towards the door.
"Just… tell him I'm coming back" Dean said out the window as he started moving away from Garth and the hospital, away from his brother and away from their problems.
"You got it! Now go ya idjit" Garth stated and then turned and walked back inside the hospital, disappearing through the double doors leaving Dean hesitating before finally turning back to the road and driving off.
Sam lay on the hospital bed, he could feel hands picking up his arms, jabbing him and locking him with needles. He felt his body being readjusted and manoeuvred on the bed, then loud bangs and flashing lights. He knew they had to be nurses and doctors doing the tests but he was trapped inside his own head, it was as if he watching himself from above his own body. He had thought at first that he had been so upset about Dean leaving him again that he had created this new world for himself but the longer he was in this seemingly self-imposed exile, he realised that it could be supernatural in origin. Trying to shake his head and failing as he no longer had control of his body, he started to panic that perhaps this was something he needed his brother's help with. He felt a tear escape as his fear washed over him, as images of Dean assaulted his brain, of Dean being chocked to death and being left alone in the dark to die, Sam could feel his brothers pain, like he was drowning and having the life crushed out of him at the same time, his heart beat faster, the panic making him hyperventilate and he had only one word on his lips as he awoke and screamed 'Deeeeaaaannnn!'
Garth had been sitting in one of those uncomfortable hospital chairs right outside Sam's room as doctors and nurses assessed him. When heard the anguished scream he shot up and ran into the room to see Sam thrashing and screaming for his brother. "Hey, Sam! Just… stop Sam, Deans not here, Sam… come on calm down" Garth said soothingly, he knew that he wouldn't have the same effect as Dean would have on his younger brother but he hoped a familiar voice may break through his fears.
Sam didn't know what was happening, just that he had to stop something from happening. "No! Dean!" He felt strong hands holding him down and in his nightmare filled haze, he started to panic. "No!"
"Sam! Hey, relax, Dean is fine, Sam... listen to me, Sam! Dean is fine" the hunter said in a relaxed gentle tone. "Sam... Listen to me, Dean is fine, do you hear me?" He said as the nurses left the room.
Sam took a deep breath and let it out in one long shaky sigh and blinked and finally recognised the scrawny hunter hovering over him. "Garth?" He asked hesitatingly, he knew better than most to not trust something at face value.
"Yeah, ya idjit" he said in the unmistakable Bobby style.
"Garth, Dean's in danger" Sam said then continued in a rush "I saw it, he's going to get hurt because he didn't know there are two of them... two not one" he murmured the last part his eyes wide with worry.
"Okay there Rainman, don't get all riled up, I'll call him and... two what?" Garth felt dread suddenly spread to the pit of his stomach.
"Two... Ghosts" Sam was panicking as the minutes ticked by.
"Okay Sam... Just let me call him... Calm down" Garth stated as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit the speed dial for Dean. He stood at Sam's bedside, as he waited for the older Winchester to answer his phone, however when it went to voice mail, Garth cursed and turned the phone off.
As he was trying to decide what to do next Sam interrupted his thoughts. "You should go"
"What? No Sam I'll try to contact someone in the area and..." Garth started
"I don't want just anyone helping Dean, I don't trust anyone else, it has to be you... Please" Sam said softly pleading. "Besides, I can't go, obviously... he probably wouldn't want to see me anyway" he stated matter of factly.
"Don't be ridiculous Sam... Dean didn't want to go, I told him it would do you both some good to have some time on your own and sort things out... he actually made me promise to tell you that he was coming back" Garth knew it was going to be hard getting through to the stubborn, self-doubting youngest Winchester but he had to try otherwise he would have a very angry oldest Winchester coming after him.
"Well, he's doing a very good impression of someone who would rather be anywhere but here... so where did you...send him?" Sam asked not really believing that Garth had SENT his brother anywhere. More likely it was Dean who had begged for a job to do to get away from his burden of a brother. Sam thought they were getting somewhere, that they were both working on making their relationship better but now it seemed like they were fooling themselves, they were teetering on the cliff, with one false move and they were right back to where they started.
"Sam... I know you and your brother are... struggling to fix everything and I know that something happened between the two of you... again... I sent Dean on a hunt so you could both have some time to clear your heads, that's all... there was no ulterior motive, no desire to abandon you" Garth watched his young charges face, a multitude of emotions crossed his face, from sadness and guilt to determination and strength, more strength than Sam knew he had.
"But... we've ignored the elephant in the room long enough... what exactly did you dream about... you said something about there being two ghosts... I need to know what I'm getting into and how to get Dean out alive" Garth said getting back to business.
"Well, all I saw in my dream... vision... whatever the hell you want to call it... was darkness, so it was probably at night and Dean was being attacked, he was being chocked and then… it knocked over a lantern and… the room he was in started to burn around him... there were two ghosts, one a woman and the other was a boy... a teenager... Dean salted and burned the wrong ghost, it was the boy and he was angry… really angry" Sam finished with a scared little wobble in his voice.
Garth thought about the information he had given Dean, he had assumed it would be an easy hunt, just a simple salt n burn, but he never imagined it would be two ghosts.
"Hey, don't worry, I'll go get Dean out of trouble, I'll bring him back... safe and sound, maybe you'll both laugh about it later?" he said knowing how much the boys liked to tease each other... not that they had done that in quite some time.
"Alright so I have a few hours to get to him... I can maybe do the back streets so I should get there sooner... Okay, I better get going Sam, will you be fine for a while?" Garth asked making a plan in his head.
"Please...tell Dean... tell him I'm sorry... and I'm here... waiting" Sam said a little timidly, he still wasn't all that convinced that Dean was going to come back, or even wanted to.
Garth didn't say anything to that, he wanted Dean to come back through that door and tell his little brother how little he had to be sorry for. "Alright Sam, well I'm going to get your brother out of trouble and you my gigantic friend is going to get some rest.
"But…" Sam started by his eyes suddenly felt heavy and he blinked slowly and when his eyes didn't reopen the skinny hunter walked the door, promising to being his older brother back to him.
Somewhere is the haze of his own self-pity Sam realised that his brother had left something of himself behind and if the only way for him to be closer to his brother was to read his journal then he would. However with his dark and stormy thought, he only read the parts where Dean was disappointed in him, where he was mad at Sam for not listening to him, where he voiced his concerns about his choices. Sam took a minute to ask himself that yes he had made bad coho ices but where the they HIS choices to make? Then the ever present shame and self-recrimination he felt from the outcome of those choices came flooding back to him and the sour and bitter taste of guilt made what little food he had in his stomach rise up and with ver little working he was sick all over himself.
Dean awoke with a start, he opened his eyes and was surprised to see Garth staring down at him. "Wha?" He croaked as he tried to sit up.
"Your brother saved your life man" Garth said a little in awe of the youngest Winchester, everything had happened exactly like Sam's dream and Garth was able to stop the evil ghost before it did permanent damage to the eldest Winchester.
"What the hell do you mean?" Dean's raspy voice came out barely loud enough to hear.
"Well... It's a long story..." Garth the proceeded to tell Dean everything that had happened.
Dean pulled into the first parking space he could find and practical led jumped out of the car, slammed the door closed and ran towards the doors of the hospital, Garth trailed behind him with an slightly amused look on his face. Not even bothering to check in with the nurses on the front desk, the eldest Winchester slipped through the doors and practically ran though corridors and around corners, dodging doctors, nurses and patients as he went, not stopping until he skidded in front of his little brother room. He yanked to door open and saw the only occupant of the room was an empty space, Sam and his hospital bed was nowhere to be seen. "Where is he?" Dean asked without the usual pleasantries.
"How the hell would I know ya Idjit?" Garth said as he crossed his arms as he walked in behind him.
"Well, could you find out… please?" Dean replied frustrated that the lanky man wasn't playing his game.
"Fine... I'll be back in a minute" he said still a little miffed.
Dean let a breath and sat down on the only plastic chair in the room. Relieved that he was finally back to his brother, he furrowed his brow when he saw Garth return with a worried look on his face "What's wrong?" Dean asked jiggling his knee up and down nervously.
"The doc said he was a little worried about Sam, he was doing some light exercises this morning as part of his physical therapy and he didn't say or do anything during the whole thing, he said it was obvious he was in pain but he didn't respond when he asked how much or where it was, it was as if he was just trying to grin and bear it" Garth said furrowing his brow.
"Well... Sam doesn't like to admit he's in pain… even to me" Dean said trying to make light of it.
"Yeah but the doc said it was like he just didn't care how much pain he was in" Garth replied
"What the hell happened? I thought you spoke to him?" Dean asked, he was shocked that in such a small space of time his little brother had turned such a sharp corner in his recovery.
Just as Garth was about to reply the door was opened and a bed holding an unmoving Sam and a doctor and three nurses came charging into the room. Dean stood up straight away, looking at his brother lying so still on the bed. "Mr Winchester?" The doctor asked with his had outstretched. With a nod from Dean the doctor continued. "Your brother is not in the best state of mind at the moment. I was hoping you could shed some light on it actually"
Dean looked at the doctor like he was crazy "What the hell are you talking about?" He asks eyebrows scrunched together in question.
"When we came to take Sam through some exercises, he was quiet and dare I say… withdrawn... it was as if he sort of just... checked out" Dean looked down at his little brother and felt guilt flood his veins, it was clear that his little brothers health took a turn for the worse because he had left in a huff.
"We... umm we had an argument and I left... he must have been more upset than I thought" Dean said quietly, looking of the doctor's shoulder, avoiding his face.
"I see..." The doctor said sceptically. "Can you tell me if Sam has ever had an episode like this before?"
Dean looked at his brother again and thought about his period as a soulless terminator, then when he got his soul back, he was seeing Lucifer at every turn, to say that Sam had experienced mental illness was an understatement. "Well, he has experienced PTSD in the past, but nothing like this" the older sibling stated.
"Ah, was he in the army then?" The doctor asked sympathetically
Dean thought about his answer, knowing that the truth would get him a one way ticket to the nut house. He decided on a military background to describe his little brother's last experiences in hell with no one but two pissed of archangels for company. "Yeah... He's been back for almost two years but... I thought It was getting better" he said hopefully answering the doctors questions.
"Alright then, I'll see if I can get a psychologist down here to speak to him, unless you can get him to snap out of it" the doctor told the concerned older brother.
Dean looked off to the side, thoughts running wild, ideas and scenarios popping up in his head as quickly as he disregarded them. He was at a loss as to how he would even start to get his little brother to come out of his catatonic state. Then a small smile fell across his face as an idea came to his mind. "I'd like to give it a go" Dean said to the doctor as he moved to the plastic chair beside the bed and sat down.
Once the doctor left, leaving instructions to press the call button if Sam's condition changed. Dean sat staring at his still little brother and wondered not for the first time, what the hell he was supposed to do. Their relationship had gone from bad to almost better to worse still and he wasn't so sure he had any sway with the taller man now that his leaving had caused him to suffer such a debilitating physiological breakdown. Dean couldn't even fathom what Sam was experiencing, in his own head, is mind, the pain, the fear, but most of all, it was the illusion that Dean had left him behind for good that troubled him the most. He had forgotten the fragile state his younger sibling was in and had reacted first, he hadn't taken the interest to think about what his actions would cause.
"Sammy? I'm not sure you can hear me... but... I'm here okay... I'm here" Sam hadn't moved a muscle but Dean wasn't going to give up, he reached out and grabbed his little brothers hand and squeezed it. "Sammy, I'm here... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Sam... I'm so sorry for leaving, I was just upset... and then Garth sent me on this hunt… he thought it was be better... and you know how that turned out…" He picked up his little brothers cool hand and started rubbing it to warm it back up. "I guess I should be thanking you for saving my life… thank you so much Sammy" he said softly. "I know you think I don't know everything that you do for me, without asking, you just do it... But I know..."
"I didn't mean for you to think I wasn't coming back. I just..." Dean stopped and watched as he saw movement under his little brothers eyelids. "I was always going to come back Sammy... I just... I didn't want to believe that... Dad had been doing all that stuff right under my nose..." Dean's voice cracked and he swallowed as a tear made its way down his cheek, he wiped it away thinking he didn't really have a right to be so upset, it was his little brother who had endured such abuse. "I... I always told you that I was going to protect you..." Dean scoffed at just how terribly he had done that job "I guess I failed..." Dean said as the emotions he had tried to hold back just crashed over him like a wave. Dean was quietly sobbing when he felt the hand he was desperately holding onto, squeezed his for just a second.
"Sammy?" The older brother exclaimed jumping up from his seat and leaning over his little brothers still form, looking at his face trying to see if he was waking up. "Sammy, come on... please wake up… for me?"
Dean squeezed his little brother's hand and waited with bated breath for some sort of sign in return and when his hand was squeezed back he almost whooped out loud! "Sammy?" He asked softly and when his siblings eyes remained stubbornly closed he let out a sigh. "Alright Sammy... I'll... I'll just wait right here for you, whenever you're ready, I'll be here" he said still holding onto his brothers limp hand and waited.
Sam felt the dark expanse of his mind start to fade and the room he was on start to come into focus. Blacks turned to greys and greys turned to sepia tones. He blinked at his unusual surroundings, looking around he realised in was in a motel room, one of many he had slept in in his childhood, adolescence and adulthood, most were mediocre in design and too similar to single out any one in particular to place which one he was currently seeing through sepia vision.
Suddenly the door of the motel room and John Winchester came storming into the room with his sons following along behind him looking solemn. "What the hell were you thinking Sam?" His father roared at his sixteen year old self, his brother moved away from him staying quiet, allowing their father to direct his anger at the youngest Winchester. The older brother stopped walking near the small kitchenette and leaned against the countertop, crossing his arms and just looks at Sam, face unreadable, the youngest sibling realises that his brother will not step in to his defence this time.
"Are you trying to get us all killed?" The Winchester patriarch screeched "Why? Because you didn't get your way?" He said shaking his head.
Sam's younger version had his eyes on the dirty carpet and as the older version watched with his stomach clenching at the memory. He wished he could just close his eyes or turn away so he wouldn't have to be reminded of the pain of what was to come but he morbid curious it's got the better of him.
"It wasn't about that Dad... I just knew we weren't dealing with a Wendigo, I did the research but you wouldn't listen, when I saw my chance I went for it, you're lucky I brought the iron rounds" Sam said trying to get his father to finally hear his side of things.
"I don't care what you thought, when I give you an order, you listen to it!" John Winchester had a problem with his blood pressure and he was now surer than ever that his son was the catalyst.
"But dad..." Sam started but was abruptly cut off by a large hand slapping him hard across the face. His hand came up and pressed to his hot, burning left cheek.
"You could have gotten us all killed! You will follow my orders, no questions asked from now on... Do you hear me Samuel?" He asked grinding his teeth together in anger, his patience wearing thin.
The youngest Winchester rubbed his cheek lightly, trying to sooth the now stinging skin, his eyes stinging. "Yes sir" he said softly, knowing he wasn't going to win this battle.
"Right, get your running shoes on, you're running laps around the block until I say stop" John commanded and Sam was thankful that Dean had taken him to get a new pair of sneakers three towns back, he was growing so quickly that his last pair had started to pinch and cause blisters as his foot outgrew the shoe.
Sam glanced at his brother and when looked at everything but him, Sam knew he was going to get no sympathy from his older brother. Turning away from the pair he walked slowly to his bedroom and put his new shoes on, then walked back towards the front of the house and walked straight outside not even bothering to speak to his brother or father.
He started running as soon as he stepped out the motel room, his feelings of being inconsequential and a burden were mixed in with his anger at his father for not listening to him or trusting his research skills. Research was something Sam was good at, he had to work hard at all the physical stuff but research came naturally to the youngest Winchester and he just couldn't understand why his father wouldn't utilise his skills or even consider his point of view.
Running was something that he actually enjoyed, he could think about things and work things through. When things got bad with his father and his emotions threatened to bubble and boil over he used running as a way to settle his anger. The pounding of his feet on the pavement and the huffs of his breaths became a rhythm that he fell into, he stopped counting laps and just kept moving. He lost himself in the pain as his muscles started to protest, he wasn't sure how long he had been out there, how long he had been running, he just knew that the sun had moved from high in the sky to low in the horizon. He wasn't going to stop until his father came to stop him, he wasn't going to give his father the satisfaction of quitting.
Dean and his father had stared at the door when his little brother walked out. He was in two minds about whether his little brothers actions had been his usual stubbornness or an educated guess that inevitably saved all their lives. He looked over at his father who scrubbed his face frustratingly and grumbles to himself.
"How long are you planning on leaving him out there?" Dean asks as the Winchester patriarch sat down heavily in the chair at the small motel dining table.
John looked up at his eldest son who he saw as a partner rather than just his son, this however was not something he would never tell the middle Winchester. "Honestly? I just want him out of my hair, that boy could argue with his own reflection, I'm telling you..." John said chuckling.
Dean chuckled right along with him, his little brother was certainly stubborn but so could their father and usually if Sam was as stubborn as he was, it's usually because he believes in something. "You know, he was probably right about the Wendigo, the creature wasn't acting like a Wendigo and Sammy's research is right up there with Bobby's" Dean said hoping that his father was calming down and would make Sam's punishment a short one.
"I know, I just..." John started
"...didn't want to be wrong" Dean finished for him.
John looked at him and chuckled a little and continued "Yeah probably but he's just so..."
"...much like you it's not funny" Dean finished again with a smile.
"Okay yes... smart ass" John's said smiling back at his eldest son, he sighed and rubbed his face again. "Let's just leave him be for now... let him... and me calm down a little and I'll have a talk him" John said, he wasn't going to let his youngest off the hook that easily for his insubordination but for now he would let his eldest son believe that he would sort it all out peacefully.
"Alright, I need to get some supplies in town, I'll be back in a few hours" Dean said under the assumption that his father would look after his little brother.
"Are you sure it's just supplies you're going into town for?" John said laughing knowingly. His eldest son was quite the ladies' man.
"There may or may not be a pretty lady hanging on my hook" Dean said smirking.
"Have fun son... Don't you worry, Sam and I'll be just fine" John said as his son gathered his keys and walked out the door.
Sam's feet continued to pound the pavement, pain shooting up his legs, his muscles aching, his skin hot and stretched tight. He had been out there for hours, days, weeks for all he knew. He was dying of thirst, his skin burnt bright red, his legs wobbly and his eye sight blurry but he continued to put knew foot in front of the other. In his head he was still running at a study pace, however the reality was that he's feet were dragging and he stumbled as he went.
His father's words rang in his head "I want you to keep running until you prove to me that you are worthy of the name Winchester!" It wasn't something that his father hadn't said to him before but for some reason it hurt more now than ever. It wasn't because he had done something wrong or not done everything he had asked. He was being punished because he had questioned him, because he had told his father he was wrong.
"De'n" he mumbled as he moved, he wasn't running anymore, his feet moved sluggishly, he wasn't going to stop, even if he had to crawl. He wished through his pain filled haze that his brother would come outside and tell him it was all a joke, his father would put his hand on his shoulder and tell him he was proud of him.
He let out a sob and if he wasn't so dehydrated a tear would have run down his cheek. He felt suddenly defeated but he wasn't going to stop his feet from moving, even if it killed him.
Hours later Dean parked his beloved car in front of the Winchesters motel room, loaded up with dinner, fully stocked up on supplies and happily sated. He noticed that the motel room was dark. Furrowing his brow he got out of the car and grabbed all his bags and walked toward the room and knocked once, then three times to indicate it was him. Standing there waiting for thirty seconds too long, he knocked again and when he got the same silent response, panic flooded through his veins. He put the bags down, got out his lock pick and got to work on the lock, looking around to check no one was watching him.
When he finally came crashing through the door, his father was sitting up startled in his bed and the rest of the motel room was quiet. "What the hell Dean?" The Winchester patriarch grumbled.
"Why are all the lights out? Where's Sammy?" Dean asked his heart yammering in his chest.
The eldest Winchester looked perplexed for a moment, his brow furrowed, his eyes squinted as if he didn't know who or what Dean was talking about, then he suddenly leapt up, a little sluggishly as if he had been in a deep sleep and started shoving his shoes on. "Oh shit!" He yelled and Dean was right behind him as he was off running, the bags of food and supplies left forgotten on the door step. "You go left, I'll go right Dean" he yelled as he picked up speed.
Dean was off like a shot, running full pelt, turning the next corner, looking around frantically searching the street for his little brother. As he kept running he saw a dark lump in the road ahead and recognising it he charged ahead. "Sammy!" He yelled as he sprinted toward the unmoving figure.
Once he got up close he realised that Sam was crumpled up like a puppet who had lost its strings. His legs where an uncomfortable mess underneath him and his arms slapped awkwardly around him. "Oh god Sammy... Please be okay?" He whispered as he put two fingers to his siblings pulse point feeling for a too fast heartbeat. Relieved that his heart was a least beating, Dean took stock of the rest of him, he felt too hot to the touch, his skin scratchy and his lips chapped.
His big brother instincts telling him, he would have to put his brother in a cool bath to get his temperature down as soon and they got back to the motel and bottled water and electrolyte drinks to get him rehydrated.
Just as his brother moaned and his eyelids fluttered their father finally came into view. "What took you so long?" Dean asked a little agitated, realising too late that their father had taken an unusually length of time to meet up with them.
"Hey, I'm not as young as I used to be" John said with a nervous chuckle that wasn't returned, his son looking at him disapprovingly. "Let's get him up and back to the motel room"
They both took a side of the injured young man, John took Sam under the arm and Dean gathered up his legs, they walked in a strange crab walk back to their motel room, as they got closer, Dean readjusted his sibling's legs and somehow unlocked the door to their room and they stumbled inside. Laying his little brother on the door furthest from the door and let out a harsh breath then looked up at his father and shook his head in anger. "So, do you want to tell me what they hell happened? Why was Sam still running out there? I've been gone for hours!" Dean asked his father who had a neutral look on his face, like there was absolutely nothing wrong with the whole situation.
"I told him to come inside but he doesn't listen to me" he said nonchalantly "You know how he is"
Dean couldn't believe his ears, his father had left his brother running, in the heat of the day, for hours and hours. "So you thought it was okay to fall asleep without making him come inside?" Dean asked frustrated that his father didn't seem all that bothered about what had happened.
His father sometimes took things to the next level when it came to his little brother and most of the time, Dean was the moderator and voice of reason who just made it sure it didn't go too far, but right now, looking at his exhausted sibling and knowing the pain he was going to be in with cramping and spasming muscles for hours to come, he started to question his father's motives.
Dean knew he was asleep as he watched the scene before him, like watching an old family film, he remembered it clearly, Sam had moaned and spasmed uncomfortably for hours as his body protested the hours of running, without water, food and rest, his skin was tight and red from being out in the hot sun and his legs cramped up and his feet ached.
When he was finally over the worst of it, he walked slowly and carefully, Dean had to help him to the bathroom for a week. Dean shook his head at the memories, he had been blind at the time, to his father's blatant cruelty and now if he were to have the opportunity to see his father again, he had no doubt that he would punch him square in the face and maybe even in the stomach for good measure.
He looked around the room again and wondered not for the first time if his younger sibling was dragging him into his memories to prove a point. Was he trying to show him that everything he had ever believed about his father had been a lie and that all the times Sam had said that their father hated him and that he would never be good enough for him, hadn't just been Sam bitching or being ungrateful as Dean had told him at the time, but he had been crying out for help, trying to get his big brother to believe him and save him from their father.
"Sammy... I'm so sorry..." Dean whispered to his unconscious brother as the memory morphed to blackness and as he felt himself wake up he whispered again "I believe you little brother... I'm sorry" Then his eyes opened again he was back in the hospital room with his unconscious little brother.
Sam became aware of beeping and hushed voices before anything else. He tried to listen to his surroundings so he could figure out where he was, he took a breath and he realised he couldn't take a deep breath, his chest hurt and he gasped at the shock of pain. "Sammy" he recognised that voice as his brothers and he tried to open his eyes but they felt heavy, like they were weighed down, he squeezed his eyes then tried again, his eyelids flickered and he could see small shards of bright white light and he shut his eyes again. "Shit... sorry Sammy... I'll turn the lights off" Dean said in that soft tone that he had preserved just for his little brother.
Sam heard the soft click on the lights being turned off and he tried to open his eyes again and after a few false starts he was finally greeted with his brothers fired face. He had a few days' worth of facial growth, bags under his eyes and his had were shaking from the copious amount of coffee that he had consumed. "Hey" he all but whispered, he cleared his throat and tried again "Hey" his voice cracked.
Dean looked at his brother and saw just how tired, emotionally and physically, he really was. "Thank god... Sammy" he said and leapt forward, grabbed his sibling into a crushing hug.
"D'en?" Sam asked as his ribs protested at the abuse.
Dean loosened his grip and moved back so he could see his little brothers face. "You have no idea how much I've missed your ugly face" he said chuckling hiding his emotions behind humour.
Sam tried to laugh but it came out a breathy wheeze that sounded more like the cartoon dog Muttley. "Ow, don't make me laugh"
Dean smiled and the weight on his shoulders was suddenly gone. "Take it easy Sammy"
"I missed you to D'en" Sam said smirking. He tried to make himself more comfortable but hissed as the motion jarred something inside him and pain shot through his already battered body. Dean was right there beside him, soothing him and helping him get comfortable. Sam looked over at him and the memories of everything that happened came back in a jumbled mess. The smile on his face slipped off and was replaced by sadness and guilt. He remembered the pain of rejection and the guilt of his own lies and deception. He also remembered all the agony he had been through from months of torture and trying anything and everything to bring his brother back.
Dean watched his little brothers face fell, seeing the guilt and self-recrimination fall right back onto his face. It was a look that Dean had seen for months now and if he really thought about it was there after hell, after demon blood, after the apocalypse, after the cage, after getting his soul back, after angels and demons, after lies and truths that hurt more than a bullet to the heart. It hit him like a mac truck, that his brother had been the guilt and pain of his mistakes for years. He had to try to get that look off his face.
"Sam… Are you doing okay?" Dean asked hesitantly
"Ummm… Yeah" Sam said unconvincingly
"Sammy… I've known all your tells since you were fifteen years old… I know when you're in pain, when your uncomfortable and I know when you're lying" he said and moved his head to catch his little brothers eyes.
Sam sat there looking small on the hospital bed and stared down at his hands, he just couldn't get his head to move up, to look at his brother. "You don't have to stay Dean… you can go… I mean you gotta be itching to get back out there…" the 'away from me' is left unsaid.
"Sammy… look at me" Dean watched as his brother looked up at him for a second then his eyes flittered away as if he was scared to look at him too long. "I'm NOT going anywhere do you hear me?" Dean watched his brother move his head shakily in a nod. "Good, because I'm here for the long haul"
"You've said that before Dean… and you … left" Sam said the last part with tears in his eyes and a crack in his voice.
Dean looks away for a second and sighs, he had left and now his brother didn't trust him, trust him to stay. "Sammy… I'm sorry alright, I just freaked out... but I don't want to leave you… you just have to trust me that even if I leave, I would NEVER leave for good… okay" Sam nods his head but Dean knows he's just humouring him.. "What can I do Sammy?… to get you to believe that the only place I want to be, is right here beside you?" Dean says like his rule of no chick flicks doesn't exist.
Sam contemplates his big brothers statement for a minute them looks up at him, his eyes wet. "When you left… I thought I had finally done something to push you away, that you finally realised that the burden of looking after me was too much" Sam allowed the tears that had gathered in his eyes, blurring his vision, to fall on his hands. "And when Garth told me that you were on a hunt I thought, that was your way of saying that I need you more than you need me"
Dean swallowed the lump In his throat and wished not for the first time that they were in a simpler time, back when they trusted each other explicitly… before angels and demons tried and almost succeeded in breaking them apart but back then, they didn't know the truth and they hadn't been through hell, literally. "Look man…" He started and rubbed his hand over his face tiredly "What do you need…. What can I do to at least get you to trust that I don't want to leave you…?" Dean looked back at his brother and saw how tired he was, his eyes red and the bags under his eyes suddenly stood out.
Sam sighed and cleared his throat to hide his emotions "It's not that I don't trust you… it's that I'm just waiting for you to come to your senses and leave…"
"Sammy" Dean said softly, putting his hand on his brothers arm, rubbing the soft skin with his thumb and shook his head, he should have known that his brother was never far away from self-depreciation and recrimination. He looked down at his brothers face, his puppy dog eyes in full force, he looked away thinking as his free hand came up to grab the Amulet he had missed for so long and absentmindedly moved it between his fingers, feeling the bumps and ridges and the familiar pointy horns.
Suddenly he knew what he should do, he smiled down at his brother, a huge smile that lit up his face and made his eyes sparkle.
"Dean what?" Sam asked then watched with wide eyes as his big brother took the amulet off and leant forward to place it over Sam's own head so it rested comfortably on his chest, Deans own hand rested on top of his and pressed it down softly onto Sam's skin so had no doubt what it was.
"I want you to look after this for me… and you know how much this means to me" Dean said "Obviously words aren't enough… so please Sammy, take good care of this and when you believe I'm not going anywhere, you can give it back to me"
Sam was silent as he put his hand over his brothers still on his chest and pushed a little more, making the bumps dig in a little harder. He swallowed and just when Dean started to panic that perhaps Sam had taken his gesture the wrong way Sam nodded. "Really" Sam asked shocked.
"Yes, really Sammy… of course... you're the only one I trust with it" Dean said with as much love and trust as he could muster.
"I'll… I'll keep it safe" Sam said so softly Dean almost didn't hear it but he could see the smile and the long fingers pressing down on their hands on his chest.
"I know you will" Dean said keeping his hand where it was and just relishing in the fact that his little brother was awake and that they were once again on the road to mending their relationship.
"I think a 'thank you' is in order as well Sammy… you saved my life" Dean said genuinely thankful that his little brother had known that he was in trouble.
Sam looked at his brother then and noticed the bruising on Deans neck and the hint of smoke coming from his clothing. "Are you alright?" Sam asked diverting the attention back to his big brother.
"I'm doing better than I was before Garth came charging in" Dean smirked at Garth who was standing at the door of the room.
"Thank you Garth" Sam said as he walked in and stood beside him.
"I didn't do anything, it was all you my friend" Garth replied walking in patting his arm.
After a few moments Sam rubbed at his forehead, his head ache was coming back with a vengeance. He was about to ask his brother for a glass of water to take the pain pills the nurse had left him, when a glass appeared in front of him and he took it gratefully, taking small sips before swallowing the pills and washing down with a gulp of the cool liquid.
As Sam put the cup on the small roll away table beside him Dean cleared his throat. "So… I wanted to ask you about something?" He asked a little reluctant at first to break the mood but needing to ask.
Sam was fiddling with the amulet as he spoke, feeling like he was eleven again. "Yeah? What is it?"
Dean sat on the bed, close to his brother, so he could touch him if he needed to. "Well, I had a dream… while you were asleep" Dean started and Sam stopped fiddling and looked up at his brother.
"It was when you were sixteen and Dad made you run around the block a dozen times…" Dean said seeing recognition in Sam's eyes and then he looked away. "Dad supposedly told you to come inside but you were so stubborn and you kept running for hours… you were so out of it… your cramped up for hours after"
Sam huffed at that, they both knew that their father never did anything unintentionally. "Yeah… you didn't know it but… Dad… John actually came out to see me while you were out… he told me not to even think about stopping… that I needed to learn my place… he… he said that I had to keep running until I could prove that I was a Winchester…" Sam practically sobbed the last part as though the pain, those words evoked was fresh.
"What?" Dean felt anger yet again surge through him… how had he not noticed their father treating Sam so harshly, how he had not noticed how withdrawn and moody Sam had been after their father had disciplined him. He had just chalked it up to teenage angst and stubbornness.
"Okay, Well… Sammy, all I can say is that he was wrong… okay… I think you have proved yourself to be a Winchester, a hundred, a million times over… I mean it" Dean said, not really knowing what else to say to make things better.
Just as Sam opened his mouth to say something his doctor and nurse came strolling into the room. "Ah Sam you're awake" he said as Dean rolled his eyes at the obvious statement. "How do you feel?" The doctor asked as he started checking the file at the end of Sam's bed and the nurse flittered around checking this and that on the machines surrounding him.
Clearing his throat Sam took a breath and took stock of how he really felt. "If I'm honest, everything aches… my head is throbbing and…" He stopped as he tried to wiggle his toes but started to panic when he realised he couldn't feel his legs "Wha? Ummm, I can't… I can't feel my legs… Doc?" He said as a rush of cold fear spread through his body.
"Alright Sam, calm down, let's have a look at you" The doctor moved towards him and lifted the sheet and blanket off his legs, he took his pen out of his pocket and dragged it up the sole of his left foot and when Sam's foot twitched away from the ticklish feeling, he then moved to the right foot, dragging the pen up the sole of the foot and when he looked to Sam for a reaction he could see tears running down the young man's face.
Dean suddenly moved to his brother side as he put his face in his hands and cried. "Hey shh, shh, it's alright Sammy… it'll be alright… right Doc?"
The doctor looked at Dean and after hesitating for a split second he moved closer and put his hand on his young patient's wrist. "I need to run some tests, I don't want to say either way just yet until I get the results but it most probable that after the prolonged period that your legs were buried, your muscles in the back and legs have swollen and are restricting your spine, so all your brain waves, telling your legs to move and to feel, can't get through"
"But… why didn't I notice when I was doing the exercises with the physical therapist?" Sam asked nervous that perhaps they had done something to cause this.
The doctor said trying to gage is patient's reactions. "You were only doing light exercises and it may have moved the swelling around and now it's just pressing on the nerves. This doesn't mean its permanent, once the swelling goes down, we can do the test again. You may need to do some more physical therapy but I think, compared to what you could be dealing with, you got off lightly" He saw his young patents face go pale at his words, he dropped his head forward, allowing his hair to fall over his face, covering his face. The doctor looked at the older brother and shook his head them turned away, saying someone would be back to take him for x-rays.
Once the doctor had left Dean moved closer and once he was standing close enough to his little brother he could hear his gaspy breaths he knew his little brother was upset. "Sammy?" He asked putting his hand on his siblings head, hearing a soft so, he ran his fingers through his soft hair attempting to sooth him. "Come on Sammy… it'll be fine" He said softly. Lifting his second hand up to his brother's head as Sam's sobs grew louder, he moved closer and Sam moved his head to rest against his chest and Dean could do nothing but hold on as his brother cried into his shirt. "It's Okay, little brother… I promise" He said not really expecting his brother to acknowledge him.
"How?" Sam asked against Dean's chest. "You can't know that" sounding miserable.
Dean's heart was breaking as he heard his brothers tear filled muffled voice asking how he knew it was going to be anything but the worst possible thing that Sam could imagine. His brother had been through so much, had endured so much pain and just when they were finally working stuff out and Dean had convinced him that he could still be useful, that he could still save people, Sam now has yet another dark cloud rolling over him. "You're right… I can't know that for sure… but I'm not going to give up hope… and neither should you…" Dean said using his big brother knows best voice.
Sam remained quiet, in all honesty he was a little too tired to get into any kind of back and forth. The emotional revelation from his doctor had served to only make him emotionally exhausted as well as physical. The very thought that he may not walk again stunned him to his core, all his hard work, all his blood sweat and tears will have been for nothing if he was never going to walk again. Sam felt that familiar depression roll over him and his shoulders sagged, he didn't want to go back to that place. He was working really hard to let go of his guilt and lack of self-worth.
"I want to go and talk to your doctor for a minute alright Sammy?" Dean asked, he had a plan to help his brother get better, he wanted to get him out of the hospital as soon as possible and get away from it all for a while so Sam could recover and they could work in their relationship until it was as strong, if no stronger as it used to be. Dean wanted to help Sam get better, learn his physiotherapy exercise routine for his shoulder and his breathing exercises for his lungs and his leg and pelvis. So the first place to start with all of that was to talk to his doctor.
Sam sat and allowed the dark clouds to hover over him for a minute. He didn't want to let the depression take him over as it had in the past but he wanted to acknowledge it and let it go. As he felt the heavy weight of his own sadness and guilt he put his hand automatically on his chest and felt the horned amulet resting there, it made his smile that his brother had trusted him with his amulet, it felt like no matter where Dean was, that he had a part of him hanging around his neck. He realised after a second how sappy that sounded but he had been feeling so vulnerable since he had been rescued and the brothers had to deal with what happened before the collapse.
Suddenly the quiet was abruptly interrupted by three loud bangs from outside of his room. Then there was silence for a long second the shouting, screaming and crying could be heard. Sam braced himself on the hospital bed as his door came bursting open. A sigh in relief as he realised it was Dean when he turned and closed the door and quickly locked it, he grabbed the nearest piece of furniture, namely a heavy couch and dragged it in front of the door to bars add them inside the room. "Dean?, what the hell is going on?" Sam asked as the tension he had felt when he heard the bangs rose abruptly and his brother turned around and Sam finally got a look at at him. He had blood splattered arrows his right cheek and blood soaking into his shirt on his right arm where Sam guessed he had been grazed by a bullet. "What the hell?" Sam demanded.
"It was demons Sammy... we have a demon problem Sam... one guess why they are here?" Dean said in a gruff voice like he had been yelling.
Sam didn't even have to think about his answer. "Me?"
Tbc